Danny comes into the house from grocery shopping singing "To All the Girls I've Loved Before" and dancing around. Obviously, he met a woman while he was out. Her name is Denise and he picked her up in produce when she commented that "The broccoli looks fresh today." Danny that suave debonair without missing a beat, seductively replied, "It's a good source of fiber." Mm regular bowel movements yield such romance!
So Danny invited Denise over for dinner that night, but she already had plans for dinner with her two single friends, so Danny volunteered Joey and Jesse for a triple date that evening. Jesse needs a little convincing/begging by Danny, but Joey is obviously desperate for female attention and agrees almost immediately. That poor girl.
Danny hires D.J. to baby-sit her sisters during the date downstairs, and even gets paid for it. Ridiculous! J&J are helping Danny get ready for the date, psyching him up and Danny decides to make the major step of removing his wedding ring. The doorbell rings and it's Denise with her two friends Cheryl (for Jesse) and Zoe (for Joey). Zoe understandably hates Joey immediately. But, she's written with absolutely no sense of humor and I'm pretty much watching this and saying to myself: Damn, Zoe needs to get laid! Jesse comes into the living room and is stunned. Apparently him and Denise dated, broke each other's hearts and she even named her puppy after him. Awk. Ward.
Meanwhile upstairs, Stephanie and Michelle are playing dress-up in Danny's clothes. D.J. comes upon the little Nerdbombers and chastises them for going through Danny's things. They even took his wedding ring to play with. D.J. is incensed and takes the ring from the girls but then knocks it down the sink drain. Smooth move, Deej. Desperate to get the ring back, but afraid to tell her Dad about her monumental fuck up, D.J. tries to jam a tie down the drain with gum on the end. It doesn't work and D.J. realizes that she needs a new plan.
Downstairs, Joey is attemping humor and Zoe is having none of it. Stephanie comes down to provide a diversion to allow D.J. to come retrieve the toolbox. She sings "If You're Happy and You Know It" with the added verse "...cover your eyes!" Mission accomplished!
Now back in the bathroom, The girls use the wrench to detach the pipe in hopes that they can catch the ring when it falls out. Unfortunately, water comes shooting out and the bathroom begins flooding. They try to catch it in bowls and various containers, but the rate of water being shot out is way too much for them to keep up with.
Downstairs, Danny tries to talk to Denise and finds out she's still hung up on Jesse. he goes in for a kiss and ends up cutting his lip on her earring because she turned her head. He goes into the kitchen to tend to his lip and notes that the water pressure weakens and water comes gushing out from the ceiling. Ruh roh. Danny is no longer oblivious and the whole family runs upstairs to the newly added swimming pool. Jesse shuts off the water valve. Danny asks why the hell the bathroom is flooded, and D.J. confessed that it was because she dropped his wedding ring down the drain. Danny gets a funny sort of sad look on his face, and goes to have a chat with D.J.
Denise goes into Jesse's room to talk and he pretty much tells her that he's not going to steal her from Danny because he's crazy about her and it's just not the right time for them. She comments on all of the pink bunnies on the wall, and Jesse says, "Well it started off with 2 and..." he trails off with a seductive smirk. Ooo! Scandalous!
Danny and D.J. talk and it's too boring and cheesy to recap, and everything ends in hugs and happiness. Zoe interrupts to bring Danny his wedding ring. She found it when she went in to clean up the mess, apparently Zoe can't stand a messy bathroom. Danny immediately perks up at this tidbit of information and flirtation ensues. Meanwhile, UgBaby cries out and Joey goes to take care of her with Cheryl in tow. She laughs at all of his voices, and he tells her she's pretty. She actually is pretty, which makes me ask, Why?
The women are getting ready to leave and Cheryl and Zoe kiss Joey and Danny, respectively and tell them to call them. Denise pointedly tells Jesse, "Don't call me." And this is certainly a first! Jesse fake cries about being the only one to end up alone, but we know he's got ladies lined up around the block for a chance to ride his hog. Remember Becky? First in line.
Friday, November 30, 2007
The Day Hell Froze Over, or Joey Gets Tough (2.7)
I skipped over the last episode, "Beach Boy Bingo" because frankly, I was too busy to really pay attention to it. I'll catch it the next time it comes around...
This episode creates mixed feelings in me because for the first time, I'm in agreeance with Joey.
Jesse has an upcoming gig with the Rippers at some local club and to promote it, Danny suggests that Jesse and his band come perform on "Wake Up, San Francisco." Jesse's ecstatic, but Danny warns him that before he can just go on the show, he has to audition for the show's producer. Since both of the guys will be occupied with this, that leaves Joey in charge for the evening.
D.J. and Stephanie are ecstatic because Joey is "a soft touch" (Danny's words, not mine). Tonight Tiffany is performing on television live from Tokyo. The time difference naturally means it's going to be on way late in San Francisco time. They try to play it off as an educational program on Tokyo, but even Joey's not dumb enough to buy that. So, they resort to the bunny nose. It's just what it sounds like. It's not that cute, and I really don't understand the kind of effect that this supposedly has on Joey.
The girls and Joey are dancing around the living room to "I Think We're Alone Now" and it's actually kinda cute. Predictably Danny arrives home and catches them and is not pleased. He scolds Joey for being too much of a softie and the girls for taking advantage.
The next day, Jesse and the Rippers are on the set of "Wake Up, San Francisco" performing "Devil in a Blue Dress" for Danny's producer. They do a great job and book the gig and then Becky suggests that Danny sing with the band. Neither Danny nor Jesse is enthused about this idea but the producers really seems to go for it.
Meanwhile at home, Joey is freaking out. He calls Mrs. Gibbler and asks if she's seen or heard from D.J. No such luck. He hangs up and paces around the room worriedly. Stupid D.J. is wicked late. This show is addressing another peeve of mine, people not calling when they aren't where they are supposed to be. It just makes me worry and it takes what? 30 seconds to pick up the phone? Whenever you are running late people, just call someone who may be worrying about you! This also applies to work because in the past month, 2 people have been fired for not calling when they were going to be late. How hard is it? I swear, people have no work ethic.
Whoops, veered a bit off-topic there. So Joey is panicked and just then, D.J. waltzes in like nothing's amiss. Brat. Apparently she stayed late at karate class to work on some moves for the upcoming tournament that weekend. Still? No call? Wouldn't the instructor even suggest that all the kids call their parents since class is running over? Stupid stupid stupid. Naturally, Joey doesn't buy the whole, "I forgot" line and flips out. He grounds her and tells her that she can't attend her karate tournament. D.J. counters with the classic, "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my father!" and threatens to have Danny overturn the punishment when he gets home.
Down on "Wake Up, San Francisco," Danny is forced to perform with the Rippers. And frankly, I love every minute of it (although once again, the timeline of the show manages to boggle my mind again). Danny's singing "Proud Mary" complete with ridiculous choreography and it's a masterful performance. D.J. surprises him and complains about Joey's punishment.
Back at home, the family does the classic family meeting with a talking stick, schtick. A huge fight breaks out during the meeting and the whole talking stick concept is abandoned. Disgrace. Finally Joey goes to talk to D.J. about her punishment and she understands that if she'd done the same thing to Danny, she knows her ass would be in the same position. Joey finally concedes that although she's still punished, D.J. can still participate in her karate tournament. D.J. tells him that he's going to be a great dad someday (pff, not likely) and when he asks if it's because she got what she want, she says, "No, because you're fair." CHEESE!
This episode creates mixed feelings in me because for the first time, I'm in agreeance with Joey.
Jesse has an upcoming gig with the Rippers at some local club and to promote it, Danny suggests that Jesse and his band come perform on "Wake Up, San Francisco." Jesse's ecstatic, but Danny warns him that before he can just go on the show, he has to audition for the show's producer. Since both of the guys will be occupied with this, that leaves Joey in charge for the evening.
D.J. and Stephanie are ecstatic because Joey is "a soft touch" (Danny's words, not mine). Tonight Tiffany is performing on television live from Tokyo. The time difference naturally means it's going to be on way late in San Francisco time. They try to play it off as an educational program on Tokyo, but even Joey's not dumb enough to buy that. So, they resort to the bunny nose. It's just what it sounds like. It's not that cute, and I really don't understand the kind of effect that this supposedly has on Joey.
The girls and Joey are dancing around the living room to "I Think We're Alone Now" and it's actually kinda cute. Predictably Danny arrives home and catches them and is not pleased. He scolds Joey for being too much of a softie and the girls for taking advantage.
The next day, Jesse and the Rippers are on the set of "Wake Up, San Francisco" performing "Devil in a Blue Dress" for Danny's producer. They do a great job and book the gig and then Becky suggests that Danny sing with the band. Neither Danny nor Jesse is enthused about this idea but the producers really seems to go for it.
Meanwhile at home, Joey is freaking out. He calls Mrs. Gibbler and asks if she's seen or heard from D.J. No such luck. He hangs up and paces around the room worriedly. Stupid D.J. is wicked late. This show is addressing another peeve of mine, people not calling when they aren't where they are supposed to be. It just makes me worry and it takes what? 30 seconds to pick up the phone? Whenever you are running late people, just call someone who may be worrying about you! This also applies to work because in the past month, 2 people have been fired for not calling when they were going to be late. How hard is it? I swear, people have no work ethic.
Whoops, veered a bit off-topic there. So Joey is panicked and just then, D.J. waltzes in like nothing's amiss. Brat. Apparently she stayed late at karate class to work on some moves for the upcoming tournament that weekend. Still? No call? Wouldn't the instructor even suggest that all the kids call their parents since class is running over? Stupid stupid stupid. Naturally, Joey doesn't buy the whole, "I forgot" line and flips out. He grounds her and tells her that she can't attend her karate tournament. D.J. counters with the classic, "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my father!" and threatens to have Danny overturn the punishment when he gets home.
Down on "Wake Up, San Francisco," Danny is forced to perform with the Rippers. And frankly, I love every minute of it (although once again, the timeline of the show manages to boggle my mind again). Danny's singing "Proud Mary" complete with ridiculous choreography and it's a masterful performance. D.J. surprises him and complains about Joey's punishment.
Back at home, the family does the classic family meeting with a talking stick, schtick. A huge fight breaks out during the meeting and the whole talking stick concept is abandoned. Disgrace. Finally Joey goes to talk to D.J. about her punishment and she understands that if she'd done the same thing to Danny, she knows her ass would be in the same position. Joey finally concedes that although she's still punished, D.J. can still participate in her karate tournament. D.J. tells him that he's going to be a great dad someday (pff, not likely) and when he asks if it's because she got what she want, she says, "No, because you're fair." CHEESE!
"I almost feel like hugging you... Almost" or Jingle Hell (2.5)
This is a pretty racy episode title. It actually has "hell" in it! This does not seem very FH-ish.
Jesse is in his room attempting to write a jingle for Fred's Tire Town. He's singing some sort of bizarre ballad, and I know he's just trying to free-flow to come up with an idea, but seriously? A ballad as a jingle? Stephanie comes in with Harry the token Asian friend, whom Stephanie introduces as the one who "sits near the crayons." Jesse congratulates him on his superb geographical location and is so desperate for a song idea, he lets Stephanie try her hand at it. Apparently she wrote a positively divine poem about milk that made Harry crave a cookie.
Stephanie's jingle is essentially: "It's a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very nice place!" Not exactly what we'd call a winner. Jesse kicks the kids out of his room, only to have Joey barge right in. Joey starts spouting off some surf dude speak and utters the magic phrase, "It's totally radial, dude!" Jesse tosses him out, but his little catch phrase is sticking.
In the girls' room, Stephanie and Harry are playing and D.J. comes in from karate practice. She threatens to judo chop Stephanie to which the younger sister retorts "You're just jealous that I have a boyfriend." Haaa. I love how Harry calls Stephanie "Chief."
The next day, a triumphant Jesse returns home after selling his Fred's Tire Town jingle. Because Joey served as the inspiration, Jesse very graciously gives Joey half of the money. They decide that they make a great team and to go into advertising business together, "like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." Joey foolishly asks, "Can I be Butch?" Jesse: "Not in that shirt." Bwah! Another fugly Hawaiian shirt shot down!
Now the guys are working on a jingle for a national campaign for Kitty Krispies cat treats. Gaa! No! Bad! Joey, in an attempt to what I can only assume is be more butch, is now wearing a rugby shirt. Losers like that can not wear rugby shirts! Rugby is awesome! And what's worse, he's wearing my number (for those interested, it's 5). Ugh, I am forever tainted by this moment in television history.
Stephanie is in the kitchen eating popsicles with Harry. These popsicles were D.J.'s that she was saving for her and Kimmy and she even labeled them with her name. Man, Stephanie is really sucking hardcore this episode. Why is she being such a brat?
Since this episode is all about commercials and jingles, I just saw a commercial that perplexes me. Has anyone seen the AirWick commercial with the elephant housewife, talking about the mess made by her centipede husband? Can anyone explain to me the logistics of an elephant-centipede romance? It's positively mind-boggling!
Joey wants to dress in a cat costume for the presentation, Jesse puts the kibosh on that idea. When they go in to make their presentation, Joey surprises Jesse with cat puppets. I'm pretty sure that the back-up singing cats were Pound Purries (c) the feline equivalent to the popular 80s toy, Pound Puppies (c). I used to love those toys even though they were kind of fug. Anyway, it's a really cute presentation, but they obviously make the advertising suits look like they have NO sense of humor and aren't enjoying what's actually a pretty cute, clever and entertaining commercial.
Joey and Jesse come home angry and fighting about the presentation, meanwhile D.J. and Stephanie are arguing about Stephanie's brattiness, and the arguments mirror one another. You would think this would make J&J realize how childish they sound, but naturally it doesn't. Finally, in the girls' room the bell of urine sounds and UgMichelle emerges from the bathroom clutching a newspaper, having her first successful moment on the potty. Everyone laughs, and the floodgates to apologies and resolved issues open. All is well in the Tanner household because Michelle tinkled.
Jesse is in his room attempting to write a jingle for Fred's Tire Town. He's singing some sort of bizarre ballad, and I know he's just trying to free-flow to come up with an idea, but seriously? A ballad as a jingle? Stephanie comes in with Harry the token Asian friend, whom Stephanie introduces as the one who "sits near the crayons." Jesse congratulates him on his superb geographical location and is so desperate for a song idea, he lets Stephanie try her hand at it. Apparently she wrote a positively divine poem about milk that made Harry crave a cookie.
Stephanie's jingle is essentially: "It's a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very nice place!" Not exactly what we'd call a winner. Jesse kicks the kids out of his room, only to have Joey barge right in. Joey starts spouting off some surf dude speak and utters the magic phrase, "It's totally radial, dude!" Jesse tosses him out, but his little catch phrase is sticking.
In the girls' room, Stephanie and Harry are playing and D.J. comes in from karate practice. She threatens to judo chop Stephanie to which the younger sister retorts "You're just jealous that I have a boyfriend." Haaa. I love how Harry calls Stephanie "Chief."
The next day, a triumphant Jesse returns home after selling his Fred's Tire Town jingle. Because Joey served as the inspiration, Jesse very graciously gives Joey half of the money. They decide that they make a great team and to go into advertising business together, "like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." Joey foolishly asks, "Can I be Butch?" Jesse: "Not in that shirt." Bwah! Another fugly Hawaiian shirt shot down!
Now the guys are working on a jingle for a national campaign for Kitty Krispies cat treats. Gaa! No! Bad! Joey, in an attempt to what I can only assume is be more butch, is now wearing a rugby shirt. Losers like that can not wear rugby shirts! Rugby is awesome! And what's worse, he's wearing my number (for those interested, it's 5). Ugh, I am forever tainted by this moment in television history.
Stephanie is in the kitchen eating popsicles with Harry. These popsicles were D.J.'s that she was saving for her and Kimmy and she even labeled them with her name. Man, Stephanie is really sucking hardcore this episode. Why is she being such a brat?
Since this episode is all about commercials and jingles, I just saw a commercial that perplexes me. Has anyone seen the AirWick commercial with the elephant housewife, talking about the mess made by her centipede husband? Can anyone explain to me the logistics of an elephant-centipede romance? It's positively mind-boggling!
Joey wants to dress in a cat costume for the presentation, Jesse puts the kibosh on that idea. When they go in to make their presentation, Joey surprises Jesse with cat puppets. I'm pretty sure that the back-up singing cats were Pound Purries (c) the feline equivalent to the popular 80s toy, Pound Puppies (c). I used to love those toys even though they were kind of fug. Anyway, it's a really cute presentation, but they obviously make the advertising suits look like they have NO sense of humor and aren't enjoying what's actually a pretty cute, clever and entertaining commercial.
Joey and Jesse come home angry and fighting about the presentation, meanwhile D.J. and Stephanie are arguing about Stephanie's brattiness, and the arguments mirror one another. You would think this would make J&J realize how childish they sound, but naturally it doesn't. Finally, in the girls' room the bell of urine sounds and UgMichelle emerges from the bathroom clutching a newspaper, having her first successful moment on the potty. Everyone laughs, and the floodgates to apologies and resolved issues open. All is well in the Tanner household because Michelle tinkled.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
"This will make Cathy Santoni shut up about her stupid moped!" or D.J.'s Very First Horse (2.4)
The Tanners are going country this week! Jesse is in a stable with UgBaby and they're playing with a baby chick. I used to go to a fair every fall growing up and picking up the baby farm animals was one of my favorite things to do. Baby chicks are so adorable. Too bad Michelle had to ugly up this scene. Becky, meanwhile, is snapping pictures of them because she totally wants what's in Jesse's pants. She's just busy being all coy and prudish. Whoops, veered off-topic there.
D.J. and Kimmy are also in the stables, petting a pretty brown horse named Rocket. Apparently Rocket's for sale and the cost of food and stable fee breaks down to $100 every other week. Wow, that seems really inexpensive. I mean, I know it's a ton of money to an 11 year old, but wow.
Ah and now the point of why everyone's there in the first place. Danny and Becky are shooting "Wake Up San Francisco" on the farm. Danny's supposed to milk a goat. Clearly, hilarity will ensue.
D.J. and Kimmy think it would be totally rad to own their own horse, way cooler than say, Cathy Santoni's moped. Once they determine that they can't get the money from their parents, they plan to dip into their savings and shopping funds, respectively, to pay for the horse. D.J. theorizes that if they manage to take care of the horse without incident for 2 weeks, then their parents will have to let them keep the horse.
The next 2 weeks are glossed over with a montage of D.J. riding and taking care of Rocket to a cheddariffic cover of "Good Day Sunshine." It's time for the girls to pay up for Rocket and Kimmy shows up at the stable dressed in a brand new cowgirl outfit. Ruh roh. Somebody finked out on ya, Deej. Kimmy just can't resist shopping. Silly Gibbler. D.J. confesses that she can't afford to keep Rocket, but asks to take him for one last ride. The foolish old man trusts this conniving child and foolishly asks what harm is there in one last ride. Oh just you wait, Old Fooly McFooled.
Stephanie's hanging out with her token Asian friend Harry. She makes him her specialty, cheese donuts. I myself used to indulge in the cheese donut in my youth. For those unfamiliar, it consists of partially folding the cheese slice and biting a hole into the center. Now, although I enjoyed them once upon a time (last week), the thought of someone else biting into my cheese is positively nauseating. They go into the living room where D.J. is standing with Rocket. Since she couldn't afford to keep him in the stable she brought him home, and unfortunately he followed her into the living room.
Jesse comes into the kitchen and picks up one of the cheese donuts. Ick! Again! Jesse then happens upon the horse in the living room and calls for back-up from Joey. The guys try to help D.J. out and when Danny arrives home, try to lead him into the kitchen with his eyes covered. He catches a whiff of Rocket and asks Joey if he's making his special chili again. Ha! and, Ew!
Just as he's almost in the kitchen, Danny opens his eyes and turns around. His eyes bug out and his expression is priceless. He immediately turns and bursts back into the living room. Obviously he loses it and tells D.J. that he isn't sure that he can ever trust her again. He makes her return Rocket and the stable owner asks if she'd like to meet Rocket's new owner.
