Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"Dad, was she really necessary?" or Baby Love (2.16)

Kimmy, in a scene that contributes nothing towards the continuity of the show, has brought over a litter of Shar Pei's to the Tanners for the girls to pet and play with. You may recall that in later episodes, Kimmy's poodle Coco, is featured, but no Shar Pei. I'll allow it because I love puppies and they're really cute. The scene ends with D.J. commanding the puppy to roll over and UgMichelle following the command because she knows she's a bitch. Suck on that, Ug.

Jesse and Joey are watching "Wake Up San Francisco" with Michelle, because who needs to work? Becky is doing a segment on seeing San Francisco through the eyes of a tourist and her featured commentator of a visitor to the city is her nephew Howie, who's about Michelle's age. Michelle has a crush on him because she thinks he's good-looking, which okay. I don't think I could formulate a crush til age 4 or 5, but perhaps I was a late bloomer. Jesse is anxiously awaiting Becky's special secret signal to him. It's not subtle at all as she says "It would be a nice JESS...ture." (WINK*WINK*WINK) Smooth. Very professional, Ms. Donaldson.

Turns out Howie is staying with the Tanners because I guess his mother doesn't want to have her vacation in the big city ruined by the presence of her young son. Becky and Jesse will be watching all of the kids for the night, and she very sluttily mentions to Jesse how they can take care of the children while they play and "Later, you and I can play." Imagine that said in a "I wish I was a pornstar" voice. Kimmy brought "The Wolfman" over for her and D.J. to watch. D.J. tries to tell Stephanie that she's too young to watch the scary movie, but Steph goes to Uncle Jesse for a second opinion and he says she can watch it. Becky doesn't quite agree with that parenting decision because she doesn't think Stephanie is old enough and that it will scare her. Jesse blows off her concerns.

The girls are in the living room on the couch, watch the movie, Kimmy howling along with the Wolfman. Jesse and Becky bring them in drinks and snacks and end up scaring the crap out of them. At that point they shut off the movie and then Becky's rarely mentioned sister Connie comes over. I'd like to note that the actress playing Connie, Debbie Gregory, later resurfaces as Stephanie's dance teacher whom Danny asks out on a date only to be repulsed by her messy apartment. She's come to take Howie away and break Michelle's heart, and for that, I will always love her. Anyone who can upset Michelle Tanner is like family to me.

Unfortunately this also leads to a torturous and fairly painful scene of Michelle not being able to sleep and standing in her crib crying "Howie no buh-bye" over and over and over again. Apparently it's 2AM and she can't sleep without a penis in her crib, that little hussy. As soon as they note the time, Michelle says "Howie" a few more times and then falls asleep. See? Pointless! I shouldn't have even recapped the scene other than the fact that it provided me the opportunity to throw more daggers at Michelle and her future as a whore.

Meanwhile in the girls room, Stephanie is woken up by a noise. She runs to D.J. who tells her it's an Isuzu horn. Then we hear howling, which she tells her is the Gibbler's dog (which in this particular episode, happens to be a Shar Pei... ah, now I know why they included that opening scene- to provide a point of reference for this moment as well as being cute!) D.J. goes to get Stephanie some warm milk to help her sleep, and Stephanie starts thinking that D.J.'s George Michael poster has gotten hairier in the past 5 minutes, so she takes off downstairs. The girls run into each other in the darkened kitchen and scream. Danny and Joey come down to see what all the commotion is and the girls tell them that Jesse let them watch "The Wolfman" Just then, Jesse walks into the kitchen just in time to be scolded. Heh.

To assuage her fears, the guys put on a little skit for Stephanie about Wolfman at home. Jesse plays the Wolfman because of his bedhead, Joey plays Mr. Wolfman and Danny portrays the mother, Virginia Wolf. Heh. Stephanie is no longer scared of the Wolfman when he's placed in this ridiculous setting. Jesse then goes to tend to Michelle, who has since woken up and is repeating Howie's name again. Jesse picks her up and carries her into his room and lays her on the bed and then pulls out his... guitar. Thought that was going somewhere nastier, didn't you? Jesse proceeds to sing the most nauseating song ever, "When Michelle's Smiling" made ever grosser by an accompanying UgBaby montage. Ugh. A little bit of my soul died with that segment. Though I have to note that the lyrics sound like they're about someone who's mentally retarded: "She laughs at the news because she can't make sense of the pictures." For that, there is some redemption.

The next day, Jesse apologizes to Becky for the Wolfman debacle and concedes that she was right and will be a great mother someday. She tells him that's he's already a great mom. Becky came bearing a videotape of HTV, or Howie T.V., all Howie, all the time. He greets Michelle and says that he misses her and the whole family's "Aww"ing. I'm not. D.J. comments that even though Michelle is only 2, she's acting like a real person. I wouldn't go that far, Deej. Bye bye Howie! We won't be seeing you til (SPOILER! (if you've never seen this show before, that is)) Jesse and Becky's wedding!

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