I swear, are there any episodes that don't begin with an Ug-Centric intro? It's surprising that more people didn't just instantly change the channel once Michelle Tanner invaded their screen. Anywho, this episode starts off with UgTot wandering into the kitchen whining about having an "Owie" and asking Jesse to give her a Big Bird [band aid]. The owie mysteriously jumps arms, and Michelle is revealed as a fraud! Kick her out of the family!
The phone rings, Jesse answers and it's for Joey. Joey says he's busy until Jesse tells him that it's his agent. Wait, what? Joey has an agent? Seriously. Also, please note that when Jesse's calling for Joey, he's totally hovering the phone over his crotch, like "Hey, talk to my penis." Joey comes a-running and reveals that some chimps, the Ericson chimps I believe, were infested with lice, so Joey was called in as a replacement to open for Wayne Newton in Las Vegas. Wow. That's... pretty insulting. Playing second fiddle to primates. Then again, we've all seen Joey's comedy act, so it comes as no surprise.
The whole family's stoked to go to Vegas, and Jesse tells Joey he should invite his parents, but apparently Joey's mom is goofy. No, really, she plays Goofy at Disneyland. Jesse urges Joey to invite his dad, The Colonel, and the girls leave the room before Joey says that him and his father have never really got along. Too bad DJ and Steph didn't stick around because we cut to them in their room on the phone with Colonel Gladstone, posing as Joey's personal secretaries, Janet Abdul and Barbie Dollanbear, inviting him to see Joey perform in Vegas.
Vegas time! We're treated to a Jesse and the Ripper's cover of "Viva Las Vegas" and a montage of flashing lights. The entire family is backstage before Joey's show chilling in his dressing room when Colonel Gladstone shows up, all militarial and stoic. There's an uncomfortable exchange between father and son, where the former criticizes the latter's choice in "career." The girls confess to calling him and inviting him and apologize because they didn't know that they didn't get along.
Joey's show. It's not... horrible. They cut to the family laughing a lot and we also see Colonel Gladstone standing in the back, looking confused and unamused throughout the show. Joey's act includes a few bits about Daddy Dearest, since he thought he'd left. The comedy routine ends pretty abruptly, and he receives a fair amount of applause. Suddenly the audience starts getting louder and louder and the applause intensifies and the delusional Joey thinks that it's for him. Turns out that Wayne Newton's come on stage to kick Joey off. No, just kidding, he came out to thank him for filling in on such short notice and says he was way funnier than the chimps and apologizes for the surplus of bananas in the dressing room. Ha, Wayne made a funny.
He concludes with a little "Danke Schoen" and Joey gets a little overexcited and chimes in and embarrasses himself. Backstage in the dressing room the family is celebrating Joey's success. He's on cloud nine from playing a live crowd in Vegas and singing onstage with Wayne Newton. Just then, the celebration is cut short by the return of Colonel Gladstone. Danny and Jesse herd the girls out in search of a miniature golf course and it's time for the touching father-son moment.
Colonel Gladstone tells Joey that his act was good and some parts were even funny. Joey asks if he laughed and the Colonel replies "I will... later." Ha! He apologizes for never being around much or being a pal to Joey when he was growing up, and suggests that maybe they start pal-ing around now. He reveals that when Joey was sick with chicken pox, they watched cartoons together for 2 weeks straight and he was the one who taught Joey how to do the Popeye voice, and launches into a pretty abysmal impression. Joey offers him some constructive criticism to improve his Popeye laugh, and we close on the inspirational music suggestion this relationship is on the mend... Too bad that much like nearly every other secondary character featured as a foil to any of the main characters, we'll never see or hear from the ol' Colonel again.