"We've already met." It's none other than Becky! Apparently being on the farm for the show made Becky realize how much she missed Nebraska, so she decided to buy Rocket and says D.J. can ride him anytime she'd like. Too bad that much like D.J.'s guitar playing, we'll never hear about Rocket again, until both music and horse plot lines are recycled later on in the season on the younger Tanner girls. Good day, Sunshine.
D.J. and Kimmy are also in the stables, petting a pretty brown horse named Rocket. Apparently Rocket's for sale and the cost of food and stable fee breaks down to $100 every other week. Wow, that seems really inexpensive. I mean, I know it's a ton of money to an 11 year old, but wow.
Ah and now the point of why everyone's there in the first place. Danny and Becky are shooting "Wake Up San Francisco" on the farm. Danny's supposed to milk a goat. Clearly, hilarity will ensue.
D.J. and Kimmy think it would be totally rad to own their own horse, way cooler than say, Cathy Santoni's moped. Once they determine that they can't get the money from their parents, they plan to dip into their savings and shopping funds, respectively, to pay for the horse. D.J. theorizes that if they manage to take care of the horse without incident for 2 weeks, then their parents will have to let them keep the horse.
The next 2 weeks are glossed over with a montage of D.J. riding and taking care of Rocket to a cheddariffic cover of "Good Day Sunshine." It's time for the girls to pay up for Rocket and Kimmy shows up at the stable dressed in a brand new cowgirl outfit. Ruh roh. Somebody finked out on ya, Deej. Kimmy just can't resist shopping. Silly Gibbler. D.J. confesses that she can't afford to keep Rocket, but asks to take him for one last ride. The foolish old man trusts this conniving child and foolishly asks what harm is there in one last ride. Oh just you wait, Old Fooly McFooled.
Stephanie's hanging out with her token Asian friend Harry. She makes him her specialty, cheese donuts. I myself used to indulge in the cheese donut in my youth. For those unfamiliar, it consists of partially folding the cheese slice and biting a hole into the center. Now, although I enjoyed them once upon a time (last week), the thought of someone else biting into my cheese is positively nauseating. They go into the living room where D.J. is standing with Rocket. Since she couldn't afford to keep him in the stable she brought him home, and unfortunately he followed her into the living room.
Jesse comes into the kitchen and picks up one of the cheese donuts. Ick! Again! Jesse then happens upon the horse in the living room and calls for back-up from Joey. The guys try to help D.J. out and when Danny arrives home, try to lead him into the kitchen with his eyes covered. He catches a whiff of Rocket and asks Joey if he's making his special chili again. Ha! and, Ew!
Just as he's almost in the kitchen, Danny opens his eyes and turns around. His eyes bug out and his expression is priceless. He immediately turns and bursts back into the living room. Obviously he loses it and tells D.J. that he isn't sure that he can ever trust her again. He makes her return Rocket and the stable owner asks if she'd like to meet Rocket's new owner.
"We've already met." It's none other than Becky! Apparently being on the farm for the show made Becky realize how much she missed Nebraska, so she decided to buy Rocket and says D.J. can ride him anytime she'd like. Too bad that much like D.J.'s guitar playing, we'll never hear about Rocket again, until both music and horse plot lines are recycled later on in the season on the younger Tanner girls. Good day, Sunshine.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
"Kimmy's an Airhead" or It's Not My Job (2.3)
It's Halloween for the opening scene only. That's kind of weird. Stephanie is dressed as the White Rabbit from "Alice in Wonderland" and D.J. is dressed as Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile. Apparently Danny wouldn't let her dress as Elvira, her original costume choice and thank Christ! Yuck, can you even imagine an 11 year old in the wildly inappropriate plunging neckline clingy dress? The guys come in dressed as the Three Stooges and say they're a shoo-in to win the costume contest, until D.J. points out that UgBaby Michelle, dressed in the cliched baby pumpkin costume that nearly all babies have to wear for their first Halloween as a rite of passage, has it in the bag. Credits.
Oh, I get it. The whole costume plot was to showcase how "adorable" Michelle is. Still not buying what you're selling.
Jesse is working on a jingle with his group... is this the Rippers? I have no idea. He started out with the Rippers, but the doo-wop and advertising jingles can't possibly be them too, can it? Whatever, we'll call them the Jinglers for all intents and purposes. So anyway, Jesse and the Jinglers are writing a jingle for the water park, Splash City and it's a total rip-off from the Water Country jingle for you New Englanders reading.
"When the sun is blazing and the summer gets hot,
Water Country's a very cool spot.
There's no better place to feel and be young,
Water Country have some fun.
So get into riding, sliding and splashing,
Feel the excitement prime on the action.
Having a good time under the sun,
Water Country, Water Country,
Water Country have some fun."
(c) 1984, so suck it, FH.
I'd also like to point out that Jesse has now made the transition to Katsopolis. Finally! Danny arrives back home from taking the girls to the dentist. D.J. is proud to be cavity-free but Stephanie is not so lucky. She wonders why she needs to have a filling because it's a baby tooth and going to fall out anyway and I'm inclined to agree. Why not just pull it out? But, I'm not a dentist and know nothing more of sophisticated oral hygiene than a 6 year old, so that's that.
Steph and D.J. are in their room where Steph is furiously brushing her cavity. Kimmy comes in to scare the shit out of Stephanie with tales of drills and a dental horror story about who else? Cathy Santoni.
Knock knock, the Katsopolis grandparents have arrived! Sweet, I love Nick and Irene (the REAL Irene). Grandpa has great news for Jesse, Frasier St. is crawling with "cock-a-roaches." Jesse has great news too, he sold his Splash City jingle. Nick is unimpressed and tells him that killing bugs is what he's good at and that's where the money is. Jesse confesses to his mother that he's been revitalized by the option to make a career out of music before his band takes off, and he wants out of the exterminating business.
Irene knows what's up and that the shit's about to hit the fan. She knew this day would eventually come when Jesse wanted out of the bug biz, but she was hoping that she wouldn't be alive for the showdown that's about to occur. Naturally there's a huge blowout between father and son which ends with Nick telling Jess, "If you're out of the family business... you're out of the family!" Jesse pleads with a "Pop..." but Grandpa has already stormed out.
That night, Danny's reading to Michelle and getting her ready for bed. Jesse comes in to watch a great dad in action. Danny senses that Jesse wants to talk about more than his parenting skills because Danny is awesome! Jesse's upset about what his father said, and Danny gives his patented Tanner pep talk and tells him that his father is obviously hurt by Jesse's decision to leave and that it's up to Jesse to reach out to his father.
Danny then tucks Jesse into bed saying "Good night, little mouse." After a beat Jesse sits up, "What am I doing? It's 7 o'clock!" Ha. That was a pretty awesome end to the scene. I think Saget and Stamos have a great comedic rapport.
Stephanie meanwhile is in bed tossing and turning about the dentist. She gets a great talk from D.J. and man this family is so good at solving problems. I mean seriously, can you think of an episode where someone had a problem that anyone else in the family couldn't solve? Crazy!
Joey takes Stephanie to the dentist and uses the spit-sucker as a courage detector and tells her that her uvula is her "hangy ball of courage." Stephanie is afraid no more! Thanks testicle of courage!
Jesse and Nick sit down and talk it out, and Nick realizes that he's got to let his son go and do what he wants to make himself happy. Cheeeeeeese.
Oh, I get it. The whole costume plot was to showcase how "adorable" Michelle is. Still not buying what you're selling.
Jesse is working on a jingle with his group... is this the Rippers? I have no idea. He started out with the Rippers, but the doo-wop and advertising jingles can't possibly be them too, can it? Whatever, we'll call them the Jinglers for all intents and purposes. So anyway, Jesse and the Jinglers are writing a jingle for the water park, Splash City and it's a total rip-off from the Water Country jingle for you New Englanders reading.
"When the sun is blazing and the summer gets hot,
Water Country's a very cool spot.
There's no better place to feel and be young,
Water Country have some fun.
So get into riding, sliding and splashing,
Feel the excitement prime on the action.
Having a good time under the sun,
Water Country, Water Country,
Water Country have some fun."
(c) 1984, so suck it, FH.
I'd also like to point out that Jesse has now made the transition to Katsopolis. Finally! Danny arrives back home from taking the girls to the dentist. D.J. is proud to be cavity-free but Stephanie is not so lucky. She wonders why she needs to have a filling because it's a baby tooth and going to fall out anyway and I'm inclined to agree. Why not just pull it out? But, I'm not a dentist and know nothing more of sophisticated oral hygiene than a 6 year old, so that's that.
Steph and D.J. are in their room where Steph is furiously brushing her cavity. Kimmy comes in to scare the shit out of Stephanie with tales of drills and a dental horror story about who else? Cathy Santoni.
Knock knock, the Katsopolis grandparents have arrived! Sweet, I love Nick and Irene (the REAL Irene). Grandpa has great news for Jesse, Frasier St. is crawling with "cock-a-roaches." Jesse has great news too, he sold his Splash City jingle. Nick is unimpressed and tells him that killing bugs is what he's good at and that's where the money is. Jesse confesses to his mother that he's been revitalized by the option to make a career out of music before his band takes off, and he wants out of the exterminating business.
Irene knows what's up and that the shit's about to hit the fan. She knew this day would eventually come when Jesse wanted out of the bug biz, but she was hoping that she wouldn't be alive for the showdown that's about to occur. Naturally there's a huge blowout between father and son which ends with Nick telling Jess, "If you're out of the family business... you're out of the family!" Jesse pleads with a "Pop..." but Grandpa has already stormed out.
That night, Danny's reading to Michelle and getting her ready for bed. Jesse comes in to watch a great dad in action. Danny senses that Jesse wants to talk about more than his parenting skills because Danny is awesome! Jesse's upset about what his father said, and Danny gives his patented Tanner pep talk and tells him that his father is obviously hurt by Jesse's decision to leave and that it's up to Jesse to reach out to his father.
Danny then tucks Jesse into bed saying "Good night, little mouse." After a beat Jesse sits up, "What am I doing? It's 7 o'clock!" Ha. That was a pretty awesome end to the scene. I think Saget and Stamos have a great comedic rapport.
Stephanie meanwhile is in bed tossing and turning about the dentist. She gets a great talk from D.J. and man this family is so good at solving problems. I mean seriously, can you think of an episode where someone had a problem that anyone else in the family couldn't solve? Crazy!
Joey takes Stephanie to the dentist and uses the spit-sucker as a courage detector and tells her that her uvula is her "hangy ball of courage." Stephanie is afraid no more! Thanks testicle of courage!
Jesse and Nick sit down and talk it out, and Nick realizes that he's got to let his son go and do what he wants to make himself happy. Cheeeeeeese.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
"Come on, Froggy Mama" or Tanner v. Gibbler (2.2)
Danny's teaching UgBaby the fine art of lint removal then gets a call from the station that his boss has "big news" for him. Meanwhile, D.J. is planning a surprise birthday party for Kimmy Gibbler, and Steph is trying to decide what dress she should wear for the fiesta. D.J. doesn't hesitate to dash her hopes in dreams and she tells Stephanie that she's too young to attend the party. The girls start to argue and are separated by Uncle Jesse. Just then, Kimmy enters without knocking. When Jesse chastises her for it, Kimmy reveals that she always peeks through the window first before entering because "When you're in your underwear, I knock." D.J., always the crafty pre-teen, tells Kimmy to come over her house that night to go to a movie. Wink wink.
Meanwhile, Danny's at the station, waiting to hear his boss' big news. Danny will no longer be doing the sports for the station. At first, he's heartbroken, until his boss then reveals that he will be the new co-host of the morning talk show, "Wake Up, San Francisco." And heeere's Becky, also known as Rebecca Donaldson, Danny's co-host. She's welcomed with one of the classic Tanner hugs, and their boss is ecstatic over their immediate chemistry.
It's Party time! UgBaby comes into the living room with a bowl of pretzels and dumps the whole thing out onto the floor. Man, you suck, Michelle. Jesse thankfully comes to whisk her away. As he walks through the room, a hush falls over the party. He asks D.J. what's wrong with all of the girls, and she tells him that they think he's cute. Jesse asks, "Where were they when I was 12?" to which D.J. awesomely replies, "Not born yet!" ZING! Git 'im Deej!
Stephanie comes in, faking them out by using the doorbell and pretending to be Kimmy and as D.J. tries to herd her sister out, Kimmy arrives through the open door and is met with groans because the element of surprise was ruined. But, Kimmy isn't alone, she's brought Nina and Melissa, two JUNIOR HIGH GIRLS with her. ooOOooOOOoo, Tres chic, junior high. No one is glamorous in Junior High, everyone's ugly and awkward. I'm not buying what you're selling here, Gibbler. I'm pretty sure one of the girls also played Margeaux on "Punky Brewster" but I'll IMDB it to be sure. Yep. Ami Foster. I rule. The J.H. girls try to invite 50-60 more people including (gasp!) BOYS! (Scandal!) D.J. isn't going to take their shit lying down, she takes the phone away from them and hangs up. The girls think she's like, oh my god, totally lame, and they invite "Cammy" to go to the mall with them. D.J. pleads with her friend and tells her not to be dumb, but Kimmy, oh so desperate to be cool, peaces out of her party leaving a pouting D.J. and a stunned group of pre-teen extras.
The next day after school, Stephanie asks D.J. why she was eating her lunch all alone which cause D.J. to draw a distinction between eating "by myself" and "all alone." Apparently the former is somehow less lame? Stephanie adds that she heard all of the other kids calling D.J. a "Geekburger" and when she tried to defend her big sis, they called her a "Geekburger Jr." Apparently Kimmy singlehandedly turned the whole school against D.J. and I have to ask, where are all of their other friends? Cathy Santoni and all of the nameless girls from the party? Didn't they see Kimmy act like an ungrateful twit? Why would they just jump on the Geekburger bandwagon? Makes no sense... either way, Stephanie decides that until this thing blows over, she's changing her name... to Connie Chung. Bwah! This show got a ton of mileage out of Connie Chung references back in the day, but whenever I hear her name I think of this. Yikes.
The family gathers to watch the debut of "Wake Up San Francisco" and Becky comes over to join them, prompting a "Have Mercy" from Jesse. Jesse pretty much acts a damn fool around Becky and she tells him that he bears an uncanny resemblance to her brother, Corky. You know everyone immediately thought "Life Goes On" Corky when she said that. Admit it! Jesse laments, "We are so far from where I want to be." They go back to watch the show and no one laughs at Danny's first ad lib, but they guffaw heartily over Becky's. Danny's very sensitive and then UgBaby shuts off the show because she's a stupid ugly brat.
D.J. gets a phone call from Kimmy and she grabs the phone and immediately hangs up without saying a word. Jess and Joey try to talk to her about it. She tells them how Kimmy got the entire school to start calling her a Geekburger, and proclaims that she has no qualms about throwing her "ex-friendship out the ex-window." D.J. also maintains that she still thinks Kimmy is a "Nerdbomber." I do love the grade school insults being tossed around this episode.
Joey finally convinces D.J. to give Kimmy another chance and conveniently enough, it is then when Stephanie announces that Kimmy is downstairs in the living room. D.J. thinks she's there to apologize, but Kimmy was just there to collect her presents. Ha! Tacky! More name-calling ensues until true feelings and hurtiness are revealed, Kimmy got ditched by the J.H. girls, so they're best friends again. D.J. says that they can open her presents and then exchange them at the mall for better presents. D.J. knows this because she already opened all of them. But then D.J. gives Kimmy her present, and it's the fugliest fug that ever fugged. It's a lilac baseball cap, but one of those 80s style ones that has a weird elongated shape, and it's covered in a bunch of decorative shiny crap, and it's hideous. Naturally, Kimmy declares, "Wow this is like the raddest hat in the universe!"
Meanwhile, Danny's at the station, waiting to hear his boss' big news. Danny will no longer be doing the sports for the station. At first, he's heartbroken, until his boss then reveals that he will be the new co-host of the morning talk show, "Wake Up, San Francisco." And heeere's Becky, also known as Rebecca Donaldson, Danny's co-host. She's welcomed with one of the classic Tanner hugs, and their boss is ecstatic over their immediate chemistry.
It's Party time! UgBaby comes into the living room with a bowl of pretzels and dumps the whole thing out onto the floor. Man, you suck, Michelle. Jesse thankfully comes to whisk her away. As he walks through the room, a hush falls over the party. He asks D.J. what's wrong with all of the girls, and she tells him that they think he's cute. Jesse asks, "Where were they when I was 12?" to which D.J. awesomely replies, "Not born yet!" ZING! Git 'im Deej!
Stephanie comes in, faking them out by using the doorbell and pretending to be Kimmy and as D.J. tries to herd her sister out, Kimmy arrives through the open door and is met with groans because the element of surprise was ruined. But, Kimmy isn't alone, she's brought Nina and Melissa, two JUNIOR HIGH GIRLS with her. ooOOooOOOoo, Tres chic, junior high. No one is glamorous in Junior High, everyone's ugly and awkward. I'm not buying what you're selling here, Gibbler. I'm pretty sure one of the girls also played Margeaux on "Punky Brewster" but I'll IMDB it to be sure. Yep. Ami Foster. I rule. The J.H. girls try to invite 50-60 more people including (gasp!) BOYS! (Scandal!) D.J. isn't going to take their shit lying down, she takes the phone away from them and hangs up. The girls think she's like, oh my god, totally lame, and they invite "Cammy" to go to the mall with them. D.J. pleads with her friend and tells her not to be dumb, but Kimmy, oh so desperate to be cool, peaces out of her party leaving a pouting D.J. and a stunned group of pre-teen extras.
The next day after school, Stephanie asks D.J. why she was eating her lunch all alone which cause D.J. to draw a distinction between eating "by myself" and "all alone." Apparently the former is somehow less lame? Stephanie adds that she heard all of the other kids calling D.J. a "Geekburger" and when she tried to defend her big sis, they called her a "Geekburger Jr." Apparently Kimmy singlehandedly turned the whole school against D.J. and I have to ask, where are all of their other friends? Cathy Santoni and all of the nameless girls from the party? Didn't they see Kimmy act like an ungrateful twit? Why would they just jump on the Geekburger bandwagon? Makes no sense... either way, Stephanie decides that until this thing blows over, she's changing her name... to Connie Chung. Bwah! This show got a ton of mileage out of Connie Chung references back in the day, but whenever I hear her name I think of this. Yikes.
The family gathers to watch the debut of "Wake Up San Francisco" and Becky comes over to join them, prompting a "Have Mercy" from Jesse. Jesse pretty much acts a damn fool around Becky and she tells him that he bears an uncanny resemblance to her brother, Corky. You know everyone immediately thought "Life Goes On" Corky when she said that. Admit it! Jesse laments, "We are so far from where I want to be." They go back to watch the show and no one laughs at Danny's first ad lib, but they guffaw heartily over Becky's. Danny's very sensitive and then UgBaby shuts off the show because she's a stupid ugly brat.
D.J. gets a phone call from Kimmy and she grabs the phone and immediately hangs up without saying a word. Jess and Joey try to talk to her about it. She tells them how Kimmy got the entire school to start calling her a Geekburger, and proclaims that she has no qualms about throwing her "ex-friendship out the ex-window." D.J. also maintains that she still thinks Kimmy is a "Nerdbomber." I do love the grade school insults being tossed around this episode.
Joey finally convinces D.J. to give Kimmy another chance and conveniently enough, it is then when Stephanie announces that Kimmy is downstairs in the living room. D.J. thinks she's there to apologize, but Kimmy was just there to collect her presents. Ha! Tacky! More name-calling ensues until true feelings and hurtiness are revealed, Kimmy got ditched by the J.H. girls, so they're best friends again. D.J. says that they can open her presents and then exchange them at the mall for better presents. D.J. knows this because she already opened all of them. But then D.J. gives Kimmy her present, and it's the fugliest fug that ever fugged. It's a lilac baseball cap, but one of those 80s style ones that has a weird elongated shape, and it's covered in a bunch of decorative shiny crap, and it's hideous. Naturally, Kimmy declares, "Wow this is like the raddest hat in the universe!"
