Danny is hard at work in the kitchen cleaning his cleaning products. I'll give you a moment to fully comprehend the extent of his anal retentiveness. Kimmy and DJ come in from school and DJ tells Kimmy that she received a sympathy card from the infamous Cathy Santoni wishing her well in her time of a mega-crisis. When Danny asks how her day was, DJ avoids the question and says it was fine. Danny is perturbed because he knows DJ is hiding something from him.
Up in DJ's room, Kimmy reveals why she received the card. Apparently some fellow named Todd Mitchell told everyone that DJ is the worst kisser in school. DJ is irate because she never even kissed Todd Mitchell. He made the moves on her, and our pious Donna Jo deflected his advances.
Across the hall Stephanie and fug are setting up their new bedroom. Stephanie urges Ug to keep all of her babyish items hidden from public view, especially her Barney the Bear plush wall hanging. Danny comes in and Michelle gets him to hang up Barney right above her bed where "no one can miss him!" much to the chagrin of Stephanie. Danny moves into DJ's room and begins snooping around to try and find what's going on, and happens upon her card from Cathy Santoni. Worried by the phrase "mega crisis" Danny embarks on a mission to get to the bottom of this teenage melodrama.
Down in the studio, formerly known as Joey's bedroom, formerly known as the garage, Jesse installs a red light for when he's working and recording and isn't to be disturbed by the rest of the family. Jesse and Joey are down there reminiscing on their advertising career. They are leaving it behind for Jesse to put more of a focus on his music career and for Joey to focus on his comedy. They sentimentally call it the end of an era... and then Jesse promptly kicks Joey out. There's only one problem... Jesse's handiwork in constructing the studio resulted in a stuck door. Joey asks if Jesse was solely responsible for soundproofing the studio, and when the hair man says he did, Joey begins calling for help since Jesse probably effed that up too.
Up in the kitchen, Becky and Danny faintly hear their cries of "Help!" and Danny theorizes that they are doing a cover of the Beatles song of the same name. That's a pretty cheesetastic throwaway joke right there. On a quasi-related note, did you know that the Beatles' "Yesterday" is the most covered song of all time? Fun fact! Anyway, Danny confides in Becky that he knows something's up with DJ but that she won't tell him and it's driving him nuts. Becky asks how he knows something is wrong if she won't say anything, and Danny confesses that he found the card while putting her laundry away. Becky busts him because it's totally not laundry day, and Danny admits that he was snooping. Becky tells him that he can't go to DJ with his knowledge because he acquired the card through sheisty means.
Just then DJ and Kimmy come in and Danny again tries to desperately get DJ to reveal what's going on in her life. She again tries to play it off and turns to Kimmy and asks, "Do I have a problem?" Kimmy retorts, "Well, you're Dad's kind of nosey." Bwah! Touche, Gibbler, well played. In a last ditch effort, Danny asks DJ to go bowling with him as a sort of father-daughter bonding time. For some ridiculous reason, DJ isn't totally stoked to go bowling and I am shocked! Bowling rocks!
Up in the girls' room, Stephanie invites Ug to join the Big Girl's Club. Steph says that in order to join, Michelle needs to remove all of her "baby stuff" from the room, and entices the Ug one with promise of a special Big Girl song ("Iiiiii'm a big girl, yooouu're a big girl, yadda yadda yadda yadda ya!"). Michelle tries to argue that Stephanie has Mr. Bear, and Steph explains the sophistication of a bear in a trenchcoat wearing a fedora. I'm sold, but that's because I hate Ug so very very much. Eventually Stephanie concedes to let Michelle keep Barney rather than part with Mr. Bear.
Down in the studio, the guys are still trapped and yelling for help, when finally Joey realizes that Jesse's red light is on. He turns it off and almost immediately, Becky comes down with sandwiches exclaiming that she's so impressed that Jesse is working so hard and she "thought that red light would never turn off!" Jesse feels like a major donkey, as well he should since he was just outsmarted by Joey!
At the bowling alley, Danny's trying to force a good time, but DJ totally sucks. Danny acts oblivious and suggests that maybe they can join a father-daughter league. While Danny's bowling, Kimmy runs up and tells DJ that now is her big chance. Todd Mitchell is at the mall, spreading more rumors about DJ's shitty kissing and if they leave now, they can bust his lying ass! DJ asks Danny if it's alright for her leave, and he grudgingly agrees and is left all emo and forlorn, next to another father-daughter pairing which represents what he wanted. The girl is all into bowling and suggests to her father that they join a league. Danny's sad jealousy is palpable.
Back at the Tanner household, DJ comes in and Danny can't take it any longer, he has to know what's going on. He confronts DJ about the card he found and can't believe that she would hide a mega-crisis from him. DJ is livid about Danny's invasion of privacy and disrepect for her. He explains that he was concerned about her and the fact that she wouldn't talk to him, and she finally explains the situation to him. He's relieved that it wasn't anything more serious, and she tells him that her and Kimmy cornered that tool Todd Mitchell in the food court and threatened him with condiments until he admitted that he made the whole thing up. Danny promises to not snoop around DJ's room again, and DJ promises to be more forthcoming with everything that's going on in her life. They hug it out and all's well once again in the kingdom of Tanner.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
"Steph, do you have a rebuttal?" "No... but you should hear my side of this!" or Take My Sister, Please (5.3)
Kimmy and DJ are up in DJ and Stephanie's shared room doing homework with... SQUEEE! DAVID LASCHER! That hunk of hunks from "Hey Dude" and "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"! Man, he's a fox, how on earth did they snag him for this 3 minute role? And why didn't they pursue him as a recurring character?
