Just to preface, this is probably up in my top ten favorite FH episodes of all time (Maybe one day I'll actually assemble this vague list I've made reference to), so it will be hard for me to hate on, but I'm sure I'll find a way.
UgSnot and Denise are watching TV with a Funny Buddy commercial. For only $2 a minute, they can buy a crappy joke that nobody will laugh at. This tedious scene is also accompanied by an extremely annoying laugh from both girls. Denise says she asked her dad for permission to call because she's not a manipulative little shit; on the flip side, UgSnot got "permission" from Danny because she asked him while he was vacuuming. God, she sucks.
At school, Stephanie is talking to the Jennifers, one of which is TOPANGA! God, I FLOVED "Boy Meets World." And I'm talking about Flove with all sincerity, no snark. Brilliant show. Anyway, the girls are interrupted by the class lowlife Charles who makes this snappy assessment: "2 Jennifers and a Stephanie: 3 people, 1 brain, no personality!" Zing! Stephanie shoots right back with "What do you think of the human race?... We'd like an outsider's opinion." Finally their teacher breaks it up, and segues to a writing assignment she just came up with on the spot: finding the best in people. The goal is to interview each other and find the best qualities in one another, and for inspiring the assignment, Stephanie and Charles will be partners.
Back at the house, DJ, Steve and Kimmy are hanging around the kitchen table and Jesse comes in to be his hip Uncle self. Turns out Jesse and Steve both have to read and write a book report on Catcher in the Rye and whine about it. Dude, it's not even that long of a book. Everyone ignores DJ when she tells them to just suck it up and read the damn book and instead opt for the Gibbler method. No, not rent the movie (that IS the Gibbler method, but it's not on video). But the OTHER Gibbler method: each reading half of the book, just like she did with Cathy!Santoni! for their report on Much Ado About Nothing. DJ quips that Cathy read "much ado" while Kimmy read nothing.
Joey comes in with the twins who he just took from the playground. He empties their shoes of all the sand, and says he just doesn't know what it is about sandboxes as he empties his own loafer of a bucketful of sand. Haha get it? Because Joey's just a big kid. Ugh. You suck, Gladstone. To make this scene go from bad to worse, Ug and Denise come in with Funny Buddy's joke of the the day: "What did one penny say to the other? Let's get together and make some sense/cents!" Ugh. I thought I hated puns, but it turns out I hate UgPuns even more!
Steph comes home from school and is venting to Dannny about Charles, "the Obnoxitron." Danny thinks Steph must be exaggerating and he can't be that bad. DJ and Kimmy come in and Steph turns to her eldest sister for advice citing her experience with someone rude and crude. Kim awesomely and confusedly asks, "Deej, do you have a friend I don't know about?!" DJ tells Stephanie that if she just spends some time with and gets to know them, they might not be so bad. Kimmy still doesn't get it and is getting frustrated, "Who IS this person?!" Danny tries to provide an anecdote about a guest he and Becky had on the show, but it turns out that nope, some people are just jerks.
Charles arrives and Stephanie, ever the apple polisher, says it's nice to see him. Charles flatly retorts, "Yeah, wish I felt the same." He steamrolls right ahead and when he sees Danny, "I see where you get your looks" "Thanks." "I didn't say good looks." Bwah! After they leave to go upstairs, Danny relents that maybe there isn't good in everyone, and Becky adds that Charles needs to be taught some manners. Kimmy on the other hand, is salivating and wants to know if he has an older brother. God, I love Kimmy.
For the record, let it be known that badass Charles is rocking a black backpack with what appears to be hot pink piping.
While Stephanie and Charles are getting underway on their assignment, Ug comes in to tell Steph she's in big trouble with Danny for forgetting to take out trash and that he'll deal with her later. And that little brat is relishing in the thought way too much. Go away Ug. Charles' demeanor softens a bit and tells Stephanie to think of something funny because that always helps him when he's getting it. Stephanie isn't getting what "it" is, and Charles clarifies he mmeans getting pounded by his dad. Steph still isn't quite getting it, and asks if he means his dad hits him. Charles refuses to say anything else until they both learn that they have dead mothers in common. Charles admits he gets hit sometimes but its his own fault for ticking his dad off. Turns out last week, ol' Chuck was sporting a black eye from "walking into a door... a door named dad." Steph urges him to tell someone, but he makes her promise to keep his secret. Just then, Charles looks down at his watch and panics when he realizes he's going to be late and didn't phone his dad. He runs off and cue the sappy music as we zoom in on conflicted, pensive Stephanie.
The next day Charles isn't in school, and Stephanie's teacher tells her she'll be getting a new partner because Charles had an accident. Steph is immediately worried and asks her teacher for me details, and learns that he "fell down the stairs." A distressed look washes across Stephanie's face and for a moment it looks as though she's going to tell her teacher about Charles' home life, but backs away to keep her promise.
Becky, DJ, Steve & Kimmy are in the kitchen and UgSnot and Denise come in with more of their lame jokes that no one wants to hear. The teens go so far as to outwardly groan and Becky makes them listen and pretend to laugh. Today's gem? "What's a frog's favorite soda? CROAK-a-cola!" Now I'm groaning. Jesse comes in to go over their respective halves of Catcher in the Rye with Steve. Steve's dingbat synopsis of the entire first half is "Funny man." Lesson learned, next time the guys should read the whole book themselves. Reading half is like stopping eating a pizza after only six slices. Oh Steve, you and your impending heart failure. Jesse relays it's like the time he walked in halfyway through Tootsie, and asked himself "Who is this ugly woman?" Steve, dim as all get out tells him, "Hey you know in Tootsie, that was a guy." It looks like Jesse's brain hurts.
Danny just got the phone bill and it's astronomical due to all the Funny Buddy charges. Knowing what a hack comic Joey is, Danny goes to confront him. Joey is immediately defensive and says every time someone leaves cheese in the hamper it's his fault. I don't even wanna know, Gladstone. Danny retorts, "The gouda was in your pants!" "Oh, like you never left a wedge of cheese in your pants!" Actually, I can proudly say that I haven't, Joey. So Joey may leave cheese in the hamper, but he didn't call no Funny Buddy.
Ug and Denise come in with another joke, "How do you know an elephant's been in your refrigerator?" But oh snap! Danny's got the punchline! "By the footprints in the butter." Okay, that's not even like remotely funny. Danny busts Ug for the calls and when he finds out she knew they cost money but did it anyway (on account of she's soulless) he's pissed. She tries to get off by saying she'll never do it again and tries to dip out, but Danny says sometimes saying your sorry isn't enough. Because Ug just doesn't know when to quit being a little shit, she brats that sometimes it is. Danny sends her up to her room, and says her bedtime will be an hour early all week, no buts.
Ug stomps upstairs angrily and holy shit! Danny actually showed a spine to Princess Michelle, but this one time event was just a means to foil the Charles situation. Ug is running her mouth off about how mean and terrible Danny is, and Stephanie tells her to STFU. They're bickering goes back and forth as they get louder.
Uncle Jesse, finally attempting to read Catcher in the Rye in its entirety, hears the commotion and storms in to break it up, calling the girls Itchy and Scratchy (w00t w00t, "Simpsons" shout-out! How pop culture savvy!). Jesse pretty much says Ug was punished for good reason, and to suck it up. Man, why couldn't all episodes have the adults not taking shit from Michelle like this? Jesse then notices Steph is still worked up about how lucky they are to have a father like Danny because some kids get it much worse. Jesse asks where all of this is coming from, but Stephanie doesn't want to say. Jesse tells her to use common sense and her best judgment. She asks him to keep a secret and he tells her he cant keep it unless he knows what it is. Stephanie laments that that's what she should have told Charles. Finally she caves and tells him about Charles' father, and Jesse is immediately incensed and says they have to report this, or else he's going to go beat Mr. Abuser's ass himself. Stephanie protests, but Jesse explains if they don't say anything they're only helping the abuse happen again, and what will happen to Charles if they don't tell is worse than if they do.
A week later, Charles is still not back in school and Stephanie is concerned. Jesse tells her that he made some calls and found out that Charles was put in foster family. Stephanie angrily lashes out at Jesse, but he shoots that misdirected anger right down because it's not their fault, because they weren't the ones hurting Charles. Stephanie wonders why, if it's not her fault, does she feel so lousy. Jesse sadly tells her it's because it's a lousy situation. He awesomely tells her, "I know how hard it was, but thanks to you, thanks to Stephanie, Charles' father can't hurt him tonight." Aww, I kind of love when the guys are awesome at this parenting stuff.