Monday, November 26, 2007
"So, have you heard who Miss Piggy's been dating?" or Cutting It Close (2.1)
ABC Family got tired of Season One, so bring on Number Two! New opening credits, unfortunately it still opens on Ugly Michelle, now she's just a little older.
Jesse is rocking out, playing the guitar in his bedroom, when he is interrupted by Stephanie, who wants him to play beauty parlor. He follows her into her bedroom where Joey is seated, with a weird yarn hair net on his head and his toes separated by cotton balls elevated on the chair. Jesse rightfully laughs at Joey getting a pedicure, and takes his seat at Mistress Stephanie's Salon. He jumps about a mile when Stephanie comes at him, brandishing real scissors. He warns her to be careful.
Joey then launched into an abysmal Roger Rabbit impression. Yawn. Jesse and Stephanie laugh (only to be polite, I'm sure) and Stephanie distractedly and accidentally snips off a chunk of Jesse's prized mullet. Stephanie is horrified, holding Jesse's hair in her hand as Danny and D.J. enter the room. Everyone's face is enough to tip Jesse off that something is amiss with his coif. He sees the hair in Stephanie's hands and all she can do is look at him and plead, "Have Mercy."
The next day, UgBaby Michelle is bratting it up, pushing everything off of the coffee table in the living room. Danny teaches her how to pick up her mess and organize the magazines. The front door is opened by a sexy nurse who is followed by Jesse. He is wearing a hospital gown with both arms in casts and his motorcycle helmet on his head. Jesse, being the mature adult that he is, says that after he had to get a haircut, he was so angry about it that he didn't see the speed bump that caused him to get into an accident. Nothing like blaming all of your problems on your six-year old niece and launching the biggest guilt trip ever.
The whole family's gathered in the living room and Joey is in a rugby shirt. This angers me because I used to play rugby and Joey sucks. Turns out Jesse's going to be in casts for 6 weeks and finally admits that the accident wasn't all Steph's fault in a way that says that he thinks it really is. Then when she tries to hug him, he wicked overreacts that she needs to be more gentle around his broken bones. And now, the unveiling of the new 'do. The family and audience all laugh at his new style and I don't really know why. He had a MULLET. This is a vast improvement people, don't be hatin'!
Jesse is insistent upon being independent and he tries to get himself a bowl of cereal with hilarity naturally ensuing. Again, this show exhibits one of my peeves because he pours his cereal into a tupperware bowl and attempts to eat it with a wooden spoon. Ick! Stop with the wooden utensils! For some reason, Jesse just has to have a banana chopped up in his Oat Boats and does so with a rolling pin. The spoon doesn't work out too well for him, and Jesse reverts to eating like a pig in a trough. Heh. Danny comes in and sees this and remarks that he's a grown man eating like a Great Dane. Jesse finally resigns himself to letting the rest of the family help him out around the house.
Cue the montage of the family helping out Jesse to another crappy Beatles cover, this time to "Help!" (Duh). In the montage of clips you can see that everyone besides Stephanie is lending a helping hand.
Jesse's sitting at the table with a teal tank top over a his upper body cast. It's pretty funny looking. Stephanie's just moping around the house and D.J. yells at her for not helping Uncle J. She goes to Danny, who is in the process of dust busting his vacuum cleaner bag, and tells him that Steph refuses to help Uncle Jesse. With a little bit of fatherly prying, Danny discovers that Stephanie is just afraid of hurting Jesse again and is afraid she is going to break him.
Danny confronts Jesse in the backyard and pretty much tells him to stop feeling sorry for himself because his prick attitude left Steph racked with guilt. Jesse, still kind of rough around the edges with the whole parenting business tells Danny to send "the little rug rat" out there so that he can "tell her she's wacko." Nice, Jess. Actually, it's pretty hilarious. Kids can be so dumb.
Stephanie reluctantly comes outside and puts on the puppy dog face while she tells Jesse that she's dangerous and that's why he hates her. Jesse admits that he's just been frustrated and feeling sorry for himself and he's sorry that he took it out on her. He promises that he's going to heal up just fine and tells her that even those who are experts (for instance fake haircuts or riding motorcycles) can make mistakes (for instance accidentally chopping off someone's hair or crashing said motorcycle). Encouraged, Stephanie finally feels confident enough to give Jesse a hug without hurting him, causing them to declare: "The curse is over! Have Mercy!"
Naturally, the six weeks will have passed by the next episode, and this incident of broken appendages will never be heard from again.
Jesse is rocking out, playing the guitar in his bedroom, when he is interrupted by Stephanie, who wants him to play beauty parlor. He follows her into her bedroom where Joey is seated, with a weird yarn hair net on his head and his toes separated by cotton balls elevated on the chair. Jesse rightfully laughs at Joey getting a pedicure, and takes his seat at Mistress Stephanie's Salon. He jumps about a mile when Stephanie comes at him, brandishing real scissors. He warns her to be careful.
Joey then launched into an abysmal Roger Rabbit impression. Yawn. Jesse and Stephanie laugh (only to be polite, I'm sure) and Stephanie distractedly and accidentally snips off a chunk of Jesse's prized mullet. Stephanie is horrified, holding Jesse's hair in her hand as Danny and D.J. enter the room. Everyone's face is enough to tip Jesse off that something is amiss with his coif. He sees the hair in Stephanie's hands and all she can do is look at him and plead, "Have Mercy."
The next day, UgBaby Michelle is bratting it up, pushing everything off of the coffee table in the living room. Danny teaches her how to pick up her mess and organize the magazines. The front door is opened by a sexy nurse who is followed by Jesse. He is wearing a hospital gown with both arms in casts and his motorcycle helmet on his head. Jesse, being the mature adult that he is, says that after he had to get a haircut, he was so angry about it that he didn't see the speed bump that caused him to get into an accident. Nothing like blaming all of your problems on your six-year old niece and launching the biggest guilt trip ever.
The whole family's gathered in the living room and Joey is in a rugby shirt. This angers me because I used to play rugby and Joey sucks. Turns out Jesse's going to be in casts for 6 weeks and finally admits that the accident wasn't all Steph's fault in a way that says that he thinks it really is. Then when she tries to hug him, he wicked overreacts that she needs to be more gentle around his broken bones. And now, the unveiling of the new 'do. The family and audience all laugh at his new style and I don't really know why. He had a MULLET. This is a vast improvement people, don't be hatin'!
Jesse is insistent upon being independent and he tries to get himself a bowl of cereal with hilarity naturally ensuing. Again, this show exhibits one of my peeves because he pours his cereal into a tupperware bowl and attempts to eat it with a wooden spoon. Ick! Stop with the wooden utensils! For some reason, Jesse just has to have a banana chopped up in his Oat Boats and does so with a rolling pin. The spoon doesn't work out too well for him, and Jesse reverts to eating like a pig in a trough. Heh. Danny comes in and sees this and remarks that he's a grown man eating like a Great Dane. Jesse finally resigns himself to letting the rest of the family help him out around the house.
Cue the montage of the family helping out Jesse to another crappy Beatles cover, this time to "Help!" (Duh). In the montage of clips you can see that everyone besides Stephanie is lending a helping hand.
Jesse's sitting at the table with a teal tank top over a his upper body cast. It's pretty funny looking. Stephanie's just moping around the house and D.J. yells at her for not helping Uncle J. She goes to Danny, who is in the process of dust busting his vacuum cleaner bag, and tells him that Steph refuses to help Uncle Jesse. With a little bit of fatherly prying, Danny discovers that Stephanie is just afraid of hurting Jesse again and is afraid she is going to break him.
Danny confronts Jesse in the backyard and pretty much tells him to stop feeling sorry for himself because his prick attitude left Steph racked with guilt. Jesse, still kind of rough around the edges with the whole parenting business tells Danny to send "the little rug rat" out there so that he can "tell her she's wacko." Nice, Jess. Actually, it's pretty hilarious. Kids can be so dumb.
Stephanie reluctantly comes outside and puts on the puppy dog face while she tells Jesse that she's dangerous and that's why he hates her. Jesse admits that he's just been frustrated and feeling sorry for himself and he's sorry that he took it out on her. He promises that he's going to heal up just fine and tells her that even those who are experts (for instance fake haircuts or riding motorcycles) can make mistakes (for instance accidentally chopping off someone's hair or crashing said motorcycle). Encouraged, Stephanie finally feels confident enough to give Jesse a hug without hurting him, causing them to declare: "The curse is over! Have Mercy!"
Naturally, the six weeks will have passed by the next episode, and this incident of broken appendages will never be heard from again.
"It's That Kind of Attitude that Broke up the Go-Go's" or But Seriously, Folks (1.16)
Jesse is in his bedroom with D.J. and Kimmy Gibbler (Ew! Not like THAT!) He's helping D.J. learn the guitar because her and Kimmy started a band called "The Bracelets." Heh, Bangles, Bracelets... touche, writers. D.J.'s having some trouble mastering the guitar, but Kimmy's a whiz on the keyboard. Her and Jesse play the song "Venus" with Kimmy singing. D.J. chimes in, drumming on the back of her guitar and singing... poorly. Yikes. Candace Cameron is not musically inclined. Danny interrupts their band practice to tell them to hurry and get ready to go see Joey's comedy show. Wow, Joey booked a show? It must be open mic/amateur night. Kimmy rudely suggests that D.J. should maybe stay home and practice and possibly consider quitting school altogether.
The family is now in the living room, waiting to go, and Jesse says they have to wait for his date. There's an adorable little skit here, where Jesse says he's so nervous and then his date walks through the door and lo and behold, it's Stephanie. They have a cute dialogue trying to be very formal and polite. Stephanie is carrying a purse and D.J. asks why she would need one. Steph reveals the contents: change for a phone call, keys to some place, and an orange. "They do make a lovely couple," remarks Danny.
Now at the club, Ed Alonso, a magician best known as Max from The Max Diner from "Saved by the Bell," is performing. Joey is on deck and stoked to be following a magician, because apparently the audience is "dying to laugh." I don't think Joey's one to critique someone for a hack routine.
Again, I need to take a moment to describe Joey's hideous attire. His outfits rival those of Claudia Kishi from the Baby-Sitter Club book series. For his chance at a big break, Joey decides to class it up with a teal Hawaiian print shirt with red and yellow flowers, black slacks, white sneakers, a fuschia sport coat and a silver bolo necktie. Pair that with Joey's curly mullet, and you've got one hell of a fashion trainwreck on your hands. Yikes.
Just as Joey's about to take the stage to perform in front of a guy from HBO and potentially get his big break, a familiar cackle emanates throughout the club. It's none other than comedy legend Phyllis Diller. They call Phyllis onto the stage to perform, and she obliges... for an hour and a half. Joey? Fucked! He finally takes the stage and everyone is filing out. In one of the most pathetic displays I've ever seen, Joey literally begs the audience to stay and watch his comedy. It's past HBO guy's bedtime and he also peaces out. BWAH!
The next day, the family goes down to Joey's room to find him dressed in a suit with his hair slicked back, now calling himself "Joe." Joey is quitting comedy and planning to pursue a career in the business world. What business is that? Well, Joey doesn't specify, and seeing as he really has no qualifications, I'm pretty sure this isn't going to pan out. Joey says that he tried and failed he's glad he figured it out now, rather than when he's 46. D.J. appears to be pretty crushed by this revelation, and the rest of the family looks pretty concerned. I think they should be celebrating, but that's me.
The next day, Danny and Jesse attempt baby aerobics with UgBaby Michelle. It's almost cute, and I laugh a little when Jesse asks Michelle if she's feeling insecure about "those chubby little legs." Joey comes home after allegedly receiving a plethora of job offers, and turns down watching cartoons in favor of reading the Wall Street Journal. Danny remarks that he's worried about Joey and Jesse replies, "Joey's always worried me." Heh.
Jesse finds out that D.J. is quitting the guitar because it's too hard and she's no good. He tries his hand at parenting by telling an anecdote about his passion for music when he was a young boy. Apparently he pawned his bike in exchange for a guitar and practiced night and day until one day, the music "surged through him." D.J. is unimpressed and Jesse is fed up and goes to Danny and tells him that they need to fix this.
The guys take Joey back to the club to watch Jesse perform for amateur night. Jesse, still performing with the surname Cochran (I'm guessing the name change didn't change until the second season). Rather than play his guitar, Jesse decides to try his hand at comedy, specifically Joey's comedy. He "butchers" Joey's jokes, but in all fairness, they weren't all that funny to begin with. Joey heckles him with such witty quips as calling Jesse a "yahoo bird" and claiming he's committing "comedy murder." Shut up, Joe.
Naturally their plan works, and they get Joey to take the stage and because everyone in the club audience that evening suffers from mild retardation or perhaps severe intoxication, they don't walk out and actually laugh. Joey, rejuvenated by his well-received performance is now back in the comedy saddle. Jesse and Danny aren't done with him yet, they tell him that his abrupt departure from his passion inspired D.J. to quit the guitar. For some weird reason, she looks up to Joey.
Joey decides now would be a good time for a pep talk despite the fact that it's nighttime and both of the girls are already tucked into bed. He rouses them to tell them he's back in comedy and that D.J. shouldn't give up on her music. Steph's happy to have Joey back, rather than the moussed-back Joe. D.J. decides that he's right and picks up the guitar and begins to painfully strum out the chords to "Venus." Poor Stephanie just wants to go back to bed. And D.J.'s guitar will never be heard from again.
The family is now in the living room, waiting to go, and Jesse says they have to wait for his date. There's an adorable little skit here, where Jesse says he's so nervous and then his date walks through the door and lo and behold, it's Stephanie. They have a cute dialogue trying to be very formal and polite. Stephanie is carrying a purse and D.J. asks why she would need one. Steph reveals the contents: change for a phone call, keys to some place, and an orange. "They do make a lovely couple," remarks Danny.
Now at the club, Ed Alonso, a magician best known as Max from The Max Diner from "Saved by the Bell," is performing. Joey is on deck and stoked to be following a magician, because apparently the audience is "dying to laugh." I don't think Joey's one to critique someone for a hack routine.
Again, I need to take a moment to describe Joey's hideous attire. His outfits rival those of Claudia Kishi from the Baby-Sitter Club book series. For his chance at a big break, Joey decides to class it up with a teal Hawaiian print shirt with red and yellow flowers, black slacks, white sneakers, a fuschia sport coat and a silver bolo necktie. Pair that with Joey's curly mullet, and you've got one hell of a fashion trainwreck on your hands. Yikes.
Just as Joey's about to take the stage to perform in front of a guy from HBO and potentially get his big break, a familiar cackle emanates throughout the club. It's none other than comedy legend Phyllis Diller. They call Phyllis onto the stage to perform, and she obliges... for an hour and a half. Joey? Fucked! He finally takes the stage and everyone is filing out. In one of the most pathetic displays I've ever seen, Joey literally begs the audience to stay and watch his comedy. It's past HBO guy's bedtime and he also peaces out. BWAH!
The next day, the family goes down to Joey's room to find him dressed in a suit with his hair slicked back, now calling himself "Joe." Joey is quitting comedy and planning to pursue a career in the business world. What business is that? Well, Joey doesn't specify, and seeing as he really has no qualifications, I'm pretty sure this isn't going to pan out. Joey says that he tried and failed he's glad he figured it out now, rather than when he's 46. D.J. appears to be pretty crushed by this revelation, and the rest of the family looks pretty concerned. I think they should be celebrating, but that's me.
The next day, Danny and Jesse attempt baby aerobics with UgBaby Michelle. It's almost cute, and I laugh a little when Jesse asks Michelle if she's feeling insecure about "those chubby little legs." Joey comes home after allegedly receiving a plethora of job offers, and turns down watching cartoons in favor of reading the Wall Street Journal. Danny remarks that he's worried about Joey and Jesse replies, "Joey's always worried me." Heh.
Jesse finds out that D.J. is quitting the guitar because it's too hard and she's no good. He tries his hand at parenting by telling an anecdote about his passion for music when he was a young boy. Apparently he pawned his bike in exchange for a guitar and practiced night and day until one day, the music "surged through him." D.J. is unimpressed and Jesse is fed up and goes to Danny and tells him that they need to fix this.
The guys take Joey back to the club to watch Jesse perform for amateur night. Jesse, still performing with the surname Cochran (I'm guessing the name change didn't change until the second season). Rather than play his guitar, Jesse decides to try his hand at comedy, specifically Joey's comedy. He "butchers" Joey's jokes, but in all fairness, they weren't all that funny to begin with. Joey heckles him with such witty quips as calling Jesse a "yahoo bird" and claiming he's committing "comedy murder." Shut up, Joe.
Naturally their plan works, and they get Joey to take the stage and because everyone in the club audience that evening suffers from mild retardation or perhaps severe intoxication, they don't walk out and actually laugh. Joey, rejuvenated by his well-received performance is now back in the comedy saddle. Jesse and Danny aren't done with him yet, they tell him that his abrupt departure from his passion inspired D.J. to quit the guitar. For some weird reason, she looks up to Joey.
Joey decides now would be a good time for a pep talk despite the fact that it's nighttime and both of the girls are already tucked into bed. He rouses them to tell them he's back in comedy and that D.J. shouldn't give up on her music. Steph's happy to have Joey back, rather than the moussed-back Joe. D.J. decides that he's right and picks up the guitar and begins to painfully strum out the chords to "Venus." Poor Stephanie just wants to go back to bed. And D.J.'s guitar will never be heard from again.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
"Can you feel it?" or The Miracle [Dum-da-da-daaa] of Thanksgiving (1.9)
I must preface this recap with the acknowledgment that this episode is kind of tough to snark on. It's actually pretty touching and heartwarming without being overwhelmingly cheesy, but I'm sure Joey will do something idiotic for me to hate on.
It's Thanksgiving morning and Danny goes into the nursery to wake up UgBaby Michelle. Bearing a decorative turkey, he pep talks her to try and get her to say "turkey" that night over dinner to "blow everyone away". I guess that would be mildly impressive. Danny brings Michelle into Jesse's room and plops her down onto his face in a sort of reverse tea-bagging. I can't think of a more unpleasant way to be woken up than nasty UglyBaby ass on my face.
Jesse's not too enthused about being woken up early, but is surprisingly unfazed by the whole butt on the face thing. Hm. The guys go downstairs to wake up the annoyingly perky Joey. I would just like to take a moment to point out that once again, Joey's mannequin in the alcove is wearing pajamas identical to the ones Joey is in. I know this is probably just something the prop/costume teams do, but it's still freaky. So we're to think that this grown ass man not only has a mannequin (as if that weren't weird enough), but that he changes it's clothes daily to match his own attire? That is just so creepy!
Danny is stressed because apparently it snowed a lot in Tacoma. Why does anyone care? Well, it turns out that Claire, aka Granny Tanny lives in Tacoma and was supposed to be flying in to help cooking Thanksgiving dinner. But due to inclement weather, she's snowed in. Tanner Thanksgiving = Fucked. Danny is panicked. This is the first Thanksgiving they're celebrating since the death of Pam, and he wants everything to be perfect so that it's easier on the girls. Aww, poor Danny. I can't even imagine what this situation must be like. No hate here.
Danny's afraid that he can't put together a decent meal without Pam or his mother helping and wants to eat out. D.J. is thoroughly opposed to the idea and insists that they give it a shot. She said that last year her mother taught her how to make her pumpkin pie, and that Grandma told her how to prepare the turkey when they last spoke on the phone. Danny's touched and encouraged by the enthusiasm and they decide to give it the old college try.
Cooking montage to the song "Get Ready." I love cooking big dinners in a group, especially with the radio or a CD blasting. It can be a really kickass time. We didn't usually perform dance routines like the Tanner clan are doing, but yeah, it's a cute scene. They prepare their feast on the table and Joey and Jesse go to carve the turkey. D.J. is very relieved because she was terrified of screwing up the turkey and was so nervous that it wouldn't turn out right, but thankfully "it looks just like the one Mom made last year."
