Tuesday, August 26, 2008

"Do I have the biggest part?" "No... but you have the biggest mouth." or The Play's the Thing (6.8)

Stephanie and Ug come in all melancholic because the school is planning to cancel the first grade play "America the Beautiful" because there's no parent volunteer to coordinate and run things. Stephanie's bummed because she was supposed to be the choreographer for the show, and Ug is upset because without this play, she's robbed of yet another chance to make herself the center of attention. Danny's all set to step in, but unfortunately his work schedule makes it impossible for him to do so. Along with the girls, he manages to instead rope Jesse and Joey into taking the reigns.

Becky's running around like a maniac because she has a million things to do and is bogged down with her demon twins. Danny offers to watch the boys while she runs her errands and shops. She comes back with some dinky model trains for Nicky and Alex, but is dismayed when she sees that Danny beat her to the punch and already purchased two bigger and better trains, I'm talking these are ones you can ride. Danny makes a tunnel between his legs, and I must say there is something really uncomfortable about watching these young boys in such close proximity to Danny's crotch. Becky's obviously starting to get jealous of Danny's time with the boys and his far superior presents. Shut up, Becky.

Up in the girls' room, Steph is helping UgSnot rehearse "Yankee Doodle." And words can't even do justice to how horrific a Yankee Doodle Ug is. She is completely tone deaf, without any sense of rhythm and the hideous troll face makes blood stream out of my eyes and ears. Apparently both Stephanie and DJ were Yankee Doodle in their respective hey days so Michelle thinks she's a shoo-in, completely disregarding the fact that in their younger years, Steph and Deej were absolutely adorable and talented little girls. Unfortunately for all of the other children hoping to try their luck, Jesse and Joey blow smoke up Ug's ass and essentially guarantee her the part.

Now it's time for the auditions. Aaron, the loudmouthed brat in Michelle's class, is true to his form and very very loud in his rendition of "Yankee Doodle." Ug does her tone deaf thing, all the while with a shit-eating grin because she thinks she has this shit in the bag. The personal highlight of these terrible auditions for me is this little Asian girl who simply stands there, refusing to sing who finally says "I never liked this song." Bwah! I hear ya, sister! Just when Michelle thinks she has this whole thing wrapped up, the guys and Steph notice one little boy sitting off to the side who had yet to audition.

Cue SuperFlamer Derek! I know he's only a little kid here, but I don't think there was ever a more flamboyant child than Derek S. Boyd. He requests the song played in the key of E and pretty much blows all of the other kids (not like that! Pervs!) including Michelle out of the water and secures the lead role as Yankee Doodle. The look on Michelle's face is priceless, and I relish in the joy of one of the few moments where that little shit does not get her way.

Back at the Tanner household, Danny's spending more and more time with Nicky and Alex. Becky's jealousy exhibits itself in some bona fide textbook passive aggressive behavior. Michelle is also stomping around the house pissed off and bitter that the better man got the part she so coveted. DJ volunteers her and Steve to attend "America the Beautiful" which Steve is against. He's naturally less than thrilled about the prospect of wasting precious moments of his life watching some idiotic first grade play. DJ gets mad at him for this... but like, seriously, she's not even having sex with him so does she really expect him to just roll over and submit himself to this kind of torture?

Becky's on the hunt for her boys and finds them taking a bath... with their Uncle Danny.

EW!


EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!
EW!
EW!
EW!
EW!

Okay, I think I've recovered. Seriously, the levels of inappropriate behavior Danny reaches in this episode put him in a category with Michael Jackson and R. Kelly. I mean, thankfully he has his swim trunks on, but is it normal for parents/guardians to join their children in the bath? I mean, the twins aren't exactly infants at this point, they're definitely toddlers. Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Becky's mad because she wanted to give them their bath and Danny says it's no problem and Becky finally blurts out, "No Danny. It IS a problem." She tells him that she wants him to back off (in a somewhat nicer way) and all is resolved with a hug a smile and some touching instrumentals.

Jesse and Joey go to cater to UgSnot. Even though she doesn't get to be Yankee Doodle, they've created a special role for her (Why? Aren't there enough parts to go around without having to give her special treatment YET AGAIN?!?!) Anywhore, they've cast Ug as Lady Liberty, it entails her saying like 2 lines introducing Yankee Doodle, thankfully NOT singing and predominantly standing there looking fug. Whatever Olsen is bratting their way through this scene totally flubs her lines. J&J pretty much tell her that not everyone can be lead singer in a band and emphasize the importance of the backup support, using the Rippers' bass player Lanny as an example.

