First and foremost, does anyone think it was intentional that this Valentine's episode is the fourteenth of the second season, thereby making it episode 2.14 which just so happens to be the same numbers as Valentine's Day? Or do we think it's just a happy coincidence? Ponder. Discuss. Love.
It's Valentine's Day at the Tanner's and D.J., Stephanie and Joey are in the kitchen as Jesse comes bounding down the stairs singing "My Funny Valentine." He shows off a pair of earrings to Joey that he bought for Becky. He's nervous and wants their first Valentine's together to be special. Cheese. Danny comes in bearing VDay presents for the girls. D.J.'s hoping for the royal blue sweater that she's been not-so-subtly hinting at since after Christmas.
They open their gifts, Stephanie got a lock and D.J. opens her box to reveal royal blue... socks. She tries to mask her disappointment, but Danny totally psychs her out by saying that those socks will go great with her brand new royal blue sweater! D.J. is ecstatic and Stephanie tries on the sweater and says it would make a great dress. D.J. flips a shit about Stephanie stretching her sweater out and they bicker back and forth until Danny demands they say something nice to each other. D.J. tells Stephanie she has a wonderful big sister, and Stephanie retorts that she has a wonderful little sister. D.J. outwits her by agreeing and saying that she has Michelle. Touche, D.J. Though for the record, I wholeheartedly disagree with the assertion that Michelle is wonderful.
UgBaby, meanwhile, has stalled at opening her gift and doesn't get past bow removal. The guys open her present to reveal a sweater and she takes off for the living room toting the box and ignoring the gift. Jesse suggests that next year they just get her a box.
That afternoon, D.J. and Stephanie come home from school and Stephanie notices that D.J. isn't wearing her new royal blue sweater. D.J. removes the sweater from her bag, piece by piece. Apparently during recess, D.J. took the sweater off to play soccer so it didn't get all sweaty and gross, and while it was lying on the grass, the gardener ran it over with his lawn mower. I don't think I've ever heard of a school groundskeeper referred to as a gardener. Who knows though, maybe the San Francisco public school system marches to the beat of their own drum...
Kimmy comes over with money for D.J. to buy a new sweater. Joey drops D.J., Kimmy and Stephanie off at the mall and they go into the store where D.J. finds the sweater. She also finds out that it costs a whopping $80. Problem is, she was only able to muster up $43.80 (plus 322 pennies... in cash (for the mathematically challenged, that's $47.02 in all)). The salesperson tells them that they're a little short to which Stephanie replies, "I can't help it, I'm only 6." Bwah! Stephanie then takes notice of a sign reading, "Buy Now, Pay Later" and inquires about it. The salesclerk chipperly explains the concept of credit, and like, duh, she's setting herself up to get shoplifted. Why the hell wouldn't she explain that to have credit you need a credit card, rather than let a 6 year old child think she can take something and pay for it later? Moron. Naturally Stephanie pilfers the sweater and the girls file out at the same time of another woman. The security alarm goes off and they stop the other woman as D.J. and Kimmy talk about how much they hate shoplifters. Irony!
Joey is super impressed that all of the girls were able to go into the mall for 20 minutes and not purchase a single item. Up in the girls' room, D.J. wonders how she's going to tell the guys about the sweater, and Stephanie tells them not to worry because she took care of it. She explains credit, and D.J. and Kimmy tell her that without a credit card, it's shoplifting. Danny's taking the girls out so D.J. has to wear her new sweater, so the girls find a way to conceal the security tag.
Joey and his girlfriend Cheryl, (hey remember her? I don't think they ever officially broke up, they just phased her out) are on their way to a Valentine's costume party with him dressed as Popeye and Cheryl as Olive Oyl. Maybe this was the unravelling of their relationship because Cheryl is HELLA annoying attempting to do Olive Oyl's voice. They're toting Michelle looking uglier than ever in a misshapen bald cap as Sweet Pea and I can't think of a less attractive accessory. The girls come down with their shirts rolled up on the side, and tell Danny it's the newest style. They go off of their date to see "Roger Rabbit" just as Becky and Jesse come back from a hay ride through San Francisco that's left Jesse sneezing. Jesse comments on Danny's shirt being rolled up and Danny says it's the latest style.
More Valentine's romance with Becky and Jesse, romantic music, fire, champagne, cliche. Exchange of gifts, Jesse bought Becky sapphire earrings and she got him an Elvis spoon... yeah... Jesse tells Becky he's glad she made him wait 4 months before they dated because it gave them an opportunity to become friends first and heightened the level of intimacy in their relationship. He says that he's ready to spend every weekend with her and tosses his little black book into the fire. Not every weekend though, as Becky has a date Saturday. Whore! He dives into the fire to retrieve his book and says he can get a date for Saturday too. But he catches himself and admits he doesn't want anyone but her. Becky tells him she's worried things are moving too fast and asks him to take it slow, and she says he won't have to wait long. They kiss and she says she plans on taking it slow, and we cut to commercial knowing full well that they are doing it all over the Tanner household. Twice on Michelle's bed.
The next day, D.J. brings Stephanie back to the mall to return the sweater she stole. As they enter the store the alarm goes off and they are immediately descended upon and accosted by a bitchy salesclerk. I have major beef with her attitude because yeah, they might have stolen the sweater, but it was only because she's 6 years old and was mislead by the clerk. Not to mention the fact that they were only busted for it when they came back in to return it. I mean, yeah shoplifting is a big deal, but they knew it was wrong and were trying to do right by bringing it back. Bitch! She calls the guys in and they jump to their defense... until the girls admit that Stephanie did take the sweater to replace the one D.J. had that was ruined.
Danny asks the girls why they didn't just come to him with their problem, and D.J. says she thought she could handle it herself. Danny kindly points out that that method usually gets her into more trouble. He tells them that they can always come to him and Stephanie asks if maybe he can help fix the sweater. He says he'll give it a try and is horrified as it's handed to him piece by piece by piece. He masks his horror with a chuckle saying that at least they all learned something. But, as soon as he's outside of the room and closes the door, we hear him lament, "Eighty dollars!"
D.J. thanks Stephanie for trying to help her and they say they can always count on one another for help in difficult situations and she even agrees to let Stephanie play with some of her toys. Ah, sisterly love. And see how unnecessary Michelle is?
Stay tuned, I should have all the romantic Valentine's themed episodes of "Full House" up before the day's over. Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Uncle Jesse, will you be mine?