Meanwhile, J&J are trying to carve the turkey, which is a nice golden color on the outside, but it's apparently frozen solid still. Whoops. Guess Granny Tanny didn't properly explain the delicate timing issue involved when one prepares a frozen turkey. Not wanting to hurt D.J.'s feelings, the guys try to hide the frozen turkey from her. Suddenly the doorbell rings. It's two blodne bimbos who have an already cooked turkey with them. They're looking for their Uncle's house and Danny offers them up to $200 for their turkey. They decline, go on their merry way, and eventually D.J. finds out that the turkey is frozen when Danny ends up burning it trying to cook it fast. To make matters worse, Stephanie drops the pumpkin pie on the floor, and D.J. cries that she ruined Thanksgiving and flees to her bedroom. Sadness.
Danny tells D.J. that the turkey and the pie are inconsequential to the success of Thanksgiving. It's just about being with family and celebrating their love and all that mushy goodness. Meanwhile, Jesse and Stephanie are looking through photo albums of Thanksgivings past with Pam. Danny and D.J. join them and then he sends the girls downstairs. Jesse looks at the photos and with a lot of sadness says, "You missed a great Thanksgiving, sis." And here's where this episode turns totally heartbreaking. Jesse's taking his first Thanksgiving in 26 years without his big sister really hard, and from a character that doesn't get overly emotional, it's a really good moment for Jesse. Him and Danny sit on the bed, Jesse fighting back tears while Danny consoles him.
Stamos really pulls all the heartstrings as he goes on and on about all the pain and hurting and asking when will it stop hurting so much? I guess playing Blackie on "General Hospital" paid off for Stamos here. Him and Danny share a great moment, as he shares more stories about Pam while looking at the photos. Danny very touchingly tells Jesse that he's so happy to have him there, and it's just a sweet moment between brothers-in-law.
Damn you, Full House! For piecing together a really nice holiday special that I can't hate on because of how much I love Thanksgiving! Damn you!
Now the whole family's gathered around the table, giving thanks, and Danny prepares to carve the blackened turkey offering up the options of "dark and really dark" meat. Fin. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm going to go pass out now for a few hours!
It's Thanksgiving morning and Danny goes into the nursery to wake up UgBaby Michelle. Bearing a decorative turkey, he pep talks her to try and get her to say "turkey" that night over dinner to "blow everyone away". I guess that would be mildly impressive. Danny brings Michelle into Jesse's room and plops her down onto his face in a sort of reverse tea-bagging. I can't think of a more unpleasant way to be woken up than nasty UglyBaby ass on my face.
Jesse's not too enthused about being woken up early, but is surprisingly unfazed by the whole butt on the face thing. Hm. The guys go downstairs to wake up the annoyingly perky Joey. I would just like to take a moment to point out that once again, Joey's mannequin in the alcove is wearing pajamas identical to the ones Joey is in. I know this is probably just something the prop/costume teams do, but it's still freaky. So we're to think that this grown ass man not only has a mannequin (as if that weren't weird enough), but that he changes it's clothes daily to match his own attire? That is just so creepy!
Danny is stressed because apparently it snowed a lot in Tacoma. Why does anyone care? Well, it turns out that Claire, aka Granny Tanny lives in Tacoma and was supposed to be flying in to help cooking Thanksgiving dinner. But due to inclement weather, she's snowed in. Tanner Thanksgiving = Fucked. Danny is panicked. This is the first Thanksgiving they're celebrating since the death of Pam, and he wants everything to be perfect so that it's easier on the girls. Aww, poor Danny. I can't even imagine what this situation must be like. No hate here.
Danny's afraid that he can't put together a decent meal without Pam or his mother helping and wants to eat out. D.J. is thoroughly opposed to the idea and insists that they give it a shot. She said that last year her mother taught her how to make her pumpkin pie, and that Grandma told her how to prepare the turkey when they last spoke on the phone. Danny's touched and encouraged by the enthusiasm and they decide to give it the old college try.
Cooking montage to the song "Get Ready." I love cooking big dinners in a group, especially with the radio or a CD blasting. It can be a really kickass time. We didn't usually perform dance routines like the Tanner clan are doing, but yeah, it's a cute scene. They prepare their feast on the table and Joey and Jesse go to carve the turkey. D.J. is very relieved because she was terrified of screwing up the turkey and was so nervous that it wouldn't turn out right, but thankfully "it looks just like the one Mom made last year."
Meanwhile, J&J are trying to carve the turkey, which is a nice golden color on the outside, but it's apparently frozen solid still. Whoops. Guess Granny Tanny didn't properly explain the delicate timing issue involved when one prepares a frozen turkey. Not wanting to hurt D.J.'s feelings, the guys try to hide the frozen turkey from her. Suddenly the doorbell rings. It's two blodne bimbos who have an already cooked turkey with them. They're looking for their Uncle's house and Danny offers them up to $200 for their turkey. They decline, go on their merry way, and eventually D.J. finds out that the turkey is frozen when Danny ends up burning it trying to cook it fast. To make matters worse, Stephanie drops the pumpkin pie on the floor, and D.J. cries that she ruined Thanksgiving and flees to her bedroom. Sadness.
Danny tells D.J. that the turkey and the pie are inconsequential to the success of Thanksgiving. It's just about being with family and celebrating their love and all that mushy goodness. Meanwhile, Jesse and Stephanie are looking through photo albums of Thanksgivings past with Pam. Danny and D.J. join them and then he sends the girls downstairs. Jesse looks at the photos and with a lot of sadness says, "You missed a great Thanksgiving, sis." And here's where this episode turns totally heartbreaking. Jesse's taking his first Thanksgiving in 26 years without his big sister really hard, and from a character that doesn't get overly emotional, it's a really good moment for Jesse. Him and Danny sit on the bed, Jesse fighting back tears while Danny consoles him.
Stamos really pulls all the heartstrings as he goes on and on about all the pain and hurting and asking when will it stop hurting so much? I guess playing Blackie on "General Hospital" paid off for Stamos here. Him and Danny share a great moment, as he shares more stories about Pam while looking at the photos. Danny very touchingly tells Jesse that he's so happy to have him there, and it's just a sweet moment between brothers-in-law.
Damn you, Full House! For piecing together a really nice holiday special that I can't hate on because of how much I love Thanksgiving! Damn you!
Now the whole family's gathered around the table, giving thanks, and Danny prepares to carve the blackened turkey offering up the options of "dark and really dark" meat. Fin. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm going to go pass out now for a few hours!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving to all ten (or so) of my blog fans! Watch some football, stuff yourselves with delicious food, down some cider/eggnog/booze, and I'll try to have two recaps ("But Seriously, Folks" and "The Miracle of Thanksgiving") up later tonight. At the very least I'll definitely have the Thanksgiving episode up.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
"You're immune to common sense!" or A Pox in Our House (1.15)
Jesse and the Rippers(?) (I think it's the Rippers, but frankly the a capella routine they're doing seems not very Ripper-esque) are doing a Doo-Wop song for Danny and Joey. Soon the girls join them in the living room and the whole family's grooving along. Seriously, since when does Jesse do doo-wop? The song ends, but Danny tries to keep it going in a painful display. Stephanie has now slumped down on the floor and Danny moves her to the couch, concerned about her well-being. She says she feels yucky, her forehead feels warm and she's covered in "pimples." Uh-oh invasion of the chicken pox at the Tanner's!
The family thinks that they're in the clear, because D.J., Danny and Jesse all had the chicken pox. Joey claims that he was the only kid in his school who didn't get it when the virus was going around and therefor he is immune. Suddenly UgBaby gurgles and all eyes turn to the playpen. Guess we're not in the clear then.
Danny tucks Stephanie into bed and warns her to not scratch her blisters. She's upset because a real ballerina was coming in to do a demo for her ballet class the next day, and she didn't want to miss out on it. Danny tells her the fastest road to recovery is paved with rest and fluids. D.J. brings her an apple juice that Stephanie pounds in a way that would make a frat boy proud.
Jesse comes in in one of the most ridiculous outfits ever featured on FH. It's a glittery teal and silver suit, and paired with the mullet, it's mind-blowing. Sorry Stamos, even your fine ass can't pull this mess off. Danny sums it up pretty well when he tells him he looks "like [he] should be spinning from the ceiling of the disco." He comes bearing calamine lotion. Joey comes in bearing a teddy bear dubbed, "Teddy Itch No More" and an air horn. Stellar contribution as always, Joey.
The guys tell Stephanie that they'll all be there for whatever Stephanie needs that weekend, except for when Danny goes to warm up and sit on the bench with the L.A. Clippers, and Jesse has his Doo Wop show. Joey, to the surprise of no one, has no plans or commitments that weekend. D.J. comes in with a tray full of orange juice, and for her troubles, she's stuck sharing the nursery with Michelle until Stephanie recovers. D.J. puts Michelle to bed by talking to her like a dog.
The next day, Jesse & Joey awake feeling/looking crappy and it turns out they've both got the pox! When Jesse was a kid, he had an allergic reaction to wool that he mistook for chicken pox and Joey? Well, I guess you weren't immune to chicken pox after all. Danny's all decked out in his Clipper warm-up gear and D.J. is chowing down on her cereal in anticipation of her slumber party that night. I can't figure out what time it's supposed to be. I mean, J&J clearly just woke up and D.J.'s eating cereal, so you would figure it's morning. But if it's morning, why is Danny getting ready to go off with the Clippers and D.J. getting ready for a sleepover? Whatever, I'll let it slide, but it's weird.
With J&J out of commission, Danny is in need of a baby-sitter who can actually go near the baby without infecting her. D.J. hesitates to leave in case she's needed, but Danny lets her go and begins calling every sitter in his phone book with only 47 minutes before he needs to go.
Stephanie tries to sneak out of the house incognito to go see the ballerina in her dance class. She is nearly out the door when she's caught by Uncle Jesse who blows her cover as "Karen." Jesse's still going by the last name Cochran at this point in time. I wonder when they changed it. Jesse tells her he also has chicken pox and part of dealing with it is being tough even though you might be missing out on something you really wanted to do. Jesse's pretty bummed when Stephanie reminds him that this means he'll be missing his Doo Wop show.
J&J are in Joey's room and itching horribly. They determine that if they scratch each other, then they're technically still "tough" and aren't breaking the no scratching rule. They scratch each other in a bizarre manner and as Danny comes in, they are in the middle of rubbing their heads together. Danny is understandable creeped out.
Danny reaches the end of his potential baby-sitter list, concluding with the name Zuckerman (which totally sends my mind off to Andrea Zuckerman of 90210 and I'm picturing Gabrielle Carteris all nerded out telling her Dad to tell Mr. Tanner that she's not there rather than baby-sit that ugly baby). Danny's S.O.L. and considers calling D.J. back to help out, but decides against it. He pretends to call Michelle: "Hello, Michelle? Hi, it's Daddy." >Click< She hung up on him, it was actually kind of funny.
Now Jesse, Joey and Steph are in the basement applying calamine lotion and saying "Ooh" and "Ah" rhythmically and singing "Working on the Chain Gang." Um, isn't it like really potentially dangerous when adults catch chicken pox later in life? I thought that it could lead to more severe diseases like shingles, and that you need prompt medical attention. But, it's just not as funny that way, is it? Anyway, Danny comes down with a tray of food and for the second time this episode tries to unsuccessfully join in the sing-along, this time with the lyrics:
"Here's some tuna fish and soup
It's nutritious and delicious
And it's great to fight infection
For the family that I love."
They all stare at him. I can't blame them. Bob Saget is hot! Kidding. Partly. Anyway, just as Danny gives up hope, D.J. comes bounding down the stairs back from her party. And this is where D.J. becomes a full-fledged awesome kid. Because Danny sacrifices and does so much for the girls, and because there will always be other slumber parties, she came back to do something for him. Gaa! That actually warmed the icy cockles of my heart! But seriously, NO 10 year old is that unselfish and mature. In conclusion, D.J. is terrific, saved the day, and Danny gets to warm up with the Clippers. If 8 players and a peanut vendor get hurt, he might even get a chance to get some game time!
The trio of poxies start listing demands for D.J. and she pretty much blows them off and walks away. You go girl! The only one you're responsible for is Michelle. They have chicken pox! They're itchy, not crippled.
The family thinks that they're in the clear, because D.J., Danny and Jesse all had the chicken pox. Joey claims that he was the only kid in his school who didn't get it when the virus was going around and therefor he is immune. Suddenly UgBaby gurgles and all eyes turn to the playpen. Guess we're not in the clear then.
Danny tucks Stephanie into bed and warns her to not scratch her blisters. She's upset because a real ballerina was coming in to do a demo for her ballet class the next day, and she didn't want to miss out on it. Danny tells her the fastest road to recovery is paved with rest and fluids. D.J. brings her an apple juice that Stephanie pounds in a way that would make a frat boy proud.
Jesse comes in in one of the most ridiculous outfits ever featured on FH. It's a glittery teal and silver suit, and paired with the mullet, it's mind-blowing. Sorry Stamos, even your fine ass can't pull this mess off. Danny sums it up pretty well when he tells him he looks "like [he] should be spinning from the ceiling of the disco." He comes bearing calamine lotion. Joey comes in bearing a teddy bear dubbed, "Teddy Itch No More" and an air horn. Stellar contribution as always, Joey.
The guys tell Stephanie that they'll all be there for whatever Stephanie needs that weekend, except for when Danny goes to warm up and sit on the bench with the L.A. Clippers, and Jesse has his Doo Wop show. Joey, to the surprise of no one, has no plans or commitments that weekend. D.J. comes in with a tray full of orange juice, and for her troubles, she's stuck sharing the nursery with Michelle until Stephanie recovers. D.J. puts Michelle to bed by talking to her like a dog.
The next day, Jesse & Joey awake feeling/looking crappy and it turns out they've both got the pox! When Jesse was a kid, he had an allergic reaction to wool that he mistook for chicken pox and Joey? Well, I guess you weren't immune to chicken pox after all. Danny's all decked out in his Clipper warm-up gear and D.J. is chowing down on her cereal in anticipation of her slumber party that night. I can't figure out what time it's supposed to be. I mean, J&J clearly just woke up and D.J.'s eating cereal, so you would figure it's morning. But if it's morning, why is Danny getting ready to go off with the Clippers and D.J. getting ready for a sleepover? Whatever, I'll let it slide, but it's weird.
With J&J out of commission, Danny is in need of a baby-sitter who can actually go near the baby without infecting her. D.J. hesitates to leave in case she's needed, but Danny lets her go and begins calling every sitter in his phone book with only 47 minutes before he needs to go.
Stephanie tries to sneak out of the house incognito to go see the ballerina in her dance class. She is nearly out the door when she's caught by Uncle Jesse who blows her cover as "Karen." Jesse's still going by the last name Cochran at this point in time. I wonder when they changed it. Jesse tells her he also has chicken pox and part of dealing with it is being tough even though you might be missing out on something you really wanted to do. Jesse's pretty bummed when Stephanie reminds him that this means he'll be missing his Doo Wop show.
J&J are in Joey's room and itching horribly. They determine that if they scratch each other, then they're technically still "tough" and aren't breaking the no scratching rule. They scratch each other in a bizarre manner and as Danny comes in, they are in the middle of rubbing their heads together. Danny is understandable creeped out.
Danny reaches the end of his potential baby-sitter list, concluding with the name Zuckerman (which totally sends my mind off to Andrea Zuckerman of 90210 and I'm picturing Gabrielle Carteris all nerded out telling her Dad to tell Mr. Tanner that she's not there rather than baby-sit that ugly baby). Danny's S.O.L. and considers calling D.J. back to help out, but decides against it. He pretends to call Michelle: "Hello, Michelle? Hi, it's Daddy." >Click< She hung up on him, it was actually kind of funny.
Now Jesse, Joey and Steph are in the basement applying calamine lotion and saying "Ooh" and "Ah" rhythmically and singing "Working on the Chain Gang." Um, isn't it like really potentially dangerous when adults catch chicken pox later in life? I thought that it could lead to more severe diseases like shingles, and that you need prompt medical attention. But, it's just not as funny that way, is it? Anyway, Danny comes down with a tray of food and for the second time this episode tries to unsuccessfully join in the sing-along, this time with the lyrics:
"Here's some tuna fish and soup
It's nutritious and delicious
And it's great to fight infection
For the family that I love."
They all stare at him. I can't blame them. Bob Saget is hot! Kidding. Partly. Anyway, just as Danny gives up hope, D.J. comes bounding down the stairs back from her party. And this is where D.J. becomes a full-fledged awesome kid. Because Danny sacrifices and does so much for the girls, and because there will always be other slumber parties, she came back to do something for him. Gaa! That actually warmed the icy cockles of my heart! But seriously, NO 10 year old is that unselfish and mature. In conclusion, D.J. is terrific, saved the day, and Danny gets to warm up with the Clippers. If 8 players and a peanut vendor get hurt, he might even get a chance to get some game time!
The trio of poxies start listing demands for D.J. and she pretty much blows them off and walks away. You go girl! The only one you're responsible for is Michelle. They have chicken pox! They're itchy, not crippled.
"When I make a move, everything curls" or Half a Love Story (1.14)
We're at the Channel 8 news station where Danny's old pal Robin Winslow is in town to audition for a field reporting job. Danny does make it clear that he makes more money than her. I think he's only half kidding. Apparently they're "old pals" and Danny insists upon her staying with the Tanners.
I have to say that Kristian Alfonso who plays Robin Winslow, is stunning. It's just a shame that her beauty is being covered by bad 80s hair and wardrobe. I googled her and fear not, homegirl's still got it going on.
Jesse spies Robin from across the way with a "Have mercy!" and uses UglyBaby Michelle to beam her in to get a date. I suppose this plot point relies on suspension of disbelief, because if I saw a baby that looked like Michelle smiling and waving at me, I'd say to myself, "Damn, that's an ugly baby!" Apparently Robin buys it, prompting Jesse to proclaim Michelle's better than a Ferrari. My ass. She spouts off lies like calling her a "Little angel" and "I was just thinking that's the cutest baby I've ever seen." Further wooing tactics employed by Jesse include blowing raspberries on UgBaby's tummy, delivering all of his cheesy pick-up lines through Michelle and sealing the date with a kiss to UgBaby. My favorite part about Robin is that she doesn't buy any of Jesse's crap, "I think Michelle's been hanging around too many singles bars." Bwah!
After lamely securing a date for the next night, Jesse suddenly remembers that he has an audition for a big gig and dumps UgBaby off onto Danny who is about to do his sports segment live on the air. Nooooo! Don't subject San Francisco to the Ugly Baby!!!
Back at the Tanner's for dinner, Joey is trying to pass off Chinese takeout as homemade stir-fry. Stephanie's all morose and glum, feeling mediocre about life. Apparently she's not good at anything. Suddenly the brunette version of Madonna in "Desperately Seeking Susan" walks in the back door. This is Jesse's fuck buddy, Jill. She uses the verbiage, "Whenever we don't have a date with anyone else, we have a date with each other." Jill's kind of fug... a little horsey in the mouth with bushy eyebrows.
Jesse comes home from the audition to find Robin and Danny sitting on the Tanner couch. Guess he didn't get the memo that Robin and Danny are old pals and Robin will be staying with the Tanners... in Jesse's room. Jesse meanwhile, is stuck bunking with Joey. Poor Jesse. Jesse reintroduces himself and confirms their date for tomorrow, prompting D.J. to say, "Wow, he works FAST." He clarifies that they met earlier in the day and just then, Jill comes in to remind Jesse about their date tonight. He tries to take her out before Robin can see her, but Joey whines about his great Chinese home cooking causing Jill to want to stay in.
Cue the most awkward dinner ever. Jesse is seated between Jill and Robin and tries desperately to start up conversations with every member of the family. They all answer him with one-word answers, and Jill decides that telling the story of how she met Jesse would be a good way to break the silence/tension. Someone give that girl an oat bag or some salt lick. Turns out Jesse used the same weak-ass tactics to woo Jill.
Later that night, Danny is helping Robin prepare for her audition in Jesse's room. Jesse comes in wanting to apologize about Jill's intrusion on their evening. Robin tells him that it's not a problem that he had a date that night since they had just met, but don't count on her keeping their date the next night.
