"What's for lunch, Bitterman?" or Good News, Bad News (4.5)

We open with Joey trying to teach Michelle a knock knock joke. She doesn't get it for two reasons: One being that she's an idiot, the other being that the joke sucks. It goes, when executed properly, as follows:
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo Who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke!

Just then Danny knocks on the door and call out Knock Knock. Ug tries to use the joke and Danny feigns being hurt over her not knowing who he is, and she resorts to the punchline and why did Michelle have to learn to talk? Credits.

Michelle asks DJ to play with her because she's her favorite sister, but DJ is too busy because she was just appointed Editor of the school newspaper. Ug is unimpressed, and as soon as Stephanie walks in, she tries the favorite sister line on her. She asks her to play Shadow and Stephanie declines, but Ug doesn't need a willing participate. She begins annoying the shit out of Stephanie (and the rest of us) by mimicking everything she says. Stephanie tries to trip her up a few times, but Ug persists. Ug ALWAYS persists.

Kimmy comes in and begs DJ for a job on the paper. The only position left is Sports editor and DJ's hesitant because Kimmy doesn't know jack about sports. But, she's a sucker for Kimmy's sad puppy dog face and whimper and caves.

Jesse and Joey are hard at work at their advertising and production company. Their work involves harassing Comet and dressing him up as Stevie Wonder Dog, Spock the Vulcan Retriever and (of course) Elvis Dog. Danny and Becky interrupt Danny's now regretful business investment to let the guys know that they have their first gig... producing the television commercial for the new and improved WUSF. Discussion over the concept leads to much bickering between SanFran's favorite co-hosts and J&J consider utlizing puppets in the commercial.

At the paper, Editor DJ is collecting articles from the staff and everyone's favorite fug and Kimmy Gibbler's soulmate, Bitterman, complains that Kimmy was given sports editor over him, and that he's stuck with copying the lunch menu. Yeah. That's a pretty raw deal, Bitterman. Just need to comment on how Bitterman's looking these days. Since we last saw him, he's had a major growth spurt and has also acquired a lengthy rat tail. It's... not pleasant. Poor awkward Bitterman. The actor must love having these years of his life immortalized and captured on film. Kimmy comes in with her exclusive interview, with Robbie Hawkins, the "star" of the basketball team. Only, Robbie's just the equipment manager, the article is written on a napkin, and Kimmy forgot to mention who won the basketball game. DJ demands a rewrite, Kimmy refuses, calls her Queen of the Paper, and declares their friendship over.

Side note: Color me impressed that Bitterman knew what "nepotism" was (he accuses DJ of it because she gave Kimmy the editing job based solely on the merits of their friendship)

Stephanie tries to creep into the house quietly and avoid Michelle, but unfortunately Ug is following her tracks closely and still shadowing away. DJ can't be bothered with Stephanie's problems because she's all forlorn over her fight with Kimmy. And speak of the devil, here comes Kimmy toting what DJ thinks is a rewritten article, but is actually the first copy of The Gibbler Gazette, Kimmy's gossip rag that trashes DJ and features a picture of her head pasted on Freddy Krueger's body.

Filming on the set of WUSF, Danny and Becky are still going at it. Danny accuses Becky of being too perky and pop-tarty, and Becky criticizes Danny for being stiff and rambling. J&J talk them down, and then Danny asks why his side of the set has less light and Jesse gently tells him that it's the angularity of his face. Danny asks if he's trying to say his nose is too big, and Jesse says it's not that his nose is too big, but rather that the rest of his face is too small. Becky laughs and is kind of a bitch. They get through filming with the most passive aggressive dialogue ever and conclude with cheersing their coffee mugs and shattering them.

Stephanie and Ug go to talk to DJ and when DJ asks Michelle a question, Stephanie seizes the opportunity to turn the Shadow game around on Ug. Unfortunately she gets ahead of herself, slips up when she proclaims that she's finally free, and Ug's back at her annoying antics again.

J&J come in and say they got a great commercial, it just took 24 coffee mugs. They are closely followed by a still bickering Danny and Becky. DJ tells them how she's been fighting all day because she fired Kimmy from the paper. All of the grownups team up for a lecture on friendship and forgiveness which leads to Danny and Becky apologizing to one another. DJ isn't swayed and goes up to her room to continue writing her slanderous article on Kimmy, pondering whether or not cheese-for-brains is hyphenated.

Kimmy comes in to return things to the Tanners as this is the last time they'll ever see her. She returns Jesse's hairbrush, that appears to be full of dog hair, Joey's car keys (WTF?) and tells him he needs a new car stereo, and Danny's answering machine beeper. When Danny tells her that to borrow something usually requires permission, Kimmy laments that she'll miss his dry sense of humor most of all.

Up in DJ and Stephanie's shared room, Steph is hiding out from Michelle. She's nearly relieved that it's Kimmy at the door and not Michelle. Kimmy came to return DJ's things and get her shit back, and their bizarre exchange involves such items as an Erik Estrada CHiPs action figure, DJ's old retainer and a shrunken head. This exchange is best summarized by Stephanie: "You guys had a weird relationship." Bringing up all of these possessions also causes the girls to reminisce, and they realize that they have a lot of history and it'd be a shame to throw it all away over something so stupid.

Kimmy offers to tear up all copies of the Gibbler Gazette and DJ says that Kimmy's got a great writing style and offers her a job as a gossip columnist on the paper, and like, why the hell didn't she just do that to begin with? I know I know, there would have been no story line without the conflict, but realistically, why wouldn't that have been the first idea to pop into her head when Kimmy asked for a job on the paper? Stephanie is distraught that Kimmy and DJ have made up, but manages to trick Kimmy into falling prey to Michelle's obnoxious game of Shadow.

It's amazing to me that nobody thought to just knock Michelle's fugly ass out. If that'd been my sister, I'd have just decked her. God, that shadow game is annoying.