"And now? Well, your hair's a little shorter in the back." or Fuller House (4.20)

Sorry for being a total slagass, I was promoted at work and have had to put in a lot more hours training new people and shit, and I've kickstarted my social life, so I haven't had much downtime for straight up blogging. I promise to get better about it, I swear! And I'm not going to lie, this recap is a pretty UgCentric episode. But, she's pretty miserable and on the verge of tears for nearly all of it, so it's almost worth it... even though she (like always) gets her way in the end.

Holy shit! It's not a Michelle intro! Stephanie is in her room and Danny comes in to say that he talked with her teacher and apparently she needs some help with fractions. Just then they're interrupted by... Michelle. Damn you, writers! You just couldn't leave well enough alone could you? Heaven forbid we just have 1 minute of uninterrupted Danny and Stephanie face time without you thrusting le Ug onto our screens. Curse you! Anyway, UgTot's all excited because Jesse and Becky are back from their honeymoon.

The entire family bumrushes the newlyweds and they're about to watch all of the wedding/honeymoon videos, until Becky gently reminds him that they really need to pack all of his shit into boxes for the move to Becky's apartment. The family goes off to help except for Ug who is left behind looking sad. Becky notices this and asks what's wrong and she's all emo about Jesse leaving and Becky assures her that they'll still be one big happy family. She tries to convey the excitement of moving day and mistakenly gives Michelle the impression that they'll all be moving into her apartment. I'm salivating at the prospect of Michelle's impending heartbreak when she's given a dose of reality.

Joey attempts to give Stephanie a fractions lesson via cupcakes, which she passes off to Kimmy and DJ to stop the lesson in its tracks. Kimmy asks Stephanie when she's planning on moving into Jesse's old room, and DJ says that she doesn't have to move... because they'll move for her. In the room de fug, Ug is packing up all of her shit and enlists the assistance of Comet to close her suitcase.

Joey is helping Jesse transport his boxes and picks up a particularly heavy one which is filled with Jesse's hair care products. Jesse instructs him to place that box in the front seat and buckle it in tightly. Hee. Danny and Jesse reminisce about the day Jesse moved in and we're treated to a flashback from the pilot episode. In present day, Danny thanks Jesse for all that he's done to help raise the girls and tough guy Jesse softens and gives Danny a hug.

The entire family comes in and "Awww"'s at the display of affection and then Ug comes in and says that she's all ready to move. Danny explains that she's a little confused and that they're not all moving, just Jesse. She runs off and Jesse goes to explain the situation (he's married, and husbands live with their wives) and they exchange parting gifts. Jesse leaves Michelle the lone pink bunny from his room, and she gives him her stuffed pig. Then we get close-ups of each other them crying a lone tear and it's just sooooooo emo. Seriously, Uncle Jesse clutching a pink stuffed pig and crying? So lame!

Jesse and Becky are crossing the threshold of her apartment, ie. their new home together. They collapse onto the couch together, basking in the afterglow of married life and Jesse notices that it's about the time when he'd be singing Michelle to sleep. He launches into a melancholy version of "Teddy Bear" to himself and we cut to across town where Danny and Joey are singing for Ug. They obviously lack the sex appealz and singing skillz of Uncle Jesse.

The next day at breakfast, Danny puts down a heaping plate of golden delicious looking pancakes and Michelle grabs the entire stack towards her and says that he better make more because "these people look hungry." Hahaha, except not, you greedy pig fucker Ug. Jesse and Becky pop in to join the fam for breakfast and Jesse's all miffed that he missed Michelle being so "hilarious." I say consider yourself lucky, Jess.

Danny and Joey decide to use this visitation as a segue into a fraction lesson. They describe the family as being 7/7 and ask what they have left when they subtract Jesse and Becky. Turns out Stephanie isn't a complete moron and figures out that 7/7-2/7=5/7. Way to go. Becky senses that Jesse is super happy to be back in the Tanner home, and tells him that the exterminator is spraying for termites in her apartment and asks Danny if it's alright for them to spend the night in the attic. Jesse is like way too retardedly excited about this, as is Ug who is stoked to have Jesse to sing the "Teddy Bear" song to her bratty ass.

That night, Becky tells Jesse that she has a confession to make. She says that there were no termites, prompting Jesse to worriedly ask if it was silverfish, noting that he hates silverfish. I enjoy the shout out to his past as an exterminator. But no, it's not silverfish, Becky confesses that she thought Jesse could use a family reunion for the night and suggests that they convert the attic into an apartment for them to live in while they save up money for their first house. He concedes and Becky pokes her head out the door and calls for the family citing that "He went for it!"

The family runs in and gushes over how great it is to have Jesse back. And it's been like what dude? A day? Talk about a family with co-dependency issues! They have it all worked out. The guys will move their recording equipment into the basement, Joey will move into Jesse's old bedroom and that means... Stephanie is moving back in with DJ. Steph turns to her big sis with a shit-eating grin and proclaims "Honey, I'm home!" DJ is less than thrilled but sucks it up because to her, it's worth it to have Jesse back.

Jesse is feeling all warm and fuzzy inside and declares he's the luckiest man in the world. Um... okay. Keep on thinking that. Ug waddles over and hangs up the pig picture on the attic and declares that now it's officially Jesse's new home. She tells the guys to hit it and the entire family launches into "Teddy Bear" and I know they're all smiles and shits and giggles right now, but if this shit were real, you know Becky would be over this shit and Jesse's creepy overly involved relationship with Ug in like 3 days.