They go back and forth about Robin's perceptions of Jesse's type ("A guitar-playing, leather-wearing, elvis-loving, motorcycle-riding, blow-drying, baby-toting tough guy") and she's pretty much nailed him to a tee. Jesse argues that he's more than that, and Danny desperately tries to leave the room during this personal and should-be private exchange: "Is anyone aware of the fact that I'm still in the room." When Robin questions Jesse's ability for long-term commitment, he claims he had a 4 month relationship with a Sharon Edwards. Danny finally gets the chance to leave when he reveals that 2 of those months Sharon spent in Europe.
Robin reveals she's been out with guys like him before, doesn't want to get hurt and boots Jesse out of his own room. In the hallway, the rest of the Tanner clan is waiting, eavesdropping on the fight.
The next day, the guys try to cheer Jesse up with pep talks, apparently he was singing "Heartbreak Hotel" in his sleep last night. Meanwhile, the girls are in their room brushing Robin's hair for her audition that day. Man, her hair is fluffy. While they brush, the girls really talk up their Uncle J. Robin tells them that they're very sweet and she hopes to one day have nieces like them. Stephanie points out that she could have that very easily if she just married Uncle Jesse. Ha! Point to Stephanie!
Jesse comes in to drive the girls to school in his bug mobile, an awkward exchange with Robin ensues. When Steph goes to get her milk money out of her drawer, she shuts it on her finger. Uncle J to the rescue. Jesse tells her he's the finger doctor and has her close her eyes to see the color of the pain. Apparently it's green with blue polka dots, but thankfully, no stripes. The power of suggestion makes Steph's pain dissolve and we find out that Robin was watching the whole thing from the doorway. As Jesse and the girls leave, Robin's face clearly says that she's doubting her initial impression of Jesse.
Down at the station, Danny's wrapping up another sports segment with UgMichelle. Um, why do they keep letting him do sports reports while holding a friggin' baby (and an ugly one at that!) There seriously isn't someone on the set that can hold her for the like, 6-8 minutes where Danny is occupied? Jesse is there to pick up Michelle after Danny finishes up. He happens across Robin stiffly rehearsing her lines for her field reporting audition. Jesse offers her the advice to loosen up and demonstrates with a "wacky" news report.
Back at the Tanner house that evening, they're celebrating Robin getting the job. She calls Jesse outside to speak privately and tells him she was wrong about him and she loves his "maternal instinct." They agree to be friends and take it slow, and Jesse tells Robin that if she wants the relationship to advance, it's up to her to make the first move. She kisses him, and when he asks if it was a move, she questions if his toes curled. He says they did and she replies that when she makes a move "Everything curls." Oo! That was a saucy and kind of risque line, I like it. Apparently Jesse did too, as it's met with a big smile and a "Have Mercy!" and this budding relationship is abandoned after this episode and never heard from ever again.
I have to say that Kristian Alfonso who plays Robin Winslow, is stunning. It's just a shame that her beauty is being covered by bad 80s hair and wardrobe. I googled her and fear not, homegirl's still got it going on.
Jesse spies Robin from across the way with a "Have mercy!" and uses UglyBaby Michelle to beam her in to get a date. I suppose this plot point relies on suspension of disbelief, because if I saw a baby that looked like Michelle smiling and waving at me, I'd say to myself, "Damn, that's an ugly baby!" Apparently Robin buys it, prompting Jesse to proclaim Michelle's better than a Ferrari. My ass. She spouts off lies like calling her a "Little angel" and "I was just thinking that's the cutest baby I've ever seen." Further wooing tactics employed by Jesse include blowing raspberries on UgBaby's tummy, delivering all of his cheesy pick-up lines through Michelle and sealing the date with a kiss to UgBaby. My favorite part about Robin is that she doesn't buy any of Jesse's crap, "I think Michelle's been hanging around too many singles bars." Bwah!
After lamely securing a date for the next night, Jesse suddenly remembers that he has an audition for a big gig and dumps UgBaby off onto Danny who is about to do his sports segment live on the air. Nooooo! Don't subject San Francisco to the Ugly Baby!!!
Back at the Tanner's for dinner, Joey is trying to pass off Chinese takeout as homemade stir-fry. Stephanie's all morose and glum, feeling mediocre about life. Apparently she's not good at anything. Suddenly the brunette version of Madonna in "Desperately Seeking Susan" walks in the back door. This is Jesse's fuck buddy, Jill. She uses the verbiage, "Whenever we don't have a date with anyone else, we have a date with each other." Jill's kind of fug... a little horsey in the mouth with bushy eyebrows.
Jesse comes home from the audition to find Robin and Danny sitting on the Tanner couch. Guess he didn't get the memo that Robin and Danny are old pals and Robin will be staying with the Tanners... in Jesse's room. Jesse meanwhile, is stuck bunking with Joey. Poor Jesse. Jesse reintroduces himself and confirms their date for tomorrow, prompting D.J. to say, "Wow, he works FAST." He clarifies that they met earlier in the day and just then, Jill comes in to remind Jesse about their date tonight. He tries to take her out before Robin can see her, but Joey whines about his great Chinese home cooking causing Jill to want to stay in.
Cue the most awkward dinner ever. Jesse is seated between Jill and Robin and tries desperately to start up conversations with every member of the family. They all answer him with one-word answers, and Jill decides that telling the story of how she met Jesse would be a good way to break the silence/tension. Someone give that girl an oat bag or some salt lick. Turns out Jesse used the same weak-ass tactics to woo Jill.
Later that night, Danny is helping Robin prepare for her audition in Jesse's room. Jesse comes in wanting to apologize about Jill's intrusion on their evening. Robin tells him that it's not a problem that he had a date that night since they had just met, but don't count on her keeping their date the next night.
They go back and forth about Robin's perceptions of Jesse's type ("A guitar-playing, leather-wearing, elvis-loving, motorcycle-riding, blow-drying, baby-toting tough guy") and she's pretty much nailed him to a tee. Jesse argues that he's more than that, and Danny desperately tries to leave the room during this personal and should-be private exchange: "Is anyone aware of the fact that I'm still in the room." When Robin questions Jesse's ability for long-term commitment, he claims he had a 4 month relationship with a Sharon Edwards. Danny finally gets the chance to leave when he reveals that 2 of those months Sharon spent in Europe.
Robin reveals she's been out with guys like him before, doesn't want to get hurt and boots Jesse out of his own room. In the hallway, the rest of the Tanner clan is waiting, eavesdropping on the fight.
The next day, the guys try to cheer Jesse up with pep talks, apparently he was singing "Heartbreak Hotel" in his sleep last night. Meanwhile, the girls are in their room brushing Robin's hair for her audition that day. Man, her hair is fluffy. While they brush, the girls really talk up their Uncle J. Robin tells them that they're very sweet and she hopes to one day have nieces like them. Stephanie points out that she could have that very easily if she just married Uncle Jesse. Ha! Point to Stephanie!
Jesse comes in to drive the girls to school in his bug mobile, an awkward exchange with Robin ensues. When Steph goes to get her milk money out of her drawer, she shuts it on her finger. Uncle J to the rescue. Jesse tells her he's the finger doctor and has her close her eyes to see the color of the pain. Apparently it's green with blue polka dots, but thankfully, no stripes. The power of suggestion makes Steph's pain dissolve and we find out that Robin was watching the whole thing from the doorway. As Jesse and the girls leave, Robin's face clearly says that she's doubting her initial impression of Jesse.
Down at the station, Danny's wrapping up another sports segment with UgMichelle. Um, why do they keep letting him do sports reports while holding a friggin' baby (and an ugly one at that!) There seriously isn't someone on the set that can hold her for the like, 6-8 minutes where Danny is occupied? Jesse is there to pick up Michelle after Danny finishes up. He happens across Robin stiffly rehearsing her lines for her field reporting audition. Jesse offers her the advice to loosen up and demonstrates with a "wacky" news report.
Back at the Tanner house that evening, they're celebrating Robin getting the job. She calls Jesse outside to speak privately and tells him she was wrong about him and she loves his "maternal instinct." They agree to be friends and take it slow, and Jesse tells Robin that if she wants the relationship to advance, it's up to her to make the first move. She kisses him, and when he asks if it was a move, she questions if his toes curled. He says they did and she replies that when she makes a move "Everything curls." Oo! That was a saucy and kind of risque line, I like it. Apparently Jesse did too, as it's met with a big smile and a "Have Mercy!" and this budding relationship is abandoned after this episode and never heard from ever again.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
"But, do we really need Michelle?" or Sisterly Love (1.13)
The family comes in after watching D.J. perform the female lead in "The Frog Prince." She's wearing a red gown and a tiara. Apparently Michelle started crying and needed to be removed from the auditorium, so Joey ended up missing the final scene of the show. Man, for someone that can't talk, that Michelle really ruins everything, doesn't she? To ensure that Joey doesn't miss any of the masterpiece that is children's theater, D.J. reenacts the final scene of the kiss with Jesse stepping in to portray the Frog Prince.
She gives a decent performance... I guess. I'm very rarely wowed by child actors, usually a little too hammy for my liking. Anyway, the whole family is so impressed by Jesse's star power that he suggest to Danny, in front of D.J., that she should audition for television commercials. D.J., bitten by the acting bug, is obviously excited and enthusiastic, and begs her father to let her try out for a part. Danny is less than thrilled that Jesse mentioned auditions and open casting calls in front of his impressionable daughter, because he's afraid that she'll get her hopes up for success, only to have her dreams crushed.
The next day, Jesse is preparing lunch for UglyBaby. He deems that processed fruits and vegetables are passe, so he fixes her a corned beef sandwich and a pickle. Danny comes in and does not approve of this meal for his UglyBaby. He instead takes the sandwich for himself, and seeing Michelle with the pickle in hand reminds me of that highly disturbing clip from "The Soup" of the pickle girl from "Super Nanny." Ew. Joey comes in with a bag of groceries, but it's all health food. Apparently he has high cholesterol and needs to change his diet, so he is pulling a complete 180 and going to the extreme with health food. Jesse and Danny doubt his ability to stick with this new diet, and Joey insists that he is Mr. Willpower and that he once "quit smoking like THAT." Danny doesn't buy it and asks when did he ever smoke. Joey then reveals that it was 4 cigarettes when he was 12, and he stopped "cold turkey" when his Dad caught him.
Done listening to Joey's idiocy, Danny then reveals that he caught wind of an open audition for an Oat Boats cereal commercial on the following day. He's not sure if he's going to tell D.J. about it, but with the coaxing of J&J, he finally goes to her room and tells her. Danny begs her to take some time to think this over and decide if it's really something that she wants to put herself through. D.J. takes all of 10 seconds before running out into the hallway to tell Danny, "I want to do it!"
Jesse and Stephanie accompany D.J. to her audition. She does a great job, reminiscent of pretty much every cereal commercial I remember watching growing up. She's right up there with the Life cereal "Hey Mikey! He likes it!" The casting director loves her performance too, and goes to get her boss to make the final decision. Jesse goes to feed more money into the parking meter, and D.J. goes to fix her hair. Stephanie was so inspired by D.J.'s performance that she asks if she may have a bowl of Oat Boats. The casting director tells her to go for it, and Stephanie starts doing a play-by-play of the Oat Boat race between the strawberry and banana, and "first place is a trip to [her] mouth." Hee. The childish pervert in me laughs at the unintentional (?) dirtiness of that statement. The director comes in and sees Steph do her shtick and mistakes her for the auditioner. He awards her the part to the shock of Uncle Jesse and Stephanie, and the utter dismay of D.J.
Danny comforts D.J. when he learns she didn't get the part, and out of respect, tries to mask his excitement over Stephanie's success. D.J. pretends she's not bitter and feigns happiness that Steph got the part.
Joey meanwhile, lasted a whopping 24 hours on his new diet, and is in the nursery, trying to wolf down a fast food cheeseburger and french fries. When he hears Danny and Jesse approaching, he hides the food in Michelle's crib. Because they aren't complete morons like Joey, Danny and Jesse smell and discover the hidden junk food almost immediately. Joey is pathetic, and Danny tells him to chill out and try dieting in moderation.
Stephanie rehearses for her commercial and is reading the stage directions aloud while D.J. watches and laughs at her. Finally, they explode, chasing each other around the kitchen yelling "Thief!" and "Jealous!" Then, they resort to full names. Jesse and Joey hear the commotion and pull the girls apart, sending Stephanie into the living room and D.J. down to what is now, back to being Joey's room downstairs. As they part, D.J. yells "Stephanie Judith!" which is met with "Donna Jo Margaret!" prompting Jesse to say, "Margaret?" Ha! I'm with you Jess, I would've though the "Jo" would have sufficed as a middle name.
The guys go downstairs where D.J. is maniacally pedaling on the exercise bike- perhaps a foreshadowing to the episode where she becomes self-conscious about her weight prior to Kimmy's pool party, so she starves herself and over-exercises. Joey starts in, telling D.J. that being in show business is all about dealing with constant rejection, with a rare chance at success. I laugh heartily and yell at my T.V., "I bet you know a whole lot about rejection, Gladstone!"
This pep talk does nothing, so Jesse swoops in and attempts a little reverse psychology by exaggerating how Stephanie is devious and conniving and intentionally stole the part right out from under D.J. D.J. admits that she knows Stephanie didn't do it on purpose, but she's still mad nonetheless. I think that's completely understandable, and that they should give her a few days to cool off, but you know how the Tanner family works. Every problem must be solved and tied up in a nice neat little package as soon as possible.
After a little more prodding, D.J. confesses that her unhappiness stems from feeling cast aside for her younger, cuter sisters. She feels that they steal the limelight and thinks it's disgusting, and she wishes she could go back to the way it was before her sisters were born. J&J point out all the perks of being the eldest child, and D.J. finally admits that being the oldest isn't so bad. She goes up to the living room to apologize to Stephanie.
Steph meanwhile is on the phone with the operator, asking to be connected to Mr. Oat Boat. D.J. goes unnoticed and listens in as Stephanie begs to speak with him because she needs to quit the commercial because it's tearing her family apart and now her big sister hates her. Aw. Dammit she's so cute. The operator naturally hangs up, leading to the ever popular, "How rude!" D.J. apologizes and they call each other their best friends and aw, isn't sisterly love grand? Stephanie then asks, "But, do we really need Michelle?" Hahahahaha! That's TWO episodes in a row where someone suggests that they get rid of Michelle. Now, why couldn't they have acted on that?! D.J. assures her that when Michelle's older enough to push around, she won't be as bad. I've got news for ya, Deej: You're wrong!
D.J. helps Stephanie rehearse and tells her to not read the stage directions aloud, and Jesse and Joey lurk through the entry to the living room, watching the sisterly love. Ew, that sounded creepy.
She gives a decent performance... I guess. I'm very rarely wowed by child actors, usually a little too hammy for my liking. Anyway, the whole family is so impressed by Jesse's star power that he suggest to Danny, in front of D.J., that she should audition for television commercials. D.J., bitten by the acting bug, is obviously excited and enthusiastic, and begs her father to let her try out for a part. Danny is less than thrilled that Jesse mentioned auditions and open casting calls in front of his impressionable daughter, because he's afraid that she'll get her hopes up for success, only to have her dreams crushed.
The next day, Jesse is preparing lunch for UglyBaby. He deems that processed fruits and vegetables are passe, so he fixes her a corned beef sandwich and a pickle. Danny comes in and does not approve of this meal for his UglyBaby. He instead takes the sandwich for himself, and seeing Michelle with the pickle in hand reminds me of that highly disturbing clip from "The Soup" of the pickle girl from "Super Nanny." Ew. Joey comes in with a bag of groceries, but it's all health food. Apparently he has high cholesterol and needs to change his diet, so he is pulling a complete 180 and going to the extreme with health food. Jesse and Danny doubt his ability to stick with this new diet, and Joey insists that he is Mr. Willpower and that he once "quit smoking like THAT." Danny doesn't buy it and asks when did he ever smoke. Joey then reveals that it was 4 cigarettes when he was 12, and he stopped "cold turkey" when his Dad caught him.
Done listening to Joey's idiocy, Danny then reveals that he caught wind of an open audition for an Oat Boats cereal commercial on the following day. He's not sure if he's going to tell D.J. about it, but with the coaxing of J&J, he finally goes to her room and tells her. Danny begs her to take some time to think this over and decide if it's really something that she wants to put herself through. D.J. takes all of 10 seconds before running out into the hallway to tell Danny, "I want to do it!"
Jesse and Stephanie accompany D.J. to her audition. She does a great job, reminiscent of pretty much every cereal commercial I remember watching growing up. She's right up there with the Life cereal "Hey Mikey! He likes it!" The casting director loves her performance too, and goes to get her boss to make the final decision. Jesse goes to feed more money into the parking meter, and D.J. goes to fix her hair. Stephanie was so inspired by D.J.'s performance that she asks if she may have a bowl of Oat Boats. The casting director tells her to go for it, and Stephanie starts doing a play-by-play of the Oat Boat race between the strawberry and banana, and "first place is a trip to [her] mouth." Hee. The childish pervert in me laughs at the unintentional (?) dirtiness of that statement. The director comes in and sees Steph do her shtick and mistakes her for the auditioner. He awards her the part to the shock of Uncle Jesse and Stephanie, and the utter dismay of D.J.
Danny comforts D.J. when he learns she didn't get the part, and out of respect, tries to mask his excitement over Stephanie's success. D.J. pretends she's not bitter and feigns happiness that Steph got the part.
Joey meanwhile, lasted a whopping 24 hours on his new diet, and is in the nursery, trying to wolf down a fast food cheeseburger and french fries. When he hears Danny and Jesse approaching, he hides the food in Michelle's crib. Because they aren't complete morons like Joey, Danny and Jesse smell and discover the hidden junk food almost immediately. Joey is pathetic, and Danny tells him to chill out and try dieting in moderation.
Stephanie rehearses for her commercial and is reading the stage directions aloud while D.J. watches and laughs at her. Finally, they explode, chasing each other around the kitchen yelling "Thief!" and "Jealous!" Then, they resort to full names. Jesse and Joey hear the commotion and pull the girls apart, sending Stephanie into the living room and D.J. down to what is now, back to being Joey's room downstairs. As they part, D.J. yells "Stephanie Judith!" which is met with "Donna Jo Margaret!" prompting Jesse to say, "Margaret?" Ha! I'm with you Jess, I would've though the "Jo" would have sufficed as a middle name.
The guys go downstairs where D.J. is maniacally pedaling on the exercise bike- perhaps a foreshadowing to the episode where she becomes self-conscious about her weight prior to Kimmy's pool party, so she starves herself and over-exercises. Joey starts in, telling D.J. that being in show business is all about dealing with constant rejection, with a rare chance at success. I laugh heartily and yell at my T.V., "I bet you know a whole lot about rejection, Gladstone!"
This pep talk does nothing, so Jesse swoops in and attempts a little reverse psychology by exaggerating how Stephanie is devious and conniving and intentionally stole the part right out from under D.J. D.J. admits that she knows Stephanie didn't do it on purpose, but she's still mad nonetheless. I think that's completely understandable, and that they should give her a few days to cool off, but you know how the Tanner family works. Every problem must be solved and tied up in a nice neat little package as soon as possible.
After a little more prodding, D.J. confesses that her unhappiness stems from feeling cast aside for her younger, cuter sisters. She feels that they steal the limelight and thinks it's disgusting, and she wishes she could go back to the way it was before her sisters were born. J&J point out all the perks of being the eldest child, and D.J. finally admits that being the oldest isn't so bad. She goes up to the living room to apologize to Stephanie.
Steph meanwhile is on the phone with the operator, asking to be connected to Mr. Oat Boat. D.J. goes unnoticed and listens in as Stephanie begs to speak with him because she needs to quit the commercial because it's tearing her family apart and now her big sister hates her. Aw. Dammit she's so cute. The operator naturally hangs up, leading to the ever popular, "How rude!" D.J. apologizes and they call each other their best friends and aw, isn't sisterly love grand? Stephanie then asks, "But, do we really need Michelle?" Hahahahaha! That's TWO episodes in a row where someone suggests that they get rid of Michelle. Now, why couldn't they have acted on that?! D.J. assures her that when Michelle's older enough to push around, she won't be as bad. I've got news for ya, Deej: You're wrong!