Anyway, superhunk David Lascher is portraying Rick, and sadly, we won't ever see him again following this brief exchange. While doing work with DJ and Kimmy, he tells DJ about the debut of a new roller coaster, the Squirminator and insinuating that he'd like to take a ride with Deej. Stephanie has to come in and totally cockblock DJ by saying that she barfs on roller coasters. Rick's sufficiently turned off and peaces out of there almost immediately. Man, if I was DJ I would beat the shit out of Steph for ruining my chances with David Lascher. She is obviously pissed and bitches Stephanie out, telling her that she's tired of her intrusions.
Meanwhile, Jesse comes home bearing a plethora of chips for Becky. He has obtained every type of potato chip known to man... that is every kind except the chips with ridges. Naturally, those were the ones that Becky wanted because they cause for optimum bean dip scoopability. Cue the prego moodswings. They're setting up the living room for Becky's childbirth class and she invites Joey and Danny to stay and they scoff until they catch a look at the babelicious lamaze instructor Lisa Green, played by Nurse Jennifer from "Saved By the Bell." I'm confused as to how old she is as she played a potential love interest to both Zack Morris and these two fools. I checked her IMDB page and she's apparently 42, and was 35/36 when she was on SBTB and FH. The more you knowwwww...
She tells them they need to be pregnant to attend class, and rather than point out that it's his house, Danny just makes up some cheesy flirtatious line. Joey does some Daffy Duck impression and she laughs. Jesse mutters something about good luck on making a choice between those winners. DJ comes down talking about her biggest crisis this week.
DJ launches into a presentation of "My Own Room: Together we can make it happen." It involves such points as Stephanie's constant interruptions (which she demonstates by interjecting her own comments mid-presentation), and the fact that DJ is in High school, whereas Stephanie and Michelle are both in elementary school, as they share a school, DJ reasons that they should share a room. Her final point is that Stephanie and Michelle are now the same exact ages that DJ and Stephanie were when they first moved into the same room together. Joey is blown away, and compares it to how Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln and Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and before he can continue, Jesse asks how it's possible that he can dress himself every day.
Stephanie is in her room lamenting to Comet that no one wants to live with her. Comet barks in response and she thanks him for the offer to move into the dog house with him. Hey now Steph, don't read too much into that bark.
Down at the birthing class, they are doing breathing exercises and using focus objects and Jesse tries to get Becky to use an Elvis doll and she refuses and instead he dangles what appears to be a giant roasted turkey leg in front of her face. Danny and Joey are still vying for Lisa's attentions and Danny boasts that if he seems experienced about child birthing it's because he's been through 4 births, his 3 daughters and his own. Joey pipes in that he cried when Fred and Wilma had Pebbles and does a Fred Flinstone-esque sob. And like, fucking really? You cried at that? Loser. Danny tries to impress Lisa with an impersonation of Tom the Mouse from "Tom & Jerry." Joey corrects him that Tom was the cat and that neither one ever spoke. Danny simply tells Joey "Get a life." Well played, Tanner.
Danny finally concedes defeat to Joey and acknowledges that they're actually kind of perfect for one another and I think Danny should consider himself lucky. This lady seems like a wack job. She says she'd love to go out for pizza with Joey whenever class is over... and then promptly ends class. Wow, way to let all the prego's get their money's worth. If I was all crazy pregnant and hormonal, I would cut a bitch for gypping me out of something I paid for.
It's snack time, aka Prego feeding time at the Tanner zoo. The ladies begin devouring the chips and bean dip and Becky suddenly has a craving for seedless watermelon. Jesse reasons that it's out of season and he'd have to drive all the way to Mexico for it, and she simply replies, "You have a car." God, I never want to be pregnant. I already have enough crazy in my life. Becky launches into a full-fledge hormonal crying fit and everyone, men and women, turns on Jesse. Becky asks Jesse if she's going to be normal again someday and he mutters, "I hope so." Me too, Jess. Pregnant hormonal Becky is not fun viewing.
Stephanie has now moved into the bathroom and Danny comes in and starts questioning whether or not his decision to change up the living arrangements might have been a bit premature. DJ panics at the prospect of losing her very own bedroom that she's been campaigning for for years, and asks Danny for some privacy to talk to Stephanie about it. DJ explains that Steph was a great roommate but she's older and really needs her own privacy. Stephanie concedes and they go to take on the UgSnot. DJ manages to sell Ug on living with Stephanie fairly easily, once they have Stephanie apologize for calling Michelle a "Kindergarten Baby" and they begin arguing about who's the boss, and DJ herds them out of the room and collapses onto the bed, basking in the glory of finally having her very own room.
Anyway, superhunk David Lascher is portraying Rick, and sadly, we won't ever see him again following this brief exchange. While doing work with DJ and Kimmy, he tells DJ about the debut of a new roller coaster, the Squirminator and insinuating that he'd like to take a ride with Deej. Stephanie has to come in and totally cockblock DJ by saying that she barfs on roller coasters. Rick's sufficiently turned off and peaces out of there almost immediately. Man, if I was DJ I would beat the shit out of Steph for ruining my chances with David Lascher. She is obviously pissed and bitches Stephanie out, telling her that she's tired of her intrusions.
Meanwhile, Jesse comes home bearing a plethora of chips for Becky. He has obtained every type of potato chip known to man... that is every kind except the chips with ridges. Naturally, those were the ones that Becky wanted because they cause for optimum bean dip scoopability. Cue the prego moodswings. They're setting up the living room for Becky's childbirth class and she invites Joey and Danny to stay and they scoff until they catch a look at the babelicious lamaze instructor Lisa Green, played by Nurse Jennifer from "Saved By the Bell." I'm confused as to how old she is as she played a potential love interest to both Zack Morris and these two fools. I checked her IMDB page and she's apparently 42, and was 35/36 when she was on SBTB and FH. The more you knowwwww...
She tells them they need to be pregnant to attend class, and rather than point out that it's his house, Danny just makes up some cheesy flirtatious line. Joey does some Daffy Duck impression and she laughs. Jesse mutters something about good luck on making a choice between those winners. DJ comes down talking about her biggest crisis this week.