Steph just can't wrap her brain around why Charles' father was so mean, and Jesse says he can't understand how anyone could hurt their child. I'm not ashamed to say that this whole scene is very touching, and I may or may not be a little verklempt. DJ interrupts this tender moment to tell them that Danny's home and it's time for dinner. Steph goes into the kitchen and gives Danny a big hug and kiss, just because. Danny says he'll take a free hug any time and Jesse looks on shmoopily and its hard for me to really hate on a Steph-centric episode where she once again proves how awesome a kid she is... especially compared to UgSnot.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
"You just humiliated me in front of millions of people.!" "Oh, come on, it was probably only thousands." or Radio Days (6.4)
Yes! We're spared the Michelle-centric opening! I'll take this as a sign that I was meant to return to recapping after a long (LONG ASS) sabbatical. Let's just dive right into the Tanner-y goodness.
Stephanie is sitting at the table working on her homework, a short story, and UgSnot wants to help. Citing her lack of literacy, Stephanie declines the offer, and UgSnot laments that no one ever lets her help which is received with a collection of "Awww"s from the audience. The hell? Steph has written some crap about a potato bug on a leaf, and it's painfully boring, but the point is Danny and Becky tell her to write about something she knows.
Steve and DJ barge in arguing about Steve giving a ride to the infamous CATHY SANTONI! DJ goes on and on about what a skanky dumb bitch Cathy is (apparently she only signed up for shop class because she thought it was taught at the mall (this is apparently Full House's answer to the 'Yo Momma' trend)). Their tiff catches Stephanie's ear and she's got a brand new idea for her short story. Unfortunately, DJ and Steve make up almost immediately in a most yawn-worthy way, and Stephanie is momentarily dismayed... until her meth-loving ass hatches a scheme!
Jesse comes in with his hideous twins, telling everyone that he's got an interview on the radio to promote some charity function at the Smush [sic] Club, and Danny tells him that he hears they might have an opening for a DJ at the station... which is apparently a lifelong dream of Jesse's... which we've never heard of prior to this episode. Joey mentions how his boss is trying to stick him with a co-host for "The Ranger Joe" show to which Danny awesomely replies: "I remember when they stuck me with a co-host." He's immediately met with a death glare from Becky and quickly adds, "...and it turned out great!" Heh, Danny still hates Becky's shrew ass after all these years.
On the set of the enchanted forest, Joey meets Jungle Jenny, his new co-host, who tells him he's wound tighter than an Amish quilt (the Hell?) She hung up some vines and wants to go on a rhino hunt and Joey hates her guts and tells Mr. Stowbridge she's wacked and he can't work with her, but oh-oh! Turns out Jungle Jane is also Mrs. Stowbridge. Gotta love nepotism!
Joey pops by the station to support Jesse for his interview. Joey catches the DJ's eye and she invites him to sit on in the interview. Joey makes a few cracks about Jesse's hair and Elvis obsession and Jesse gets all bent out of shape about it. I must be losing my touch because Joey is almost funny in this bit (saying Jesse voted more times for the new Elvis stamp than he did in the past three elections and also getting Jesse to admit he has a pair of Elvis undies that say "Love me Tender" (which I totes want)). As soon as DJ Julie steps out Jesse goes off and Joey storms off. Julie returns and tells him the phones were ringing off the hook and offers Jesse the gig... but only if Joey is his co-host. Jesse's rocking the "Oh Shit" face on account of he just told Joey to piss off and is going to have to do some major grovelling if he wants to realize this season's lifelong dream.
Jesse goes into Joey's room armed with a hot fudge sundae wanting to talk, and Joey is insulted saying "In case you haven't noticed the height difference, I'm NOT Michelle." But he totally caves and takes the sundae anyway. Then Jesse tries to casually slip in that they offered them a job at the station, and Joey busts him for only being nice and apologizing because he needs him. Because it's none of her business, but she's a nosy little shit, UgSnot invites herself in to help because she's a good helper and tries to force them to hug. J&J resist her efforts and resort to calling each other "Bullwinkle Brain" and "Dippity-Do Head."
Steve thoroughly raids the kitchen before sitting down to study, and when he opens the book finds a letter from "Henry" whom DJ kissed on Macaroni Day. Stephanie is lurking, and we know she planted the note. Danny comes in to read her story, a romantic drama about Cleve and PJ, and PJ's Macaroni day lover, Henry. Steve & DJ are still bickering, and Danny hears mention of a Macaroni Day tryst and shows them the story. Because Steve is too stupid to live, he is in awe of the coincidence between their real life drama and Stephanie's short story. Danny and DJ exchange a look.
To get back and Stephanie, DJ and Steve play up the incident and propose marriage to overcome the jealousy. When they tell Danny, he rejoices and asks what took so long. He tells them to take Stephanie's room, put Michelle into DJ's room and Stephanie can share the towel on the floor of the bathroom with Comet. Stephanie learns a VERY!IMPORTANT!LESSON! about not messing with other people's lives to come up with a story. DJ and Steve joke about getting married for real, but ultimately Steve chooses Danny's corndog (dirty!) over DJ (good call Steve, she's going to become a really annoying, uppity Christian!).
In the enchanted forest, Jungle Jenny and the brats string up Ranger Joe by his feet and abandon him. Joey gives Mr. Stowbridge an ultimatum and gets fired. UgSnot tells Joey how funny it was and he sends her to get him cut down. Suddenly the lights go out and we hear a thump in the darkness. Oh Joey, let's hope you just fell on your head.
Joey comes in bearing Elvis car wax for Jesse, and apologizes for the jokes he told, citing UgSnot for helping him realize that. The hell? Even SHE is confused as to what she did, but that little shit is never one to shy away from taking undeserved credit. J&J verbally fellate one another for far too long, and agree to take the DJ job, and Joey never admits that the only reason he's taking the job is because he just got fired, but whatevs. Joey makes a crack about driving his car through Jesse's hair because he needs a lube job and we end with Jesse chasing Joey around the house playing grab ass. Weird.
Stephanie is sitting at the table working on her homework, a short story, and UgSnot wants to help. Citing her lack of literacy, Stephanie declines the offer, and UgSnot laments that no one ever lets her help which is received with a collection of "Awww"s from the audience. The hell? Steph has written some crap about a potato bug on a leaf, and it's painfully boring, but the point is Danny and Becky tell her to write about something she knows.
Steve and DJ barge in arguing about Steve giving a ride to the infamous CATHY SANTONI! DJ goes on and on about what a skanky dumb bitch Cathy is (apparently she only signed up for shop class because she thought it was taught at the mall (this is apparently Full House's answer to the 'Yo Momma' trend)). Their tiff catches Stephanie's ear and she's got a brand new idea for her short story. Unfortunately, DJ and Steve make up almost immediately in a most yawn-worthy way, and Stephanie is momentarily dismayed... until her meth-loving ass hatches a scheme!
Jesse comes in with his hideous twins, telling everyone that he's got an interview on the radio to promote some charity function at the Smush [sic] Club, and Danny tells him that he hears they might have an opening for a DJ at the station... which is apparently a lifelong dream of Jesse's... which we've never heard of prior to this episode. Joey mentions how his boss is trying to stick him with a co-host for "The Ranger Joe" show to which Danny awesomely replies: "I remember when they stuck me with a co-host." He's immediately met with a death glare from Becky and quickly adds, "...and it turned out great!" Heh, Danny still hates Becky's shrew ass after all these years.
On the set of the enchanted forest, Joey meets Jungle Jenny, his new co-host, who tells him he's wound tighter than an Amish quilt (the Hell?) She hung up some vines and wants to go on a rhino hunt and Joey hates her guts and tells Mr. Stowbridge she's wacked and he can't work with her, but oh-oh! Turns out Jungle Jane is also Mrs. Stowbridge. Gotta love nepotism!
Joey pops by the station to support Jesse for his interview. Joey catches the DJ's eye and she invites him to sit on in the interview. Joey makes a few cracks about Jesse's hair and Elvis obsession and Jesse gets all bent out of shape about it. I must be losing my touch because Joey is almost funny in this bit (saying Jesse voted more times for the new Elvis stamp than he did in the past three elections and also getting Jesse to admit he has a pair of Elvis undies that say "Love me Tender" (which I totes want)). As soon as DJ Julie steps out Jesse goes off and Joey storms off. Julie returns and tells him the phones were ringing off the hook and offers Jesse the gig... but only if Joey is his co-host. Jesse's rocking the "Oh Shit" face on account of he just told Joey to piss off and is going to have to do some major grovelling if he wants to realize this season's lifelong dream.
Jesse goes into Joey's room armed with a hot fudge sundae wanting to talk, and Joey is insulted saying "In case you haven't noticed the height difference, I'm NOT Michelle." But he totally caves and takes the sundae anyway. Then Jesse tries to casually slip in that they offered them a job at the station, and Joey busts him for only being nice and apologizing because he needs him. Because it's none of her business, but she's a nosy little shit, UgSnot invites herself in to help because she's a good helper and tries to force them to hug. J&J resist her efforts and resort to calling each other "Bullwinkle Brain" and "Dippity-Do Head."
