Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"Just what we need in San Francisco, another mime!" or El Problema Grande de D.J. (2.17)

Stephanie comes in bearing her report card and tells the guys to bust out the root beer to celebrate. She received some A's, some B's and a B-. Wow, really? I would have been mortified with those grades. If I hadn't gotten all A's in second grade. Did we even get letters yet? I feel like we were on the O(utstanding), E(xcellent), G(ood), F(air) and P(oor) grading system at that point in time. It wasn't until 4th grade that I got my first C in Handwriting, which is a bullshit subject as far as I'm concerned because have you seen the penmanship of like 90% of adults? Granted, I now have the most enviably neat handwriting of all of my friends and co-workers, some call it "meticulous." Perhaps it was that sub par grade that inspired my killer penmanship... wow, that rant went on way too long.

The only blemish on Stephanie's report card (aside from the B- which I just don't find all that impressive) is that Stephanie's teacher referred to her as a "Chatterbox." So Steph vows to not talk. D.J. comes in, pissed about her report card which is all A's... except for a D in Spanish. Ay! Dios Mio! Que lastima! (I, on the other hand, kicked ASS in Spanish). Danny offers to go to D.J.'s school to speak with her teacher, Senorita Mosley. Joey says that he's always been adept in languages and demonstrates his fluency in idiotic cartoon voices. The doorbell rings and it's J&J's advertising boss, Mr. Malatesta.

Down in Joey's bedroom, aka their office, Jesse, Joey and Mr. M are tossing around ideas for a new marshmallow campaign with the input of Michelle. Mr. M claims that "Delicious" has been done, but "Yummy" is innovative. "Yummy in the Tummy" is the tagline they come up with. Seriously? Yeah, that's creative. Mr. M tells the guys to find him the cutest baby in San Francisco to be in the commercial and they claim that they have their baby right there. Michelle? Who are you trying to kid? Granted, this is one of her less fug appearances, but still. For some reason, Mr. M goes for it and Michelle's got the job.

Danny's at the girls' school and passes Stephanie in the hallway who is still not speaking. He finds D.J. and is directed towards her Spanish classroom. Turns out that her teacher is very pretty and also starstruck because she's a huge fan of "Wake Up San Francisco." He flirts talking about pizza dough, and she flatters him and refers to him as a "big star." He's about to leave and remembers why he's there in the first place. He brings up D.J.'s grade and Srta Mosley explained that D.J. began the year with B's and C's, but when the work became tougher, she lost her drive and just stopped trying. She offers to come by their house after school to set up a study program. Danny thinks it's a great idea. "Hasta luego," she calls to him. "El Pollo Loco," Danny replies.

Michelle is being readied for her commercial and Danny tells her to remember who changed her diapers when she becomes famous. To this, Joey and Jesse claim that they were the primary diaper changers in her life. J&J head out with Michelle. Srta Mosley is going around the house putting up labels of Spanish words on various items in the household. She gives Danny a lesson in how to pronounce the "rr" and how to roll his tongue... into her mouth! Just as Danny and Srta M engage in a liplock, D.J. and her friends all walk in. Whoops. She is mortified and accuses him of not changing her grade to get in with the teacher.

Danny goes into the girls' room to talk to D.J. Stephanie is appalled at the thought of kissing a teacher. D.J. claims that Danny sold her out for a kiss and that she thought he was on her side. Finally Danny grows a spine and calls D.J. out on her shitty work ethic and that her grade was deserved and had nothing to do with the kiss.

Meanwhile down at the studio, UgMichelle is on the set for the commercial. Nick and Irene are both onhand to show their support and Nick keeps boasting that Michelle's like a teeny tiny Tina (Louise). I must note that the set looks HORRIBLE! The concept was that Michelle is sitting atop a marshmallow cloud, but it just looks like a sloppy giant cottonball. Methinks they don't have a huge budget at the ad agency... They start shooting and feed UgBaby some marshmallows but she's not having it. She's full and now declares marshmallows to be "Yucky!" Mr. Malatesta is not a patient man and advises the guys to dump the baby and make some calls for a replacement. Nick is outraged that Mr. M doesn't recognize Ug as the next Tina Louise and him and Irene chase after him to try to change his mind. Joey tells Michelle she's fired and she's too dumb to understand.

At home, D.J. is dreading going to school, afraid of the torment of her peers following the kiss. Jesse recommends the tactic of beating up the first person to say something, whereas Joey opts for the more passive method of beating the other kids to the punchline. He provides D.J. with some material to prepare her for the battlefield of the classroom.

Danny's already down at the school to break it off with Srta. Mosley. They agree to set a date for the day when D.J. is no longer her student, but do you think they'll ever follow through. Danny Tanner: San Francisco's greatest heartbreaker. The bell rings and class is going to begin, so Danny tries to slip out the back door. Too bad the back door is actually the closet.

The class files in and when D.J. enters, the students erupt into a "OooOOoOOOoo!" D.J. questions their wit and provides them with some Gladstone "gems":

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Deej.
Deej who?
Deej-a see my Dad kiss the teacher!

and

Why does my Dad wear Senorita Mosley suspenders?
To keep my grades up.

D.J. thinks she's made it through the fire, but when she goes to hang her jean jacket (yes!) in the closet (why wouldn't she keep it in her locker?), she finds Danny. "OoooOOOooOo!" says the class again.

At home Danny tells D.J. to work hard and try her best, even when things get tough. And even if she doesn't succeed, he'll still love her for trying. Stephanie comes home shortly after. Finally, the guys can no longer take the silence and beg her to talk. She launched into a mile-a-minute gabfest which includes witnessing Mr. Gibbler knock trash cans over with her car and seeing a dog that looked like a lion that she thought was a lion until it got hit with a newspaper and barked. Riveting.

2 comments:

Rita said...

lol...scandalous!

metamorphstorm said...

I hate Michelle. I love this blog for pointing out what a total brat she is. (I see links to BSC stuff on here, so maybe you know what I mean when I saw that by the time she's 7, she'll be a Karen Brewer.)

This show is the sole reason I got into trouble so many times as a kid. I talked like Stephanie and D.J. do to their families and wow, my mom had a backbone compared to Uncle J, Joey, and Danny. Sometimes I wish true discipline was shown in Full House, but much like with the Berenstain Bears books VS the newer TV show, somewhere within the last 40 years, someone decided it wasn't right. Guess that explains a lot...I think I'm lucky I had such old-fashioned parents, and that FH didn't 'cause this blog wouldn't be half as fun (neither would FH itself) if it had been realistic. :p