"Froggy went a-courtin' and he did right, uh huh" or, The Seven Month Itch, Parts I and II (1.19 and 1.20)

Hey all, sorry I was pretty lazy about posting. I managed to catch a couple of the episodes I missed from Season One the first go-round, but ABC Family skipped ahead to Season Two already before I could get anymore. To compensate, I provide you with a Two-Parter episode recap! Joygasm! On a personal note, sobriety's going quite well. It's been pretty easy because I work with a lot of alcoholics that disgust me and I have terrific willpower. But, enough about me, there's FH to recap!

Oh, one last note. For some reason, several of the keys on my keyboard have been sticking lately (the main culprits have been the C,N, and K) so if there's a plethora of typos, don't get on my ass for it (This is mainly for my sister who is an English teacher and erego, a total Grammar Nazi).

Jesse's on the phone with his girlfriend du jour planning a romantic weekend for the two of them because Danny and Joey are taking the girls to Disneyland. Stephanie interrupts the phone call before he can get into the really dirty talk and is bursting with excitement over the upcoming trip to see Mickey & Co.

Jesse tries to hurry the family out the door so that he can get to the sexin' with his woman, and can you blame him? Stephanie is on the same page and eager to leave as well. As soon as their out the door, Jesse has a little celebration to himself about his impending weekend of serenity. And you just KNOW shit's about to get fucked up for our well-coiffed hero.

Jesse comes back in from playing tennis with Samantha, who looks eerily similar to Robin. And how's this for a small world, the actress playing her is none other than the future Mrs. Kirk Cameron, Chelsea Noble. How weird that they guest-star on back-to-back episodes of FH. He's raving about beating her three times even though she's been playing for years and today was his first day picking up a racket. Mid-celebration he realizes that she let him win. They're stoked about finally getting some alone time beause Sam apparently lives with her parents (LOSER!) and Jesse lives "in Pee Wee's Playhouse" (EVEN BIGGER LOSER!) Sam goes to shower and Jesse brings her some champagne and tries to sneak a peak at her naked. Um hello? Dude! Hop on in there and join her!

Downstairs there's a wrench being thrown in Jesse (and Stephanie's) plans. Turns out that their was a massive amount fo fog and they couldn't fly out. Danny promises Steph an evening of Family Fun, but she's not biting. Jesse is in the kitchen prepping his romantic candlelight dinner and has yet to realize that the family's back. Danny thinks Jesse is in the shower, and alerts him that they're home. Only it's Sam and not Jesse in the shower. Yikes. Awk. Ward. Danny calls for Jesse and he hears the cries from upstairs and a look of pure horror crosses his face as realization of ruined plans dawns on him.

D.J., Joey and Steph go into the kitchen and begin ravaging Jesse's romantic dinner. Assholes. If he wasn't expecting them to return, why the hell would they think that that dinner was for them? Jerks. I blame Joey. He's (technically) the adult and should know better. Piggish asshole. Jesse violently shakes a shrimp cocktail out of Joey's grasp and demands to know why they're there and ruining his first night of sex in a month. He doesn't quite say that, but come on, read between the lines people. Jesse and Steph slump down in their chairs and declare theat they hate fog. On a related note, me too.

Family fun night is commencing and Stephanie is not feeling the sing along. To Sam's credit, she's being a really good sport and embracing the FF (Family Fun) when she should have really been having a FF (that's me and the boyf's code for "Fuck Fest" (What? TMI?)). Danny accidentally drops some adjectives that also happen to be the names of some of the 7 Dwarves and Stephanie is heartbroken once again. Jesse hints that the entire family am-scray so that he and Sam can have a little alone time. She says that his family's terriffic and she doesn't mind the romance of their weekend being ruined. Maybe Jesse's not that great in the sack? I know I'd be PISSED about no sex for a month. Or maybe she's getting some on the downlow? Harlot! They can't even go out the next night because apparently Jesse got roped into baby-sitting Michelle. How? If Danny and Joey were planning on being at Disneyland all weekend, presumably they'd have no plans since they've returned home early, so why can't one of them watch the rugrat? I'm calling shenanigans on this plotpoint!

D.J. and Danny try to console Stephanie and Danny pretty much tells her to suck it up and find a new way to have fun because she essentially can't do shit about the fog and cancelled flight. Obviously Danny Tanner uses much more flowery speech, but the Milkman doesn't mince words. And how awesome would it be if he actually did say that to Steph?

