Sunday, November 18, 2007

"It's Howdy Dirty Time!" or The Return of Grandma (1.4)

It's Saturday morning in the Tanner household, which means Saturday morning cartoons! Man, I used to love waking up early to watch cartoons... until I realized the unmitigated pleasure that comes with sleeping in late.

This scene actually kind of grosses me out because Joey and the girls are surrounded by clothes strewn about everywhere. Furthermore, they are all eating their cereal out of pots with wooden spoons watching Yogi. Something that has always squicked me out is eating/drinking things out of containers other than what they are traditionally enjoyed in. For instance, I can't drink anything out of a ceramic mug unless it's coffee/tea/hot cocoa. Glass mugs are for beer or margaritas. Anything else just seems weird. One of my good friends in college had a mug and it was the only thing that she drank out of and it just weirded me out. I could never ever eat with wooden utensils and I would certainly never entertain the thought of eating anything, especially anything cold, out of a pot! Ick.

Anyway, Danny comes in and is obviously horrified by the mess in the living room. Moving into the kitchen, he finds it to be in a similar state of disarray. Even more laundry is piled up on the machines and the dishwasher can't even be closed because it's so chock full of pans. Dirty dishes also line the counter top and like, seriously? I know it's a "full house" and all, but this seems excessive. I mean I know I know, comedic effect and all that, but nobody would ever have that much cookware! There's 6 people in the house, not 15!

Jesse enters with a tale of how a turtle named Bubba saved him from being hit by a rogue street cleaner truck. To repay him, Jesse has brought Bubba home with him, which leads the most awesome response from Danny: "You just hate coming home alone, don't you?" Bwah! Nothing like an allusion to Jesse's manwhorishness. Quips like this are why I still watch the show so many years later. Jesse makes Bubba a new home in the toilet.

Stephanie casually lets it slip that Grandma is flying in that very day to check on the household. Danny is in a panic and asks why no one told him, and then Stephanie reveals that Joey is the one who took the call. Apparently she is coming in at 5:12 so the men divvy up the chores and prepare to clean their sty. Problem is, they're completely out of cleaning supplies. Again, seriously? You let your stash of detergents and whatnot just run out. As soon as I get close to low, I buy new ones so that I'm never without. Whatever. So they head out the front door and after a beat it reopens and Danny scolds someone for not using the bathroom before they left. It's Joey who forgot to tinkle.

They come back and decide to rest for a moment since they still have about 5 hours until Grandma arrives. No sooner do they plop down amongst the couch does the door open and Grandma walk in. Oops. Turns out she was coming it at 12:05 and NOT 5:12, which like, duh. 5:12 is quite possibly one of the most random times you can give, so why wouldn't anyone have found that weird to begin with? Joey then jokes, "I have a confession to make, I am a time dyslexic." It is at this point where I begin to question if Joey is borderline retarded.

Granny Tanny is less than thrilled with the current state of the house and the fact that there is a turtle located in the baby playpen in Michelle's place. I consider it an improvement. The guys joke that "Michelle needs your love now, more than ever." I actually laugh. This is the same Claire from the Pilot episode, so at least they waited a little while before replacing the actress.

Jesse and Joey take Claire's arrival as their cue to leave and tell her they have the utmost confidence in her ability to turn this mess around. They come back to find that the mess remains, and their mothers have been added to the mix. I believe this is the only appearance we have of the elusive Mindy Gladstone, but I could be wrong. Again, this is a different incarnation of Irene Cochran/Katsopolis, and I much prefer the latter actress that they used in the bulk of her character's appearances. Frankly, this actress is too fat and ugly to be the mother of the hotness that is John Stamos. I don't buy it.

Mindy is just as stupid as her son as we see them act out a vacuum cleaner skit. I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Now we know why Colonel Gladstone got the hell out of there.

The women remark how badly the men need them to take care of them, the children and the house so they start working out a schedule of days they'll spend at the house, divvying up the week. Claire I think comments how they (the 3 mothers) need to make sure that "their" granddaughters are raised in a tidy household. Um, hate to burst your bubble Mother Gladstone, but those aren't your granddaughters. They are the offspring of Claire's son and Irene's daughter. Your DNA is nowhere to be found in any of them (and Thank God for that!). It's all well and good that Joey and Danny are BFF's but if you want grandkids, you better tell Joey to start spreading his seed. Although for the sake of humanity, we'd rather you just suck it up and let the Gladstone family die out.

The boys make a deal with their mothers. They go out for a few hours and while they are gone, the guys will clean the house. Right as they are about to begin, the girls confess that they lost Jesse's precious Bubba. They vow to turn the house upside down to find the missing turtle. Um, maybe cleaning the house might be a better course of action guys? They don't find Bubba, don't clean a thing, and wouldn't you know it, the moms have returned. Irene offers the advice, "Don't try cleaning, just move." The guys vow that they really can get this place into shape, so they send the moms out for 3 hours and this time have them take the girls with them.

Cue cleaning montage to a crappy cover of "I Feel Good." As Joey whizzes by his alcove, I notice that the hideous outfit he's wearing is the exact same thing the mannequin in the alcove is wearing. I won't bother asking why Joey has a mannequin, or why he dresses it in the same clothes as him, or even why he would buy a duplicate outfit. But, I'm definitely going to try to see if the matching outfits on the two dummies is a consistent happening in the show.

The mothers come home and the place is immaculate. Just as they are about to shower them with praise, Mrs. Sianski, the housekeeper they hired returns because she would prefer cash to the check they paid her because the banks are closed on Sundays. Wait, so it's Sunday? Enh, whatever. First they try to pass her off as Joey's fiancee, but that's just too obvious a lie for anyone to believe.

Do grandmothers actually enjoy cleaning? Is it something that you just develop an affinity for in your old age? God, I hope not. I hate cleaning. If I could have someone come clean for free, I totally would. Oh wait, I do. I call her Mom. She comes to visit once a week and she always ends up cleaning my apartment. It's a sweet deal. The grandmothers finally concede that their sons are capable of taking care of the girls and maintaining a clean household, so they leave. Just like that? Didn't they have to fly in? Kind of a waste of a plane ticket if they're not even going to spend the night and visit.

The rest of the family is in the kitchen as Jesse laments that he wishes Bubba were here to enjoy this moment. Suddenly the door opens and in comes Bubba on a skateboard. No, really. Laughter, hugs, the end.


fullhousefan said...

This episode bothered me because in later episodes Danny is a neat freak. What happened noone knows. In fact they reference that he was a neat freak in his youth. This episode just seemed swo out of place

Anonymous said...

I agree with you, full house fan! Danny went from one extreme of sloppiness to another extreme of neatness. He went from Oscar Morrison to Felix Unger. As for Joey being dumb and worth, yes he is! It is common sense to buy new products when the old ones get low. I always think if there is a massive blizzard, you can't go out in that kind of weather for more products!