Steve thoroughly raids the kitchen before sitting down to study, and when he opens the book finds a letter from "Henry" whom DJ kissed on Macaroni Day. Stephanie is lurking, and we know she planted the note. Danny comes in to read her story, a romantic drama about Cleve and PJ, and PJ's Macaroni day lover, Henry. Steve & DJ are still bickering, and Danny hears mention of a Macaroni Day tryst and shows them the story. Because Steve is too stupid to live, he is in awe of the coincidence between their real life drama and Stephanie's short story. Danny and DJ exchange a look.
To get back and Stephanie, DJ and Steve play up the incident and propose marriage to overcome the jealousy. When they tell Danny, he rejoices and asks what took so long. He tells them to take Stephanie's room, put Michelle into DJ's room and Stephanie can share the towel on the floor of the bathroom with Comet. Stephanie learns a VERY!IMPORTANT!LESSON! about not messing with other people's lives to come up with a story. DJ and Steve joke about getting married for real, but ultimately Steve chooses Danny's corndog (dirty!) over DJ (good call Steve, she's going to become a really annoying, uppity Christian!).
In the enchanted forest, Jungle Jenny and the brats string up Ranger Joe by his feet and abandon him. Joey gives Mr. Stowbridge an ultimatum and gets fired. UgSnot tells Joey how funny it was and he sends her to get him cut down. Suddenly the lights go out and we hear a thump in the darkness. Oh Joey, let's hope you just fell on your head.
Joey comes in bearing Elvis car wax for Jesse, and apologizes for the jokes he told, citing UgSnot for helping him realize that. The hell? Even SHE is confused as to what she did, but that little shit is never one to shy away from taking undeserved credit. J&J verbally fellate one another for far too long, and agree to take the DJ job, and Joey never admits that the only reason he's taking the job is because he just got fired, but whatevs. Joey makes a crack about driving his car through Jesse's hair because he needs a lube job and we end with Jesse chasing Joey around the house playing grab ass. Weird.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wow. I am terrible.
I can't believe it's been over a year since my last post. I've had an influx in comments lately so I'm going to try to get back into posting ASAP because frankly, I kind of miss it. ABC Family shuffled it's lineup so I'm not even totally sure when FH is being run, but I'll figure it out and want to get back to where I left off and I definitely want to ultimately recap every episode, so thanks to those of you who are still out there reading, for your patience and enthusiasm. I'ma comin' back!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
"Boy, this New Kids on the Block cologne really works!" or Secret Admirer (4.11)
Ugh! One of the most disgusting UgCentric openings ever. UgSnot is sitting at the kitchen table licking all of the cream filling out of Oreos and putting the hollowed and saliva-covered sandwich cookies back in the jar. I've always thought that's one of the most foul things people do. And I shit you not, at the restaurant I used to work at, we used to have Cookie Sundays where we all brought in cookies and milk to make the shift go by easier. And a 23 year old girl who worked there did this very thing! She licked all the cream out and left the cookies in the package... didn't even throw them out. I cussed her out good, let me tell you. So disgusting! Like anyone wants to eat her fucking cookie discards. And she was a grown ass woman who operates on the level of Michelle Tanner. Congratulations, you're going to go far.
Wow Cindy! You're one of the few Danny Tanner girlfriends to make it over the one episode hump. They've apparently been together a month and since she also dry cleans his shorts (and the subsequent skidmarks), she's part of the family. She arrives with Rusty and a homemade apple pie that Rusty already dug into, as he sheepishly tells her, "Sorry Mom, it was a long car ride."
There's a knock on the door and DJ makes a beeline to answer it, yelling to everyone else to stay away. Kimmy explains to Danny, Cindy and Rusty that it's Ricky the paperboy and that DJ looks hungry for love. Ricky's rocking a fierce mullet that rivals season 1 Uncle Jesse. All Danny has is 20 bucks for the $3.50, and DJ tells him to keep the change. Danny tells him to come back with his change, and Ricky thanks DJ for the attempt at stuffing his wallet. He says he'll be back with the change and she says she'll be waiting and calls out "Toodle-loo!" and then rightfully remarks that she's such a geek. Rusty teases DJ about being Mr. and Mrs. Ricky Paperboy smoochy smooch. Danny remarks to Cindy that they're fighting like brother and sister, which makes DJ and Rusty go "Ewww."
Rusty pays UgSnot in nickels to deliver a love letter from "Ricky" to her sister. Only he doesn't specify which sister, and Ug naturally delivers it to the wrong sister, Stephanie, and tells her it's from Rusty. Now it's fun with internal monologue! To make it a little easier to transcribe and read, everyone's inner thoughts are going to be italicized to differentiate from what's being spoken aloud. But first, the contents of the Love Letter:
I've loved you secretly for a long time.
When I see you in the house, my heart burns with passion.
I can't live without your love.
Signed,
Hot for You.
Stephanie: If anyone finds out I got a love letter from that doofus, I'll die! She jams the letter in a nearby laundry basket when she sees Cindy coming inside. Cindy asks Steph for some pine fresh air freshener to spray in the backyard, per Danny's request. Joey hands Cindy the laundry on account of the fact that she works at a dry cleaner, and adds that there's a note in there "that explains everything." Cindy obviously finds the love letter Stephanie stashed in there and thinks Joey's hot for her, but hides note in a pile of papers on the table when she hears Danny coming in.
Beck comes in with lime Jell-o that has yet to set and Danny asks her to look over some notes for the show, adding he's thinking about "some changes that may affect us both, let me know how you feel." Becky of course finds The Note. If Jesse finds out, he'll kill Danny... hmm I'll have my own show. Just then Jesse comes in and Becky uses her kisses to keep him occupied while she hides the note from him. I know what he likes... and then we hear Jesse's internal response: Ooo I like that. Becky hides the letter in Kimmy's overdue library book. Danny then comes in and demands the proper low sodium pickles, because his entire menu is built around the gherkin. Becky, believing that Danny's trying to get rid of Jesse to get Becky alone, offers to go with Jesse back to the pickle store. Kimmy comes down and overhears they're going to the store and asks Jesse to pick her up an issue of Teen Hunk, and he refuses, for obvious reasons. He then hands Kimmy the book and says there's a little surprise in there for her, and awesomely calls her Kimbo.
Kimmy reads the note. Whoa baby! Jesse's hot for ME? And why not? I'm TWICE the woman Becky is! She awesomely concludes her thought with a hair toss. Michelle comes in and Kimmy tells her, "You better be nice to me kid. If I marry your Uncle Jesse, I'll be your Aunt Kimmy." UgSnot's inner monologue is as superficial as her thoughts spoken aloud. No way Jose! "No way Jose!"
Jesse comes back in to grab Becky's sweater and finds the note under it on the couch where Kimmy left it, and thinks either Danny or Joey sent it to Becky. Ug frustrated by her own stupidity remarks that she needs to learn to read... among many other things. Jesse sends UgSnot to fetch Danny and Joey so he can confront them. I'm going to find out which one of my best friends is a backstabbing weasel! He baits them, asking which one would like to escort Becky to Pickle Town, and Danny immediately offers to go. A-ha! So Danny's the weasel who wants my Webecca... Rebecca! But, then Joey volunteers to go instead, and Jesse has second thoughts. Hm, maybe Joey's the real reasel... weasel.
Joey extends the invitation to the store to Cindy, she panics about going out with the man who's trying to steal her from Danny and refuses. Danny finally puts an end to this stupid argument because Pickle Town delivers. Jesse tells Becky he needs to talk to her, but just then, Kimmy comes down all tarted up to put her seduction on the Jess-man. He tells her to bug off, but she digs it. Good! Pretend you don't like me, Becky will never suspect you wrote me that love letter! She wiggles her eyebrows and bats her eyes, prompting Jesse to remark that it appears she has some gunk in her eye. Kimmy graciously tells Becky she'd like to remain friends "no matter what happens" and Becky is understandably perplexed. Yeah, that's what you say now... wait 'til that rock is on my finger!
Ug is up in her room trying to teach herself to read via Dr Seuss's ABC book. Rusty comes in and asks if she delivered the letter and she tells him she did. He asks what happened, and Ug reports that now "everything is bananas." Rusty coos in delight and pats Ug's head, much to her chagrin. I really need a lock on my door.
In the girls' room, Steph tells DJ about the letter from Rusty. They both ew in disgust. Just then Rusty comes in and Steph runs out, yelling, what else? "How rude!" DJ gives Rusty a talk about love and says she understands he's ready for a girlfriend, but he needs a woman who's older and more mature. Danny calls them down for dinner and DJ tells him to think about what she's said and they'll talk later. Rusty takes this to mean that DJ has fallen for him. She's all over me! That babe is hot for the Rust-man!