DJ launches into a presentation of "My Own Room: Together we can make it happen." It involves such points as Stephanie's constant interruptions (which she demonstates by interjecting her own comments mid-presentation), and the fact that DJ is in High school, whereas Stephanie and Michelle are both in elementary school, as they share a school, DJ reasons that they should share a room. Her final point is that Stephanie and Michelle are now the same exact ages that DJ and Stephanie were when they first moved into the same room together. Joey is blown away, and compares it to how Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln and Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and before he can continue, Jesse asks how it's possible that he can dress himself every day.
Stephanie is in her room lamenting to Comet that no one wants to live with her. Comet barks in response and she thanks him for the offer to move into the dog house with him. Hey now Steph, don't read too much into that bark.
Down at the birthing class, they are doing breathing exercises and using focus objects and Jesse tries to get Becky to use an Elvis doll and she refuses and instead he dangles what appears to be a giant roasted turkey leg in front of her face. Danny and Joey are still vying for Lisa's attentions and Danny boasts that if he seems experienced about child birthing it's because he's been through 4 births, his 3 daughters and his own. Joey pipes in that he cried when Fred and Wilma had Pebbles and does a Fred Flinstone-esque sob. And like, fucking really? You cried at that? Loser. Danny tries to impress Lisa with an impersonation of Tom the Mouse from "Tom & Jerry." Joey corrects him that Tom was the cat and that neither one ever spoke. Danny simply tells Joey "Get a life." Well played, Tanner.
Danny finally concedes defeat to Joey and acknowledges that they're actually kind of perfect for one another and I think Danny should consider himself lucky. This lady seems like a wack job. She says she'd love to go out for pizza with Joey whenever class is over... and then promptly ends class. Wow, way to let all the prego's get their money's worth. If I was all crazy pregnant and hormonal, I would cut a bitch for gypping me out of something I paid for.
It's snack time, aka Prego feeding time at the Tanner zoo. The ladies begin devouring the chips and bean dip and Becky suddenly has a craving for seedless watermelon. Jesse reasons that it's out of season and he'd have to drive all the way to Mexico for it, and she simply replies, "You have a car." God, I never want to be pregnant. I already have enough crazy in my life. Becky launches into a full-fledge hormonal crying fit and everyone, men and women, turns on Jesse. Becky asks Jesse if she's going to be normal again someday and he mutters, "I hope so." Me too, Jess. Pregnant hormonal Becky is not fun viewing.
Stephanie has now moved into the bathroom and Danny comes in and starts questioning whether or not his decision to change up the living arrangements might have been a bit premature. DJ panics at the prospect of losing her very own bedroom that she's been campaigning for for years, and asks Danny for some privacy to talk to Stephanie about it. DJ explains that Steph was a great roommate but she's older and really needs her own privacy. Stephanie concedes and they go to take on the UgSnot. DJ manages to sell Ug on living with Stephanie fairly easily, once they have Stephanie apologize for calling Michelle a "Kindergarten Baby" and they begin arguing about who's the boss, and DJ herds them out of the room and collapses onto the bed, basking in the glory of finally having her very own room.
Friday, June 13, 2008
"Dad. Do something. She's got luggage!" "God help us all." or Matchmaker Michelle (5.2)
Teddy's come over to play house with UgSnot and declares himself to be the dad. Ug tries to be the Joey and Teddy tells her that she's supposed to be the mom. Michelle doesn't know how to be a mom because she doesn't have one. This is probably the point where I'm supposed to feel bad for her and say "Awww" but I just can't.
Danny's cleaning while Stephanie's doing her homework. She asks him what the capital of El Salvador is, and he replies that if he told her, that would defeat the purpose of it being her homework and she wouldn't learn anything. Stephanie's no fool and totally calls Danny on his bullshit and busts him for not knowing what it is. (If anyone was wondering, it's San Salvador).
DJ & Kimmy come in discussing their latest assignment at school. They're supposed to switch places with another person and see what it's like to spend a weekend living life in their shoes. Stephanie is horrified about the prospect of having Kimmy as her big sister for the weekend.
Jesse comes in and is all bummed because the Rippers were turned down from a record deal for being too soft. Wait, what? Didn't they just sign a deal and didn't he just get back from touring with the band as part of that deal? What the hell happened to that? Jesse can't believe that they said his image was too soft and can't imagine where they got such an idea. Then he promptly bends down and begins cooing at Becky's pregnant belly and it becomes pretty apparent where this soft image stems from.
Becky suggests that the ad wizards Jesse and Joey team up to formulate a tough, badass image for Jesse and the Rippers. Joey spews off some nonsense and Jesse says "You're an idiot... but I'm desperate." I'm sure those words are all too familiar to Joey Gladstone. Especially on a Saturday night around 2:30 AM when the bar's closing down and some poor girl who may be a little homely with buck teeth and a lazy eye whose been pounding amaretto sours all night doesn't want to spend yet another night alone... but, I digress from this speculation into the private life of Joey.
Ug is still boggled by the concept of a mother and asks Becky how to go about finding a mother. Becky explains that Danny would find a wife to be Michelle's mother via dating and whatnots, and Michelle seems satisfied with her answer. In Stephanie and DJ's room, Kimmy tries to order Steph to get her a glass of juice. Being her intellectual superior, Steph manages to trick Kimmy into getting her own beverage by proposing it like a competition and timing how long it takes her to go to the kitchen and back. Kimmy darts out of the room and Stephanie is left to bask in the glow of her awesomeness.
