Ug brushing her teeth. Spitting in Danny's hand. Yuck. Why? Who thought this would be cute? It's not! It's pointless... and kind of gross. Just open with credits, no one needs this inane scene!
More Ug! When will it end? She's attempting to yo-yo, but can't make it pop back up. DJ comes in and tells her that since she's opened her own savings account, she's giving her her old piggy bank. Ug brats that there's no money and DJ advises her to make cute faces (impossible, I know) and go up to people and say, "Please feed my piggy." She tries it on DJ and she gives her a quarter. Deej, I thought you were better than that.
Stephanie comes in with a note from her teacher for Danny to sign. Apparently she's been having trouble reading and her teacher suggests that she should get her eyes checked because she might need glasses. Ruh roh, nerd alert! (Save the hate mail and please note that as indicated in the photo to the left, I have glasses so just chill the fuck out, my hypersensitive bespectacled readers).
Wedding planning in the kitchen. They decide that the waiters at the reception should wear white gloves and ugh. Really? Why? Jesse thinks that was the final decision they needed to make and Becky gently reminds him that he needs to select a best man. Becky puts Jesse on the spot by calling the other guys into the kitchen and forcing him to make a decision. Jesse doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and ultimately selects Joey.
Later, Danny is singing "Hang down your head, Tom Dooley" and "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" and guilting the shit out of Jesse. They are interrupted by DJ and her token black friend Julie, running in trying to avoid Julie's cousin Steve. It turns out to be none other than "Family Matters" stud, Steve Urkel. Jesse and Danny try to derail him, and Steve totally calls Danny on his (non)best man bitterness.
Jesse tells Steve that he can't help but notice that he walks like the hanger is still in his shirt and resurrects his lecture on "the strut" from last episode. Steve begins to launch into his life story and Danny and Jesse point him in the direction of DJ and Julie because they can't take the Urkel anymore.
Joey comes in with Stephanie and her new glasses, and she's majorly bummed. She thinks that the compliments she's receiving are just because they're her family. Her self-deprecating views cause Jesse to feel some insecurities about his own dweebiness in glasses. I have to say, those are some pretty fug frames she's toting, but such were the times. I can't say that my first pair was really at the height of fashion. They covered approximately 25% of my face.
DJ and Julie thought they've lost the Urkel, but to no avail. Ug asks Steve why he talks like Mickey Mouse, and my, she's a rude little brat isn't she? He says it's because he's from Chicago. Stephanie says she doesn't feel like having company, so Steve herds the girls out. He hangs behind to give her a pep talk about the wonders of spectacles. He says that in a class of 30, "there may be 15 or 20 misguided souls" who'll mock her glasses. Heh.
Jesse tries sucking up to Danny by offering to go clean grout with him. Danny knows he's just trying to be nice, and Jesse calls Joey into the room. He says he made a mistake and should have asked both of them to be his best men to begin with. They're mondo stoked that neither one has to be the dreaded head usher.
At school, Stephanie's teacher totally calls her out at Silent Reading time by announcing to the class that she got new glasses. After being put on center stage, Steph tries to deflect the attention off of her new glasses by busting out some joke glasses and making light of the situation before anyone can mock her. Her teacher gets pissed and it's like, come on lady, you know how kids are. Let her do what she needs to to save face.
Michelle's hunting for change in the sofa and finds a stale ass cheeto that she eats. Ewwww, gross. She hears the ice cream truck and desperately tries to get her money out. Dj tells her that she's supposed to be saving, not spending, and tells her there's some fudgsicles in the freezer. She whines that it's not the same. Fuck you bitch, I love fudgsicles! Joey comes in asking if he heard the ice cream truck, and DJ tells him that he just missed them. She also offers up the fudgsicles, and he complains that it's not the same.
Joey pops his head into Stephanie's room to see what she's up to. She's writing lines for school that read: "I will not disrupt the class." Joey asks what that's all about and she says she wanted to beat the kids to the punch and make it so she was laughing with them, and they weren't laughing at her. She tells him he can get his joke glasses back at the end of the school year. Joey makes her take a good look at herself in the mirror and shows her that she doesn't look that terrible, and that glasses give her an air of maturity.
I dunno, I still think those frames are pretty fug.