Sunday, February 10, 2008

"I lost him! I lost a whole Beach Boy!" or Our Very First Telethon (3.24)

Everyone pop some corn and get your checkbooks ready, it's time for the We [Heart] Our Children Telethon '90!

We kick it off with some more of Joey's crappy stand-up which he uses as a bizarre segue into a magic trick. I find this ironic because I seem to recall an episode where Joey dissed magicians, but whatever, we already know Joey's a douche. His trick consists of putting Becky into one of those boxes and cutting her into thirds. Apparently magic tricks (or "Illusions" as Gob would say on "Arrested Developmet") are a little more difficult than Mr. Gladstone thought, because he can't complete the trick and leaves Becky stuck in the box.

Becky starts getting pissed because she's supposed to be a part of the next act, singing a duet with Danny. For some reason, they can't shake up their set list, so the music begins and Danny comes out and begins singing with Becky while Joey furiously works to release her. They warble through some ballad about what they'd do for love, all the while with Becky shooting some verbal barbs at Danny and like, what is she pissed at him for? Yeah, you're stuck in a box and that sucks, but why is that Danny's fault? He's just trying to keep the show rolling. Eventually Becky is released for the final notes of the song.

Time elapses and everyone else gets to go home and get some rest except for Danny. Apparently he's the predominant host and they don't have anyone to relieve him for a few hours. Danny finally succumbs to fatigue and passes out. By this time the rest of the Tanner clan have made their way back to the telethon studio and do their best to fill the void left by an unconscious Danny. Seriously though, it's only 24 hours... you're not that old Danny, and it's not that hard to go 24 hrs straight, but whatever.

Jesse sings with Michelle and then she performs the alphabet and naturally the producer of the telethon is less than thrilled with this display of "talent." Jesse and Joey take over hosting duties and like, where the eff is Becky? I know she went home to sleep, but I was under the impression this was a WUSF thing, so why don't they make her ass cover for Danny for a while? Or why didn't they work it out that they hosted the telethon in shifts with minor overlap so that they could each share equal parts hosting with equal resting time?

Stephanie then does a wicked badass, and very 1990 dance to "Love Shack." The guys ask D.J. to sing some song that she always does for Michelle. They get her a shopping cart and oversized lollipop from somewhere and she serenades Michelle with a song about lollipops and gummi bears and are you sure they didn't plan this? Joey takes the microphone and starts engaging in a horrific Steven Tyler impersonation. Thankfully, Jesse stops him before he completely butchers "Janie's Got a Gun."

The get a call from someone who is willing to pledge $200 if she can see Kimmy Gibbler ride her unicycle to "Saber Dance (in G)". Jesse attempts to deny the request by saying that unfortunately, Kimmy and her unicycle are nowhere to be found, but he's interrupted by Kimmy riding out from backstage on said unicycle. She yells out "Thanks Mom!" and circles the stage. The circus music and mobile Gibbler is enough to finally stir Danny from his 4 hour slumber.

Mike Love of the Beach Boys shows up and agrees to perform "Be True to Your School" on the condition that they bring the cheerleaders over to flank him and shake their pom pom's, if ya know what I mean. Jesse always has to be center of attention and engages in an excessively long drum solo. The song is enough to put the grand total from the telethon over the $1 million mark and Danny is elated. Aren't we all?


colleenn said...

yay! This is one of my favorite all-time FH episodes ever, and I was hoping it would come up in recaps soon. And bonus Arrested Development mention too.

But yes, the awesomeness of this episode... it has Steph's Love Shack dance, which was the coolest thing ever for an eight-year-old dancing addict like myself, DJ's "lollipops and gummi bears" song that I can still sing to this day even though I haven't seen this episode in years ("they make so happy, they make me so happy, as happy as I can be"), and another requisite Beach Boys appearance. classic.

And that song Danny and Becky sing... that is "What I Did for Love" from A Chorus Line. Years later when I finally saw the movie version of the play, I heard the song and after the first line "Kiss today goodbye" I immediately thought "kiss my career goodbye," and it took me a minute to figure out where I was pulling that from before I realized it was this FH episode. :) This comment was way too long, sorry.

MilkMan said...

Haha, I was never much of a dancer but I did love Steph's routine. And I can also sing D.J.'s ridiculous song at the drop of the hat.

I never knew where that song was from, so thanks for the info about "A Chorus Line."

I don't mind the long comments, gives me some reading fodder.