Monday, February 11, 2008

"Mr. Tanner, your daughter is the most beautiful woman in the world." "She's okay." or Greek Week (4.1)

Yessssssssss! Finally the Greeks are coming to San Francisco! Half of me loves this episode because I'm part Greek and everything Greek is awesome (namely the food and dancing and the "Opah!"), but the other half of me absolutely abhors this episode because it features both Olsen twins onscreen at the same time. TWO "Michelle's"! The horror! THE HORROR! I'll try to be brave.

Anyway, the Greeks have all flown into town to celebrate Papouli and YiaYia's 50th wedding anniversary. Ugh, and here she comes. Melina, Jesse's goddaughter who was never mentioned before and will never be mentioned again, is one of the Olsen's donning a brown wig. Thankfully because she's Greek, she doesn't speak too much. I heard that one of the Olsen's was considerably less into acting and sucked a lot more, so I'm guessing that's the one portraying Melina. I can't remember which one it was, but I'm sure it's easily googlable.

Also in the Greek troupe is Silvio, who apparently has been staring at and subsequently masturbating to D.J.'s picture since he hit puberty. He tells her that she's even more beautiful than person which is met with an "Oh Mylanta!" from a swooning D.J. She goes off to show Silvio around San Fran and Danny gives Stephanie strict instructions to keep a watchful eye on D.J., Silvio and their raging hormones.

Rounding out this motley crew of Greeks is Elena, Silvio's older sister who comes in and makes a beeline straight for Jesse and greats him with a big ol' kiss on the lips, much to the chagrin of Becky. Apparently Elena and Jesse were childhood sweethearts when he visited Greece as a boy and he can't believe Little Elena has grown into such a sexified woman. He introduces Little Elena to Big Becky.

Papouli refers to Silvio as a young Jesse and Danny's life just got a whole lot worse with that bit of information. D.J. and Silvio come back from a tour of the town and they kiss and walk around the table. Jesse mentions that he remembers doing that walking around the table ritual with Elena when they were younger and she's ecstatic that he remembered after all of these years. Apparently in Greek culture, that walk around the table symbolizes marriage. D.J. and Jesse have some excellent "Oh shit!" faces when they realize they just got married.

Now at the 50th wedding anniversary, everyone's having a rip-roaring great Greek time. Naturally Becky is PISSED and she begins smashing plates all over the place. Unfortunately, this doesn't really carry the kind of emotion she's trying to convey because you know us Greeks love smashing us some plates all over the place at all of our happy celebrations! Jesse goes to Elena and tells her that he has to break it off because he's so in love with Becky. Becky and Danny lead both newlywed couples over to Papouli and ask that they be granted divorces.

Luckily for them, according to Papouli, because no farm animals changed hands, divorce is possible. And how do they go about it, you ask? Why by simply walking around the table backwards! You know, I love my Greek heritage and all, but I sincerely doubt these marriages and divorces would hold up in a court of law.

Silvio and Elena commiserate over the fact that they travelled 12,000 miles for divorces and regret that they didn't opt for a trip to Disneyland instead.

Onto more blissful marriages... Papouli makes a really beautiful toast to his wife and I get a little verklempt. Inspired by this display of true everlasting love, Jesse gets down on one knee and proposes to Becky who tearfully accepts.

This happy moment is ruined by the international twins of Ug who remind me of those creepy girls from "The Shining" do an annoying dance to some traditional Greek music. They can't send little Melina back soon enough.


Christine said...

I got married in a Greek church, and when I learned that we actually would have to walk around a table 3 times, I thought of this episode! Which is totally not what you should be thinking about at your wedding.

michelle said...

Wow! I can't believe the whole "walking around a table" thing is actually real!! I just assumed FH made that shit up.

Making fun of OTH said...

Michelle in a brown wig is so bad...GET IT? THEY'RE TWINS!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you didn't mention the blatant sexual innuendo with DJ and Silvio having a slurpee.

"I've never slurped with a girl before. How did I do?"
"Great! You slurped at just the right speed."
"I was very nervous."