"Stacy Q; she's so rad!" or DJ Tanner's Day Off (1.22)

As promised, I am back to blogging! And what better welcome back than an episode with a super cool guest star! It's Stacy Q! She's so rad!



DJ is dancing around her bedroom singing along to a Stacy Q song using her hairbrush as a microphone, when she is interrupted by Kimmy who comes in, turns off the music and busts out laughing at her. But, come on, who HASN'T danced around their bedroom/apartment/dorm belting out into their hairbrush? Kimmy shows DJ that she got a note to excuse her from school the next day so that she can go get Stacy Q's autograph from the mall. DJ reads the note aloud and I swear she says "Cammy" instead of "Kimmy." She asks if her mother wrote the note, and Kimmy says that she had to pay her brother $20 for it. The joke's on him, because she stole the money from his wallet.


Danny is getting ready to go to LA to cover a surfing competition for work. He provides Jesse and Joey with an extensive list of emergency phone numbers. J&J mock Danny for his paranoia and anal retentiveness. Danny goes down the line, hugging all of the girls and gushing about how much he'll miss them. He gets so carried away that he even hugs Kimmy. J&J tell the girls it's time for bed, and I'm so confused about the timeline of this show. What the hell time is it that Kimmy is coming over, but it's nearly bedtime? Right before he walks out the door, DJ asks Danny if he minds if she gets an autograph from Stacy Q. He says he doesn't mind at all, so she asks if he'll sign a note excusing her from school. Danny says no, and DJ attempts to argue that Kimmy can do it, so why can't she. Danny awesomely replies that there's a lot of things about Kimmy that he doesn't understand. Bwah! DJ insists that if she doesn't get Stacy Q's autograph, she'll die! She refuses to hug Danny, and instead sticks out her hand for a handshake and sternly says "Goodbye father." Danny laughs and pulls her in for a hug, then leaves. Kimmy is sympathetic and sorry that DJ didn't get the note signed, but DJ is determined and vows that she's not giving up yet.

Jesse is playing guitar in his room and singing a horrible song with idiotic, nonsensical lyrics. DJ comes in and pretends to love it and begins some hardcore sucking up. Jesse calls her on it, but is so flattered that whatever it is she's trying to get, he'll give it to her. Ugh, that sentence came off way dirtier than inteneded. DJ tells him that she's writing an essay for school about the person she admires most and says that she chose to write about him. Amazingly enough, Jesse buys this crock of shit, and she begins her interview by asking if Jesse ever ditched out of school. He tells her how he once cut school to go to the Rolling Stones' 5th or 6th farewell tour. Aren't concerts usually at nighttime? Would he really need to skip school for that? Sorry, nitpicking. DJ gets the specifics of his master plan and peaces out. Jesse can't believe that's the extent of the interview, so she asks what his favorite color is. For those of you assembling the FH trivia game at home, Uncle Jesse's favorite color is black.

The next morning, DJ is taking the necessary steps to dupe Joey with her fake illness. She creates the illusion of a fever of 101, a hot forehead, icy hands and moans that she's "siiiiick" (that's sick with 5 i's). Stephanie yells for Joey and tells him DJ's sick. DJ feigns a desire to go to school because she has a big test on "C-c-c-Canada." Joey leaves to go call the school, and DJ remarks to herself how "rad" she is.

Next scene DJ is bounding through the kitchen sporting warm hands and a cool head, ready and willing to go to school. Joey thinks he's got her all figured out. He thinks she was never sick to begin with and felt guilty for her deception so she was now willing to go to school. Well, you're about half right. DJ leaves and goes with Kimmy to go meet Stacy Q. She DOES seem pretty rad. She tells the girls "See you soon!" and DJ and Kimmy excitedly squeal "She wants to be our friend!" Suuuure. Just then, who should enter the store but Joey toting Ug on a leash (good to see the Tanners obey leash laws on their ugly mutt!). Naturally, Ug has to ruin DJ's master plan by crawling over to where her and Kimmy are crouched and hiding. And God DAMN is she a fugly toddler. I am literally disgusted by her.

Joey is furious, he came down to get DJ an autograph because he was so impressed with her honesty. He seizes her autograph and clips the leash onto her jean jacket and leads her out, to her major humiliation. That is pretty brutal. Joey calls Jesse home from work early citing an emergency. Jesse is unimpressed with the reason of "DJ cut school." Joey is outraged at the deception and Jesse isn't really buying it until he realizes that he unwittingly provided DJ with her master plan. When he realizes that he was duped by her story about an essay on the person she admires most. Both men come to the conclusion that DJ is a conniving little sneak. That's pretty harsh language for the FH universe. On a much more shallow note, I must comment how extremely foxy Jesse's looking in his exterminator uniform rocking a backwards red baseball cap. Hott.

Jesse begins lecturing the delinquent DJ and catches himself when he realizes that he's echoing the words of his father. J&J go back and forth trying to one-up each other with more extreme punishments and end up coming up with no television, music or friends over for a month. DJ laments that she hates herself for breaking the trust of Danny and the guys and to me, this scene reeks of insincerity and another scheme on her part... especially because it totally gets her off the hook. The guys even go so far as to vow to keep her misdeed a secret from Danny.

And just then, Danny returns home from LA speaking surfer and within a matter of moments, Stephanie completely blows their cover by asking DJ how she's feeling. The guys tell Danny that DJ was sick in the morning, but went off to school when she was feeling better. Again, Stephanie blows it by saying that she got all of DJ's homework from her teachers since she missed school. This is what bugs me, and I know it's for plot, but two grownass men and a proven conniver couldn't have thought of this as the cover story: DJ was sick in the morning, and started feeling better later in the afternoon, but by that time it was pointless to send her back to school. Maybe I'm just a far better liar than the Tanner clan.

Stephanie is particularly hurt by DJ's lies and betrayal, because she made her a Get Well card and was genuinely concerned for her sister's health. In retaliation for DJ's deception, she begins work on a Get Sick card. Bwah. I should start sending those out to my enemies. Danny comes in and launches into a classic Tanner lecture and tells DJ that the worst part of her lies was not just cutting school or tricking Stephanie, but that she acted selfishly and without any regard for all of the people who may have been hurt by her lies. Danny says that no matter what, he'll always love all of his girls the same, but then adds "I wish Michelle was here, she's my favorite!" He's laughing when he says it, so he's obviously joking, but it's so out of character for Danny to make a comment like that. Not to mention that Michelle is a big ball of ugly sucktitude. And the episode ends on that weirdly inappropriate remark, something I found that really odd.