"Ink!" "Gee, you're good Uncle Jesse." or Rock the Cradle (4.26)

Uh yeah, so we're jumping from Jesse and Becky's wedding to Becky finding out she's pregnant. I don't know if it was me or ABC Family, but either way, I was comatose for 97% of Season 4, so it's onto Season 5 after this recap. But, to make up for it, I created my own artistic renditions of the drawings from the Tanners' game of Picture Charades!

We open on Jesse and the Rippers auditioning for a music executive. Following the musical portion, Jesse and family engage in some mega-watt serious ass kissing of the record exec. It's borderline pathetic.

Later in the kitchen, Danny answers the phone and it's a call for Becky. It's her doctor and it's pretty obvious to everyone watching based on her reaction that she's knocked up. She gets off the phone and confirms the news to Danny.

Just then Jesse comes in with big news and Becky replies that she also has big news. Jesse tells her that the Rippers were signed by the label. Becky is about to drop the baby bombshell on him when he cuts her off to gush about going on tour for a few months. He tells her that since WUSF will be on hiatus, to come with him on the road because they are young and have nothing (like kids) to tie them down. At this point, Becky chickens out because she doesn't want to dampen his excitement about his lifelong dreams actually coming to fruition. Angsty music!

Becky tells the rest of the family and they're all hella excited, but she tells them to keep their mouths shut because she still hasn't told Jesse. She plans to tell him over dinner. She prepares a theme meal: BABY back ribs, BABY carrots, BABY corn, and asks Jesse if he's noticing the trend amongst all the items. Jesse (who we will learn in this episode, is a complete and total R-Tard) misses the boat and thinks the common thread is that they're all finger foods... which he loves. Seriously, was Jesse always this clueless? Becky chickens out yet again, and he's too excited about his record deal and upcoming tour to eat. He goes down to share the news with the rest of the family.

Everyone else is in the living room playing Pictionary, oh I'm sorry, they call it "Picture Charades". Stephanie's up and this is essentially what she draws:


Because Michelle is a moron, she keeps guessing Big Bird. WRONG. The family gets irritated with her to the point of snapping in unison, "It's not Big Bird!" To which she replies, "Don't have a cow!" which subsequently was what Stephanie was going for. Jesse comes downstairs to tell everyone about his big news, and they congratulate him because they think he's talking about the baby and they already know. Jesse of course, thinks they're talking about his band's deal and he goes on and on about how it's not a miracle because he'd been practicing in his friends' garages from a young age, and tells them all that he wants them there chanting "Jesse! Jesse! Jesse!"

Just then as everyone is both horrified and nauseated, Becky runs in and gestures to them that she has yet to tell him. Rather than be a grownup about it, she opts to draw out her big news, in the form of a movie title:


Jesse is having a little trouble, so she gives him a hint:


He finally surmises that the first part is "She's having." And she adds the most important part of the puzzle:


He thinks it's "She's having a hot dog!" Yeah. That's it. Seriously, when did Uncle Jesse get so damn stupid. I know he's a high school dropout and everything, but did they have an un-aired episode when he falls off of his motorcycle and suffers massive brain damage?

Becky finally gets frustrated enough to burst out that it's a baby and that she's having the baby, but the she is her and reveals her pregnancy to Jesse. He's excited for a brief moment until the realization of the impending responsibility dawns on him and he promptly faints.

That night, Jesse lurks in the doorway while Danny reads a bedtime story to Michelle and tucks her in. He gets some tips from America's best Dad and then has a heart to heart with... Michelle? I know I always seek a toddler for counseling with my most important issues. Again I question, brain damage?

Ug decides to give the baby the epithet of "Big Bird" and suggests Jesse use the eeny-meeny-miney-mo method of determining whether or not he go through with going on tour. He chooses to skip out on the tour and stay home and be with Becky. He goes to tell Becky of his revelation and she's all like "Big Bird, say WHAT?" She tells him that since the tour will be during the early part of her pregnancy she won't be too delicate to travel and can accompany him. Problem once again solved in a neat little package.

Next: Season 5 and the Tanner household gets a whole lot more annoying!