Down in Joey's room, they've put a Nelson-esque wig on Jesse's head and (obviously) he looks utterly ridiculous. He says that he wants to be tough like the guys of Poison, Ratt and Whitesnake and what? When I think of "tough" bands, those are definitely not the first ones to pop in my head. I mean, Bret Michaels wore full-on women's makeup back in Poison's heyday. Eyeliner and lip gloss are SO badass! Joey comes up with the epithet of "Vulture" for Jesse complete with bizarre sound effects that's supposed to sound like a vulture... I guess?
Ug's at school and her teacher, Mrs. Wiltrout, is encouraging all of the children to clean up after themselves because "a clean room is a happy room." Michelle marvels at this because that's one of Danny's favorite sayings. I'm pretty sure he has that embroidered on a sampler hanging over his bed. Not realizing that her Mrs. W's kind of an old bag, Ug thinks that she's found a love connection for Danny. When Danny comes to pick Michelle up from school, she invites her teacher over for lunch and thinking that it's completely innocent (most likely due to the massive age disparity), both Danny and Mrs. Wiltrout are totally cool with it.
DJ pops into her room and Stephanie is overjoyed to see her and flings herself around her big sister. DJ, not wanting to break character, responds in true Gibbler fashion and says that she's merely there to retrieve her roller skates because tonight's the Roller Derby Grudge Match at the Gibbler's. It's DJ and Mr. Gibbler versus Mrs. Gibbler and Kimmy's brother. That is SO badass! Kimmy warns DJ that her mom carries an egg beater in her pants. Fuck Joey! Jesse should be taking notes from Mrs. Gibbler on how to be a rough and tough rocker.
Unfortunately, Jesse didn't listen to me and we're now at the Smash Club awaiting the debut of Vulture. Joey's sporting that ridiculous Nelson wig and talking like a stoner rocker and why won't someone just kick the crap out of him? As they're lowering Jesse, I mean Vulture to the stage, he gets stuck in the harness and the show is a complete and utter disaster. That's what you get for listening to Joey, I guess. Following the show, Joey has another suggestion for an alter ego: Gopher. The suggestion is accompanied by a mediocre impersonation of Bill Murray in "Caddyshack." Jesse ultimately decides to go back to regular old Jesse and the Rippers.
It's the next day and Mrs. Wiltrout (did Michelle even notice that her teacher's name is MRS. Wiltrout, thus implying she's married? Or is Ug too young (*cough*DUMB*cough*) to know what Mrs. means? Michelle says she's going to let them be alone and it finally dawns on Danny that this was a set-up. Mrs. W tells him that Michelle's doing well in school and he didn't need to suck up. Ug slinks back into the kitchen and asks "Are you in looooooove yet?" She is denied!
Ug runs off and Danny follows and when she says she was trying to find a new mommy, he tells her how families come in all different shapes and sizes. He goes on that blah blah what makes a family is the love they share and they're family is unique- Danny asks if any of her friends have a Joey ("No! And thank God for that" -Everyone). She asks if she'll ever get a new mommy and Danny says that maybe someday. Having seen the entire series repeatedly, I laugh gleefully that Michelle will never get a new mommy because her fug drives all potential candidates away.
Danny's cleaning while Stephanie's doing her homework. She asks him what the capital of El Salvador is, and he replies that if he told her, that would defeat the purpose of it being her homework and she wouldn't learn anything. Stephanie's no fool and totally calls Danny on his bullshit and busts him for not knowing what it is. (If anyone was wondering, it's San Salvador).
DJ & Kimmy come in discussing their latest assignment at school. They're supposed to switch places with another person and see what it's like to spend a weekend living life in their shoes. Stephanie is horrified about the prospect of having Kimmy as her big sister for the weekend.
Jesse comes in and is all bummed because the Rippers were turned down from a record deal for being too soft. Wait, what? Didn't they just sign a deal and didn't he just get back from touring with the band as part of that deal? What the hell happened to that? Jesse can't believe that they said his image was too soft and can't imagine where they got such an idea. Then he promptly bends down and begins cooing at Becky's pregnant belly and it becomes pretty apparent where this soft image stems from.
Becky suggests that the ad wizards Jesse and Joey team up to formulate a tough, badass image for Jesse and the Rippers. Joey spews off some nonsense and Jesse says "You're an idiot... but I'm desperate." I'm sure those words are all too familiar to Joey Gladstone. Especially on a Saturday night around 2:30 AM when the bar's closing down and some poor girl who may be a little homely with buck teeth and a lazy eye whose been pounding amaretto sours all night doesn't want to spend yet another night alone... but, I digress from this speculation into the private life of Joey.
Ug is still boggled by the concept of a mother and asks Becky how to go about finding a mother. Becky explains that Danny would find a wife to be Michelle's mother via dating and whatnots, and Michelle seems satisfied with her answer. In Stephanie and DJ's room, Kimmy tries to order Steph to get her a glass of juice. Being her intellectual superior, Steph manages to trick Kimmy into getting her own beverage by proposing it like a competition and timing how long it takes her to go to the kitchen and back. Kimmy darts out of the room and Stephanie is left to bask in the glow of her awesomeness.
Down in Joey's room, they've put a Nelson-esque wig on Jesse's head and (obviously) he looks utterly ridiculous. He says that he wants to be tough like the guys of Poison, Ratt and Whitesnake and what? When I think of "tough" bands, those are definitely not the first ones to pop in my head. I mean, Bret Michaels wore full-on women's makeup back in Poison's heyday. Eyeliner and lip gloss are SO badass! Joey comes up with the epithet of "Vulture" for Jesse complete with bizarre sound effects that's supposed to sound like a vulture... I guess?
Ug's at school and her teacher, Mrs. Wiltrout, is encouraging all of the children to clean up after themselves because "a clean room is a happy room." Michelle marvels at this because that's one of Danny's favorite sayings. I'm pretty sure he has that embroidered on a sampler hanging over his bed. Not realizing that her Mrs. W's kind of an old bag, Ug thinks that she's found a love connection for Danny. When Danny comes to pick Michelle up from school, she invites her teacher over for lunch and thinking that it's completely innocent (most likely due to the massive age disparity), both Danny and Mrs. Wiltrout are totally cool with it.
