"These leather pants really ride up." or Ol' Brown Eyes (4.15)

Before I begin my recap, I just want to direct your attention to my rapidly expanding list of "Blogs that don't suck" on the left hand side of the page. Even though I've gotten a lot better about consistently posting as of late, I've added a few more gems for you to peruse for those lapses in FH recaps. Those are: BSC Revisited, Fear Street, Saved By the Bell and now, for something completely different, The First Year Teacher. Enjoy these other blogs, but don't forget about me! I'm needy!

Onward with the recap-y goodness

Danny and Joey are sitting in the living room and Ug comes in singing "Loo Loo (Skip to my Loo)" and, because she's a total r-tard, doesn't know how to skip properly. Joey and Danny attempt to teach her how to skip, and Jesse comes down and gives all three a look of disdain. His advice to the fugly one? Skip the skipping and master the art of the strut. He demonstrates his own swagger and I swoon.

Stephanie has hidden Ug's doll and is telling her to find it via the Hot and Cold game. Way to go Steph! Finally, some pay back. As Ug begins searching, Stephanie gives her cooler and cooler temperatures until finally Ug reaches sub-Arctic temperatures, and when Steph questions her, she explains she wanted a cookie first. It's kind of hilarious what a pig Michelle was supposed to be when compared with how totally angular and ano the Olsens are today.

Jesse is in the living room planning out his wedding ring engravement. He wants to do all the lyrics of "Fools Rush In" until Joey reminds him they charge by the letter. Jesse settles on "Love Me Tender" instead. Becky comes down and asks Jesse if he's ready for some no-whining tuxedo shopping. He starts to go off on a whining tangent, and is cut off by a stern look from Becky. Homegirl's got his balls in a satchel that she probably keeps tucked away in a fanny pack.

DJ comes in finalizing plans for the fundraiser for her school newspaper. It's going to be at the Smash Club and feature Joey's comedy and Jesse's band. She urges Danny to keep his MC bits to a minimum as to not distract from the actual entertainment. Ouch. Burn. She goes off to Kimmy's and Danny laments that DJ doesn't find him to be "groovy." He plots to sing a song with Jesse's band.

Ug comes in wanting to play Hot and Cold and the entire family bails out like the room's on fire, making up lame excuses all the while. Left alone to her bratty devices, Ug spies their wedding ring, and remarks that they'll miss this if she hides it and then does an evil cackle. Little shit.

Later, Joey's freaking out looking for the ring and Michelle reveals that she hid it and instead of threatening to punish her, he lowers himself to playing her stupid game. Because it can't be said enough, I hate Michelle.

Danny comes out clothed in black leather and rocks out to The Who's "My Generation." Aside from some of his stage antics, the actual singing isn't that bad. You can see the Stamos cracking up in the background because of Saget's dance moves and it's a pretty awesome scene. DJ and Kimmy come in towards the end of the number and DJ is horrified to hear that Danny was planning on doing that performance in public, in front of all of her friends. Kimmy corrects her, "You mean, FORMER friends."

Danny's upset that his singing embarrassed DJ and the always helpful Kimmy Gibbler is still standing by to remind him that the clothing and the dancing probably didn't help either. She goes upstairs to help DJ pick up the pieces of her life. Danny and Jesse go talk in the kitchen, and Danny reminisces of a time that his father came to join him and his friends in tossing the football around, and he threw like a girl so Danny was forced to tell everyone that he hurt his arm in the war.

Danny goes to talk to DJ and tells her that he's not going to sing at the fundraiser, because he knows how she feels and doesn't want to embarrass her. DJ now feels bad for crushing her dad's dreams to sing onstage.

Downstairs, Joey is playing hot and cold with Michelle to find Jesse's ring and she leads him to the cookie jar. Only there's no ring in there. Joey is freaking out and insists that Michelle take him on a tour of everywhere she went with the ring that day. As he's crawling on the ground behind her, Jesse comes in and asks what they're up to. Joey tries to play it off, and Jesse persists that it looks like Joey is searching for something. Joey tries to deny it, but of course Ug pipes up that they're looking for a ring.

Jesse then puts Joey out of his misery by revealing that he already found the ring in the cookie jar, and Joey is relieved. My, that was an uneventful subplot.

Fundraiser. Jesse's band is playing and Kimmy hops onstage to dance with the irrepressibly hunky Uncle Jesse. He calls for security and has her hauled offstage. Kimmy tells DJ that the fundraiser was a success, Joey was funny, Jesse's band was great, and Danny barely said anything. Danny is about to wrap up the show, and calls DJ to the stage to give her props for organizing the event. She asks who'd like to hear one more song from the Rippers... with Danny as lead singer. He dedicates the song to her, and busts out in a Tanneriffic version of "My Girl." Aw, makes me think of my Dad, who used to sing that to me and my sister. Make no mistake about it, except for that choice in song, my Dad has very little in common with Danny Tanner.

Everyone gets up and dances, and DJ goes to give Danny a hug and aww, so nice. See Danny? You guys should always favor DJ, not Michelle. All that brat does is hide important things and eat cookies and "owce cweam."