"'Adorable'? Are you sure it doesn't say 'a door bell'?" or I'm There for You, Babe (2.20)

With this recap, I'm one shy of finally completing the second season. Still have yet to nail down "Beach Boy Bingo." Dunno why that one keeps evading me, but oh wells, next time around.

The family files into Jesse's room to serenade him with the Beatles Happy Birthday song. That fine piece of Greek man meat is 26 years young and looking fine. They also cooked him a guitar shaped waffle, and instead of giving him a day of rest and relaxation, the demands start pouring in from the family.

Joey needs Jesse to write a jingle for the new advertising campaign they're working on. DJ needs Jesse to coach her soccer team. Danny says his car sounds like his great uncle and is in need of a mechanic... but he's decided to ask Jesse instead. Stephanie needs like 200 cookies for a bake sale at her school the next day, Becky's distant relative is getting married and Jesse is supposed to be her date and to top it all off, America's favorite little shit UgBaby is too dumb to make Jack pop out of the box (hint: turn the crank, dumbass).

The icing on the cake is that Danny somehow managed to finagle some bigwig music reviewer dude to come to the Smash Club to listen to Jesse and the Rippers play. Leading up to the show, Jesse's being pulled in 6 different directions and promising everyone that he's there for them (babe), but is unable to really help any of them with what they need.

The night of the show, it's about time for the band to go on and the Rippers are nowhere to be found. Turns out that whilst trying to multitask, Jesse double-booked the band at two different appearances. And apparently all of the Rippers went to the other show. Betcha wish you had a cell phone, Jess. Never fear, my fine-follicled fellow, the Tanner clan is here to save the day as they proclaim, "We're here for you, babe."

They are introduced as Jesse and These Other Guys. Heh. Jesse begins "Do Wah Diddy" and when the family chimes in on the chorus, it has a pretty hokey Partridge Family vibe to it. I have to give props to the writers for the continuity in this scene: DJ is on the drums, which she was given as a gift out of guilt in an earlier episode, and displays the limited skill consistent with the time she's owned the drums. Also featured are Kimmy on the keyboard (which is mentioned again later) and Danny's mad skillz with an axe (that's slang for "guitar" for all you squares), when he does a nice riff from "Day Tripper" (whoa, two Beatles songs in one episode!). Joey plays the harmonica and does a possibly offensive Ray Charles impersonation. The only potential inconsistency is that Becky's singing backup vocals here, where in a later episode she's painfully tone deaf. But, I think that episode's the fluke and not this one.

The folks at the Smash Club aren't having it and begin filing out. The night continues and they stoop so low as to allow Stephanie to sing "Bingo." Yikes. That's enough to completely empty out the club and Jesse knows that he just blew his big chance with that bigwig reporter in attendance. Sucks.

The next morning, Stephanie goes into Jesse's room to wake him up. He's convinced himself that last night's performance was just a nightmare... that is until Stephanie pulls out the review of the family band. It opens with, "If you missed last night's performance of Jesse and These Other Guys, than you're luckier than I was." Ouch. The only highlight of the performance? The keyboard stylings of the "adorable Kimmy Gibbler." BURN!

The family once again files in making demands of Jesse. Jesse's on the verge of a breakdown as he begins rattling off the ways he'll manage to get everything done. He rambles on that he'll have Danny's car towed to the soccer field so that he can work on it, while he watches DJ's soccer game from the rearview mirror. During half time, he'll rush to the school cafeteria to bake Stephanie's cookies, then pop into the metal shop to cut Jack out of his godforsaken box, and all the while he'll be whistling a jaunty tune for his and Joey's jingle. This foolproof plan is foiled when Becky comes in and says that his pajamas are unacceptable wedding attire. Just then Kimmy comes in and asks if they saw their review in the paper and that's enough to push Jesse over the edge. He lets out a shriek and dives into his bed.

Either a few hours later or the next day (the timeframe of episodes is sometimes kind of difficult to decipher), the family comes in and tells Jesse that today is the start of his one-day vacation of rest and relaxation. That is, they're finally giving him the day off for his birthday that they should have given him in the first place. Seriously, who nags the birthday boy? They say that they have all of his duties for the day covered and tell him to just chillax. Then they all dog pile on him. That would not help me relax. In fact, it would probably fill me with great anxiety and feel as though I was being smothered. They all leave and Becky tells him that when she gets back from the wedding, she'll relax his brains out (re: sex).

Michelle didn't get the memo and asks Jesse to get Jack out of the box. She adds an "I love you" and pervy Jesse is a total sucker for this and raps on the side of the box and turns the crank and pop! There's Jack. At this point, I would tell Ug that I got her stupid toy to work and to now get the fuck out. Instead, we are "treated" to a really bizarre gross moment that involves cheek stroking and Jesse slowly moving in for a kiss. Yuck, I need to scrub my eyeballs. Maybe there was a reason I skipped this one before...