Joey is in the kitchen ironing while singing the opening dawn of man theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey." Is that the same fugly yellow, purple and blue tie-dye-ish shirt that he had on in episode 4? D.J. and Stephanie come in and watch the moronic one man show, prompting Steph to ask, "Is this normal?" D.J.: "It is for Joey." Zing! One point, D.J. Uncle Jesse bounds up the stairs into the kitchen in his exterminator jumpsuit with his mullet-y locks a-flowing. He tells the girls that no matter how glamorous his lifestyle seems, they should avoid the bug biz.
Joey hints that he has some big news, but won't reveal what it is until the entire family is present. Danny arrives shortly there after and Joey tells the good news. Apparently someone who doesn't have the slightest notion of what college kids enjoy booked Joey on a 2 week 16 college comedy tour. Everyone is excited for Joey, but he is resistant to shirk all of his household duties and worries that he's leaving Jesse, Danny and the girls in the lurch. Jesse solves his problem by saying that he'll just take 2 weeks off from exterminating. He can do that because his dad owns the business and his mother won't let him fire his renegade son.
Joey is in the living room practicing his comedy in an attempt to boost his confidence. God, that is unfunny. He is also using a tape recorded laugh track that doesn't sound anything like laughter. It's this weird scratchy screeching sounding audio. Very bizarre. Danny comes in and comments how all of Joey's possessions seem to be exploding out of his alcove. Tempted to clean, Danny fights the urge when Joey assures him that he'll clean his mess and Danny goes to work on his basketball blooper reel.
Stephanie then comes in dressed as a bee carrying a cassette player playing "Flight of the Bumblebee." She says she's practicing for her next Honeybee meeting... I don't know. Joey, desperate for a place to rehearse peacefully sends Steph away and goes up to Jesse's room where he asks for any suggestions for a rehearsal space. Ironically enough, Joey is interrupting Jesse's attempt to practice guitar. Jesse essentially tells him that in this house, he's essentially S.O.L.
Cut to the garage, where Joey is practicing his "Ode to a Fountain." This consists of spitting water out of his mouth as he poses. This is as unfunny and gross as it reads. D.J. comes in and watches as Joey spits on the windshield of the yellow VW Bug and gestures for her to turn on the wipers. Ew. I hate the smell of spit because you know, nasty mouth bacteria, and now that car is going to have that gross spit-y smell. Yuck. D.J. tells Joey that every time he does his fountain routine, she "want[s] to throw pennies on [his] face." I feel that way about Joey all the time, except it's not just during the fountain routine, and instead of pennies, I prefer rocks.
D.J. is actually pretty cool and considerate, especially for a 10 year old, when she tells Joey that she finished her homework early so that he could use the girls' room as a rehearsal space. Wow. Like what kid would actually do that? I liked D.J. when she had morals and did the right thing, but before she got all pious about it like in her high school years. Moments like this remind me of why I wanted to be D.J. Tanner when I was younger. Joey tells D.J. that he actually likes the quiet of the garage. She complains that it's so cold, and he pops the hood of the yellow bug to reveal a rack of clothes, and gives her a heavy leather bomber jacket. Apparently he keeps his clothes in his car. Wait. Joey has a car? Joey starts to hint to D.J. about his discontent of the spacing that comes with life in an alcove.
D.J. is with Danny and Jesse in Michelle's nursery telling them how sad Joey looked practicing in the cold garage. They all decide that they need to get Joey his own room, and Stephanie acts as lookout for Joey, instructed to use the words "The duck flies at midnight" if she sees Joey coming. D.J.'s proposals include shifting around rooms so that everyone has their own with Michelle in the alcove and Stephanie in a tent in the backyard, and that Jesse and Joey share a room with bunk beds. The latter is immediately shot down by Jesse.
Joey comes in and the family acts really sketchy and pretends to be practicing a new family ritual of a 4-part harmony lullaby to Michelle. Joey, despite being a total idiot, doesn't buy their song and dance and becomes very suspicious and defensive.
The next morning, Joey comes down the kitchen where Jesse is slaving away with a color-coded chart of the girls' activities in hand. Jesse gives him the brush-off and serves everyone a second helping of his delicious eggs. Joey whines that nobody ever wanted seconds of his eggs, and his lament is met with silence. Joey's starting to get very defensive that all of his normal tasks have already been covered by Jesse, but come on! What were they going to do? Ignore their chores? He's leaving that day, so what's the big deal?
They urge Joey to get going, as they all rush out the door, and Joey stops off at the playpen to lay all of his problems out on Michelle because she can't talk back. Ah, the golden years before we were tormented with the likes of "You got it dude!" and "Owce Cweam!" Joey's all paranoid that the family doesn't need him anymore and tells Michelle "Tell everyone I'll miss them... if they care." Oh please. Get over yourself, Emo Joey.
Jesse is blowing raspberries on Michelle's paunch when the doorbell rings. Apparently Michelle is part of a play group with 3 4-year old boys and today is the day where the Tanner's host the group. That seems like a weird mix, doesn't it? A baby girl and 3 boys who are at the very least, 3 years older? The brats proceed to start tossing the neatly folded clothing around the room screaming "Laundry fight!" Yikes. Good luck with that, Jess.
The girls are starving waiting for Danny to come home so they can eat dinner. When Danny waltzes in, Jesse launches into the stereotypical snippy tirade of a neglected housewife. Jeez, it was only 25 minutes. Jesse catches himself and remarks, "Oh my God, what's happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver." I get what he's saying but is that the most accurate reference? I never really watched "Leave it to Beaver," but I didn't think that the picture perfect mother would cause a fuss over Ward being a little late for dinner.
Danny gives Jesse a pep talk and then announces that he talked to some contractors, and that they will create a new bedroom for Joey in the 2 weeks while he's on tour.
Exterior shot of San Francisco signifies that the 2 weeks have passed. Joey comes home to find that the alcove has been completely cleaned out. He storms into the kitchen where the family is playing Monopoly and acting very nonchalant and dismissive of Joey's arrival. They inform him that they moved his stuff to the garage, "Why don't you just throw it on the front lawn!?!?" Joey launches into full vagina mode as he stomps down the stairs ranting and raving, "Why don't you just forward my mail to the gutter?!?!"
When he gets to the bottom of the stairs and looks upon the newly refurnished garage/his new bedroom, he says, "I am an idiot." Ah, truer words were never spoken. Also, admitting the problem is the first step. Education and a real job are the next ones! They actually run down the logistics of how they pulled this off, and say what you want about the realistic qualities, at least the writers covered all their bases. Joey is blown away, and remarks that it must have cost a fortune to which Joey replies, "Don't ask."
D.J. tells Stephanie that now she can have the alcove all to herself, but Stephanie tells her it's all hers. The music swells as Danny mocks Joey's hissy fit and we fade to black on the smiles and laughter of this crazy bunch.
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It would make more sense if one of those 4 year old boys had a baby sister for Michelle to play with!
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