Danny suggests they start a "love train" to the backyard and starts singing the song. Joey's lardass is enthused: "Great! I'll be the caboose!" but Becky stops him. He asks, "You wanna be the caboose?" Becky tries to speak hypothetically to Joey about the letter from Danny; "Sometimes a friend becomes so close to another friend that it turns to love. And it wouldn't be so bad if one of those friends wasn't engaged to be married." Joey completely misreads her intentions Holy cow! Becky's in love with me! Just then, Jesse comes in to see them talking and is now convinced that it was Joey who sent the letter. Now i know it's Joey...I'll kill him! Joey nervously looks at the murderous glare on Jesse's face, Thank God he doesn't know, or he'd kill me!
Outside, Becky whispers to Danny that they need to talk about the letter, and she had to get it out in open. Danny reads it Becky's in love with me?... Why do I have to be so darned attractive? Then Jesse comes out and Danny hides the letter under UgSnot's baseball cap. Jesse glares at Danny's sheepish face, I thought it was Joey, but look at that goofy, guilty grin... maybe it's Danny. I'll kill 'em both and sort it out later! Kimmy saved Jesse a seat next to her at the picnic table and once again wiggles the brows. "Kimmy, you gotta do something about that eye of yours."
Cindy tells Joey he has salad dressing on his shirt as means of stalling her confrontation about the letter. Finally she cuts to the chase and tells him, "Sometimes the wrong people fall in love... it's not anybody's fault, it just happens. I don't want Danny to get hurt, so let's try to control our burning passions." Joey is in awe of his affect on all of the women around him. First Becky, and now Cindy? Boy, this New Kids on the Block cologne really works!
Danny rambles about his definition of quality time, and we are treated to everyone's inner monologue (nearly verbatim... I can only write so fast, you know).
[Stephanie] One false move, and Rusty gets a weenie in his ear.
[Rusty] DJ is such a babe.
[DJ] Why is Rusty staring at me? Do I have something stuck in my teeth?
[Danny] What do I do about Becky falling in love with me?
[Becky] Look at Danny, rambling on the outside, burning with passion for me on the inside
[Jesse] Look at these two weasels, one can't stop babbling and the other needs a bib. I'll be doing mankind a favor when I kill 'em!
[Kimmy} Kimmy Katsopolous... that sounds so geeky. I'll make him take my name; Mr. Jesse Gibbler!
[Joey] I don't want Becky and Cindy to fight over me... unless we get some Jell-o
[Cindy] Joey's sweet, but I like Danny. He's such an eloquent speaker.
[Michelle] Boring, boring! Why is my daddy so boring?
[Comet] Gee, I hope somebody drops a hamburger.
UgSnot pulls the love letter out from under her hat and chaos breaks out. Everyone accuses everyone of sending it, except DJ who just wonders "Who are you people and where's my real family?" Everyone bickers until Jesse tells them to stop and asks who actually wrote it. Ug rats Rusty out and he confesses he wrote it to make DJ think it was from Ricky, the mulleted paperboy. They all relax and laugh about it, and Rusty is glad they can take a joke. They all turn their attention to him unamused and Ug says, what else? "You're in big trouble, mister!" and the family chases Rusty all over the house/yard.
Ricky McMullet is back with Danny's change. He not so subtly asks if they're BBQing and as he and DJ stand there, Rusty runs by closely followed by the rest of the family. DJ invites Ricky to sit down and eat, and they dig in. Ricky's glad he came back, as is DJ. Oh, Mylanta! The family runs by, still hot on Rusty's trail.
Wow Cindy! You're one of the few Danny Tanner girlfriends to make it over the one episode hump. They've apparently been together a month and since she also dry cleans his shorts (and the subsequent skidmarks), she's part of the family. She arrives with Rusty and a homemade apple pie that Rusty already dug into, as he sheepishly tells her, "Sorry Mom, it was a long car ride."
There's a knock on the door and DJ makes a beeline to answer it, yelling to everyone else to stay away. Kimmy explains to Danny, Cindy and Rusty that it's Ricky the paperboy and that DJ looks hungry for love. Ricky's rocking a fierce mullet that rivals season 1 Uncle Jesse. All Danny has is 20 bucks for the $3.50, and DJ tells him to keep the change. Danny tells him to come back with his change, and Ricky thanks DJ for the attempt at stuffing his wallet. He says he'll be back with the change and she says she'll be waiting and calls out "Toodle-loo!" and then rightfully remarks that she's such a geek. Rusty teases DJ about being Mr. and Mrs. Ricky Paperboy smoochy smooch. Danny remarks to Cindy that they're fighting like brother and sister, which makes DJ and Rusty go "Ewww."
Rusty pays UgSnot in nickels to deliver a love letter from "Ricky" to her sister. Only he doesn't specify which sister, and Ug naturally delivers it to the wrong sister, Stephanie, and tells her it's from Rusty. Now it's fun with internal monologue! To make it a little easier to transcribe and read, everyone's inner thoughts are going to be italicized to differentiate from what's being spoken aloud. But first, the contents of the Love Letter:
I've loved you secretly for a long time.
When I see you in the house, my heart burns with passion.
I can't live without your love.
Signed,
Hot for You.
Stephanie: If anyone finds out I got a love letter from that doofus, I'll die! She jams the letter in a nearby laundry basket when she sees Cindy coming inside. Cindy asks Steph for some pine fresh air freshener to spray in the backyard, per Danny's request. Joey hands Cindy the laundry on account of the fact that she works at a dry cleaner, and adds that there's a note in there "that explains everything." Cindy obviously finds the love letter Stephanie stashed in there and thinks Joey's hot for her, but hides note in a pile of papers on the table when she hears Danny coming in.
Beck comes in with lime Jell-o that has yet to set and Danny asks her to look over some notes for the show, adding he's thinking about "some changes that may affect us both, let me know how you feel." Becky of course finds The Note. If Jesse finds out, he'll kill Danny... hmm I'll have my own show. Just then Jesse comes in and Becky uses her kisses to keep him occupied while she hides the note from him. I know what he likes... and then we hear Jesse's internal response: Ooo I like that. Becky hides the letter in Kimmy's overdue library book. Danny then comes in and demands the proper low sodium pickles, because his entire menu is built around the gherkin. Becky, believing that Danny's trying to get rid of Jesse to get Becky alone, offers to go with Jesse back to the pickle store. Kimmy comes down and overhears they're going to the store and asks Jesse to pick her up an issue of Teen Hunk, and he refuses, for obvious reasons. He then hands Kimmy the book and says there's a little surprise in there for her, and awesomely calls her Kimbo.
Kimmy reads the note. Whoa baby! Jesse's hot for ME? And why not? I'm TWICE the woman Becky is! She awesomely concludes her thought with a hair toss. Michelle comes in and Kimmy tells her, "You better be nice to me kid. If I marry your Uncle Jesse, I'll be your Aunt Kimmy." UgSnot's inner monologue is as superficial as her thoughts spoken aloud. No way Jose! "No way Jose!"
Jesse comes back in to grab Becky's sweater and finds the note under it on the couch where Kimmy left it, and thinks either Danny or Joey sent it to Becky. Ug frustrated by her own stupidity remarks that she needs to learn to read... among many other things. Jesse sends UgSnot to fetch Danny and Joey so he can confront them. I'm going to find out which one of my best friends is a backstabbing weasel! He baits them, asking which one would like to escort Becky to Pickle Town, and Danny immediately offers to go. A-ha! So Danny's the weasel who wants my Webecca... Rebecca! But, then Joey volunteers to go instead, and Jesse has second thoughts. Hm, maybe Joey's the real reasel... weasel.
Joey extends the invitation to the store to Cindy, she panics about going out with the man who's trying to steal her from Danny and refuses. Danny finally puts an end to this stupid argument because Pickle Town delivers. Jesse tells Becky he needs to talk to her, but just then, Kimmy comes down all tarted up to put her seduction on the Jess-man. He tells her to bug off, but she digs it. Good! Pretend you don't like me, Becky will never suspect you wrote me that love letter! She wiggles her eyebrows and bats her eyes, prompting Jesse to remark that it appears she has some gunk in her eye. Kimmy graciously tells Becky she'd like to remain friends "no matter what happens" and Becky is understandably perplexed. Yeah, that's what you say now... wait 'til that rock is on my finger!
Ug is up in her room trying to teach herself to read via Dr Seuss's ABC book. Rusty comes in and asks if she delivered the letter and she tells him she did. He asks what happened, and Ug reports that now "everything is bananas." Rusty coos in delight and pats Ug's head, much to her chagrin. I really need a lock on my door.
In the girls' room, Steph tells DJ about the letter from Rusty. They both ew in disgust. Just then Rusty comes in and Steph runs out, yelling, what else? "How rude!" DJ gives Rusty a talk about love and says she understands he's ready for a girlfriend, but he needs a woman who's older and more mature. Danny calls them down for dinner and DJ tells him to think about what she's said and they'll talk later. Rusty takes this to mean that DJ has fallen for him. She's all over me! That babe is hot for the Rust-man!
