"Right after that, I'm going to wrestle a bobcat with my bare hands!" or Play it Again, Jesse (5.15)

No opener? Or my DVR cut it off. The world may never know. Credits! Aaaand we're off.

Jesse is in the kitchen with the boys, and Becky is sad because she's finally returning her lazy ass to work and will miss them. Danny comes in and is equally bummed because it's the "Wake Up, San Francisco" "Farewell to Vicki" show... as well as the "Welcome Back Becky" show. Ha, Danny hates Becky. Joey comes in and his neck is thrown out so he's stuck staring at the ceiling.

 The girls come downstairs and Stephanie is begging DJ to borrow her clothes. DJ repeatedly refuses, and as soon as she's out the door, Stephanie reveals to Ug that she is wearing DJ's sweater. We all know where this is going. The phone rings and it's the record company. Jesse asks if they loved the song... then did they at least like it? Could they learn to like it? Doesn't sound like a hit, Jess. He compares his music to bleu cheese, which he used to think smelled like sweatsocks, but now he loves it! The record company isn't biting and Jesse hangs up, defeated.

On the set of "WUSF," Danny and Vicki are getting emotional and nearly start making out on camera. The unprofessionalism only starts there, folks. Danny springs on Vicki that the station manager is offering her a job to do the weather, and Vicki springs it on Danny that that would be swell, but she was already offered a news anchor job... in Chicago. Danny is crestfallen and they continue this awkward conversation until Becky walks out on set and says she's just going to go ahead and welcome herself back.

Jesse is at the supermarket shopping for groceries with the boys and girls. Steph and Ug are trying to overload the cart with junk food. Jesse spies some Elvis Peanut Butter. He notices that Nicky dropped a load in his diaper and sticks what appears to be a urinal cake on his ass. Why Jesse is purchasing urinal cakes, I cannot say.

Steph and Michelle stop by a "Funky Franks" food sampling table and ends up squirting mustard all over DJ's sweater. Ug states the obvious, and Steph retorts "Tell me something I don't know." Ug then proceeds to tell her that Steph that dropped her toothbrush in the toilet the day before. Stephanie looks rightfully horrified. I wish she would punch her.

At home, Michelle boasts that she set the table, looking for accolades from Uncle Jesse. Stephanie retrieves DJ's sweater from the dryer and to her dismay, find it has shrunk to a doll's size. DJ and Kimmy come in and Stephanie darts out of the room frantically trying to find a way to fix her mistake. Nobody wants to eat Jesse's dinner and he snits about it, prompting Kimmy to say that he sounds just like her mother, "only more bitter." Bwah! Kimmy Gibbler FTMFW!

 Joey comes in and his neck is still out, but now facing downward. He informs Jesse that Danny & Becky have to work late and he is heading to the chiropractor, so no one will be eating dinner. Jesse sits down to eat with Ug and laments that he needs to do something with his life, because he's not digging this Suzy Homemaker lifestyle.

Jesse is expertly multitasking, rocking the boys in swings while sewing a button onto Mr. Woodchuck. Becky and Danny come in, and Danny is still distraught over Vicki's departure. Jesse tells Becky that the record company turned him down, but he scored a gig with an oldies band in the airport lounge. Becky whines that this is supposed to be their time together. Well, I guess you should have come home in time for dinner then, Beck. Jesse feels emasculated by Becky being the breadwinner, and she insults his stupid macho pride and he shoots back that he has no pride anymore. Shit. He storms off.

In the girls' room, Michelle comes in wearing the shrunken sweater, and DJ notices it is the same one she has... right down to the very same missing button. Stephanie confesses and swears she'll make it up to her. DJ informs her that the sweater actually belongs to Kimmy, and that she'll have to make it up to her. Kimmy states that she's well overdue for a pedicure and begins to peel off her socks prompting Steph and Ug to run screaming out of the room.

At the airport lounge, Jesse is playing with The Diplomats singing "Glow Worm." And might I add that The Diplomats are rocking some seriously fly suit coats. Pastel plaid with black collar/trim. Amazeballs. The family comes in to see Vicki off and Joey almost gets his ass beat by some tough guy who mistakes his stiff neck for a staredown.

Jesse and The Diplomats launch into "As Time Goes By" from Casablanca, which serves as the backdrop for Danny and Vicki's farewell. Vicki offers to take the job in San Francisco, and Danny worries that she will hate him if she gives up her dream for him. Vicki protests, "I could never hate you... I may resent you a little." Bwah! Danny gives Vicki his best Humphrey Bogart, and insists that she get on that plane and they share a passionate kiss. She dashes off but returns immediately. Turns out she has no ticket or luggage. Danny can't believe he has to say goodbye all over again, and Vicki tells him that "We'll always have the terminal lounge."

Becky tells Jesse that he doesn't have to play with The Diplomats, and that he needs to work on his own music. Jesse states that he will continue to work on his music but he needs to take these gigs too. Because whether he makes $1 million or $1, he needs to contribute some money to his family because he's a man. Becky finally gets it and STFU. He hops back on stage to "rock out" with The Diplomats, and I really feel as though these guys were underutilized. They should have kept up this arc for at least 6 episodes, because...  

THE DIPLOMATS > THE RIPPERS

Jus' sayin'.