D.J. helps Stephanie rehearse and tells her to not read the stage directions aloud, and Jesse and Joey lurk through the entry to the living room, watching the sisterly love. Ew, that sounded creepy.
"The Real American Hero: The Exterminator" or Our Very First Promo (1.12)
Ick, I just noticed that UglyBaby Michelle raises her eyebrow on the opening shot. Don't you make sexy faces at me, UglyBaby, I'm not biting.
Kimmy and D.J. are heading down the stairs into the... garage? Huh? Wasn't it just two episodes ago where they remodeled the garage into Joey's new bedroom? Nice continuity there writers. All I can figure is that they may have filmed the first season episodes, and then altered the order of airing them once the show was picked up, and this little detail slipped their mind. I wish they hadn't done it like RIGHT after the episode where Joey gets the new room. Anyway, rant over.
D.J. asks Kimmy if she'd like to stay for dinner, and Kimmy's all for it until she finds out that Joey's cooking and it's something in "earth tones." Ugh, Joey, you are unsuccessful in comedy and cooking. Just then, Stephanie pipes into the conversation, trailing her big sister. D.J. essentially tells her to get lost so that her and Kimmy can discuss woman things. To which Steph replies: "I'm a woman. I'm a little woman, but I'm a woman." D.J. promises her quality sister bonding time after Kimmy leaves, and just then there is a some sort of animal noise that Stephanie is convinced is a monster.
In the kitchen, Joey is doing a poor and mildly racist Iron Chef imitation. Jesse joins in the fun. Danny comes in the door saying "Great news, great news!" Stephanie wraps herself around his leg, terrified of the alleged monster in the garage. D.J. Oprahs that Stephanie's fears are just a desperate cry for attention. Danny reminds everyone that he had big news and the family finally bites.
Turns out that in order to boost ratings, the station is doing a profile on Danny and his family. Um... okay. I don't know why anyone would be riveted by the life of a sports reporter and his family... but sure, I'll roll with it. The family is obviously stoked to be featured on television, and finally act mildly interested in Danny's news.
Later that night, the girls are in bed when they once again hear the "monster noise" prodding Stephanie to Poltergeist, "They're ba-ack!" Steph first joins D.J. in bed, then when the noise continues, they run out into the hall calling for help. Jesse and Danny come out, and they try to send Jesse after the monster to kill it because he's an exterminator, oh excuse me, "pest control specialist." This leads to a pretty humorous rant by Hair Boy about the unsung hero that is, the exterminator. The girls won't rest until Danny lays with them in D.J.'s bed and the girls doze off while Danny is left to sleep in what appears to be one of the most uncomfortable sleeping positions ever.
The next morning, J&J are primping UglyBaby Michelle for the television program. Sorry guys, no luck, still ugly. You can't tie a bow around shit and pretend it's my birthday present. They hear the noise again and Jesse listens intently and then reveals, "North American Silver Footed Ferret, adult male, 2 1/2 pounds." He also traces the sound to the garage. Joey is amazed and Jesse reveals that it's a gift.
The guys move the garage where Jesse tries to capture and kill the ferret. Joey, suddenly an animal lover, opens the garage door and encourages the ferret to escape, all the while singing "Born Free." I just would like to note that the silver and neon green fishing net that Jesse is using is the same one that I used to use when fishing back in the day. Same exact thing. I mean, I got it at Wal*Mart for like $5 so it's not like it was anything special. Just a little tidbit. A fun fact, if you will.
The doorbell rings, and the girls answer. It's Ronnie, the director of the Tanner's television segment. She asks the girls to smile and take her coat. They do so and pass her tests with flying colors; they are both cute and capable of taking direction. She introduces herself as Ronnie, which is short for Veronica. D.J. introduces herself saying it's short for Donna Jo, and Stephanie says "I'm Stephanie... I'm just short." Heh, I dunno what it is about Jodie Sweetin, but she just is so damn cute. She was a great child actor. Too bad about the whole meth thing though...
The girls show Ronnie around the house and bring her into the garage where the men are still pursuing the ferret. Somehow, Jesse is now hanging upside down from the ceiling with Joey spotting, and it is at this moment when the girls and Ronnie walk in, prompting the director to say, "This is Danny Tanner's family? We're in trouble." Amen, sister.
Danny comes home and Ronnie is not one for manners or introductions. Danny sees Joey cleaning out the alcove (um, too bad he moved into his own room in the garage TWO EPISODES AGO!). Apparently Ronnie doesn't think that Joey fits in to the family image she's trying to portray. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to go with Ronnie on this one, Dan-O. Ditch the dink. Joey is still involved, as he has the important task of holding the cue cards.
Danny enters, saying "Ciao!" They have added a poodle named DaVinci into the mix. I like him, he's fluffy and cute. The girls come in bearing violins and wearing pearls, being bizarrely formal and vaguely Von Trapp-esque ("We missed you papa"). Jesse is playing the role of the butler, spouting "Hi ho, tea time" in a horrid British accent. He calls D.J. and Steph, "Buffy" and "Jodi" and something about the way he says, it and the girls' genuine reactions of laughter makes me think it was a cute ad lib. Joey claims he didn't fight too hard to stay in the segment, and I roll my eyes and am so sure. Desperate hack. You know he'd be on his knees in 3 seconds for a little television exposure.
Cue UglyBaby Michelle. But, wait! She's been replaced with adorable 3-year old Asian toddler. Michelle also didn't fit into Ronnie's vision for the segment. Again, I'm really going to have to go with Ronnie on this one. No Joey? No UglyBaby Michelle? It's like my picture perfect Tanner world! Vote Ronnie 4 Prez, 2008! Danny takes charge of the production and then we are treated to the final product.
Danny talks to the camera and takes them on a pretty boring tour of his home and family. The girls look awkward coloring at a table in the room, wearing ill-fitting SF Giants hats. Seriously, those things looked like they've never been worn. They move into the nursery where J&J are in with the baby. Joey tries out some unfunny puppetry with Michelle, and Danny introduces Jesse as his brother-in-law and lead singer of "Jesse Cochran and the Rippers." Gaa! Still with the Cochran! I can't believe it lasted this long. Danny reiterates how important each member of his family is, beg for ratings, and D.J. uses the exposure to ask for a raise in her allowance. The painful segment finally ends. Really? They thought that crap would boost ratings? Local networks in San Francisco must have been hard up in the late 80s/early 90s.
The family moves into the kitchen for celebratory ice cream. J&J hang behind and once more hear the call of the ferret. Now, Jesse catches it with ridiculous ease, and at the puppy dog face of Joey, agrees to release the ferret into the wild, rather than exterminate it. They go into the kitchen to show the girls that there was no monster, and finally, the music tells us it's over.
Bring back Ronnie! She knows where it's at!
Kimmy and D.J. are heading down the stairs into the... garage? Huh? Wasn't it just two episodes ago where they remodeled the garage into Joey's new bedroom? Nice continuity there writers. All I can figure is that they may have filmed the first season episodes, and then altered the order of airing them once the show was picked up, and this little detail slipped their mind. I wish they hadn't done it like RIGHT after the episode where Joey gets the new room. Anyway, rant over.
D.J. asks Kimmy if she'd like to stay for dinner, and Kimmy's all for it until she finds out that Joey's cooking and it's something in "earth tones." Ugh, Joey, you are unsuccessful in comedy and cooking. Just then, Stephanie pipes into the conversation, trailing her big sister. D.J. essentially tells her to get lost so that her and Kimmy can discuss woman things. To which Steph replies: "I'm a woman. I'm a little woman, but I'm a woman." D.J. promises her quality sister bonding time after Kimmy leaves, and just then there is a some sort of animal noise that Stephanie is convinced is a monster.
In the kitchen, Joey is doing a poor and mildly racist Iron Chef imitation. Jesse joins in the fun. Danny comes in the door saying "Great news, great news!" Stephanie wraps herself around his leg, terrified of the alleged monster in the garage. D.J. Oprahs that Stephanie's fears are just a desperate cry for attention. Danny reminds everyone that he had big news and the family finally bites.
Turns out that in order to boost ratings, the station is doing a profile on Danny and his family. Um... okay. I don't know why anyone would be riveted by the life of a sports reporter and his family... but sure, I'll roll with it. The family is obviously stoked to be featured on television, and finally act mildly interested in Danny's news.
Later that night, the girls are in bed when they once again hear the "monster noise" prodding Stephanie to Poltergeist, "They're ba-ack!" Steph first joins D.J. in bed, then when the noise continues, they run out into the hall calling for help. Jesse and Danny come out, and they try to send Jesse after the monster to kill it because he's an exterminator, oh excuse me, "pest control specialist." This leads to a pretty humorous rant by Hair Boy about the unsung hero that is, the exterminator. The girls won't rest until Danny lays with them in D.J.'s bed and the girls doze off while Danny is left to sleep in what appears to be one of the most uncomfortable sleeping positions ever.
The next morning, J&J are primping UglyBaby Michelle for the television program. Sorry guys, no luck, still ugly. You can't tie a bow around shit and pretend it's my birthday present. They hear the noise again and Jesse listens intently and then reveals, "North American Silver Footed Ferret, adult male, 2 1/2 pounds." He also traces the sound to the garage. Joey is amazed and Jesse reveals that it's a gift.
The guys move the garage where Jesse tries to capture and kill the ferret. Joey, suddenly an animal lover, opens the garage door and encourages the ferret to escape, all the while singing "Born Free." I just would like to note that the silver and neon green fishing net that Jesse is using is the same one that I used to use when fishing back in the day. Same exact thing. I mean, I got it at Wal*Mart for like $5 so it's not like it was anything special. Just a little tidbit. A fun fact, if you will.
The doorbell rings, and the girls answer. It's Ronnie, the director of the Tanner's television segment. She asks the girls to smile and take her coat. They do so and pass her tests with flying colors; they are both cute and capable of taking direction. She introduces herself as Ronnie, which is short for Veronica. D.J. introduces herself saying it's short for Donna Jo, and Stephanie says "I'm Stephanie... I'm just short." Heh, I dunno what it is about Jodie Sweetin, but she just is so damn cute. She was a great child actor. Too bad about the whole meth thing though...
The girls show Ronnie around the house and bring her into the garage where the men are still pursuing the ferret. Somehow, Jesse is now hanging upside down from the ceiling with Joey spotting, and it is at this moment when the girls and Ronnie walk in, prompting the director to say, "This is Danny Tanner's family? We're in trouble." Amen, sister.
Danny comes home and Ronnie is not one for manners or introductions. Danny sees Joey cleaning out the alcove (um, too bad he moved into his own room in the garage TWO EPISODES AGO!). Apparently Ronnie doesn't think that Joey fits in to the family image she's trying to portray. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to go with Ronnie on this one, Dan-O. Ditch the dink. Joey is still involved, as he has the important task of holding the cue cards.
Danny enters, saying "Ciao!" They have added a poodle named DaVinci into the mix. I like him, he's fluffy and cute. The girls come in bearing violins and wearing pearls, being bizarrely formal and vaguely Von Trapp-esque ("We missed you papa"). Jesse is playing the role of the butler, spouting "Hi ho, tea time" in a horrid British accent. He calls D.J. and Steph, "Buffy" and "Jodi" and something about the way he says, it and the girls' genuine reactions of laughter makes me think it was a cute ad lib. Joey claims he didn't fight too hard to stay in the segment, and I roll my eyes and am so sure. Desperate hack. You know he'd be on his knees in 3 seconds for a little television exposure.
Cue UglyBaby Michelle. But, wait! She's been replaced with adorable 3-year old Asian toddler. Michelle also didn't fit into Ronnie's vision for the segment. Again, I'm really going to have to go with Ronnie on this one. No Joey? No UglyBaby Michelle? It's like my picture perfect Tanner world! Vote Ronnie 4 Prez, 2008! Danny takes charge of the production and then we are treated to the final product.
Danny talks to the camera and takes them on a pretty boring tour of his home and family. The girls look awkward coloring at a table in the room, wearing ill-fitting SF Giants hats. Seriously, those things looked like they've never been worn. They move into the nursery where J&J are in with the baby. Joey tries out some unfunny puppetry with Michelle, and Danny introduces Jesse as his brother-in-law and lead singer of "Jesse Cochran and the Rippers." Gaa! Still with the Cochran! I can't believe it lasted this long. Danny reiterates how important each member of his family is, beg for ratings, and D.J. uses the exposure to ask for a raise in her allowance. The painful segment finally ends. Really? They thought that crap would boost ratings? Local networks in San Francisco must have been hard up in the late 80s/early 90s.
The family moves into the kitchen for celebratory ice cream. J&J hang behind and once more hear the call of the ferret. Now, Jesse catches it with ridiculous ease, and at the puppy dog face of Joey, agrees to release the ferret into the wild, rather than exterminate it. They go into the kitchen to show the girls that there was no monster, and finally, the music tells us it's over.
Bring back Ronnie! She knows where it's at!
Monday, November 19, 2007
"You always ran like a girl" or The Big 3-0 (1.11)
Joey is making breakfast for the girls and warns them not to blow Danny's surprise birthday party. Apparently Stephanie let last year's attempt at a surprise slip, and is chastised for it. Jesse comes in followed by Michelle as the Good Year birthday blimp with a few balloons tied to her. Tie a few more on there so that she flies away, will ya? Jesse also tells Stephanie to not blow the surprise because he heard about last year.
Danny comes in, dejected and unable to utter the number 30. The girls try to cheer him up with their presents, a coupon book of favors and chores such as "Good for one hug" and "Good for one wash of Bullet." Bullet is Danny's hot red car (I'm not a car person, so don't ask me the make or model) that we see the family driving along the bridge in the opening credits. This car is apparently incredibly special to Danny, but seeing as we've never heard it mentioned prior to this episode, it's pretty clear that it's being introduced now to act as some sort of plot device.
The doorbell rings and the girls take off to answer it. It's a man. Not just any man, but a driver. In exchange for Jesse's fumigation of his house ("Thank God for silverfish!"), this man will chauffeur Danny around all day in a limousine. Heh, I hate to admit it but Joey made me laugh. He lists all the accessories included with the limousine and concludes with, "And a year's supply of calendars... one!" Don't get me wrong, I still think Joey's an idiot and completely unfunny, but hey, a broken clock's right twice a day. Sooo I guess you can't be unfunny all the time. As Danny and the girls leave to get into the limo, he tells Joey and Jesse that he absolutely positively does not want a birthday party.
As soon as Danny is out the door, the guys resume planning his birthday party. Jesse says that he's going to pick up his present, sheepskin seat covers for Bullet, that afternoon. This prompts Joey to say, "Boy, he really loves that car." At this point they're really beating us over the head with the foreshadowing. We get it. Bullet's fucked.
Cut to later that night where all the party guests have arrived. Among them is Caroline, the owner of the fishing boat that the guys went out on for their men's night, A.K.A. Caroline from one of the episodes ABC Family decided to nonsensically skip. Jesse returns and tells Joey that Bullet was totaled. They go outside to survey the damage, and sure enough, Bullet? Fucked.In the kitchen, Joey, Jesse and the girls decide that it's best to wait until after the party to tell Danny so that they don't ruin his birthday, and they also hide the seat covers to keep Bullet off Danny's mind. Caroline comes in to tell them that Danny just pulled up, so they move it into the living room and turn the lights off.
Danny comes in and feigns surprise. The fact that 15 of his friends cars were parked outside was kind of a dead giveaway. Jesse, usually one to shy away from the man-on-man affections, offers the birthday boy a hug. D.J. takes a Polaroid, dubbing it the "Before" picture. Danny opens his presents and just when they think he's done, Stephanie comes in with the box containing the seat covers. She tries to cover it up, but it's too late. Danny opens them, loves them and can't wait to try them out on Bullet. Jesse cuts him off in the kitchen and tells the whole sordid tale to prepare him for the stroke he's about to suffer. Apparently while at Pep Boys, a large truck rear-ended the parked car and sent it careening down the hill, through the guardrail and off the bridge into the San Francisco bay. Yikes. But also, totally not his fault. Danny thinks Jesse's joking and laughs it off until he actually goes into the backyard and sees the totaled vehicle. D.J. snaps the "After" photo.
Following the initial shock and horror, I have to say that Danny is taking this remarkably well. That is, until Jesse and Joey go on and on about how devastated he should be about it. Why would they want to make him more upset? I dunno. I'll chalk it up to Joey being an idiot, that's my default explanation for everything stupid that happens on this show. Danny sadly comments that this is a birthday he'll never forget and heads to bed.
The next morning, he's reading to Michelle. Joey comes in because he thought he heard Michelle crying. Danny says, no, that was him. Aww. Despite breaking Danny down and telling him how upset he should be about Bullet, Joey's now trying to say it was just a car and get over it. Get bent, Joey. I blame you for this. Jesse sticks his head in and asks Joey to go for a ride with him, while Danny stays home with the girls.
They end up at a car dealership, with Danny's insurance money ($11,700) to burn, staring down Bullet's twin. They show interest to the salesman, Paul, when someone calls the dealer and begins bidding on the car. Obviously, we find out that it's Danny on the line, and they bid against each other all the way up to a staggering $20,000. Danny bows out at this point, and Paul fibs to J&J that he went up another grand. They don't bite either, and rather than lose the sale, Paul ends up backtracking the price all the way down to $11,500.
Triumphant they return home to find Danny now gung-ho to purchase a Jeep wagoneer. He told about the ridiculous bidding war against some "yo-yo" over a car he hadn't even seen. He realized that he needed to let go of Bullet and his past and move on. J&J then reveal that they were the "yo" and "yo" at the dealer and that they bought the car for his birthday. Danny is touched and says a gift from his two best friends is the best way to start off a new decade and for the first time, it feels great to be 30.
The guys ask him what he's going to name his car, and Danny protests that a 30 year old man doesn't name his car. Then he sticks his head out the back door and says, to the car, "I'll be right back... Walter." Hee. Shot of the whole Tanner clan driving in Walter as a crappy cover of The Beatles "Drive my Car" plays. I think it's sung by the guys who do the theme song. They should stick to T.V. themes and steer clear of tampering with a classic.
Danny comes in, dejected and unable to utter the number 30. The girls try to cheer him up with their presents, a coupon book of favors and chores such as "Good for one hug" and "Good for one wash of Bullet." Bullet is Danny's hot red car (I'm not a car person, so don't ask me the make or model) that we see the family driving along the bridge in the opening credits. This car is apparently incredibly special to Danny, but seeing as we've never heard it mentioned prior to this episode, it's pretty clear that it's being introduced now to act as some sort of plot device.
The doorbell rings and the girls take off to answer it. It's a man. Not just any man, but a driver. In exchange for Jesse's fumigation of his house ("Thank God for silverfish!"), this man will chauffeur Danny around all day in a limousine. Heh, I hate to admit it but Joey made me laugh. He lists all the accessories included with the limousine and concludes with, "And a year's supply of calendars... one!" Don't get me wrong, I still think Joey's an idiot and completely unfunny, but hey, a broken clock's right twice a day. Sooo I guess you can't be unfunny all the time. As Danny and the girls leave to get into the limo, he tells Joey and Jesse that he absolutely positively does not want a birthday party.
As soon as Danny is out the door, the guys resume planning his birthday party. Jesse says that he's going to pick up his present, sheepskin seat covers for Bullet, that afternoon. This prompts Joey to say, "Boy, he really loves that car." At this point they're really beating us over the head with the foreshadowing. We get it. Bullet's fucked.
Cut to later that night where all the party guests have arrived. Among them is Caroline, the owner of the fishing boat that the guys went out on for their men's night, A.K.A. Caroline from one of the episodes ABC Family decided to nonsensically skip. Jesse returns and tells Joey that Bullet was totaled. They go outside to survey the damage, and sure enough, Bullet? Fucked.In the kitchen, Joey, Jesse and the girls decide that it's best to wait until after the party to tell Danny so that they don't ruin his birthday, and they also hide the seat covers to keep Bullet off Danny's mind. Caroline comes in to tell them that Danny just pulled up, so they move it into the living room and turn the lights off.
