"Our careers are over, but we're going to pass 6th grade science!" or Middle Age Crazy (2.10)

For some reason, Danny is videotaping UgBaby Michelle riding one of those bouncing plastic horses in the kitchen. I haven't the slightest idea why he would want to record such hideousness, but my only guess is that he's doing it as a precautionary method in case he ever entertains the thought of having another child. No Danny, they're just going to get uglier! Stephanie comes in with her Token Asian Harry, boasting of Stephanie setting the hula hoop record. Steph tries to show off for her father but he gives her the brush off because apparently the videotape is only about UgMichelle. Why? Ugh, As a sibling, I think that's some really obnoxious parenting there. Normally I love Danny, but this was a dumb move.

Jesse and Joey are suffering from writer's block trying to come up with a jingle for the Sweat Shack gym. Joey's wearing a hideous Cosby-style sweater. They're desperate for ideas and reach into the trash to recycle their old rejected concepts. Among these is a pretty cheesetastic rap jingle. Stephanie comes downstairs and tries to show off her skills to the guys but they too blow her off, because they need to work. Not a moment later, D.J. comes bounding downstairs asking for help with her science project. Stephanie begins to tell her that they can't because they're busy with work, but apparently a 6th grade science project is important enough to put their careers on hold.

D.J. needs to do the classic egg drop project, and apparently her success will dictate whether or not she passes 6th grade science. Wow, really? I mean, it's not rocket science, but when we did the egg drop in school it was just for fun/bragging rights. D.J. has had 20 days to do this project but waited until last minute. That doesn't seem to be very consistent with D.J.'s character who has always been shown to be brainy and studious.

Joey proposes that they incorporate "nature's" most perfect shock absorber, the Twinkie. He stuffs the egg inside the cake-y creamy goodness and drops it on the table and naturally, it smashes. Back to the drawing board, gang.

Danny is continuing to film Michelle and Stephanie tries her hand at singing for her father's love and attention. She sings "I Sing the Songs that Make the Whole World Sing" abysmally. Even UgBaby has to cover her ears. Those Tanner girls are just not vocally gifted. Yikes. Stephanie complains that Michelle thinks she's *so* cute and then laments that she *is* so cute. Whatever to that. She's an ugly ass baby.

Now it's time for one of the awesome imagination sequences. Michelle and the three guys are in the living room and they all whip out their video cameras to capture Michelle blinking. Stephanie comes in dressed in a pink astronaut suit, just back from Mars. The guys barely acknowledge her presence and instead focus their attention on the arrival of D.J. who just returned from the arduous journey to the mailbox. They dress her in a crown and royal cape just for being the firstborn. Stephanie tries levitating around the room for attention and Danny merely asks her to dust the top of the mantle while she's up there. Of course this is met with a "How rude!" from Steph and we journey back to reality.

Harry comes back over with a camera in hand wanting to take a picture of Stephanie with her hula hoop for his scrapbook. Haha, a 6 year old boy that scrapbooks? Stephanie is sad and says that no one cares about her and decides to marry Harry. She's going to be Mrs. Stephanie Takyama and Harry proudly proclaims that he will be Harry Tanner. Hee!

D.J. and the guys meanwhile are testing out their latest egg drop device. They have encased the egg in an elastic suspended Twinkie booty and the egg bounces out of its carrier and smashes in Danny's hands as he enters the living room. Everyone barely takes notice the the large group of children filing through the house to attend a wedding in the backyard. They are too consumed with the egg drop and finally figure out that they need to add a parachute to the device. I scoff and yell "Duh!" at my television, that's the FIRST thing any normal 6th grader would come up with, let alone two grown ass men.

The wedding ceremony has begun in the backyard complete with a kazoo band! The kid conducting the ceremony is pretty cute as he states that they are there to join Stephanie and Harry in "holy mattress money." Rather than a ring, Harry presents Stephanie with a stick-on Scooby Doo tattoo, and both bride and groom are horrified to hear that their marriage is not official until they kiss. Stephanie gives Harry her hand and looks away as he pecks it. Afterwards she boasts that he's "not a bad kisser." Hee! again.

The new and improved egg drop with parachute works and they mention Einstein's theory that success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. D.J. doesn't follow so Jesse breaks it down, "It means if you don't sweat it, you don't get it!" Ding! Something clicked or the guys and they've got their jingle for Sweat World gym... which I thought they called the Sweat Shack earlier... whatever.

Danny comes in, STILL filming Michelle. Is this bordering on creepy for anyone else? Stephanie joins everyone in the living room with Harry and announces their marriage. Her happiness is temporary because Harry has to go home for meatloaf night at the Takyama household. Stephanie cries out, "Nobody wants me!" and finally the family gets a clue that they've been completely neglecting the middle daughter.

Jesse pep talks Stephanie about the perks of being in the middle. He tells her how in a sandwich the best part is found in the middle. When he tries to prompt her about what the best part of an Oreo is, Joey pipes in with the answer like the moron he is. Great Joey, you beat a 6 year old to the answer. Way to go. D.J. says that she's starting to feel depressed about not being in the middle, and finally Stephanie perks up, "I like that!" There are hugs all around and Danny finally duh's that maybe the video would be best if it featured all three of his daughters and didn't display blatant favoritism. Ya think? Stephanie begins hula-ing and singing that godawful song again, but this time the whole family joins in. At least it sounds a little better when someone who can carry a tune joins in.