DJ pops into her room and Stephanie is overjoyed to see her and flings herself around her big sister. DJ, not wanting to break character, responds in true Gibbler fashion and says that she's merely there to retrieve her roller skates because tonight's the Roller Derby Grudge Match at the Gibbler's. It's DJ and Mr. Gibbler versus Mrs. Gibbler and Kimmy's brother. That is SO badass! Kimmy warns DJ that her mom carries an egg beater in her pants. Fuck Joey! Jesse should be taking notes from Mrs. Gibbler on how to be a rough and tough rocker.
Unfortunately, Jesse didn't listen to me and we're now at the Smash Club awaiting the debut of Vulture. Joey's sporting that ridiculous Nelson wig and talking like a stoner rocker and why won't someone just kick the crap out of him? As they're lowering Jesse, I mean Vulture to the stage, he gets stuck in the harness and the show is a complete and utter disaster. That's what you get for listening to Joey, I guess. Following the show, Joey has another suggestion for an alter ego: Gopher. The suggestion is accompanied by a mediocre impersonation of Bill Murray in "Caddyshack." Jesse ultimately decides to go back to regular old Jesse and the Rippers.
It's the next day and Mrs. Wiltrout (did Michelle even notice that her teacher's name is MRS. Wiltrout, thus implying she's married? Or is Ug too young (*cough*DUMB*cough*) to know what Mrs. means? Michelle says she's going to let them be alone and it finally dawns on Danny that this was a set-up. Mrs. W tells him that Michelle's doing well in school and he didn't need to suck up. Ug slinks back into the kitchen and asks "Are you in looooooove yet?" She is denied!
Ug runs off and Danny follows and when she says she was trying to find a new mommy, he tells her how families come in all different shapes and sizes. He goes on that blah blah what makes a family is the love they share and they're family is unique- Danny asks if any of her friends have a Joey ("No! And thank God for that" -Everyone). She asks if she'll ever get a new mommy and Danny says that maybe someday. Having seen the entire series repeatedly, I laugh gleefully that Michelle will never get a new mommy because her fug drives all potential candidates away.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
"I'm sorry honey, you look very se...xy." or Double Trouble (5.1)
Finally, we're moving onto Season 5. And UgTot is now being graduated to UgSnot (TM Ashley). It's the night before UgSnot's first day of kindergarten and she's too excited to sleep. Joey begins to play the harmonica for her and she runs away. I hate to be in agreement with the Ug, but, word.
Jesse is back home from his tour with the Rippers and Becky's huge and pregnant. Convenient how they filled in the whole process during the hiatus between seasons. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that, because who wants to endure the annoying process of pregnancy on their TV. I don't need them to drag out Becky's expansion, morning sickness, et al.
It's also DJ's first day of high school and considering the time period, she look pretty cute. Kimmy is wearing a frumpy frock over her sluttacious (TM Mo'postrophe'Nique) dress.
Jess directs Becky down the stairs as if he's guiding a Mack truck into a parking spot. If only Becky beeped when she backed up. Bwah! They start bickering and make sure to argue using perky, upbeat voices and so that they don't allow the baby to hear or absorb any of their anger.
Stephanie is pumped because her teacher this year is rumored to be a total hottie. Michelle's nervous because she sucks and Joey tries to give her some tips for making new friends. It's pretty clear that Joey wasn't too popular in his youth because his suggestion for Michelle is to put her hands to her head simulating antlers and talk to people in the Bullwinkle voice. This is a doubly stupid idea as Michelle can't even properly imitate Bullwinkle's voice so she just comes off as mildly (?) retarded.
Joey and Danny accompany Michelle to kindergarten and see her off into the classroom. She goes up to several of the children and attempts the Bullwinkle greeting. To the surprise of no one, it fails to wow any of the other children. In fact, it even prompts Teddy to call her weird. Word, Teddy. UgSnot's all forlorn and ditches out of the classroom to find Stephanie. And like, way to supervise your class, kindergarten teacher. Not even noticing that one of your kids slipped out the door. Michelle's lost in the shuffle in the hallways of the elementary school and the bell rings and she's left wandering alone. HAHAHAHA!
Jesse and Becky are at the doctor's office and are stunned when it's revealed that Becky's having twins. They don't even process the information at first and do a double take of sorts. They are completely floored. I'm filled with dread because I know this is one step closer to the addition of the abominations known as Nicky and Alex to the Tanner clan.
UgSnot finally manages to find Stephanie's classroom and promptly embarrasses her by calling her teacher a babe. Stephanie asks her teacher to be excused so that she can return her sister to kindergarten. She brings her back to her classroom and the teacher's all "Oh there you are Michelle, we missed you!" Clearly. That's why you worked so hard to find the missing child in your class, right bitch? Suspend her teaching license! Granted, if I were a teacher and Michelle was in my class, I would also look the other way if she happened to go missing. Stephanie shows the class the wonder of a properly executed Bullwinkle greeting. She manages to somehow integrate her trollish sister into the class. Stephanie's too awesome for words, Michelle is not worthy.
Back at the house, Jesse tells the guys the big news and Danny and Joey congratulate him on the twins. Jesse's a little concerned about the prospect of double duty and it's time for another awesome daydream sequence. This one involving the evil twins of Danny and Joey. Danny's evil twin is the messy scumbag, Manny Tanner. Joey's evil twin has a slicked back tuft of a ponytail and wow, I didn't think Joey could be any more fug, but there we go. Just then, Comet darts through the kitchen followed by another Golden Retriever. Jesse takes this as his cue to take a nap.