It's time for the shit-tastic "America the Beautiful" which, for some reason, Steve ended up getting roped into going, and it's pretty much your typical painful to watch kids' play. Derek gets stagefright and is cowering in the wings until he gets a peptalk from the one and only Ug, and when he comes out and sings, he makes it all about Ug. Yes, that's right. Once again, Michelle weasels her way into the limelight. On that note, I'm going to run head first into a wall to erase the painful memory of this promising episode away.

14 comments:

Janet said...

The Danny in the tub with the twins thing is HELLA disturbing! And I agree that Ug Snot's rendition of Yankee Doodle was HORRIBLE!! Not to mention that the acting of the Olsen twins was ESPECIALLY rotten in this ep!

colleenn said...

eww. yes. It was total crap how Michelle got a special part for herself and then got to "come to the rescue" and help Derek (who IS really flamboyant). And as the audience you're supposed to feel happy that she got a special part? I don't get it. The last few seasons of this show were particularly heavy on the obnoxious Michelle moments I think, and that was when the Olsens' acting really started to stand out as really bad too, since they were old enough to read and no one was feeding them their lines anymore. :P

nikki said...

The bath thing is a new topic of discussion in our household. My 22-month old still bathes with my husband, although we stopped having him bathe with me at about 18 months. Although my husband is his DAD, I probably wouldn't let him bathe with an uncle at this age.....

Excellent post, as always! I've linked your blog on my new one:
http://whatireadbackthen.blogspot.com/

LizzBlizz said...

Just wanted to say that I just came across your blog a few days ago and spent (literally) hours cracking up. Keep up the great work... you rule!

Molly said...

You missed the best part, where Danny flips out that Michelle isn't Yankee Doodle and Joey tries to write a special song and dance for Michelle, and Jesse shuts them down.

MilkMan said...

Thanks for the love y'all! That's what keeps this blog alive!

Also, you're so right Molly! I can't believe I failed to mention that little tidbit. I probably turned a deaf ear to Danny and Joey once again kowtowing to Michelle that I glossed over the fact that Jesse actually put her in her place!

chrismathguy said...

I must say, that as the show moved on and the episodes got worse (Season 8 is PAINFUL!), your posts make it worth watching the last few seasons of FH in reruns. I just can't wait until you blog about Season 8! And, yes, I must say that the bath with Uncle Danny was a little scary, as the bathing suit issue was not addressed with Nicky and Alex, implying that...

EW! I'll stop there!

colleenn said...

Since I'm working from home now and have nothing better to do at lunch, I've taken to watching the ABC Family reruns of Full House from noon to 1:00 each afternoon. And I blame this blog for that. :) They're showing season 1 right now, it's great.

Also, weird, my blog in your sidebar isn't showing my most recent update. I need to figure out how to fix it so that if I start an entry on Saturday but don't finish and post until Tuesday that it doesn't backdate it to Saturday. Maybe that screwed up blogger's auto-update on the blogroll. :)

tamariskie said...

Let's not forget that, amidst Jesse's pep talk about the importance of the Ripper's bass player, he TOTALLY could not remember his name!

MilkMan said...

Haha, oh yes. The classic running gag of Lenny v. Lanny. Jesse must have been an insufferable bandmate.

colleenn, to keep the post from backdating, just go to post options and enter in whatever date/time you want the entry to post on.

New entries coming soon!

MaybeSomeday said...

I love your blog. I can't sit through many of the Full House eps, particularly the early ones where the girls' acting is so bad or the late ones where Michele is so awful, so I love your re-caps. This episode, which I did catch on a re-run recently, was so horrible on so many levels.

Molly said...

I hope all is well with you! Looking forward to the next update, as always!

Rita said...

Hey - I haven't been online much lately, but today I finally got to read all your recaps that I missed and they didn't disappoint. I was really looking forward to your recap of the Disney World episodes. I hope you do more blogging soon! :)

Oh, and I was glad Michelle didn't get the part of Yankee Doodle. Too bad she got to 'save the day' anyway. I really wish my life was like a FH episode where everything just works out for me no matter what. Ha.

metamorphstorm said...

I can't believe you didn't snark on the fact that when Michelle was playing Lady Liberty and is still bratting that she's not important enough (such as saying "I am Lady Libery" and under her breath, "but I shouldda been Yankee Doodle" Jesse tells her that if she's not going to do her part, she should go sit down, and she does, in the chairs for where the audience will sit with a "Oh, no, another shot at being the total center of attention was taken from me!" pout all over her face.

It was one of the few times anyone stood up to Princess there, and I love that it was Uncle Jesse who basically told her to grow up or fugg off. :D