"Huey, Dewey and Louie remind you of Steve." or House Meets the Mouse (6.23 and 6.24)

Okay okay okay, I know that I've been a total slagass about updates, but you can't get mad at me because TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! Woooo! I took the night off of work and promise to blog away. And since it's my birthday I can do whatever freaking recap I want, so without further adieu, one of the most requested recaps and two of my most favorite episodes, the Tanners' two part trip to Disney!

Jesse has a gig booked to perform a concert in the Magic Kingdom of Disneyland and plans to broadcast his radio show from there, and the whole family, plus Kimmy, is tagging along. Because, really? Are the Tanners capable of doing ANYthing on their own without the crutch of their extended family?

Once they get there, Danny's got an anal retentive itinerary worked out for the whole family which they promptly reject in favor of doing their own thang. DJ misses Steve like whoa almost immediately, and part of me wants to snark and make fun, but part of me recalls how utterly codependent I was for my high school boyfriend when we were separated for a week. In fact, funny story about my ex-boyfriend and Disney. He went to celebrate New Year's Eve in Disneyworld with his douchebag loser friend and his friend's family, and he was arrested for shoplifting trying to procure a souvenir for me. Quite the prince, eh? So, he had to spend a night in Disney jail (yes, there is such a thing) and was banned from most of the park. I remember his mother calling me and saying "Something happened in Florida, you need to call Jeff" (Yeah, I'm using his name, what of it? I'm sure he'll never read this) So I'm freaking out and finally get him on the phone and he's blubbering like a baby. He comes home, sans souvenir for me ("They took your present back" Yeah, because it was STOLEN) and bragging about it to his friends. We broke up like a month after that. Eh, that wasn't a great story, but I'm sure you've all missed my semi-random tangents.

So anyway, DJ is whining to her sisters and Kimmy about missing Steve and imagines that she sees him everywhere. The girls are lined up to rub Aladdin's lamp in hopes of becoming Princess for the Day, henceforth known as PftD. Stephanie is next up and UgSnot cuts in front of her and naturally, rubs the lamp and makes the Genie appear, granting her the title of PftD. I don't think I need to tell you that Princess Michelle is the biggest cunt to her sisters, and brats it up all over the Magic Kingdom. DJ, Kimmy and Steph tire of Ug's bossiness and are talking smack about her and possibly plotting her demise. Ug overhears and in true shitkicker form, runs away to teach them a lesson.

Meanwhile, the patriarch of the fam is stressing out because he's trying to propose to his curly haired vixen Vicki, but all of his attempts are derailed by ridiculous interruption after interruption.

Becky and the twins feel neglected by Jesse who's busy with band rehearsals and his radio show. I don't know why Becky's pissing and moaning about it so much because what did she expect? This wasn't a vacation for pleasure, it was a business trip.

Joey goes to meet up with one of his friends who's a Disney animator and when left to his own devices, doodles a cartoon Joey who comes to life and chit chats with real life Joey. Whoa, where'd you score the peyote in the Magic Kingdom, Gladstone?

Danny is having dinner with Vicki in a restaurant that is apparently underwater, and as he's about to get all romantical, Jesse and Joey come a tap tap tapping on the window. They're conducting their radio show from an underwater bubble station. At the conclusion of the show, Jesse's about to surface to meet Becky for a romantic picnic, until Joey points out that there's a shark in the tank with them. If memory serves, it's just a Nurse Shark, who is a common resident in most aquarium tanks and is of no threat to people (although most sharks don't pose a threat to people unless provoked or the person places themselves in a most idiotic position (I watch a lot of Shark Week)).

Becky is waiting for Jesse with the picnic, and Chip and Dale (Rescue Rangers! (Man, their names are a helluva lot funnier now that I'm older and know what Chippendale's is)). She ends up offering up the contents of the basket to the chipmunks and stomps off.

Michelle's having a tea party with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, kicking it while her entire family is freaking out going insane looking for her. But, seriously? What are they so worked up over? Just count your blessings and hightail it the fuck out of there before that little troll comes crawling back. Danny and Vicki find her, that whore Snow White ratted her out! Danny at least sort of puts Ug in her place, telling her to stop bratting it up and they take her back with them, much to the delight of all Seven Dwarves.

Jesse finally arrives late to the picnic and finds Chip and Dale have devoured his lunch. He rushes back to the hotel and finds Becky who looks miffed. He serenades her to apologize and naturally, she melts like buttah.

Danny brings the girls to take in the awesome Indiana Jones attraction, where they mercilessly tease him about proposing to Vicki. Of course, DJ imagines that Indiana Jones is Steve, and when he gets "run down" by the giant rolling boulder, she jumps out of her seat and cries out and looks like a major tool. I'm embarrassed for her. Apparently Michelle hasn't learned anything and is still twatting it up all over Disney, so Stephanie feigns fatigue and asks to go back to the hotel. I think Ug's face is supposed to convey her guilt, but she just looks constipated.

Back at the hotel, DJ laments that she's once again imagining Steve, this time at the check out desk. But, this time it's not just DJ being crazy. Kimmy verifies that it really is the one and only human garbage disposal, Steve! In one of the most awesome FH moments ever, as DJ and Steve run towards one another in romantical slow-motion, Steve gets tripped up on his duffel bag and totally bites it!

Joey tries to confront Stephanie to get to the root of what's bothering her. Stephanie finally blurts out "I'm sick of her always getting her own way!" You and me both, Steph. Joey then waxes philosophical and dances around the real issue at hand, that Ug is a monstrous brat and says that Stephanie is really angry because she cheated herself out of having fun because she was mad at Michelle. Um, what about the fact that Michelle cut Stephanie in line. Yeah, Stephanie could have still tried to make the most of it, but let's not excuse Ug's continuous shithead behavior! Joey asks how Stephanie felt when she thought Michelle was missing. Ecstatic? Yes, but Steph lies and tells Joey she was "scared." Suuuure.

It's time for Michelle's final wish as PftD. She wishes to make Stephanie happy and let her be princess for the rest of the day. She says "I thought how you should have been princess anyway." Funny how you wait until the end of the fucking day to show this gesture of goodwill. Snow White says that because Michelle was so "unselfish" she, along with the entire Tanner clan, gets to ride in the parade. Are you fucking shitting me? She only was PftD because she cut her sister in line, acted like an entitled bossy brat the entire fucking day, and then at the last minute relinquishes her title to her sister and they qualify that as unselfish? Snotty piece of shit. God I hate Michelle!

So the entire family rides in the parade, la dee dah, and the culmination of the trip is Jesse and the Rippers performing at Cinderella's castle. Snow White fills in as Joey's co-DJ for the radio show. Jesse wishes Becky a happy anniversary, and oh, I guess that's why she wanted to spend so much time together. Way to try and mix business and pleasure there, Jess. Jesse then launches into a sexified version of "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes." Danny finally proposes to Vicki in fireworks form and naturally she accepts, but *SPOILER* they never actually make it down the aisle.

Sorry I've been MIA for so long, but Happy Birthday to me, and Happy Belated Birthday to John Stamos, who turned 45 on Tuesday!