Later, Jesse confides to Michelle (seriously, why the hell does this grownass man always discuss his issue with a child!?! And not just any child, but the moronic UgSnot?!) that he's feeling apprehensive about the babies. Michelle tells Stephanie that Jesse's apprehensive and the information is passed up the hierarchy of the family like an unfunny game of telephone. Steph tells DJ who calls for Joey, Danny and Becky to assist in helping Jesse get over his apprehension. They assure him that he's going to be a great father, and that they'll be there for him to help out and support in any way they can, and just like that, Jesse is ready to tackle fatherhood.
Jesse is back home from his tour with the Rippers and Becky's huge and pregnant. Convenient how they filled in the whole process during the hiatus between seasons. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that, because who wants to endure the annoying process of pregnancy on their TV. I don't need them to drag out Becky's expansion, morning sickness, et al.
It's also DJ's first day of high school and considering the time period, she look pretty cute. Kimmy is wearing a frumpy frock over her sluttacious (TM Mo'postrophe'Nique) dress.
Jess directs Becky down the stairs as if he's guiding a Mack truck into a parking spot. If only Becky beeped when she backed up. Bwah! They start bickering and make sure to argue using perky, upbeat voices and so that they don't allow the baby to hear or absorb any of their anger.
Stephanie is pumped because her teacher this year is rumored to be a total hottie. Michelle's nervous because she sucks and Joey tries to give her some tips for making new friends. It's pretty clear that Joey wasn't too popular in his youth because his suggestion for Michelle is to put her hands to her head simulating antlers and talk to people in the Bullwinkle voice. This is a doubly stupid idea as Michelle can't even properly imitate Bullwinkle's voice so she just comes off as mildly (?) retarded.
Joey and Danny accompany Michelle to kindergarten and see her off into the classroom. She goes up to several of the children and attempts the Bullwinkle greeting. To the surprise of no one, it fails to wow any of the other children. In fact, it even prompts Teddy to call her weird. Word, Teddy. UgSnot's all forlorn and ditches out of the classroom to find Stephanie. And like, way to supervise your class, kindergarten teacher. Not even noticing that one of your kids slipped out the door. Michelle's lost in the shuffle in the hallways of the elementary school and the bell rings and she's left wandering alone. HAHAHAHA!
Jesse and Becky are at the doctor's office and are stunned when it's revealed that Becky's having twins. They don't even process the information at first and do a double take of sorts. They are completely floored. I'm filled with dread because I know this is one step closer to the addition of the abominations known as Nicky and Alex to the Tanner clan.
UgSnot finally manages to find Stephanie's classroom and promptly embarrasses her by calling her teacher a babe. Stephanie asks her teacher to be excused so that she can return her sister to kindergarten. She brings her back to her classroom and the teacher's all "Oh there you are Michelle, we missed you!" Clearly. That's why you worked so hard to find the missing child in your class, right bitch? Suspend her teaching license! Granted, if I were a teacher and Michelle was in my class, I would also look the other way if she happened to go missing. Stephanie shows the class the wonder of a properly executed Bullwinkle greeting. She manages to somehow integrate her trollish sister into the class. Stephanie's too awesome for words, Michelle is not worthy.
Back at the house, Jesse tells the guys the big news and Danny and Joey congratulate him on the twins. Jesse's a little concerned about the prospect of double duty and it's time for another awesome daydream sequence. This one involving the evil twins of Danny and Joey. Danny's evil twin is the messy scumbag, Manny Tanner. Joey's evil twin has a slicked back tuft of a ponytail and wow, I didn't think Joey could be any more fug, but there we go. Just then, Comet darts through the kitchen followed by another Golden Retriever. Jesse takes this as his cue to take a nap.
Later, Jesse confides to Michelle (seriously, why the hell does this grownass man always discuss his issue with a child!?! And not just any child, but the moronic UgSnot?!) that he's feeling apprehensive about the babies. Michelle tells Stephanie that Jesse's apprehensive and the information is passed up the hierarchy of the family like an unfunny game of telephone. Steph tells DJ who calls for Joey, Danny and Becky to assist in helping Jesse get over his apprehension. They assure him that he's going to be a great father, and that they'll be there for him to help out and support in any way they can, and just like that, Jesse is ready to tackle fatherhood.
Monday, June 9, 2008
"Stacy Q; she's so rad!" or DJ Tanner's Day Off (1.22)
As promised, I am back to blogging! And what better welcome back than an episode with a super cool guest star! It's Stacy Q! She's so rad!
DJ is dancing around her bedroom singing along to a Stacy Q song using her hairbrush as a microphone, when she is interrupted by Kimmy who comes in, turns off the music and busts out laughing at her. But, come on, who HASN'T danced around their bedroom/apartment/dorm belting out into their hairbrush? Kimmy shows DJ that she got a note to excuse her from school the next day so that she can go get Stacy Q's autograph from the mall. DJ reads the note aloud and I swear she says "Cammy" instead of "Kimmy." She asks if her mother wrote the note, and Kimmy says that she had to pay her brother $20 for it. The joke's on him, because she stole the money from his wallet.
Danny is getting ready to go to LA to cover a surfing competition for work. He provides Jesse and Joey with an extensive list of emergency phone numbers. J&J mock Danny for his paranoia and anal retentiveness. Danny goes down the line, hugging all of the girls and gushing about how much he'll miss them. He gets so carried away that he even hugs Kimmy. J&J tell the girls it's time for bed, and I'm so confused about the timeline of this show. What the hell time is it that Kimmy is coming over, but it's nearly bedtime? Right before he walks out the door, DJ asks Danny if he minds if she gets an autograph from Stacy Q. He says he doesn't mind at all, so she asks if he'll sign a note excusing her from school. Danny says no, and DJ attempts to argue that Kimmy can do it, so why can't she. Danny awesomely replies that there's a lot of things about Kimmy that he doesn't understand. Bwah! DJ insists that if she doesn't get Stacy Q's autograph, she'll die! She refuses to hug Danny, and instead sticks out her hand for a handshake and sternly says "Goodbye father." Danny laughs and pulls her in for a hug, then leaves. Kimmy is sympathetic and sorry that DJ didn't get the note signed, but DJ is determined and vows that she's not giving up yet.