Joey wanders into Jesse's room and they have some man talk about living there. Joey loves it because it's the first time he's ever been part of a big family, but Jesse confesses that sometimes it gets to him. He used to live on the edge and live his life with no strings attached and he feels like he's settled into married domestic life without the perks of constant sex (again, you just gotta read between the lines). He pours his heart out to Joey and Joey cracks jokes and Jesse gets really fem and emo here. Joey finally agrees to be serious and listen and Jesse ponders whether or not living there is holding him back and wonders if maybe he needs to do something about it. Joey tells him to sleep on it.

Bad idea. Jesse has what starts out as a sexy dream about Samantha that is rudely interrupted by the girls, Danny and Joey. Ugh, we're also "treated" to an appearance by both Fug Olsens at once. Even better? They're voiced by Joey's idiotic baby voice. Seriously, the sight of both Olsens with that creepy baby voice is truly demonic and a little bit unsettling. I am seriously disturbed. Apparently so is Jesse, who wakes up and decides that he can't take it anymore and bolts.

The next morning, Joey and Danny go to wake up Jesse and find that he's taken off (to Lake Tahoe, but they don't know that yet) with his friends and doesn't know if or when he'll return. The girls come in and ask where Uncle Jesse is and Danny and Joey look at one another, panicked and unsure what to tell them. And so ends part one.

Part two opens where the last one left off with Joey stating that Jesse ran away from home. The girls pop in and ask where he is, and Danny ushers them out as the two guys wonder what they're going to tell them. Danny says as their father, he should be the one to tell them and for Joey to just play dumb. You asked the right guy! They babble something about Jesse going on vacation to the desert and even the girls aren't gullible enough to swallow this tripe.

Joey makes an inedible breakfast and the meal is interrupted by a phone call from Jesse. Danny asks him how the desert is and Jesse is obviously confused and replies that he's skiing in Tahoe with his friends and doesn't know when he'll be back. When Jesse hangs with his friends, he apparently has sing alongs. Hm. Not my first choice of activity, but whatever floats your boat. He vows to find his own place when he gets back to San Fran. Don't you mean "If" you go back, Jess?

Danny tries to give D.J. a guitar lesson and hey! Continuity! Reference to Danny's mad guitar skillz and D.J.'s foray into guitar playing. D.J. is being difficult and it's because she noticed that most of Jesse's stuff was moved out and is onto the fact that he might not be coming back. Danny is honest with her and says that he doesn't know for sure if Jesse's coming back and says that he can't force him beause he's an adult.

Ug helps Stephanie move into Uncle Jesse's old room. D.J. comes in and pretty much blabs the news about Jesse to Stephanie. Way to keep a secret there, Deej. Stephanie says that since Danny can't get Jesse back, it's up to them. The girls start scheming away.

In Tahoe, one of Jesse's friends answers the phone. They tell him to let Jesse know that Michelle is sick with a cough and fever. Jesse comes in from sliding on his ass down the ski slopes and his fug friend tells him that the baby's sick. Jesse goes into full Mr. Mom mode and is in a tizzy because he's apparently the only one who can get Michelle to take her cough medicine. He immediately tells his friends sorry, but he's gotta peace out and hops onto his motorcycle to brave the cold weather and get home to his precious UgBaby.

He comes in all worried and such and demands to know the Ug's whereabouts from a clueless Danny and Joey. They inform him that Michelle isn't sick and the three brain trusts deduce that the girls must have called and made up the story in an attempt to lure Jesse back home. He's about to take off again until Danny tells him how badly the girls were shaken up by his abrupt departure. Danny and Joey also gently point out that the reason Jesse rushed home is because he's so involved in the girls' lives and ask if that's really such a bad thing. Jesse looks thoughtful... and mullety, and decides that life in the Playhouse isn't so bad.

Jesse goes upstairs to tell D.J. and Stephanie that he's back and they're thrilled that their plan worked. They verify that he's there to stay (he says not forever, but certainly for a long time (I say it's probably forever, bub (I really can't get over the fact that he ends up living in the attic when he's MARRIED with TWINS!))) Finally he stops into the nursery to have a big long sappy monologue to Michelle about how worried he was when he thought she was sick and I long for the first episode when Jesse's reaction to Michelle was to tell her to shut up. Those were the days.