Danny suggests they start a "love train" to the backyard and starts singing the song. Joey's lardass is enthused: "Great! I'll be the caboose!" but Becky stops him. He asks, "You wanna be the caboose?" Becky tries to speak hypothetically to Joey about the letter from Danny; "Sometimes a friend becomes so close to another friend that it turns to love. And it wouldn't be so bad if one of those friends wasn't engaged to be married." Joey completely misreads her intentions Holy cow! Becky's in love with me! Just then, Jesse comes in to see them talking and is now convinced that it was Joey who sent the letter. Now i know it's Joey...I'll kill him! Joey nervously looks at the murderous glare on Jesse's face, Thank God he doesn't know, or he'd kill me!
Outside, Becky whispers to Danny that they need to talk about the letter, and she had to get it out in open. Danny reads it Becky's in love with me?... Why do I have to be so darned attractive? Then Jesse comes out and Danny hides the letter under UgSnot's baseball cap. Jesse glares at Danny's sheepish face, I thought it was Joey, but look at that goofy, guilty grin... maybe it's Danny. I'll kill 'em both and sort it out later! Kimmy saved Jesse a seat next to her at the picnic table and once again wiggles the brows. "Kimmy, you gotta do something about that eye of yours."
Cindy tells Joey he has salad dressing on his shirt as means of stalling her confrontation about the letter. Finally she cuts to the chase and tells him, "Sometimes the wrong people fall in love... it's not anybody's fault, it just happens. I don't want Danny to get hurt, so let's try to control our burning passions." Joey is in awe of his affect on all of the women around him. First Becky, and now Cindy? Boy, this New Kids on the Block cologne really works!
Danny rambles about his definition of quality time, and we are treated to everyone's inner monologue (nearly verbatim... I can only write so fast, you know).
[Stephanie] One false move, and Rusty gets a weenie in his ear.
[Rusty] DJ is such a babe.
[DJ] Why is Rusty staring at me? Do I have something stuck in my teeth?
[Danny] What do I do about Becky falling in love with me?
[Becky] Look at Danny, rambling on the outside, burning with passion for me on the inside
[Jesse] Look at these two weasels, one can't stop babbling and the other needs a bib. I'll be doing mankind a favor when I kill 'em!
[Kimmy} Kimmy Katsopolous... that sounds so geeky. I'll make him take my name; Mr. Jesse Gibbler!
[Joey] I don't want Becky and Cindy to fight over me... unless we get some Jell-o
[Cindy] Joey's sweet, but I like Danny. He's such an eloquent speaker.
[Michelle] Boring, boring! Why is my daddy so boring?
[Comet] Gee, I hope somebody drops a hamburger.
UgSnot pulls the love letter out from under her hat and chaos breaks out. Everyone accuses everyone of sending it, except DJ who just wonders "Who are you people and where's my real family?" Everyone bickers until Jesse tells them to stop and asks who actually wrote it. Ug rats Rusty out and he confesses he wrote it to make DJ think it was from Ricky, the mulleted paperboy. They all relax and laugh about it, and Rusty is glad they can take a joke. They all turn their attention to him unamused and Ug says, what else? "You're in big trouble, mister!" and the family chases Rusty all over the house/yard.
Ricky McMullet is back with Danny's change. He not so subtly asks if they're BBQing and as he and DJ stand there, Rusty runs by closely followed by the rest of the family. DJ invites Ricky to sit down and eat, and they dig in. Ricky's glad he came back, as is DJ. Oh, Mylanta! The family runs by, still hot on Rusty's trail.
Friday, July 24, 2009
John Stamos has got my heart "Twitter"patin'!
**UPDATE** My friend attended the concert and the Stamos DID sing "Forever" so I think it was the real deal! Squeeee!
So, my friend just told me the most awesome story about her Twitter encounter with JOHN STAMOS.
The Beach Boys are playing in Boston so my friend Tweeted him:
@JohnStamos Will you be playing with the beach boys this sat in Boston?! Would LOVE to see you there-maybe a little drumming and "Forever"?
And he (or his assistant) replied!
@FullHouseFan* I'll be there. drumming for sure. might be time to sing forever. we haven't done that in while.about an hour ago
@JohnStamos Awesome! The crowd (esp. the FH Fanatics) will LOVE it!
I'm going to assume it was the real deal Stamos, but even if it wasn't, this is definitely the coolest thing I've seen all week!
Sorry for the delay in the next new 'cap, I've been at school/working from 8am-midnight nearly every night this week. Next week will bring more bloggy goodness.
If you're really bored, you can follow me on Twitter. @eat_the_emu. It's nothing really FH related, and I tend to ignore it for days at a time (haha I guess like this blog...) but it will give you a glimpse into the girl behind the blog.
*For obvious reasons, I changed her Twitter username.
So, my friend just told me the most awesome story about her Twitter encounter with JOHN STAMOS.
The Beach Boys are playing in Boston so my friend Tweeted him:
@JohnStamos Will you be playing with the beach boys this sat in Boston?! Would LOVE to see you there-maybe a little drumming and "Forever"?
And he (or his assistant) replied!
@FullHouseFan* I'll be there. drumming for sure. might be time to sing forever. we haven't done that in while.about an hour ago
@JohnStamos Awesome! The crowd (esp. the FH Fanatics) will LOVE it!
I'm going to assume it was the real deal Stamos, but even if it wasn't, this is definitely the coolest thing I've seen all week!
Sorry for the delay in the next new 'cap, I've been at school/working from 8am-midnight nearly every night this week. Next week will bring more bloggy goodness.
If you're really bored, you can follow me on Twitter. @eat_the_emu. It's nothing really FH related, and I tend to ignore it for days at a time (haha I guess like this blog...) but it will give you a glimpse into the girl behind the blog.
*For obvious reasons, I changed her Twitter username.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"The little goofball worships me!" or Aftershocks (3.11)
Jesse and Joey are in Jesse's room jamming out wearing dark glasses like some sort of bastardized Blues Brothers. Jesse is playing the ol' six string and Joey is playing the harmonica. I must point out that Joey is also wearing a beret, not that that wardrobe choice should surprise any of you. Just then, who should wander in but UgTot, who demands they play her the teapot song. They oblige with a bluesy version of "I'm a Little Teapot" and Jesse urges Michelle to "shake her little tushy." Please, I beg of you, no more. The Powers that be hear my cry and we thankfully cut to the credits.
Jesse is trying to discover what's clogging the garbage disposal and asks Ug how her toy Gumby got jammed in there. Ug hasn't a clue (of course) and predictably, Joey thanks Jesse for finding his toy. DJ and Kimmy come in, DJ showing off her costume for the school's Christmas pageant. Kimmy has apparently been staying at the Tanner's for the past two days while her house is under repairs. Joey informs her that she can go home, pointing out that she could have actually moved back yesterday but somehow, Mrs. Gibbler forgot to call. J&J are glad to be rid of the Gibbler, and already have her bags packed. UgTot comes running in and throws her arms around Kimmy, begging her to stay one more night. The hell? Kimmy's staying, DJ models her costume which Joey creepily compliments ("If I had a belly that shook like a bowl of jelly, you'd be my kind of woman") and I die a little inside.
Stephanie points out that DJ has a new pimple on her nose and DJ is distraught. Kimmy suggests that DJ switch roles with someone and play Rudolph. Stephanie comments her distress that first there was an earthquake (remember that) and now, Kimmy's staying an extra night. Later that night, Stephanie is awoken by the sounds and vibrations of a garbage truck and panics that it's another earthquake. She shakes DJ awake and DJ and Kimmy tell Stephanie to chill out. Steph goes to Ug's room to make sure she's alright and coerces her into going into Danny's room with her. They climb into bed with Danny.
Kimmy leads DJ down the stairs, because she's sporting the Cousin Itt look with all of her hair brushed forward to cover her face. She even has a pair of sunglasses on top. Joey calls her Benji (I assume he's referring to the courageous and adorable puppy of cinematic fame, which, dumb. Because she totally looks like Cousin Itt) and tells her the zit isn't that bad.
Stephanie comes in, literally clinging to Danny and asking to tag along to work with him and showering him with compliments. Danny says that she has to go to work, but they'll spend time together after work. Joey and Jesse are concerned with Stephanie's sudden increase in fatherly affections and wonder if Danny's noticed how clingy she's being. Danny says there's nothing wrong with a little girl adoring her father and thinks nothing of it.
After school, Stephanie is in a panicked tizzy because Danny isn't home yet. J&J tell her that he's probably stuck in traffic and she yells that they don't know that for sure. Danny comes home, late because of, you guessed it, traffic, and Stephanie hugs him and won't let him go. She wants to play games and accompany him on his business dinner. Danny gently tries to tell her no and Stephanie becomes very upset and cries and begs for him not to leave her. J&J give Danny a total "I told you so" look and finally, Danny gets it. Something's up with Steph.