Jesse is playing guitar in his room and singing a horrible song with idiotic, nonsensical lyrics. DJ comes in and pretends to love it and begins some hardcore sucking up. Jesse calls her on it, but is so flattered that whatever it is she's trying to get, he'll give it to her. Ugh, that sentence came off way dirtier than inteneded. DJ tells him that she's writing an essay for school about the person she admires most and says that she chose to write about him. Amazingly enough, Jesse buys this crock of shit, and she begins her interview by asking if Jesse ever ditched out of school. He tells her how he once cut school to go to the Rolling Stones' 5th or 6th farewell tour. Aren't concerts usually at nighttime? Would he really need to skip school for that? Sorry, nitpicking. DJ gets the specifics of his master plan and peaces out. Jesse can't believe that's the extent of the interview, so she asks what his favorite color is. For those of you assembling the FH trivia game at home, Uncle Jesse's favorite color is black.
The next morning, DJ is taking the necessary steps to dupe Joey with her fake illness. She creates the illusion of a fever of 101, a hot forehead, icy hands and moans that she's "siiiiick" (that's sick with 5 i's). Stephanie yells for Joey and tells him DJ's sick. DJ feigns a desire to go to school because she has a big test on "C-c-c-Canada." Joey leaves to go call the school, and DJ remarks to herself how "rad" she is.
Next scene DJ is bounding through the kitchen sporting warm hands and a cool head, ready and willing to go to school. Joey thinks he's got her all figured out. He thinks she was never sick to begin with and felt guilty for her deception so she was now willing to go to school. Well, you're about half right. DJ leaves and goes with Kimmy to go meet Stacy Q. She DOES seem pretty rad. She tells the girls "See you soon!" and DJ and Kimmy excitedly squeal "She wants to be our friend!" Suuuure. Just then, who should enter the store but Joey toting Ug on a leash (good to see the Tanners obey leash laws on their ugly mutt!). Naturally, Ug has to ruin DJ's master plan by crawling over to where her and Kimmy are crouched and hiding. And God DAMN is she a fugly toddler. I am literally disgusted by her.
Joey is furious, he came down to get DJ an autograph because he was so impressed with her honesty. He seizes her autograph and clips the leash onto her jean jacket and leads her out, to her major humiliation. That is pretty brutal. Joey calls Jesse home from work early citing an emergency. Jesse is unimpressed with the reason of "DJ cut school." Joey is outraged at the deception and Jesse isn't really buying it until he realizes that he unwittingly provided DJ with her master plan. When he realizes that he was duped by her story about an essay on the person she admires most. Both men come to the conclusion that DJ is a conniving little sneak. That's pretty harsh language for the FH universe. On a much more shallow note, I must comment how extremely foxy Jesse's looking in his exterminator uniform rocking a backwards red baseball cap. Hott.
Jesse begins lecturing the delinquent DJ and catches himself when he realizes that he's echoing the words of his father. J&J go back and forth trying to one-up each other with more extreme punishments and end up coming up with no television, music or friends over for a month. DJ laments that she hates herself for breaking the trust of Danny and the guys and to me, this scene reeks of insincerity and another scheme on her part... especially because it totally gets her off the hook. The guys even go so far as to vow to keep her misdeed a secret from Danny.
And just then, Danny returns home from LA speaking surfer and within a matter of moments, Stephanie completely blows their cover by asking DJ how she's feeling. The guys tell Danny that DJ was sick in the morning, but went off to school when she was feeling better. Again, Stephanie blows it by saying that she got all of DJ's homework from her teachers since she missed school. This is what bugs me, and I know it's for plot, but two grownass men and a proven conniver couldn't have thought of this as the cover story: DJ was sick in the morning, and started feeling better later in the afternoon, but by that time it was pointless to send her back to school. Maybe I'm just a far better liar than the Tanner clan.
Stephanie is particularly hurt by DJ's lies and betrayal, because she made her a Get Well card and was genuinely concerned for her sister's health. In retaliation for DJ's deception, she begins work on a Get Sick card. Bwah. I should start sending those out to my enemies. Danny comes in and launches into a classic Tanner lecture and tells DJ that the worst part of her lies was not just cutting school or tricking Stephanie, but that she acted selfishly and without any regard for all of the people who may have been hurt by her lies. Danny says that no matter what, he'll always love all of his girls the same, but then adds "I wish Michelle was here, she's my favorite!" He's laughing when he says it, so he's obviously joking, but it's so out of character for Danny to make a comment like that. Not to mention that Michelle is a big ball of ugly sucktitude. And the episode ends on that weirdly inappropriate remark, something I found that really odd.
DJ is dancing around her bedroom singing along to a Stacy Q song using her hairbrush as a microphone, when she is interrupted by Kimmy who comes in, turns off the music and busts out laughing at her. But, come on, who HASN'T danced around their bedroom/apartment/dorm belting out into their hairbrush? Kimmy shows DJ that she got a note to excuse her from school the next day so that she can go get Stacy Q's autograph from the mall. DJ reads the note aloud and I swear she says "Cammy" instead of "Kimmy." She asks if her mother wrote the note, and Kimmy says that she had to pay her brother $20 for it. The joke's on him, because she stole the money from his wallet.
