"I'll bet that if you don't give my money back, you're gonna die!" or Just One of the Guys (1.18)

Time to fill in all of the gaps of the first go-round... well except for the last episode that I was too tired to pay attention to. Oh well, who doesn't love a little Kirk Cameron action?

Squeee! Kirk Cameron guest-starring on FH! He plays Steve, Danny's nephew who is a few years older than D.J. but used to be her best friend every time he came to visit. D.J. tells Kimmy that he has glasses, braces and a face full of zits, but that he's a ton of fun. When he arrives, his face is cleared up, he got contacts and his braces were taken off. Now he's the massive pre-Born Again Christian hunky incarnation of Kirk Cameron.

D.J. asks Steve to go ice-skating and he shoots her down in favor of basketball with the guys. You can see that D.J.'s a little hurt but she brushes it off.

Later D.J., Kimmy and Stephanie make lunch for the guys and D.J. tells Kimmy that she found all these pictures from THanksgiving 2 years ago nd she wants to show them to Steve and reminisce about the good times. The guys come in hungry after their game and swoop in and pick up lunch and move into the living room to watch the Celtics-Lakers game (GO CELTICS!). Kimmy departs on a quest for pickles for Steve.

While watching the game, Joey bets Jesse a dollar that Magic steals the ball from... someone, and obviously he does. He makes a more elaborate and intricate prediction and Jesse and everyone else is blown away... until Stephanie remarks that she's so impressed because Joey didn't know that any of those things were going to happen when they watched the game together this morning. Jesse pops a cassette out of the VCR and threatens to bludgeon Joey with it unless he gets his money back.

Ug's cries drift downstairs and Steve offers to go check on the brat. Danny thanks him and then doubts his experience with babies, but since he secretly hates Ug, he'll allow a 17 year old boy with no infant knowledge to handle things. Joey comments that Steve's a great kid and Danny thanks J&J for being so good to Steve and helping provide a manly environment for him to thrive in since his father apparently peaced out not too long ago.

Up in Ug's nursery, Steve's clueless and D.J. is there to decode Michelle's piercing cries and teach him how to put on diapers, and once again asks him to go ice skating, sweetening the deal with an invite to eat pizza and go to a boy-girl party. Steve tells her that he's too old to do those kinds of things and says he already has plans to go to the Warriors game with Danny. Danny then comes in and announces that the next day they'll all be going to the park for a picnic and some touch football and calls Steve to come watch the Bull-Pistons game (I'M INDIFFERENT TO BOTH!), leaving D.J. to deal with stinky baby. She plops the newly diapered Michelle down in a chair and asks her what she thinks of her cousin Steve. Michelle gurgles in response and D.J. laments that Steve has turned into a big jock who has no time for her anymore. Sad music.

D.J. is in the living room with J&J where they are teaching her the fundamentals of football. She's loving it and getting really into the machismo of [manly voice] FOOTBALL!!! [/end manly voice] At the park, the family's lounging while Jesse plays on the guitar and wearing a really poor choice in headwear. Kimmy offers Steve another sandwich and he declines, and D.J. butts in spouting off a bunch of random sports statistics. She's met with stares from everyone and breaks the tension by suggesting they play some football.

Danny and Jesse are captains (because it's Danny's ball and Jesse's hair looks like a helmet) and Danny's team is Steve, Kimmy and Steph. Jesse's team is D.J., Michelle, and Joey... but they need to spot them a touchdown. Jesse's team strikes first, and Kimmy consoles Steve with an ass slap. Ha, I love Kimmy. Steve tells the girls to sit out so they guys can play some "real" football, but how real is it going to be with 4 people? D.J. gets all fired up by this rampant display of sexism and tackles intended receiver Steve with a pass interference. Bitch laid him OUT!

D.J. flips a shit when they call a penalty and bursts out that Danny should just adopt Steve already, because it's pretty obvious that's what he wants. She runs off and Kimmy's there to break the tension with another ass slap.

Danny talks to D.J. and he tries to explain that since Steve's father moved out, it's important for Steve to have time with the guys and D.J. parrots back all of the information and says that it's all well and good, except when you're a girl and you want to spend some time with your formerly favorite cousin.

Back at the house, D.J. is sitting in her room moping when Steve knocks on the door. He came up to talk to her about why she "clobbered" (his words, not mine. I don't think I've ever used the word "clobber" in a conversational sense) him during the touch football game. She says that she was mad at him because she was so looking forward to his visit and he didn't want anything to do with her. He wouldn't even go ice-skating (the nerve!) and she misses "the OLD Steve." He says he's still the same and it's just that the age difference of 17 and 11 feels like a really big deal right now, but when they're much older (like 100 and 94) it won't matter. They try starting over and make plans to go ice-skating and, what else? Hug it out. Bye Steve! We'll never see you again!