Up in Danny's room, Danny is playing Barrel of Monkeys with Stephanie and UgTot. To the surprise of no one, Ug is too stupid to grasp the concept of the game, and Danny pulls Stephanie aside for a special one-on-one talk. Danny asks her why she was so upset about him going out, and why she's been clinging to him, and asks if something is bothering her. She insists she's fine and he wonders if that means she won't be spending the night in his room (not like THAT, you pervs!) Stephanie is insistent that nothing is wrong and she returns back to the game.
DJ comes back from the pageant and is relieved to have discovered that everyone has zits. While checking "to see if [her] nose can still stop traffic", she found 10 other girls checking their zits. DJ suggests a game of connect the dots and all the crater faced bitches laughed. DJ says she's okay with having zits, so long as her face clears up before her peers. Jesse congratulates himself on helping DJ through her crisis until Joey reminds him that they didn't actually do anything.
Danny comes down and says that his talk with Stephanie went nowhere and J&J suggest that he bring her to a therapist. Danny is against it because he feels like it's not that serious and bringing her to a stranger shows he can't help his own daughter. Jesse points out that it shows that he loves her enough to get her the help she needs. As a future Mental Health counselor, thanks for the plug, boys!
Danny brings Steph into therapy, and we get a pointless scene of a homely bucktoothed girl, who may or may not be a little slow, telling Stephanie that therapy is fun because you get to miss school. The therapist asks Stephanie to draw a picture of her family and remarks to Danny how verbal she is. Danny babbles on and on about not knowing where she gets it, and the therapist sure as shit knows where it comes from.
While Stephanie draws, Danny dusts the therapist's table and she tells him that we don't always know why we are doing the things we do and asks why he's dusting. Danny confesses that growing up, all the other kids wanted to be astronauts or firemen... he wanted to be a maid. Before the therapist gets to tackle the enigmatic mind of Danny Tanner, Stephanie finishes her drawing. Everything is pretty typical except there's a crack in the house from the earthquake, and Danny is outside the house from the rest of the family because he was late the day of the earthquake. Well, that solves the mystery of Stephanie's clinginess. She was scared that she didn't know where he was.
As a constant neurotic worrier, it's kind of hard for me to snark on Stephanie because I was totally the same way as a kid. To this day, I make my friends call me when they get home safely because otherwise I'll worry. The therapist suggests Danny and Stephanie make a list of ways to help cope with the worry and anxiety of separation and if only therapy was really that simple, and all issues that easily resolved. Notice how we never hear about another earthquake for the duration of the series.
That night the entire family is tucking Stephanie into bed. Danny tells her that if she needs to, her sleeping bag is still in his room. She asks if he's still snoring and Danny says he is, so Stephanie will spend the night in her own room. Jesse laughs about Danny's snoring. The guys remind Steph that they're close by should she need anything and everyone says goodnight. We end with Stephanie asking DJ to untuck her, because she can barely move. I hate when they end episodes on weird unfunny but supposed to be funny bits like that.
Jesse is trying to discover what's clogging the garbage disposal and asks Ug how her toy Gumby got jammed in there. Ug hasn't a clue (of course) and predictably, Joey thanks Jesse for finding his toy. DJ and Kimmy come in, DJ showing off her costume for the school's Christmas pageant. Kimmy has apparently been staying at the Tanner's for the past two days while her house is under repairs. Joey informs her that she can go home, pointing out that she could have actually moved back yesterday but somehow, Mrs. Gibbler forgot to call. J&J are glad to be rid of the Gibbler, and already have her bags packed. UgTot comes running in and throws her arms around Kimmy, begging her to stay one more night. The hell? Kimmy's staying, DJ models her costume which Joey creepily compliments ("If I had a belly that shook like a bowl of jelly, you'd be my kind of woman") and I die a little inside.
Stephanie points out that DJ has a new pimple on her nose and DJ is distraught. Kimmy suggests that DJ switch roles with someone and play Rudolph. Stephanie comments her distress that first there was an earthquake (remember that) and now, Kimmy's staying an extra night. Later that night, Stephanie is awoken by the sounds and vibrations of a garbage truck and panics that it's another earthquake. She shakes DJ awake and DJ and Kimmy tell Stephanie to chill out. Steph goes to Ug's room to make sure she's alright and coerces her into going into Danny's room with her. They climb into bed with Danny.
Kimmy leads DJ down the stairs, because she's sporting the Cousin Itt look with all of her hair brushed forward to cover her face. She even has a pair of sunglasses on top. Joey calls her Benji (I assume he's referring to the courageous and adorable puppy of cinematic fame, which, dumb. Because she totally looks like Cousin Itt) and tells her the zit isn't that bad.
Stephanie comes in, literally clinging to Danny and asking to tag along to work with him and showering him with compliments. Danny says that she has to go to work, but they'll spend time together after work. Joey and Jesse are concerned with Stephanie's sudden increase in fatherly affections and wonder if Danny's noticed how clingy she's being. Danny says there's nothing wrong with a little girl adoring her father and thinks nothing of it.
After school, Stephanie is in a panicked tizzy because Danny isn't home yet. J&J tell her that he's probably stuck in traffic and she yells that they don't know that for sure. Danny comes home, late because of, you guessed it, traffic, and Stephanie hugs him and won't let him go. She wants to play games and accompany him on his business dinner. Danny gently tries to tell her no and Stephanie becomes very upset and cries and begs for him not to leave her. J&J give Danny a total "I told you so" look and finally, Danny gets it. Something's up with Steph.
Up in Danny's room, Danny is playing Barrel of Monkeys with Stephanie and UgTot. To the surprise of no one, Ug is too stupid to grasp the concept of the game, and Danny pulls Stephanie aside for a special one-on-one talk. Danny asks her why she was so upset about him going out, and why she's been clinging to him, and asks if something is bothering her. She insists she's fine and he wonders if that means she won't be spending the night in his room (not like THAT, you pervs!) Stephanie is insistent that nothing is wrong and she returns back to the game.
DJ comes back from the pageant and is relieved to have discovered that everyone has zits. While checking "to see if [her] nose can still stop traffic", she found 10 other girls checking their zits. DJ suggests a game of connect the dots and all the crater faced bitches laughed. DJ says she's okay with having zits, so long as her face clears up before her peers. Jesse congratulates himself on helping DJ through her crisis until Joey reminds him that they didn't actually do anything.
Danny comes down and says that his talk with Stephanie went nowhere and J&J suggest that he bring her to a therapist. Danny is against it because he feels like it's not that serious and bringing her to a stranger shows he can't help his own daughter. Jesse points out that it shows that he loves her enough to get her the help she needs. As a future Mental Health counselor, thanks for the plug, boys!
Danny brings Steph into therapy, and we get a pointless scene of a homely bucktoothed girl, who may or may not be a little slow, telling Stephanie that therapy is fun because you get to miss school. The therapist asks Stephanie to draw a picture of her family and remarks to Danny how verbal she is. Danny babbles on and on about not knowing where she gets it, and the therapist sure as shit knows where it comes from.
While Stephanie draws, Danny dusts the therapist's table and she tells him that we don't always know why we are doing the things we do and asks why he's dusting. Danny confesses that growing up, all the other kids wanted to be astronauts or firemen... he wanted to be a maid. Before the therapist gets to tackle the enigmatic mind of Danny Tanner, Stephanie finishes her drawing. Everything is pretty typical except there's a crack in the house from the earthquake, and Danny is outside the house from the rest of the family because he was late the day of the earthquake. Well, that solves the mystery of Stephanie's clinginess. She was scared that she didn't know where he was.
As a constant neurotic worrier, it's kind of hard for me to snark on Stephanie because I was totally the same way as a kid. To this day, I make my friends call me when they get home safely because otherwise I'll worry. The therapist suggests Danny and Stephanie make a list of ways to help cope with the worry and anxiety of separation and if only therapy was really that simple, and all issues that easily resolved. Notice how we never hear about another earthquake for the duration of the series.
That night the entire family is tucking Stephanie into bed. Danny tells her that if she needs to, her sleeping bag is still in his room. She asks if he's still snoring and Danny says he is, so Stephanie will spend the night in her own room. Jesse laughs about Danny's snoring. The guys remind Steph that they're close by should she need anything and everyone says goodnight. We end with Stephanie asking DJ to untuck her, because she can barely move. I hate when they end episodes on weird unfunny but supposed to be funny bits like that.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Prodigal Blogger Returns...
Okay so I've slacked. A lot. Like a Kimmy Gibbler amount of slackery. But I have reasons. Some of them are even decent.
I was fired from my job of 2+ years the day after Christmas. Found a new job despite the economy so whew there. But, money was still tight so I got a second job. Plus, I'm back in school pursuing my Master's, so between work and school, I had little time for blogging.
But, I'm back. I probably won't update with quite the frequency I once had, but I plan on making a conscious effort to try to get back on some sort of regular schedule.
So, if any of you actually still check this thing, thanks. And stay tuned for more Full House-y goodness. There's still many more episodes I've yet to 'cap! (That's short for recap!)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wishing You and Yours a Very Tanner Christmas!