Danny comes in and feigns surprise. The fact that 15 of his friends cars were parked outside was kind of a dead giveaway. Jesse, usually one to shy away from the man-on-man affections, offers the birthday boy a hug. D.J. takes a Polaroid, dubbing it the "Before" picture. Danny opens his presents and just when they think he's done, Stephanie comes in with the box containing the seat covers. She tries to cover it up, but it's too late. Danny opens them, loves them and can't wait to try them out on Bullet. Jesse cuts him off in the kitchen and tells the whole sordid tale to prepare him for the stroke he's about to suffer. Apparently while at Pep Boys, a large truck rear-ended the parked car and sent it careening down the hill, through the guardrail and off the bridge into the San Francisco bay. Yikes. But also, totally not his fault. Danny thinks Jesse's joking and laughs it off until he actually goes into the backyard and sees the totaled vehicle. D.J. snaps the "After" photo.
Following the initial shock and horror, I have to say that Danny is taking this remarkably well. That is, until Jesse and Joey go on and on about how devastated he should be about it. Why would they want to make him more upset? I dunno. I'll chalk it up to Joey being an idiot, that's my default explanation for everything stupid that happens on this show. Danny sadly comments that this is a birthday he'll never forget and heads to bed.
The next morning, he's reading to Michelle. Joey comes in because he thought he heard Michelle crying. Danny says, no, that was him. Aww. Despite breaking Danny down and telling him how upset he should be about Bullet, Joey's now trying to say it was just a car and get over it. Get bent, Joey. I blame you for this. Jesse sticks his head in and asks Joey to go for a ride with him, while Danny stays home with the girls.
They end up at a car dealership, with Danny's insurance money ($11,700) to burn, staring down Bullet's twin. They show interest to the salesman, Paul, when someone calls the dealer and begins bidding on the car. Obviously, we find out that it's Danny on the line, and they bid against each other all the way up to a staggering $20,000. Danny bows out at this point, and Paul fibs to J&J that he went up another grand. They don't bite either, and rather than lose the sale, Paul ends up backtracking the price all the way down to $11,500.
Triumphant they return home to find Danny now gung-ho to purchase a Jeep wagoneer. He told about the ridiculous bidding war against some "yo-yo" over a car he hadn't even seen. He realized that he needed to let go of Bullet and his past and move on. J&J then reveal that they were the "yo" and "yo" at the dealer and that they bought the car for his birthday. Danny is touched and says a gift from his two best friends is the best way to start off a new decade and for the first time, it feels great to be 30.
The guys ask him what he's going to name his car, and Danny protests that a 30 year old man doesn't name his car. Then he sticks his head out the back door and says, to the car, "I'll be right back... Walter." Hee. Shot of the whole Tanner clan driving in Walter as a crappy cover of The Beatles "Drive my Car" plays. I think it's sung by the guys who do the theme song. They should stick to T.V. themes and steer clear of tampering with a classic.
"A daycare for socially deviant munchkins" or Joey's Place (1.10)
Joey is in the kitchen ironing while singing the opening dawn of man theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey." Is that the same fugly yellow, purple and blue tie-dye-ish shirt that he had on in episode 4? D.J. and Stephanie come in and watch the moronic one man show, prompting Steph to ask, "Is this normal?" D.J.: "It is for Joey." Zing! One point, D.J. Uncle Jesse bounds up the stairs into the kitchen in his exterminator jumpsuit with his mullet-y locks a-flowing. He tells the girls that no matter how glamorous his lifestyle seems, they should avoid the bug biz.
Joey hints that he has some big news, but won't reveal what it is until the entire family is present. Danny arrives shortly there after and Joey tells the good news. Apparently someone who doesn't have the slightest notion of what college kids enjoy booked Joey on a 2 week 16 college comedy tour. Everyone is excited for Joey, but he is resistant to shirk all of his household duties and worries that he's leaving Jesse, Danny and the girls in the lurch. Jesse solves his problem by saying that he'll just take 2 weeks off from exterminating. He can do that because his dad owns the business and his mother won't let him fire his renegade son.
Joey is in the living room practicing his comedy in an attempt to boost his confidence. God, that is unfunny. He is also using a tape recorded laugh track that doesn't sound anything like laughter. It's this weird scratchy screeching sounding audio. Very bizarre. Danny comes in and comments how all of Joey's possessions seem to be exploding out of his alcove. Tempted to clean, Danny fights the urge when Joey assures him that he'll clean his mess and Danny goes to work on his basketball blooper reel.
Stephanie then comes in dressed as a bee carrying a cassette player playing "Flight of the Bumblebee." She says she's practicing for her next Honeybee meeting... I don't know. Joey, desperate for a place to rehearse peacefully sends Steph away and goes up to Jesse's room where he asks for any suggestions for a rehearsal space. Ironically enough, Joey is interrupting Jesse's attempt to practice guitar. Jesse essentially tells him that in this house, he's essentially S.O.L.
Cut to the garage, where Joey is practicing his "Ode to a Fountain." This consists of spitting water out of his mouth as he poses. This is as unfunny and gross as it reads. D.J. comes in and watches as Joey spits on the windshield of the yellow VW Bug and gestures for her to turn on the wipers. Ew. I hate the smell of spit because you know, nasty mouth bacteria, and now that car is going to have that gross spit-y smell. Yuck. D.J. tells Joey that every time he does his fountain routine, she "want[s] to throw pennies on [his] face." I feel that way about Joey all the time, except it's not just during the fountain routine, and instead of pennies, I prefer rocks.
D.J. is actually pretty cool and considerate, especially for a 10 year old, when she tells Joey that she finished her homework early so that he could use the girls' room as a rehearsal space. Wow. Like what kid would actually do that? I liked D.J. when she had morals and did the right thing, but before she got all pious about it like in her high school years. Moments like this remind me of why I wanted to be D.J. Tanner when I was younger. Joey tells D.J. that he actually likes the quiet of the garage. She complains that it's so cold, and he pops the hood of the yellow bug to reveal a rack of clothes, and gives her a heavy leather bomber jacket. Apparently he keeps his clothes in his car. Wait. Joey has a car? Joey starts to hint to D.J. about his discontent of the spacing that comes with life in an alcove.
D.J. is with Danny and Jesse in Michelle's nursery telling them how sad Joey looked practicing in the cold garage. They all decide that they need to get Joey his own room, and Stephanie acts as lookout for Joey, instructed to use the words "The duck flies at midnight" if she sees Joey coming. D.J.'s proposals include shifting around rooms so that everyone has their own with Michelle in the alcove and Stephanie in a tent in the backyard, and that Jesse and Joey share a room with bunk beds. The latter is immediately shot down by Jesse.
Joey comes in and the family acts really sketchy and pretends to be practicing a new family ritual of a 4-part harmony lullaby to Michelle. Joey, despite being a total idiot, doesn't buy their song and dance and becomes very suspicious and defensive.
The next morning, Joey comes down the kitchen where Jesse is slaving away with a color-coded chart of the girls' activities in hand. Jesse gives him the brush-off and serves everyone a second helping of his delicious eggs. Joey whines that nobody ever wanted seconds of his eggs, and his lament is met with silence. Joey's starting to get very defensive that all of his normal tasks have already been covered by Jesse, but come on! What were they going to do? Ignore their chores? He's leaving that day, so what's the big deal?
They urge Joey to get going, as they all rush out the door, and Joey stops off at the playpen to lay all of his problems out on Michelle because she can't talk back. Ah, the golden years before we were tormented with the likes of "You got it dude!" and "Owce Cweam!" Joey's all paranoid that the family doesn't need him anymore and tells Michelle "Tell everyone I'll miss them... if they care." Oh please. Get over yourself, Emo Joey.
Jesse is blowing raspberries on Michelle's paunch when the doorbell rings. Apparently Michelle is part of a play group with 3 4-year old boys and today is the day where the Tanner's host the group. That seems like a weird mix, doesn't it? A baby girl and 3 boys who are at the very least, 3 years older? The brats proceed to start tossing the neatly folded clothing around the room screaming "Laundry fight!" Yikes. Good luck with that, Jess.
The girls are starving waiting for Danny to come home so they can eat dinner. When Danny waltzes in, Jesse launches into the stereotypical snippy tirade of a neglected housewife. Jeez, it was only 25 minutes. Jesse catches himself and remarks, "Oh my God, what's happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver." I get what he's saying but is that the most accurate reference? I never really watched "Leave it to Beaver," but I didn't think that the picture perfect mother would cause a fuss over Ward being a little late for dinner.
Danny gives Jesse a pep talk and then announces that he talked to some contractors, and that they will create a new bedroom for Joey in the 2 weeks while he's on tour.
Exterior shot of San Francisco signifies that the 2 weeks have passed. Joey comes home to find that the alcove has been completely cleaned out. He storms into the kitchen where the family is playing Monopoly and acting very nonchalant and dismissive of Joey's arrival. They inform him that they moved his stuff to the garage, "Why don't you just throw it on the front lawn!?!?" Joey launches into full vagina mode as he stomps down the stairs ranting and raving, "Why don't you just forward my mail to the gutter?!?!"
When he gets to the bottom of the stairs and looks upon the newly refurnished garage/his new bedroom, he says, "I am an idiot." Ah, truer words were never spoken. Also, admitting the problem is the first step. Education and a real job are the next ones! They actually run down the logistics of how they pulled this off, and say what you want about the realistic qualities, at least the writers covered all their bases. Joey is blown away, and remarks that it must have cost a fortune to which Joey replies, "Don't ask."
D.J. tells Stephanie that now she can have the alcove all to herself, but Stephanie tells her it's all hers. The music swells as Danny mocks Joey's hissy fit and we fade to black on the smiles and laughter of this crazy bunch.
Joey hints that he has some big news, but won't reveal what it is until the entire family is present. Danny arrives shortly there after and Joey tells the good news. Apparently someone who doesn't have the slightest notion of what college kids enjoy booked Joey on a 2 week 16 college comedy tour. Everyone is excited for Joey, but he is resistant to shirk all of his household duties and worries that he's leaving Jesse, Danny and the girls in the lurch. Jesse solves his problem by saying that he'll just take 2 weeks off from exterminating. He can do that because his dad owns the business and his mother won't let him fire his renegade son.
Joey is in the living room practicing his comedy in an attempt to boost his confidence. God, that is unfunny. He is also using a tape recorded laugh track that doesn't sound anything like laughter. It's this weird scratchy screeching sounding audio. Very bizarre. Danny comes in and comments how all of Joey's possessions seem to be exploding out of his alcove. Tempted to clean, Danny fights the urge when Joey assures him that he'll clean his mess and Danny goes to work on his basketball blooper reel.
Stephanie then comes in dressed as a bee carrying a cassette player playing "Flight of the Bumblebee." She says she's practicing for her next Honeybee meeting... I don't know. Joey, desperate for a place to rehearse peacefully sends Steph away and goes up to Jesse's room where he asks for any suggestions for a rehearsal space. Ironically enough, Joey is interrupting Jesse's attempt to practice guitar. Jesse essentially tells him that in this house, he's essentially S.O.L.
Cut to the garage, where Joey is practicing his "Ode to a Fountain." This consists of spitting water out of his mouth as he poses. This is as unfunny and gross as it reads. D.J. comes in and watches as Joey spits on the windshield of the yellow VW Bug and gestures for her to turn on the wipers. Ew. I hate the smell of spit because you know, nasty mouth bacteria, and now that car is going to have that gross spit-y smell. Yuck. D.J. tells Joey that every time he does his fountain routine, she "want[s] to throw pennies on [his] face." I feel that way about Joey all the time, except it's not just during the fountain routine, and instead of pennies, I prefer rocks.
D.J. is actually pretty cool and considerate, especially for a 10 year old, when she tells Joey that she finished her homework early so that he could use the girls' room as a rehearsal space. Wow. Like what kid would actually do that? I liked D.J. when she had morals and did the right thing, but before she got all pious about it like in her high school years. Moments like this remind me of why I wanted to be D.J. Tanner when I was younger. Joey tells D.J. that he actually likes the quiet of the garage. She complains that it's so cold, and he pops the hood of the yellow bug to reveal a rack of clothes, and gives her a heavy leather bomber jacket. Apparently he keeps his clothes in his car. Wait. Joey has a car? Joey starts to hint to D.J. about his discontent of the spacing that comes with life in an alcove.
D.J. is with Danny and Jesse in Michelle's nursery telling them how sad Joey looked practicing in the cold garage. They all decide that they need to get Joey his own room, and Stephanie acts as lookout for Joey, instructed to use the words "The duck flies at midnight" if she sees Joey coming. D.J.'s proposals include shifting around rooms so that everyone has their own with Michelle in the alcove and Stephanie in a tent in the backyard, and that Jesse and Joey share a room with bunk beds. The latter is immediately shot down by Jesse.
Joey comes in and the family acts really sketchy and pretends to be practicing a new family ritual of a 4-part harmony lullaby to Michelle. Joey, despite being a total idiot, doesn't buy their song and dance and becomes very suspicious and defensive.
The next morning, Joey comes down the kitchen where Jesse is slaving away with a color-coded chart of the girls' activities in hand. Jesse gives him the brush-off and serves everyone a second helping of his delicious eggs. Joey whines that nobody ever wanted seconds of his eggs, and his lament is met with silence. Joey's starting to get very defensive that all of his normal tasks have already been covered by Jesse, but come on! What were they going to do? Ignore their chores? He's leaving that day, so what's the big deal?
They urge Joey to get going, as they all rush out the door, and Joey stops off at the playpen to lay all of his problems out on Michelle because she can't talk back. Ah, the golden years before we were tormented with the likes of "You got it dude!" and "Owce Cweam!" Joey's all paranoid that the family doesn't need him anymore and tells Michelle "Tell everyone I'll miss them... if they care." Oh please. Get over yourself, Emo Joey.
Jesse is blowing raspberries on Michelle's paunch when the doorbell rings. Apparently Michelle is part of a play group with 3 4-year old boys and today is the day where the Tanner's host the group. That seems like a weird mix, doesn't it? A baby girl and 3 boys who are at the very least, 3 years older? The brats proceed to start tossing the neatly folded clothing around the room screaming "Laundry fight!" Yikes. Good luck with that, Jess.
The girls are starving waiting for Danny to come home so they can eat dinner. When Danny waltzes in, Jesse launches into the stereotypical snippy tirade of a neglected housewife. Jeez, it was only 25 minutes. Jesse catches himself and remarks, "Oh my God, what's happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver." I get what he's saying but is that the most accurate reference? I never really watched "Leave it to Beaver," but I didn't think that the picture perfect mother would cause a fuss over Ward being a little late for dinner.
Danny gives Jesse a pep talk and then announces that he talked to some contractors, and that they will create a new bedroom for Joey in the 2 weeks while he's on tour.
Exterior shot of San Francisco signifies that the 2 weeks have passed. Joey comes home to find that the alcove has been completely cleaned out. He storms into the kitchen where the family is playing Monopoly and acting very nonchalant and dismissive of Joey's arrival. They inform him that they moved his stuff to the garage, "Why don't you just throw it on the front lawn!?!?" Joey launches into full vagina mode as he stomps down the stairs ranting and raving, "Why don't you just forward my mail to the gutter?!?!"
When he gets to the bottom of the stairs and looks upon the newly refurnished garage/his new bedroom, he says, "I am an idiot." Ah, truer words were never spoken. Also, admitting the problem is the first step. Education and a real job are the next ones! They actually run down the logistics of how they pulled this off, and say what you want about the realistic qualities, at least the writers covered all their bases. Joey is blown away, and remarks that it must have cost a fortune to which Joey replies, "Don't ask."
D.J. tells Stephanie that now she can have the alcove all to herself, but Stephanie tells her it's all hers. The music swells as Danny mocks Joey's hissy fit and we fade to black on the smiles and laughter of this crazy bunch.
Out of Order
Okay so apparently, ABC Family decided to skip Episodes 5-9. My only guess is that it's because Episode 1.9 is "The Miracle of Thanksgiving" and they wanted to air it on the actual holiday. I checked the listings and sure enough, they are backing up and showing this episode out of sequence on Wednesday and Thursday afternoon. I don't understand why they are doing this because if they stayed with the chronological airing of episodes, Monday would have been episodes 3 & 4, then 5 & 6. Tuesday would be 5 & 6, and 7 & 8. Wednesday would have been 7 & 8 and 9 & 10. And Thursday would have been 9 & 10 and 11 & 12. So why the jump from episode 4 to 10? It makes no sense. Maybe they just don't like those episodes?
It bums me out because Episode 5 is the one where they go on a guys' night on a fishing boat and Episode 8 is the brilliant one where Danny tries out to be a boxing correspondent and guest stars Ernie Hudson as the Sandman, plus the infamous tie tack!
Damn you ABC family, for spoiling the sequence of my blog.
Onward with Episode 10.
It bums me out because Episode 5 is the one where they go on a guys' night on a fishing boat and Episode 8 is the brilliant one where Danny tries out to be a boxing correspondent and guest stars Ernie Hudson as the Sandman, plus the infamous tie tack!
Damn you ABC family, for spoiling the sequence of my blog.
Onward with Episode 10.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
"It's Howdy Dirty Time!" or The Return of Grandma (1.4)
It's Saturday morning in the Tanner household, which means Saturday morning cartoons! Man, I used to love waking up early to watch cartoons... until I realized the unmitigated pleasure that comes with sleeping in late.
This scene actually kind of grosses me out because Joey and the girls are surrounded by clothes strewn about everywhere. Furthermore, they are all eating their cereal out of pots with wooden spoons watching Yogi. Something that has always squicked me out is eating/drinking things out of containers other than what they are traditionally enjoyed in. For instance, I can't drink anything out of a ceramic mug unless it's coffee/tea/hot cocoa. Glass mugs are for beer or margaritas. Anything else just seems weird. One of my good friends in college had a mug and it was the only thing that she drank out of and it just weirded me out. I could never ever eat with wooden utensils and I would certainly never entertain the thought of eating anything, especially anything cold, out of a pot! Ick.
Anyway, Danny comes in and is obviously horrified by the mess in the living room. Moving into the kitchen, he finds it to be in a similar state of disarray. Even more laundry is piled up on the machines and the dishwasher can't even be closed because it's so chock full of pans. Dirty dishes also line the counter top and like, seriously? I know it's a "full house" and all, but this seems excessive. I mean I know I know, comedic effect and all that, but nobody would ever have that much cookware! There's 6 people in the house, not 15!
Jesse enters with a tale of how a turtle named Bubba saved him from being hit by a rogue street cleaner truck. To repay him, Jesse has brought Bubba home with him, which leads the most awesome response from Danny: "You just hate coming home alone, don't you?" Bwah! Nothing like an allusion to Jesse's manwhorishness. Quips like this are why I still watch the show so many years later. Jesse makes Bubba a new home in the toilet.
Stephanie casually lets it slip that Grandma is flying in that very day to check on the household. Danny is in a panic and asks why no one told him, and then Stephanie reveals that Joey is the one who took the call. Apparently she is coming in at 5:12 so the men divvy up the chores and prepare to clean their sty. Problem is, they're completely out of cleaning supplies. Again, seriously? You let your stash of detergents and whatnot just run out. As soon as I get close to low, I buy new ones so that I'm never without. Whatever. So they head out the front door and after a beat it reopens and Danny scolds someone for not using the bathroom before they left. It's Joey who forgot to tinkle.
They come back and decide to rest for a moment since they still have about 5 hours until Grandma arrives. No sooner do they plop down amongst the couch does the door open and Grandma walk in. Oops. Turns out she was coming it at 12:05 and NOT 5:12, which like, duh. 5:12 is quite possibly one of the most random times you can give, so why wouldn't anyone have found that weird to begin with? Joey then jokes, "I have a confession to make, I am a time dyslexic." It is at this point where I begin to question if Joey is borderline retarded.
