"I know, but this is a show people I know watch!" or Mr. Egghead (3.18)

Thanks for the awesome feedback re: Spin the Bottle. I have the night off of work so I'm expecting to crank out a few recaps for your viewing pleasure today/tonight.

We open with what some may construe as a "cute" Michelle moment. Unfortunately, I blacked out from my repulsion and am unable to recap what happened here. I'm quite sure that none of you will be upset about that considering that Michelle's annoyance is totally dominating the polls.

Stephanie meanwhile, asks Uncle Jesse to help her practice taking pictures for her class photo. Apparently last year she wa caught mid-sneeze and was labeled "Sneezeburger" by her peers. And I have to ask, what is with all of these San Francisco kids using "burger" at the end of every insult? UgTot fugs her way into the room and brats, "Are you having fun without me?" Ho, every moment you're far away from me is a barrel of fun.

D.J. and Danny come in, Danny outraged by the fact that he received a ticket on their drive home. Apparently he was in a right turn only lane but the sign was obscured by an overgrown bush (Hee! Dirty!). D.J. is Danny's witness to the lack of sign visibility and offers to come to court with him to fight the ticket, especially if he can do it the same day as her big test. In lighter news... I guess, Danny got Joey an audition for the children's show, "Mr. Egghead." D.J. wisely questions Joey's abilities to fill the shoes of the old Mr. Egghead and doubts his knowledge of science. I'm sure this, like many other of Joey's hidden talents, will be completely glossed over. Joey begs and eventually recruits Jesse to be his musical sidekick, The Professor.

Danny preps D.J. for their court appearance and instructs her to wear all blue, because studies have proven that juries are sympathetic to the color. Um, hate to burst your legal bubble Dan-O, but they don't really summon a jury for a minor traffic infraction. Stephanie is bouncing off the walls with excitement about her upcoming week: Wednesday her class gets to visit the set of the Mr. Egghead show, Thursday is class picture day and Friday is pizza day. Hey, I'm with you Steph. That sounds like a bombass week.

And it's apparently Wednesday because here were are on "Mr. Egghead." And Walter, you remember Walter, don't you? A.K.A. "Ducklips"? Well since we last saw him, Ducklips Walter went from shy quiet dork to a loud annoying know-it-all. The topic of the day on "Mr. Egghead" is Energy. Joey, and his lack of qualifications tells us that energy is the ability to do work and can be found all around us in things like the sun, muscles and man, what a snoozefest. Joey is certainly no Bill Nye or even Beakman.

Joey points out that there's even energy in Walter who poses the question of how the speed of light is calculated in a black hole. The hell? What kind of little kid asks that shit? Dork! I might even go so far as to invoke the sacred nomenclature "Dorkus Malorkus." Joey redirects the question to the Professor who provides this excellent response: "Walter, I'm going to tell you what my Dad told me: look it up!" Ha! Zing! Man, Jesse does look 10x foxier in his spectacles.

Joey selects Stephanie to assist them in today's "egg-speriment." Walter's annoying ass informs everyone that Stephanie and Mr. Egghead live together and call shenanigans on this mess. The class begins a chant of "Fix!" which Jesse exacerbates by joining in with the musical accompaniment in the form of baseball's "Charge!" theme. Joey chastises him for "egging" them on. The machinery required for the experiment isn't working and Walter talks more shit and Jesse suggests that he show himself to the "Egg-xit." Man, I can't wait til we're done with these egg puns.

As Joey attempts to fix the energy machine, Stephanie entertains the "crowd" (as this is merely an audition and aside from her classmates, there's no audience watching) with a rousing rendition of "Tomorrow." As she's warbling, the machine springs to life and the boxing glove hurls forward catching Stephanie right in the nose. It's pretty funny, but I can't help but wish it was Michelle getting smacked in the face.

Joey and Jesse bring Stephanie home from the hospital and she just has a little bandage on her nose. Of course Stephanie laments that picture day is ruined and Joey is ridden with guilt. He tries to compensate with a plethora of gifts and Joey is shitting his pants in fear of telling Danny that he broke Stephanie's nose. Relax Joe, it's not his firstborn of his precious princess, it's his forgotten middle child. I'm sure he won't mind all that much.

Unfortunately for Joe Schmoe, Danny comes back in a less than stellar mood. While he was arguing his ticket, his car got towed. It ended up costing him $100 to beat a $30 ticket. To brighten things up, Danny asks Joey how his Mr. Egghead audition went. Joey tells him that he was fired and booed off the stage. Um, can you really be fired from an audition? It's not like you actually had the job... Joey dodges around the reasoning but naturally, UgTot is there to pipe in with, "Joey broke Steffy's nose!" Danny rushes off to check on Stephanie, and Joey follows, still trying to buy her forgiveness. She asks for a big screen television, which D.J. fully supports.

The next day is the epic class picture day and after leaving for school, Stephanie then sneaks back into the house. Michelle finds her, but since she is an easily manipulated idiot toddler, Stephanie gets her to go make her a sandwich and bring it to her upstairs. Unfortunately, stealth is not part of Ug's repertoire and Joey busts her. He follows her upstairs and finds Stephanie and allows himself to be guilted into letting her stay home. Jesse, not being the one who busted the poor child's nose, is a little tougher to crack and insists that she return to school.

He brings her to school and they are met by Joey who arrived earlier to provide the entire glass with those joke glasses with the nose and mustache attached. They take a photo with everyone wearing the glasses and then do one without. And honestly, it's just a small bandage! She doesn't even look that bad. But I mean, it IS elementary school and kids are totally callous douchebags and Stephanie's my favorite, so I'll let this whole incident slide.