Sorry for the use of an Ug picture... and it's one from the books and not the show... but it DOES imply she's having a shitty Christmas, so I felt it was apropos.
If for Christmas you wanted a new blog entry... well, you're screwed. But, feel free to check out Episode 2.9 "Our Very First Christmas Show" to get yourself into the holiday spirit. If you haven't read it, it's new to you!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Oh. My. GOD!!!
"John Stamos must be hard up for a paycheck, because he's working on a remake of Full House. Candace Cameron Bure, who played DJ Tanner, told OK! Magazine (via SFGate), "John has been working on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie Sweetin. We would revive our characters, but today as young women.""
This would be like my greatest dream/nightmare come to fruition!!! Can you imagine the snarky goodness that would come from such a colossal trainwreck?!??!
Source.
Also:
1.kimmy gibbler: When you refuse to leave after you have a one night stand, even when they ask you nicely.
"Last night I met some whore at the bar....we came back to my place and she gave me the Kimmy Gibbler....she fucked the hell out of me and then refused to go home when I asked her nicely."
Source.
All this AND my boss is fired for embezzling?! What a crazy weekend!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
"I'm guessing you didn't meet him in a library." or DJ's Choice (8.12)
We open with Steph an DJ in the kitchen and Steph thanks DJ for letting her tag along to street fair. DJ reminds her nachos and tilt-a-whirl don't mix. Steph laments her ruined sweater from the year before and wistfully remembers how much she loved it. Just then, they are joined by Kimmy and Nelson. Stephanie goes up to Nelson and administers a vision test and asks how he, with his trillions of dollars can be dating Kimmy Gibbler. I say, how can he NOT?!!? I love the Gib! Kimmy says she was hoping for more than dating, she was hoping for marriage. Ah, Kimmy, you lovable irreverent gold digger!
DJ tells Nelson and Kimmy that they just need to wait for Viper to arrive before they can leave for the fair. Nelson, obviously still feeling the burn of being rejected by DJ, comments that with a name like Viper, she most likely didn't meet him in the library. DJ quickly changes the subject to the fact that Kimmy is the reigning street fair pie eating champion. She decides she needs to warm up her chops and luckily finds an entire pineapple cheesecake in the Tanners' fridge. She clasps her hands behind her back and dives in. Oo, Danny is NOT going to be pleased about that.
DJ goes into the living room as Viper storms in, ranting and rambling up a storm about how things with DJ are moving too fast for him and freaking him out and he breaks up with her. Just like that. And then he leaves. DJ looks all forlorn as Nelson walks in, raving about Kimmy's pie skills (maybe now that he's seen the Gibbler gobble, he might be reconsidering not dating her?) He cuts himself off when he notices that DJ is visibly upset. She tells him that Viper just broke up with her and she never saw it coming. She says that if this was how bad it hurt Nelson when she broke up with him, then she's sorry. Nelson tells her that eventually the pain goes away... but then is replaced by a big empty hollow feeling. Comforting.
Ugh, and naturally, we need to have the obligatory Ug storyline thrust upon us. Danny and Becky are taking Ug and the BlunderTwins Nicky and Alex to the local playground. My, that trio is quite the goof troop, aren't they? Turns out, the playground has been trashed by some hilariously tame vandals who have graffiti'd such diabolical messages as "SOS", "Crazy" and "JoJaxx." Whoa now, how they gonna bring the JoJaxx into this? This is a FAMILY playground. I feel scandalized. Michelle's painful dramatic acting is showcased as she shows her distress by asking Danny if they can go home.
Back at the house, Danny calls to report the vandalism, but unfortunately, there's a wave of it all over San Francisco, so it might be awhile before they get to this rinky dink playground. Apparently, the crew's still at work removing some "Disco sucks" tags downtown... ah, that joke was probably lost on every child watching this ep. Ug and Jesse have a really disgusting conversation regarding "pumping." She says the twins need to learn to pump, and Jesse reiterates the need for all kids to have a place to learn pumping. They're talking about pumping your legs on a swing, but shortening it to simply "pumping" just screams all kinds of wrong. Ew. The guys and Becky decide that they're going to assemble a group of volunteers to clean up the playground for the kids. How do they have time for this shit? Don't they have jobs?
Nelson and the girls return from the street fair. Kimmy is livid that she was disqualified from the pie eating contest or swallowing a fork. Bwah! I don't really see how that's grounds for a DQ, how does swallowing a fork give her an advantage? If anything, I would have automatically declared her the winner. Again, I am an unabashed and avid Kimmy Gibbler fan fo' life, yo! Stephanie won a goldfish and Nelson apparently had to shell out $700 to win DJ a stupid stuffed monkey. Loser. Listen to that whip crack! Nelson blows more smoke up her ass, saying that Viper's a moron for dumping her. She says he's sweet, he says she's pretty, blah blah blah, and they end up kissing. They're not sure what just happened between then, but Nelson proposes dinner Saturday for them to discuss their status. As Nelson suavely backs away, he trips and falls over a tricycle. Bwah! Best moment of the episode right there.
DJ is prepping for her 3rd consecutive date with Nelson, talking about it with Steph when who should come a-knocking on the door, but Viper. He walks in, all manic and rambling again, that he's been walking around like a madman the past 3 days regretting his decision to break up with her. He offers her a single red rose and begs DJ to take him back. Just then, Nelson comes in with a full bouquet of roses, demanding to know what's going on. Viper says he's there to win DJ back and Nelson reminds her that Viper just broke her heart. DJ looks constipated, and confused, and ultimately leaves with Nelson, leaving Viper fuming with Stephanie standing by awkwardly.
Viper stands there pissed wondering what DJ could possibly see in Nelson. He vows to Stephanie that he won't roll over for Richie Rich. Stephanie's just like "Uhhh, okay dude." Seriously man, take the hint and get to stepping. Later that evening, Nelson is dropping off a clearly distracted DJ off at home. Clearly she's preoccupied about the Nelson v. Viper situation. Nelson kisses her goodnight and she walks in to find Viper, STILL THERE, sitting on the couch with a guitar singing a song he wrote for her. They just let him stay there the whole time? How long has it been? Why didn't they kick his ass out?
The song's pretty tight though, and I would totes cream my jeans for Viper at this point, despite his sorta Jheri curl. They run to each other and kiss and who should walk in at that very moment? Why, none other than Nelson, bearing the bouquet of roses DJ accidentally left behind in his limo. Ouch. DJ quickly breaks away from Viper and tells Nelson that it isn't what it looks like. Nelson awesomely quips, "Thank God. It looks like you were kissing." I know Nelson's kinda dweeby, uber short with a mullet, but damn, he's hilarious.
The guys bicker back and forth. Nelson says Viper's a heartbreaker and Viper retorts that Nelson preyed upon DJ at a weak moment when she was vulnerable. DJ can see the points in both of their arguments, but is still too confuzzled and tells them that she needs time to think.
Ugh, back to our annoying Uggerriffic subplot. The whole fam plus some other extras are all pitching in. Joey grabs a hammer that is quickly snatched away by Jesse. Apparently this hammer has been passed down through his family from generation to generation, and he doesn't want Joey anywhere near it. Danny is wandering around clueless about construction so Jesse acts as foreman. This is all really really boring. Joey is also doing nothing but staring through the liquid part of a level until Jesse hits him in the head with something and tells him to get to work. Joey turns on a power saw, and like who's the fucking genius who thought Joey Gladstone was capable of operating heavy machinery? Naturally he manages to saw through Jesse's family hammer, and zzzZZZzzzZZZzzz...
Danny has assembled a see saw that Kimmy and Steph are testing out. Apparently this teeter totter will teeter, but not totter. Kimmy is on the end of the see saw on the ground, and Steph is hanging in the hair. The whole family joins together to push Steph's side down and when they do they send Kimmy flying into a tree. Although this scene merited a small chuckle from me, I hate how the later seasons of FH relied on lame physical gags like this.
Just when this scene can't get any more tedious, Viper and Nelson arrive to pounce on DJ and demand a decision. Nelson pipes up first that he may lack the talent to write and perform a song to tell DJ how he feels, but he has the cash money money to wire the park to play music and hire Frankie Valli to woo her. He begins a serenade of "You're Just Too Good to be True" and awww, this makes me think of Heath Ledger's uber sexy scene in "10 Things I Hate About You." Sadness. Frankie mistakenly begins serenading Becky, until Nelson redirects him towards DJ. Frankie suavely shoves Viper aside.
Viper criticizes Nelson's need to use his money to woo, and Nelson pretty much calls Viper a scumbag and they continue to bicker until DJ FINALLY speaks up and declares she's not a trophy to be fought over and she hates the pressure they're putting on her. If they're going to force her to make a decision, then DJ is going to Kelly Taylor it up and choose herself.