Danny is getting ready to go to LA to cover a surfing competition for work. He provides Jesse and Joey with an extensive list of emergency phone numbers. J&J mock Danny for his paranoia and anal retentiveness. Danny goes down the line, hugging all of the girls and gushing about how much he'll miss them. He gets so carried away that he even hugs Kimmy. J&J tell the girls it's time for bed, and I'm so confused about the timeline of this show. What the hell time is it that Kimmy is coming over, but it's nearly bedtime? Right before he walks out the door, DJ asks Danny if he minds if she gets an autograph from Stacy Q. He says he doesn't mind at all, so she asks if he'll sign a note excusing her from school. Danny says no, and DJ attempts to argue that Kimmy can do it, so why can't she. Danny awesomely replies that there's a lot of things about Kimmy that he doesn't understand. Bwah! DJ insists that if she doesn't get Stacy Q's autograph, she'll die! She refuses to hug Danny, and instead sticks out her hand for a handshake and sternly says "Goodbye father." Danny laughs and pulls her in for a hug, then leaves. Kimmy is sympathetic and sorry that DJ didn't get the note signed, but DJ is determined and vows that she's not giving up yet.
Jesse is playing guitar in his room and singing a horrible song with idiotic, nonsensical lyrics. DJ comes in and pretends to love it and begins some hardcore sucking up. Jesse calls her on it, but is so flattered that whatever it is she's trying to get, he'll give it to her. Ugh, that sentence came off way dirtier than inteneded. DJ tells him that she's writing an essay for school about the person she admires most and says that she chose to write about him. Amazingly enough, Jesse buys this crock of shit, and she begins her interview by asking if Jesse ever ditched out of school. He tells her how he once cut school to go to the Rolling Stones' 5th or 6th farewell tour. Aren't concerts usually at nighttime? Would he really need to skip school for that? Sorry, nitpicking. DJ gets the specifics of his master plan and peaces out. Jesse can't believe that's the extent of the interview, so she asks what his favorite color is. For those of you assembling the FH trivia game at home, Uncle Jesse's favorite color is black.
The next morning, DJ is taking the necessary steps to dupe Joey with her fake illness. She creates the illusion of a fever of 101, a hot forehead, icy hands and moans that she's "siiiiick" (that's sick with 5 i's). Stephanie yells for Joey and tells him DJ's sick. DJ feigns a desire to go to school because she has a big test on "C-c-c-Canada." Joey leaves to go call the school, and DJ remarks to herself how "rad" she is.
Next scene DJ is bounding through the kitchen sporting warm hands and a cool head, ready and willing to go to school. Joey thinks he's got her all figured out. He thinks she was never sick to begin with and felt guilty for her deception so she was now willing to go to school. Well, you're about half right. DJ leaves and goes with Kimmy to go meet Stacy Q. She DOES seem pretty rad. She tells the girls "See you soon!" and DJ and Kimmy excitedly squeal "She wants to be our friend!" Suuuure. Just then, who should enter the store but Joey toting Ug on a leash (good to see the Tanners obey leash laws on their ugly mutt!). Naturally, Ug has to ruin DJ's master plan by crawling over to where her and Kimmy are crouched and hiding. And God DAMN is she a fugly toddler. I am literally disgusted by her.
Joey is furious, he came down to get DJ an autograph because he was so impressed with her honesty. He seizes her autograph and clips the leash onto her jean jacket and leads her out, to her major humiliation. That is pretty brutal. Joey calls Jesse home from work early citing an emergency. Jesse is unimpressed with the reason of "DJ cut school." Joey is outraged at the deception and Jesse isn't really buying it until he realizes that he unwittingly provided DJ with her master plan. When he realizes that he was duped by her story about an essay on the person she admires most. Both men come to the conclusion that DJ is a conniving little sneak. That's pretty harsh language for the FH universe. On a much more shallow note, I must comment how extremely foxy Jesse's looking in his exterminator uniform rocking a backwards red baseball cap. Hott.
Jesse begins lecturing the delinquent DJ and catches himself when he realizes that he's echoing the words of his father. J&J go back and forth trying to one-up each other with more extreme punishments and end up coming up with no television, music or friends over for a month. DJ laments that she hates herself for breaking the trust of Danny and the guys and to me, this scene reeks of insincerity and another scheme on her part... especially because it totally gets her off the hook. The guys even go so far as to vow to keep her misdeed a secret from Danny.
And just then, Danny returns home from LA speaking surfer and within a matter of moments, Stephanie completely blows their cover by asking DJ how she's feeling. The guys tell Danny that DJ was sick in the morning, but went off to school when she was feeling better. Again, Stephanie blows it by saying that she got all of DJ's homework from her teachers since she missed school. This is what bugs me, and I know it's for plot, but two grownass men and a proven conniver couldn't have thought of this as the cover story: DJ was sick in the morning, and started feeling better later in the afternoon, but by that time it was pointless to send her back to school. Maybe I'm just a far better liar than the Tanner clan.
Stephanie is particularly hurt by DJ's lies and betrayal, because she made her a Get Well card and was genuinely concerned for her sister's health. In retaliation for DJ's deception, she begins work on a Get Sick card. Bwah. I should start sending those out to my enemies. Danny comes in and launches into a classic Tanner lecture and tells DJ that the worst part of her lies was not just cutting school or tricking Stephanie, but that she acted selfishly and without any regard for all of the people who may have been hurt by her lies. Danny says that no matter what, he'll always love all of his girls the same, but then adds "I wish Michelle was here, she's my favorite!" He's laughing when he says it, so he's obviously joking, but it's so out of character for Danny to make a comment like that. Not to mention that Michelle is a big ball of ugly sucktitude. And the episode ends on that weirdly inappropriate remark, something I found that really odd.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Lo siento
Sorry I've been such a slagass as of late. Personal drama and the like has made it hard to motivate myself to blog. But with Tiff and snappleaddict on hiatus, I promise to get my butt into gear and resume blogging. Mad props to Fear Street and BSC Revisited for carrying the torch and entertaining me on a consistently regular basis.
I promise June to be much more bountiful and blogariffic!
I promise June to be much more bountiful and blogariffic!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
