"A lot of tough talk coming from the coverboy of 'Geek Illustrated!'" or Divorce Court (3.8)

Can you believe it? Back to back FH recaps!!! I've been slacking, I'll admit. Between work, applying to new jobs because I am so fed up with my current one, fighting colds, playing softball (and subsequently possibly fracturing my foot), the NFL Playoffs (GO PATS! 2 AWAY FROM PERFECTION!!!), trying to spend time with my boyfriend, tutoring my BFF in math and occasionally boozing with my friends, the FH blog didn't get the attention it deserved, but I'm back with a vengeance.

Anywho, I know I'd been neglecting my FH, but after an kickass comment left by Michelle yesterday, I feel totally inspired to get my ass into gear. I know I've been slacking and a big reason is because sometimes I feel like nobody's reading. Hint hint, feed my ego and I'll provide you with more blog entries! Also thanks to the linkage provided by NeonSpandex, whose blog is also linked on the left hand side.

Okay, okay, okay. I know nobody comes here for my self indulgent ramblings, so without further adieu, Divorce Court.

Stephanie is playing in her room with Walter (formerly known as "Duck Lips") and Jimmy (Dirty!). Jimmy wants to play a shoot 'em up game and Walter professes that he is a lover not a fighter (Double Dirty!) and make the Duck Lips kissy face. D.J. enters their room flanked by Kimmy and Monica, the rarely seen token black friend. Stephanie is crushed to learn that D.J. is going to be blowing off the school's Halloween carnival in favor of Cathy Santoni's Halloween party. Man, if there were ever a FH drinking game, I think any mention of Cathy Santoni should be a full beer/drink chug, and any appearance should be to kill a 6-pack or something.

D.J. tries to kick Stephanie out of the room so that the girls can talk about boys, and Stephanie leaves boasting "While you're talking about it, I'm living it!" Touche. Danny and Joey are in the backyard playing football with UgTot and they do a celebratory TD dance that I have dubbed the "UgTot Shuffle." Michelle sits down as the dance continues and Jesse comes out wondering if maybe their underwear is on a little too tight.

The guys laugh at Jesse because he didn't play sports when he was in school and was in the glee club. But, um, he's a professional singer now so is that really anything to mock? I don't see Joey goaltending for the NHL or Danny doing jump balls in the NBA. Just saying, at least one of them had real talent that they didn't squander and actually parlayed into a career. The guys decide to have a race to determine who's the manliest man, and are interrupted by the girls having a screaming fight. Their friends are sent home and the girls are sent to their room.

The guys decide to make their race a little more interesting by making a wager. The losers of the race have to wear the winner's choice of costume to the school Halloween carnival. 3 hours have elapsed and the girls are still being punished in their room so D.J. proposes a fake make-up and even go so far as to stage a fake hug for Danny.

Stephanie moves out of their shared room into Michelle's room, but before she leaves, seizes half of their assets. This includes half of the phone while D.J.'s trying to call Kimmy.

Stephanie's now kicking it in her new digs, Michelle's room, and she somehow managed to move her bed in there. Huh? How the eff would she move an entire bed, not only because its heavy, but to maneuver it through a doorway? I'm calling total shenanigans on you, FH! D.J. meanwhile, is rollerblading around her mostly empty room. Uncle Jesse catches wind on the room switch and vows to mention it to Danny when he gets home because he doesn't think he'll approve. When Steph and UgTot try to go to sleep, Michelle hits Stephanie in the head with a stuffed animal. If I did that to my older sister, she'd have hit my ass right back. Stupid Ug and her special treatment.

The next day the guys are prepping for their big race. Danny stretches, Joey does a good air in, bad air out exercise and Jesse eats a jelly roll. Becky shows up to the track with the WUSF camera crew, much to the chagrin of Danny. Danny begs the guys to throw the race so that he doesn't lose on his own show, and Joey says that he's already rented the Big Bird and Snuffalopagus costumes. And so the race begins.

It's hilariously painful to watch as the guys "run" at what can best be described as a snail's pace. Becky tells the viewing audience that what they're watching is not slow-motion, they are actually moving that slowly. Gasping for air, the guys agree to finish the race in a tie until Becky lights a fire under their asses when she calls them turtles. As the guys approach the finish line, they push themselves for the last leg. It's a photo finish and it's Danny Tanner by a nose!

Becky interviews Danny what was his motivation and he reveals it was "fear of public humiliation." The three guys pass out as Becky concludes the WUSF segment: "That's a wrap... and a nap."

The guys come home and Stephanie looks completely rocked from her horrendous night of sharing a room with Michelle. Danny is confused about why Stephanie moved in with Michelle and is horrified when she reveals that the hug he witnessed was fake. They decide to settle this matter with some Tanner Court with Judge Danny presiding. Jesse represents Stephanie and Joey represents D.J.

Right off the bat we know D.J.'s fucked because Joey's incompetent. And as predicted, Jesse acts as a much better attorney. He busts on D.J. for playing Barbies with Stephanie in the past week. Danny's final ruling is that UgTot is still too young for a roommate, and although D.J. and Steph's 5 year age difference feels like a lot now, it won't when they're older. Jesse is upset that a verdict was reached so quickly because he wants to keep playing lawyer. Poor Jesse.

Later that night, Stephanie is getting ready for the school Halloween carnival, dressed up as Batman. D.J. comes into the room dressed as the Joker wearing a mask that must make her face incredibly sweaty. She asks Stephanie why she wanted her to come to the carnival so badly and Steph reveals it's because she idolizes Deej. D.J. can't resist and caves and agrees to go to the carnival with Stephanie and go to her party a little later. She adds that she doesn't want a roommate, but if she's stuck with one, she's glad it's Stephanie. They hug just as Danny walks in and remarks, "Batman hugging the Joker; that's how the movie should have ended."

Michelle comes in dressed as a kitty and we're supposed to think it's cute, but it's not. Jesse and Joey come in dressed as Shirley Temple from the Good Ship Lollipop, and I wonder if drag is appropriate for an elementary school carnival... J&J reveal that the joke's on Danny because even though they have to wear those ridiculous costumes, they're Danny's dates for the evening. They crack a big smile to reveal several blacked out teeth and I laugh imagining Danny escorting the two of them as his dates.