Look, DJ hates Kelly Taylor's slutty ass just as much as the rest of the world. Actually, this episode aired in January 1995, whereas the infamous Kelly-Brandon-Dylan love triangle and resulting "I Choose Me!" aired in May 1995. Meaning that that skank pilfered the line from our very own DJ Tanner and has been getting credit for it in most pop culture references since then. That bitch. You can see DJ's trying to smile, but her face totally reads, "Bitch stole my line!"
DJ is bummed that she let go of two great guys and talks to Becky about it. Becky says that even though Viper and Nelson may both be good guys, but if one of them was truly the right one for DJ, she would have been able to make the decision easily. She wisely advises her to never settle when it comes to dating and matters of the heart, because one day the right man will come. Becky comments how hers did and the camera pans to Jesse playing with Ug and the twins on the swings, and who else but Ug completely ruins the moment by repeatedly yelling, "Pump! Pump! Pump your legs!" Ew. Thanks for scarring me for life, Ug.
DJ tells Nelson and Kimmy that they just need to wait for Viper to arrive before they can leave for the fair. Nelson, obviously still feeling the burn of being rejected by DJ, comments that with a name like Viper, she most likely didn't meet him in the library. DJ quickly changes the subject to the fact that Kimmy is the reigning street fair pie eating champion. She decides she needs to warm up her chops and luckily finds an entire pineapple cheesecake in the Tanners' fridge. She clasps her hands behind her back and dives in. Oo, Danny is NOT going to be pleased about that.
DJ goes into the living room as Viper storms in, ranting and rambling up a storm about how things with DJ are moving too fast for him and freaking him out and he breaks up with her. Just like that. And then he leaves. DJ looks all forlorn as Nelson walks in, raving about Kimmy's pie skills (maybe now that he's seen the Gibbler gobble, he might be reconsidering not dating her?) He cuts himself off when he notices that DJ is visibly upset. She tells him that Viper just broke up with her and she never saw it coming. She says that if this was how bad it hurt Nelson when she broke up with him, then she's sorry. Nelson tells her that eventually the pain goes away... but then is replaced by a big empty hollow feeling. Comforting.
Ugh, and naturally, we need to have the obligatory Ug storyline thrust upon us. Danny and Becky are taking Ug and the BlunderTwins Nicky and Alex to the local playground. My, that trio is quite the goof troop, aren't they? Turns out, the playground has been trashed by some hilariously tame vandals who have graffiti'd such diabolical messages as "SOS", "Crazy" and "JoJaxx." Whoa now, how they gonna bring the JoJaxx into this? This is a FAMILY playground. I feel scandalized. Michelle's painful dramatic acting is showcased as she shows her distress by asking Danny if they can go home.
Back at the house, Danny calls to report the vandalism, but unfortunately, there's a wave of it all over San Francisco, so it might be awhile before they get to this rinky dink playground. Apparently, the crew's still at work removing some "Disco sucks" tags downtown... ah, that joke was probably lost on every child watching this ep. Ug and Jesse have a really disgusting conversation regarding "pumping." She says the twins need to learn to pump, and Jesse reiterates the need for all kids to have a place to learn pumping. They're talking about pumping your legs on a swing, but shortening it to simply "pumping" just screams all kinds of wrong. Ew. The guys and Becky decide that they're going to assemble a group of volunteers to clean up the playground for the kids. How do they have time for this shit? Don't they have jobs?
Nelson and the girls return from the street fair. Kimmy is livid that she was disqualified from the pie eating contest or swallowing a fork. Bwah! I don't really see how that's grounds for a DQ, how does swallowing a fork give her an advantage? If anything, I would have automatically declared her the winner. Again, I am an unabashed and avid Kimmy Gibbler fan fo' life, yo! Stephanie won a goldfish and Nelson apparently had to shell out $700 to win DJ a stupid stuffed monkey. Loser. Listen to that whip crack! Nelson blows more smoke up her ass, saying that Viper's a moron for dumping her. She says he's sweet, he says she's pretty, blah blah blah, and they end up kissing. They're not sure what just happened between then, but Nelson proposes dinner Saturday for them to discuss their status. As Nelson suavely backs away, he trips and falls over a tricycle. Bwah! Best moment of the episode right there.
DJ is prepping for her 3rd consecutive date with Nelson, talking about it with Steph when who should come a-knocking on the door, but Viper. He walks in, all manic and rambling again, that he's been walking around like a madman the past 3 days regretting his decision to break up with her. He offers her a single red rose and begs DJ to take him back. Just then, Nelson comes in with a full bouquet of roses, demanding to know what's going on. Viper says he's there to win DJ back and Nelson reminds her that Viper just broke her heart. DJ looks constipated, and confused, and ultimately leaves with Nelson, leaving Viper fuming with Stephanie standing by awkwardly.
Viper stands there pissed wondering what DJ could possibly see in Nelson. He vows to Stephanie that he won't roll over for Richie Rich. Stephanie's just like "Uhhh, okay dude." Seriously man, take the hint and get to stepping. Later that evening, Nelson is dropping off a clearly distracted DJ off at home. Clearly she's preoccupied about the Nelson v. Viper situation. Nelson kisses her goodnight and she walks in to find Viper, STILL THERE, sitting on the couch with a guitar singing a song he wrote for her. They just let him stay there the whole time? How long has it been? Why didn't they kick his ass out?
The song's pretty tight though, and I would totes cream my jeans for Viper at this point, despite his sorta Jheri curl. They run to each other and kiss and who should walk in at that very moment? Why, none other than Nelson, bearing the bouquet of roses DJ accidentally left behind in his limo. Ouch. DJ quickly breaks away from Viper and tells Nelson that it isn't what it looks like. Nelson awesomely quips, "Thank God. It looks like you were kissing." I know Nelson's kinda dweeby, uber short with a mullet, but damn, he's hilarious.
The guys bicker back and forth. Nelson says Viper's a heartbreaker and Viper retorts that Nelson preyed upon DJ at a weak moment when she was vulnerable. DJ can see the points in both of their arguments, but is still too confuzzled and tells them that she needs time to think.
Ugh, back to our annoying Uggerriffic subplot. The whole fam plus some other extras are all pitching in. Joey grabs a hammer that is quickly snatched away by Jesse. Apparently this hammer has been passed down through his family from generation to generation, and he doesn't want Joey anywhere near it. Danny is wandering around clueless about construction so Jesse acts as foreman. This is all really really boring. Joey is also doing nothing but staring through the liquid part of a level until Jesse hits him in the head with something and tells him to get to work. Joey turns on a power saw, and like who's the fucking genius who thought Joey Gladstone was capable of operating heavy machinery? Naturally he manages to saw through Jesse's family hammer, and zzzZZZzzzZZZzzz...
Danny has assembled a see saw that Kimmy and Steph are testing out. Apparently this teeter totter will teeter, but not totter. Kimmy is on the end of the see saw on the ground, and Steph is hanging in the hair. The whole family joins together to push Steph's side down and when they do they send Kimmy flying into a tree. Although this scene merited a small chuckle from me, I hate how the later seasons of FH relied on lame physical gags like this.
Just when this scene can't get any more tedious, Viper and Nelson arrive to pounce on DJ and demand a decision. Nelson pipes up first that he may lack the talent to write and perform a song to tell DJ how he feels, but he has the cash money money to wire the park to play music and hire Frankie Valli to woo her. He begins a serenade of "You're Just Too Good to be True" and awww, this makes me think of Heath Ledger's uber sexy scene in "10 Things I Hate About You." Sadness. Frankie mistakenly begins serenading Becky, until Nelson redirects him towards DJ. Frankie suavely shoves Viper aside.
Viper criticizes Nelson's need to use his money to woo, and Nelson pretty much calls Viper a scumbag and they continue to bicker until DJ FINALLY speaks up and declares she's not a trophy to be fought over and she hates the pressure they're putting on her. If they're going to force her to make a decision, then DJ is going to Kelly Taylor it up and choose herself.
Look, DJ hates Kelly Taylor's slutty ass just as much as the rest of the world. Actually, this episode aired in January 1995, whereas the infamous Kelly-Brandon-Dylan love triangle and resulting "I Choose Me!" aired in May 1995. Meaning that that skank pilfered the line from our very own DJ Tanner and has been getting credit for it in most pop culture references since then. That bitch. You can see DJ's trying to smile, but her face totally reads, "Bitch stole my line!"
DJ is bummed that she let go of two great guys and talks to Becky about it. Becky says that even though Viper and Nelson may both be good guys, but if one of them was truly the right one for DJ, she would have been able to make the decision easily. She wisely advises her to never settle when it comes to dating and matters of the heart, because one day the right man will come. Becky comments how hers did and the camera pans to Jesse playing with Ug and the twins on the swings, and who else but Ug completely ruins the moment by repeatedly yelling, "Pump! Pump! Pump your legs!" Ew. Thanks for scarring me for life, Ug.
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