Saturday, February 9, 2008

"In Illinois, we used to roast weenies and burp tupperware!" or Fraternity Reunion (3.23)

Danny and Joey are getting geared up for their fraternity reunion and are doing so by singing their frat song. Jesse, the only true Greek in the house, comes into the kitchen after being tagged on his motorcycle by a hot pink spray-paint wielding vandal. He's got a pink stripe running down his helmet as well as the back of his leather jacket. Man, that sucks, I bet that shit was expensive.

Danny and Joey provide a little exposition as they explain how back in the day, Danny disgraced the fraternity by allowing their rival sorority to steal their mascot, a seal. I'm surprised that Danny's invite didn't get lost in the mail. Joey and Danny plot to steal the seal back to get back in the good graces.

Meanwhile, Kimmy and D.J. are doing their homework and need to watch the news to do so. Unfort, they also "need" to watch MTV, what are they to do? They decide to carry the really heavy, large television up to D.J. and Stephanie's room, rather than transport their much smaller television down to the living room. I think we all know where this is headed. While balancing the television atop the railing, Kimmy's shit gets caught underneath, and when she yanks it free, the poor television goes toppling down to the floor and smashes.

The guys hear the commotion and come a-running. Apparently, Danny feels as strongly about the almighty T.V. as I do, and flips a shit. He blames Kimmy for all of the mischief D.J. finds herself into and banishes her from the Tanner home. Harsh!

Later D.J. and Stephanie are at the kitchen table and do some weird sort of "Stomp"-esque routine involving plastic cups and clapping and whatnots, and it's pretty impressive, albeit completely random.

Danny and Joey leave, dressed in drag, preparing to infiltrate the rival sorority. Their cover story is that they're from one of the midwest chapters, you know, because they're homely [To any of my readers who may be from the midwest, I keed I keed! Three of my best friends are from Wisconsin! Save the hate mail.] They see the seal, and it's such a ghetto stuffed animal, I can't even believe that that's their precious mascot. I had stuffed animal seals when I was a kid that were way better than that mess.

A lecherous waiter who kind of resembles Stephen King hits on Danny. Danny is understandably creeped out and Joey tells him to not settle for less than a doctor. As a waitress who serves many doctors who prove on a nightly basis that money can't buy class, I speak for all of my fellow servers when I say, Blow it out your ass, Gladstone! For some unexplained reason, this group of 30-something sorority hags decide to have a limbo contest. And because Joey's a total idiot, he declares himself a "limbo bimbo" and proceeds to go down low and lose his wig in the process. Busted!

Danny grabs the seal and they try to make a break for it, passing it back and forth, pursued by the sorority hags until they are finally tackled and tickled down to the ground. They come up handcuffed and think it's a joke, but it turns out one of the hags is actually a cop. Double busted for grand theft seal! The icing on the cake, the waiter comes back and snatches his number away from Danny calling him a tease. Bwah!

Down at the precint, Danny and Joey are being tormented and asked if they're there for a "fashion violation." The guys didn't bring any money in their purses and are unable to make bail, and the sorority hag cop is being a total C-U-next-Tuesday about the whole mess. Bitch, get over yourself. I hate sorority ho's [again, no offense to my possible sorority girl readers, but I've never met one I've jived with].

Danny uses his phone call to call D.J. and tells her to get his checkbook from his room and call Becky or Claire to come bail him out. D.J., who was supposed to be teaching UgTot Patty Cake, leaves her in the lurch. I laugh at Michelle's unhappiness.

Danny returns to the cell that's full of menacing looking thugs who just happen to be huge fans of WUSF and Danny! Ha! Danny Tanner has a huge prison following. I don't know why that makes me so happy, but it does.

Kimmy is at the Tanner's. Stephanie begins to protest that she's been banned, but D.J. called her to come baby-sit the girls while she goes down to bail Danny out of jail. Becky and Grandma were nowhere to be found and wow, way to be great emergency contacts when a 13 year old girl is alone baby-sitting her little sisters. Hey... where the hell is Jesse? D.J. calls a cab to go down to the clink, leaving Kimmy to teach Michelle patty-cake. Dammit. Why does she always get her way?

In Danny and Joey's cell, the thugs are performing a rousing rendition of "New York, New York" complete with a dance routine! Bravo! Bravo! Encore. D.J. comes in and then sorority hag cop bitch snatch face finally decides to drop the charges. About fucking time. Nevermind the fact that you forced a 13 year old girl to take a cab unaccompanied just so you could win your petty pissing contest. What a wench. Why don't you clean some of the sand out of your vagina? Man sobriety is taking it's toll on my tolerance of annoying fictional television characters...

Danny, Joey and D.J. come home, the guys still in drag, and are met with shocked expressions from the girls and this awesome dialogue:
Michelle: "Daddy, you're a girl!"
Stephanie: "No. He's a woman."
Kimmy: "An UGLY woman!"

Pure brilliance. Danny doesn't lay into Kimmy when he realizes that she covered his ass and Stephanie even vouches for her as being a great baby-sitter. She even hugs her goodnight. Before you become baffled by this display of utter character inconsistency, Stephanie catches herself and can't believe she hugged Kimmy. Danny's feeling generous and reduces Kimmy's banishment to one week.

Danny then turns on Joey and blames him for all of the trouble they got into that night because self-responsibility isn't a fave pastime of Danno's. D.J. points out the parallels of their friendship and D.J. and Kimmy's and how even though Kimmy and Joey often find themselves in mischief, they make their lives more exciting. They hug it out (Man Love!).

Jesse comes in from a motorcycle ride through nature (oh, so THAT'S where he was) and Danny is now in man clothes but missed one of the pearl earrings, which Jesse totally bags him on after a lengthy rant. Busted! Again! This is like the 4th time tonight! Tough night all around for the Tall Geeky Giant.


Rita said...

Hm. I don't remember this episode. But it sounds pretty amazing.

michelle said...

Ha...I love Kimmy Gibbler. I can't wait until Duane comes along!!!

MilkMan said...

Danny in drag is the hotness, definitely try to catch it the next time the episode comes around Rita.

And yeah, I'm counting down the days to Duane Michelle ("Whatever"). I love the one where he busts out into a Shakespeare recitation. That moment sealed my Duane-love.

snappleaddict said...

Is it ever established what the hell Joey gets his degree in? I don't think they have a bachelor's in annoying unfunny freeloading.

Sadako said...

I just saw this again tonight--and my first reaction was that the waiter totally looked like Stephen King!

Anonymous said...

I think we all know where this is headed. While balancing the television atop the railing, Kimmy's shit gets caught underneath, and when she yanks it free, the poor television goes toppling down to the floor and smashes.

Kimmy's shit i think yo mean shirt