Monday, March 31, 2008

"I love it when you talk clean to me." or Terror in Tanner Town (4.10)

Same shit, different episode. Becky's having Jesse try on a tux with tails and a top hat as part of the process of selecting wedding attire, and who should they ask to weigh in with her expert opinion? None other than fug. Naturally, that's the person I would go to for fashion advice. She tells Jesse he looks very handsome (repeating the line Becky fed to her earlier) and she tries on the top hat and comments that he has a big head. Becky passive aggressives a "you got that right", and roll those credits.

The back doorbell rings and it's an attractive blonde woman dropping off Danny's drycleaning. She informs him that she got the mustard stain out by marginizing, and that's enough to give Danny a boner (hey, it doesn't take much), and they kiss. Turns out this woman is Cindy, Danny's new girlfriend and Danny comments how much he prefers her to his former dry cleaner, Julio. He says she should bring her son Rusty over to meet the family, and Cindy tries to tell him that he hasn't been adjusting well post-divorce, but Danny is persistent and insists upon forcing their families to meet (prematurely).

Danny is prepping the family to meet Cindy, and arranges them from the tallest to smallest and Jesse asks if they're in a Julie Andrews movie. This prompts the family to spontaneously burst into bits from "Doe, a Deer." They continue the song for Cindy and Rusty. Over lunch, Danny tells Cindy about Jesse and Becky's engagement and she asks where they're getting married, and apparently they haven't settled on a location, she wants Nebraska, he wants Graceland and haven't they had this argument like 500 times during the course of their relationship with regards to holidays, etc.?

Cindy gets a page and goes to call work, and do dry-cleaners really need to be on-call? Suddenly, once Cindy leaves, strange things keep happening at lunch. Someone unscrewed the top off of the salt shaker, punched a hole in the milk carton, tucked the tablecloth into Danny's pants. Jesse and Danny are quick to look to Joey to blame for these pranks because apparently he has a history of doing such things... especially at the Sizzler. In the girls room, Rusty gives them trick gum and reveals that he was behind all of the pranks and like, ew, really? He tucked the tablecloth into Danny's pants, that's pretty... yikes. His motto is: If you fall for it, you deserve it. I'm inclined to agree.

Danny comes in and says Cindy wanted Danny to put Rusty in a taxi and send him to the cleaners because she was going to be tied up all afternoon, but Danny insisted upon keeping the little bugger around, much to the chagrin of DJ and Stephanie. He invites Rusty to toss the ol' pigskin around in the backyard, and DJ and Stephanie make a pact to not tattle on Rusty, only because Danny likes Cindy so much.

Rusty spouts some BS about Danny being his idol a la Joe Montana, and aims his pass towards a mud puddle that Danny dives into. He walks up looking like he lost a battle with one of Michelle's diapers and cuts the game short to hit the showers.

Jesse and Becky are arguing about wedding plans, he doesn't want to have a stuffy formal event at a 4H club and she doesn't want to get married in the world's largest souvenir stand. Jesse wants to have their wedding song be "Jailhouse Rock" which Becky is completely against, but SPOILER they actually DO end up having their first dance to a balladized version of "Jailhouse Rock" sung by Jesse himself, so YOU LOSE, Becky! Eventually in all their bickering, they realize that they are both in agreement about serving chicken and are ecstatic over finding some common foundation to build their wedding plans off of.

Rusty busts in on them as they're kissing and yells "Whoa! Tongue Town, USA!" He attempts to mess with Jesse's hair products and Jesse tells him he's aware that he's behind all the pranks and sends him on his bratty way. Rusty tied the doorknobs of Jesse and the girls' rooms together with a jump rope so that none of them can get out. He stands in the hallway smirking as we hear the cries of Jesse, Becky, DJ and Stephanie hollering his name.

Rusty tries to trick DJ and Stephanie with his kaleidoscope and they tell him to sod off while they go give Comet a bath. They're even gracious enough to offer to share some of their flea powder with him. Ug wanders downstairs and uses the kaleidoscope leaving a ring of black ink or paint around her eye. Rusty uses the roast planned for dinner to lure a soap covered Comet to run through the house, followed by DJ and Stephanie.

Danny hears all of the yelling and commotion and comes down to see what's going on, and he is hesitant to believe that Rusty was behind all of the tricks, until he takes the towel off of his head to reveal that his hair's been dyed green. He sits Rusty down, and Rusty says that he knows Danny just wants to be "friends" with Cindy and not him, and that he thinks his mom and dad are getting back together. Danny's pretty much like "Nope. Not gonna happen" and I'm actually pretty surprised at the lack of sensitivity Danny shows here. He's not completely callous, more matter of fact, but maybe I'm just sensitive because I'm a child of divorce. I mean, even if him and Cindy had discussed at length how over her marriage was, and despite how much Danny wants to be with her, it's not his place to lay it down like that for Rusty.

Cindy comes in and finds out that Rusty was up to no good, although Danny did try to cover Rusto's ass and didn't rat him out. She assumes that Danny doesn't want to see her again, and Danny says that it will take more than a green head to keep him from wanting to see her... and Rusty. Yup, he's even willing to put up with the little turd burglar. That's how badly Danny Tanner needs to get laid.

The girls are enjoying ice cream sodas and have made one for Rusty. He's somewhat wary of their generosity and decides he's better off making his own beverage because he suspects they snuck some dog food into his. They direct him to the large cupboard to get a glass where Ug is waiting with a can of whipped cream and she sprays Rusty down. DJ and Stephanie each pick up a can and join in the assault, leaving him covered. Rusty vows that this means war, and the girls are like bring it, and Rusty's all, it's already been broughten! Or maybe that was "Bring it On"... either way, truly a waste of whipped cream.


Miss Bliss said...

"Whoa! Tongue Town, USA!"


michelle said...

"Rusty vows that this means war, and the girls are like bring it, and Rusty's all, it's already been broughten!"

Awesome. Great snark, as usual.

Rita said...

I was very perplexed as to Rusty's tucking the tablecloth into Danny's pants. First off, how did he manage that without Danny noticing? I mean, when you tuck, you have to push. Second off...that's a little too close to Danny's crotch there so his hand HAD to have brushed a little something something. Ewwwwwww.

And when Michelle got that ring on her eye from the kaleidescope, it made me a little happy.

Vani B. said...

WAIT there was no mention of Rusty recording over Joey's comedy tape! ("This is RustyVision! Hahaha!")

Wow, can't believe I remembered that.