Granny Tanny is less than thrilled with the current state of the house and the fact that there is a turtle located in the baby playpen in Michelle's place. I consider it an improvement. The guys joke that "Michelle needs your love now, more than ever." I actually laugh. This is the same Claire from the Pilot episode, so at least they waited a little while before replacing the actress.
Jesse and Joey take Claire's arrival as their cue to leave and tell her they have the utmost confidence in her ability to turn this mess around. They come back to find that the mess remains, and their mothers have been added to the mix. I believe this is the only appearance we have of the elusive Mindy Gladstone, but I could be wrong. Again, this is a different incarnation of Irene Cochran/Katsopolis, and I much prefer the latter actress that they used in the bulk of her character's appearances. Frankly, this actress is too fat and ugly to be the mother of the hotness that is John Stamos. I don't buy it.
Mindy is just as stupid as her son as we see them act out a vacuum cleaner skit. I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Now we know why Colonel Gladstone got the hell out of there.
The women remark how badly the men need them to take care of them, the children and the house so they start working out a schedule of days they'll spend at the house, divvying up the week. Claire I think comments how they (the 3 mothers) need to make sure that "their" granddaughters are raised in a tidy household. Um, hate to burst your bubble Mother Gladstone, but those aren't your granddaughters. They are the offspring of Claire's son and Irene's daughter. Your DNA is nowhere to be found in any of them (and Thank God for that!). It's all well and good that Joey and Danny are BFF's but if you want grandkids, you better tell Joey to start spreading his seed. Although for the sake of humanity, we'd rather you just suck it up and let the Gladstone family die out.
The boys make a deal with their mothers. They go out for a few hours and while they are gone, the guys will clean the house. Right as they are about to begin, the girls confess that they lost Jesse's precious Bubba. They vow to turn the house upside down to find the missing turtle. Um, maybe cleaning the house might be a better course of action guys? They don't find Bubba, don't clean a thing, and wouldn't you know it, the moms have returned. Irene offers the advice, "Don't try cleaning, just move." The guys vow that they really can get this place into shape, so they send the moms out for 3 hours and this time have them take the girls with them.
Cue cleaning montage to a crappy cover of "I Feel Good." As Joey whizzes by his alcove, I notice that the hideous outfit he's wearing is the exact same thing the mannequin in the alcove is wearing. I won't bother asking why Joey has a mannequin, or why he dresses it in the same clothes as him, or even why he would buy a duplicate outfit. But, I'm definitely going to try to see if the matching outfits on the two dummies is a consistent happening in the show.
The mothers come home and the place is immaculate. Just as they are about to shower them with praise, Mrs. Sianski, the housekeeper they hired returns because she would prefer cash to the check they paid her because the banks are closed on Sundays. Wait, so it's Sunday? Enh, whatever. First they try to pass her off as Joey's fiancee, but that's just too obvious a lie for anyone to believe.
Do grandmothers actually enjoy cleaning? Is it something that you just develop an affinity for in your old age? God, I hope not. I hate cleaning. If I could have someone come clean for free, I totally would. Oh wait, I do. I call her Mom. She comes to visit once a week and she always ends up cleaning my apartment. It's a sweet deal. The grandmothers finally concede that their sons are capable of taking care of the girls and maintaining a clean household, so they leave. Just like that? Didn't they have to fly in? Kind of a waste of a plane ticket if they're not even going to spend the night and visit.
The rest of the family is in the kitchen as Jesse laments that he wishes Bubba were here to enjoy this moment. Suddenly the door opens and in comes Bubba on a skateboard. No, really. Laughter, hugs, the end.
This scene actually kind of grosses me out because Joey and the girls are surrounded by clothes strewn about everywhere. Furthermore, they are all eating their cereal out of pots with wooden spoons watching Yogi. Something that has always squicked me out is eating/drinking things out of containers other than what they are traditionally enjoyed in. For instance, I can't drink anything out of a ceramic mug unless it's coffee/tea/hot cocoa. Glass mugs are for beer or margaritas. Anything else just seems weird. One of my good friends in college had a mug and it was the only thing that she drank out of and it just weirded me out. I could never ever eat with wooden utensils and I would certainly never entertain the thought of eating anything, especially anything cold, out of a pot! Ick.
Anyway, Danny comes in and is obviously horrified by the mess in the living room. Moving into the kitchen, he finds it to be in a similar state of disarray. Even more laundry is piled up on the machines and the dishwasher can't even be closed because it's so chock full of pans. Dirty dishes also line the counter top and like, seriously? I know it's a "full house" and all, but this seems excessive. I mean I know I know, comedic effect and all that, but nobody would ever have that much cookware! There's 6 people in the house, not 15!
Jesse enters with a tale of how a turtle named Bubba saved him from being hit by a rogue street cleaner truck. To repay him, Jesse has brought Bubba home with him, which leads the most awesome response from Danny: "You just hate coming home alone, don't you?" Bwah! Nothing like an allusion to Jesse's manwhorishness. Quips like this are why I still watch the show so many years later. Jesse makes Bubba a new home in the toilet.
Stephanie casually lets it slip that Grandma is flying in that very day to check on the household. Danny is in a panic and asks why no one told him, and then Stephanie reveals that Joey is the one who took the call. Apparently she is coming in at 5:12 so the men divvy up the chores and prepare to clean their sty. Problem is, they're completely out of cleaning supplies. Again, seriously? You let your stash of detergents and whatnot just run out. As soon as I get close to low, I buy new ones so that I'm never without. Whatever. So they head out the front door and after a beat it reopens and Danny scolds someone for not using the bathroom before they left. It's Joey who forgot to tinkle.
They come back and decide to rest for a moment since they still have about 5 hours until Grandma arrives. No sooner do they plop down amongst the couch does the door open and Grandma walk in. Oops. Turns out she was coming it at 12:05 and NOT 5:12, which like, duh. 5:12 is quite possibly one of the most random times you can give, so why wouldn't anyone have found that weird to begin with? Joey then jokes, "I have a confession to make, I am a time dyslexic." It is at this point where I begin to question if Joey is borderline retarded.
Granny Tanny is less than thrilled with the current state of the house and the fact that there is a turtle located in the baby playpen in Michelle's place. I consider it an improvement. The guys joke that "Michelle needs your love now, more than ever." I actually laugh. This is the same Claire from the Pilot episode, so at least they waited a little while before replacing the actress.
Jesse and Joey take Claire's arrival as their cue to leave and tell her they have the utmost confidence in her ability to turn this mess around. They come back to find that the mess remains, and their mothers have been added to the mix. I believe this is the only appearance we have of the elusive Mindy Gladstone, but I could be wrong. Again, this is a different incarnation of Irene Cochran/Katsopolis, and I much prefer the latter actress that they used in the bulk of her character's appearances. Frankly, this actress is too fat and ugly to be the mother of the hotness that is John Stamos. I don't buy it.
Mindy is just as stupid as her son as we see them act out a vacuum cleaner skit. I guess the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Now we know why Colonel Gladstone got the hell out of there.
The women remark how badly the men need them to take care of them, the children and the house so they start working out a schedule of days they'll spend at the house, divvying up the week. Claire I think comments how they (the 3 mothers) need to make sure that "their" granddaughters are raised in a tidy household. Um, hate to burst your bubble Mother Gladstone, but those aren't your granddaughters. They are the offspring of Claire's son and Irene's daughter. Your DNA is nowhere to be found in any of them (and Thank God for that!). It's all well and good that Joey and Danny are BFF's but if you want grandkids, you better tell Joey to start spreading his seed. Although for the sake of humanity, we'd rather you just suck it up and let the Gladstone family die out.
The boys make a deal with their mothers. They go out for a few hours and while they are gone, the guys will clean the house. Right as they are about to begin, the girls confess that they lost Jesse's precious Bubba. They vow to turn the house upside down to find the missing turtle. Um, maybe cleaning the house might be a better course of action guys? They don't find Bubba, don't clean a thing, and wouldn't you know it, the moms have returned. Irene offers the advice, "Don't try cleaning, just move." The guys vow that they really can get this place into shape, so they send the moms out for 3 hours and this time have them take the girls with them.
Cue cleaning montage to a crappy cover of "I Feel Good." As Joey whizzes by his alcove, I notice that the hideous outfit he's wearing is the exact same thing the mannequin in the alcove is wearing. I won't bother asking why Joey has a mannequin, or why he dresses it in the same clothes as him, or even why he would buy a duplicate outfit. But, I'm definitely going to try to see if the matching outfits on the two dummies is a consistent happening in the show.
The mothers come home and the place is immaculate. Just as they are about to shower them with praise, Mrs. Sianski, the housekeeper they hired returns because she would prefer cash to the check they paid her because the banks are closed on Sundays. Wait, so it's Sunday? Enh, whatever. First they try to pass her off as Joey's fiancee, but that's just too obvious a lie for anyone to believe.
Do grandmothers actually enjoy cleaning? Is it something that you just develop an affinity for in your old age? God, I hope not. I hate cleaning. If I could have someone come clean for free, I totally would. Oh wait, I do. I call her Mom. She comes to visit once a week and she always ends up cleaning my apartment. It's a sweet deal. The grandmothers finally concede that their sons are capable of taking care of the girls and maintaining a clean household, so they leave. Just like that? Didn't they have to fly in? Kind of a waste of a plane ticket if they're not even going to spend the night and visit.
The rest of the family is in the kitchen as Jesse laments that he wishes Bubba were here to enjoy this moment. Suddenly the door opens and in comes Bubba on a skateboard. No, really. Laughter, hugs, the end.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
"Okay, she's a topless ballerina" or The First Day of School (1.3)
The episode begins in the girls' darkened bedroom. Stephanie is too excited for her first day of school to sleep and rouses D.J. to teach her the pledge of allegiance. She messes up the words, it's cute and funny I guess.
Meanwhile, Joey and Jesse are in the bathroom giving Michelle a bath. Huh? They're giving her a bath that late at night? I mean, I know Stephanie and D.J. probably have a pretty early bedtime, but Deej is 10! It can't be that early. What a bizarre time for a bath... Anyway they're talking about the new dancer Jesse's dating who is, a topless ballerina. Both men are perched on the side of the tub and Michelle is sitting in her babyseat. Something tells me that these two brainiacs haven't figured out how a bath works. For no real reason, Jesse starts doing an Elvis routine for UglyBaby Michelle. Danny walks in as Jesse begins serenading Joey with one of the King's ballads. Naturally, Danny doesn't really believe them when they claim to be giving Michelle a bath on account of the fact that she's not in the tub.
Danny picks up Michelle and leaves J&J with the awesome parting words, "I'll leave you two sailors to your suds and singing." Man, Danny Tanner was funny shit. J&J subsequently ham it up and continue the serenade. One of my favorite aspects of this show re-watching it in later years, is how the characters take all the gay jokes in stride. I mean, they are 3 men living together in San Francisco. so I kind of appreciate that they can poke fun at themselves.
Can I just take a moment to hate on Joey again? The moron is wearing a swimcap, lifevest and goggles, not to mention some obnoxiously loud swim trunks to give Michelle a bath. I mean, I get it. He's a "comedian" so he's "wacky" but he just comes off as an idiot.
Danny goes into the girls' room to check on them and is surprised not only to find them still awake, but Stephanie is fully dressed in a frilly pink party dress with a mismatching red lunchbox.
The next morning, J&J recap their bathtime for Danny and the girls' come down. D.J. in a denim shift dress that my 26 year old friend's 46 year old girlfriend has totally rocked on more than one occasion. I giggle. Stephanie opted to wear a red sailor style dress that I'm almost positive my sister wore on her first day of second grade. I had it in fuschia and wore it on that same day, my first day of pre-school. Danny presents the girls with two new lunchboxes: Barbie for D.J. and a "Jetsons"-themed one for Stephanie. We are "treated" to more of Joey's "hilarious" cartoon character voices. Joy. Grr I have to point out that the night before, Stephanie wore a pink dress and had a red lunchbox and now this new lunchbox is pink and she's in a red dress! I know she won't be wearing red everyday, but I still think that was a really poor choice by both the costuming and props department. Then when I look at how all of the other characters on the show are dressed, it occurs to me that maybe I should pick my battles.
Rant over. Anyway, D.J. declares she is too old for a lunchbox and I have to agree. Granted, lunchboxes are all the rage nowadays for being "retro." Danny videotapes the girls' walk out the door to leave for school as J&J begin singing "Sunrise, Sunset" from "Fiddler on the Roof." Danny joins in and their singing, coupled with the expressions on the girls' faces made for a great comedic moment. I genuinely laughed at that.
After a beat the door opens and Stephanie comes back in and declares that she is not going to school. Joey gives her a crap lesson about how to play sick and she finally confesses that she's afraid about going to a new place where she doesn't have any friends. Wait, didn't she go to preschool? I thought everyone did. I went to 2 years of preschool and kindergarten was comprised mainly of the same people I met in pre-school. Do some people just go right into kindergarten? Huh.
Danny escorts Steph to class and just as he tries to offer some encouraging words, a little girl tears away from her mother screaming that she'll never go back to school. I laugh again. Danny plays on the too-small slide with Stephanie and eventually coaxes her to go inside....
Where she is met by Uncle Jesse in his full exterminator gear! Hey yeah, remember that he's an exterminator? It's such an inconsistent plot point for his character that is only occasionally referred to when convenient. He tries to make Stephanie friends by bribing them with milk and then attempts to use his masculine wiles and charms on a little girl who blows a whistle and screams "Stranger! Stranger!" Ha. And ew. A scene like that reminds me of those rumors about Stamos bedding one of the Olsens in real life (after she was legal, but still, ew). Jesse tells the teacher he is Steph's dad and she asks him to help get rid of a spider.
As soon as he leaves the room, who should enter but Effin' Joey. He starts a game of Duck, Duck, Goose and actually seems to be doing a decent job of integrating Steph with the other kids. The teacher and Jesse return and Joey tells her he's Stephanie's dad. Wackiness! Of course Danny chooses this moment to re-enter and says that he's Stephanie's dad. Before they can really clear up the confusion, they spot D.J. scaling the brick wall of the playground trying to make an escape.
Danny intercepts his eldest and she tells him that she was placed in the advanced class with kids who are worse than eggheads, they are "omelette-heads." Apparently they came prepared with their own self-assigned homework, Kimmy's not in the class and gasp, D.J. is the only blonde! Danny tells her that he's proud because those smart kids will one day rule the world and gives her a pep talk. Stephanie joins them and D.J. offers to talk to her and ends up repeating Danny's words. She tells Steph that she didn't know anyone when she started school and didn't even talk to Kimmy for the first 6 months, which resulted in this brilliant exchange:
Stephanie: "[You didn't talk to Kimmy for 6 months] Because she's an airhead."
D.J.: "She's not an airhead, she just hates thinking."
Stephanie and D.J. return to their respective classrooms and we close on Stephanie joining her classmates on the rug singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" (complete with hand gestures, natch) as the three men cheers with their milk cartons.
Meanwhile, Joey and Jesse are in the bathroom giving Michelle a bath. Huh? They're giving her a bath that late at night? I mean, I know Stephanie and D.J. probably have a pretty early bedtime, but Deej is 10! It can't be that early. What a bizarre time for a bath... Anyway they're talking about the new dancer Jesse's dating who is, a topless ballerina. Both men are perched on the side of the tub and Michelle is sitting in her babyseat. Something tells me that these two brainiacs haven't figured out how a bath works. For no real reason, Jesse starts doing an Elvis routine for UglyBaby Michelle. Danny walks in as Jesse begins serenading Joey with one of the King's ballads. Naturally, Danny doesn't really believe them when they claim to be giving Michelle a bath on account of the fact that she's not in the tub.
Danny picks up Michelle and leaves J&J with the awesome parting words, "I'll leave you two sailors to your suds and singing." Man, Danny Tanner was funny shit. J&J subsequently ham it up and continue the serenade. One of my favorite aspects of this show re-watching it in later years, is how the characters take all the gay jokes in stride. I mean, they are 3 men living together in San Francisco. so I kind of appreciate that they can poke fun at themselves.
Can I just take a moment to hate on Joey again? The moron is wearing a swimcap, lifevest and goggles, not to mention some obnoxiously loud swim trunks to give Michelle a bath. I mean, I get it. He's a "comedian" so he's "wacky" but he just comes off as an idiot.
Danny goes into the girls' room to check on them and is surprised not only to find them still awake, but Stephanie is fully dressed in a frilly pink party dress with a mismatching red lunchbox.
The next morning, J&J recap their bathtime for Danny and the girls' come down. D.J. in a denim shift dress that my 26 year old friend's 46 year old girlfriend has totally rocked on more than one occasion. I giggle. Stephanie opted to wear a red sailor style dress that I'm almost positive my sister wore on her first day of second grade. I had it in fuschia and wore it on that same day, my first day of pre-school. Danny presents the girls with two new lunchboxes: Barbie for D.J. and a "Jetsons"-themed one for Stephanie. We are "treated" to more of Joey's "hilarious" cartoon character voices. Joy. Grr I have to point out that the night before, Stephanie wore a pink dress and had a red lunchbox and now this new lunchbox is pink and she's in a red dress! I know she won't be wearing red everyday, but I still think that was a really poor choice by both the costuming and props department. Then when I look at how all of the other characters on the show are dressed, it occurs to me that maybe I should pick my battles.
Rant over. Anyway, D.J. declares she is too old for a lunchbox and I have to agree. Granted, lunchboxes are all the rage nowadays for being "retro." Danny videotapes the girls' walk out the door to leave for school as J&J begin singing "Sunrise, Sunset" from "Fiddler on the Roof." Danny joins in and their singing, coupled with the expressions on the girls' faces made for a great comedic moment. I genuinely laughed at that.
After a beat the door opens and Stephanie comes back in and declares that she is not going to school. Joey gives her a crap lesson about how to play sick and she finally confesses that she's afraid about going to a new place where she doesn't have any friends. Wait, didn't she go to preschool? I thought everyone did. I went to 2 years of preschool and kindergarten was comprised mainly of the same people I met in pre-school. Do some people just go right into kindergarten? Huh.
Danny escorts Steph to class and just as he tries to offer some encouraging words, a little girl tears away from her mother screaming that she'll never go back to school. I laugh again. Danny plays on the too-small slide with Stephanie and eventually coaxes her to go inside....
Where she is met by Uncle Jesse in his full exterminator gear! Hey yeah, remember that he's an exterminator? It's such an inconsistent plot point for his character that is only occasionally referred to when convenient. He tries to make Stephanie friends by bribing them with milk and then attempts to use his masculine wiles and charms on a little girl who blows a whistle and screams "Stranger! Stranger!" Ha. And ew. A scene like that reminds me of those rumors about Stamos bedding one of the Olsens in real life (after she was legal, but still, ew). Jesse tells the teacher he is Steph's dad and she asks him to help get rid of a spider.
As soon as he leaves the room, who should enter but Effin' Joey. He starts a game of Duck, Duck, Goose and actually seems to be doing a decent job of integrating Steph with the other kids. The teacher and Jesse return and Joey tells her he's Stephanie's dad. Wackiness! Of course Danny chooses this moment to re-enter and says that he's Stephanie's dad. Before they can really clear up the confusion, they spot D.J. scaling the brick wall of the playground trying to make an escape.
Danny intercepts his eldest and she tells him that she was placed in the advanced class with kids who are worse than eggheads, they are "omelette-heads." Apparently they came prepared with their own self-assigned homework, Kimmy's not in the class and gasp, D.J. is the only blonde! Danny tells her that he's proud because those smart kids will one day rule the world and gives her a pep talk. Stephanie joins them and D.J. offers to talk to her and ends up repeating Danny's words. She tells Steph that she didn't know anyone when she started school and didn't even talk to Kimmy for the first 6 months, which resulted in this brilliant exchange:
Stephanie: "[You didn't talk to Kimmy for 6 months] Because she's an airhead."
D.J.: "She's not an airhead, she just hates thinking."
Stephanie and D.J. return to their respective classrooms and we close on Stephanie joining her classmates on the rug singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" (complete with hand gestures, natch) as the three men cheers with their milk cartons.
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