Wednesday, November 21, 2007

"When I make a move, everything curls" or Half a Love Story (1.14)

We're at the Channel 8 news station where Danny's old pal Robin Winslow is in town to audition for a field reporting job. Danny does make it clear that he makes more money than her. I think he's only half kidding. Apparently they're "old pals" and Danny insists upon her staying with the Tanners.

I have to say that Kristian Alfonso who plays Robin Winslow, is stunning. It's just a shame that her beauty is being covered by bad 80s hair and wardrobe. I googled her and fear not, homegirl's still got it going on.

Jesse spies Robin from across the way with a "Have mercy!" and uses UglyBaby Michelle to beam her in to get a date. I suppose this plot point relies on suspension of disbelief, because if I saw a baby that looked like Michelle smiling and waving at me, I'd say to myself, "Damn, that's an ugly baby!" Apparently Robin buys it, prompting Jesse to proclaim Michelle's better than a Ferrari. My ass. She spouts off lies like calling her a "Little angel" and "I was just thinking that's the cutest baby I've ever seen." Further wooing tactics employed by Jesse include blowing raspberries on UgBaby's tummy, delivering all of his cheesy pick-up lines through Michelle and sealing the date with a kiss to UgBaby. My favorite part about Robin is that she doesn't buy any of Jesse's crap, "I think Michelle's been hanging around too many singles bars." Bwah!

After lamely securing a date for the next night, Jesse suddenly remembers that he has an audition for a big gig and dumps UgBaby off onto Danny who is about to do his sports segment live on the air. Nooooo! Don't subject San Francisco to the Ugly Baby!!!

Back at the Tanner's for dinner, Joey is trying to pass off Chinese takeout as homemade stir-fry. Stephanie's all morose and glum, feeling mediocre about life. Apparently she's not good at anything. Suddenly the brunette version of Madonna in "Desperately Seeking Susan" walks in the back door. This is Jesse's fuck buddy, Jill. She uses the verbiage, "Whenever we don't have a date with anyone else, we have a date with each other." Jill's kind of fug... a little horsey in the mouth with bushy eyebrows.

Jesse comes home from the audition to find Robin and Danny sitting on the Tanner couch. Guess he didn't get the memo that Robin and Danny are old pals and Robin will be staying with the Tanners... in Jesse's room. Jesse meanwhile, is stuck bunking with Joey. Poor Jesse. Jesse reintroduces himself and confirms their date for tomorrow, prompting D.J. to say, "Wow, he works FAST." He clarifies that they met earlier in the day and just then, Jill comes in to remind Jesse about their date tonight. He tries to take her out before Robin can see her, but Joey whines about his great Chinese home cooking causing Jill to want to stay in.

Cue the most awkward dinner ever. Jesse is seated between Jill and Robin and tries desperately to start up conversations with every member of the family. They all answer him with one-word answers, and Jill decides that telling the story of how she met Jesse would be a good way to break the silence/tension. Someone give that girl an oat bag or some salt lick. Turns out Jesse used the same weak-ass tactics to woo Jill.

Later that night, Danny is helping Robin prepare for her audition in Jesse's room. Jesse comes in wanting to apologize about Jill's intrusion on their evening. Robin tells him that it's not a problem that he had a date that night since they had just met, but don't count on her keeping their date the next night.

They go back and forth about Robin's perceptions of Jesse's type ("A guitar-playing, leather-wearing, elvis-loving, motorcycle-riding, blow-drying, baby-toting tough guy") and she's pretty much nailed him to a tee. Jesse argues that he's more than that, and Danny desperately tries to leave the room during this personal and should-be private exchange: "Is anyone aware of the fact that I'm still in the room." When Robin questions Jesse's ability for long-term commitment, he claims he had a 4 month relationship with a Sharon Edwards. Danny finally gets the chance to leave when he reveals that 2 of those months Sharon spent in Europe.

Robin reveals she's been out with guys like him before, doesn't want to get hurt and boots Jesse out of his own room. In the hallway, the rest of the Tanner clan is waiting, eavesdropping on the fight.

The next day, the guys try to cheer Jesse up with pep talks, apparently he was singing "Heartbreak Hotel" in his sleep last night. Meanwhile, the girls are in their room brushing Robin's hair for her audition that day. Man, her hair is fluffy. While they brush, the girls really talk up their Uncle J. Robin tells them that they're very sweet and she hopes to one day have nieces like them. Stephanie points out that she could have that very easily if she just married Uncle Jesse. Ha! Point to Stephanie!

Jesse comes in to drive the girls to school in his bug mobile, an awkward exchange with Robin ensues. When Steph goes to get her milk money out of her drawer, she shuts it on her finger. Uncle J to the rescue. Jesse tells her he's the finger doctor and has her close her eyes to see the color of the pain. Apparently it's green with blue polka dots, but thankfully, no stripes. The power of suggestion makes Steph's pain dissolve and we find out that Robin was watching the whole thing from the doorway. As Jesse and the girls leave, Robin's face clearly says that she's doubting her initial impression of Jesse.

Down at the station, Danny's wrapping up another sports segment with UgMichelle. Um, why do they keep letting him do sports reports while holding a friggin' baby (and an ugly one at that!) There seriously isn't someone on the set that can hold her for the like, 6-8 minutes where Danny is occupied? Jesse is there to pick up Michelle after Danny finishes up. He happens across Robin stiffly rehearsing her lines for her field reporting audition. Jesse offers her the advice to loosen up and demonstrates with a "wacky" news report.

Back at the Tanner house that evening, they're celebrating Robin getting the job. She calls Jesse outside to speak privately and tells him she was wrong about him and she loves his "maternal instinct." They agree to be friends and take it slow, and Jesse tells Robin that if she wants the relationship to advance, it's up to her to make the first move. She kisses him, and when he asks if it was a move, she questions if his toes curled. He says they did and she replies that when she makes a move "Everything curls." Oo! That was a saucy and kind of risque line, I like it. Apparently Jesse did too, as it's met with a big smile and a "Have Mercy!" and this budding relationship is abandoned after this episode and never heard from ever again.

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